AN: Sorry guys! It was my last semester of high school and I had to really concentrate on my school work and I was just generally unmotivated because of undiagnosed depression. I'm on medication now so I'm getting better. I've also started attending therapy, so there's that as well. I haven't felt so good in years! I graduated high school on Saturday and have just been fiddle fartin' around the house all week, trying to come up with something to do because I don't like to sit around. I've started to get back on my Transformers obsession, so I thought I'd write some more of this story. Gives me an excuse to go read a bunch of really popular rules stories for inspiration.
Okay, just checking, but is it considered plaigiarsm if I use the more popular rules that EVERYONE uses? Quick question.
Some of these I got from Skippy's List of What Not to Do in the Army! It's hilarious.
PLEASE REMEMBER TO SEND IN RULES!
*insert standard disclaimer here*
56. Do leave cryptic messages on data pads and other workstations.
(This was a wonderful day.)
(I typed "I know what you did last summer." on Miles' workpad. He paled and showed it to Sam.)
(I swear he almost fainted right there and screamed for Bumblebee.)
(... what the hell did those three do!?)
(I swear if I have to do anymore paperwork because of those morons, I'll kill them!)
57. DO NOT get yourself purposefully towed and then proceed to escape and run amok downtown!
(Bumblebee, Ironhide, Jazz, Hound, Crossfire, Wheeljack, and both sets of Twins.)
(Barricade tried to do it too, but he forgot he was a cop car.)
(Wheeljack said he was performing an experiment. When asked what said experiment was, he didn't have an answer.)
(How can someone so naturally intelligent be so dumb?)
58 a. DO NOT walk around with mannequin limbs and hit the bots with them.
(Even if the obvious confusion on their face is hilarious.)
(Sam, Miles, Leo, Fassbinder, Sharsky, Lennox, Epps, myself, hell, even Simmons.)
58 b. DO NOT paint mannequin arms your skin color, stick them in your sleeve, then have a friend 'pull' your arm off and have fake blood spray everywhere!
(The bots will freak the FUCK OUT.)
(And you'll traumatize the base kids!)
(Seriously, don't do that! It's gross!)
(If I ever find those two soldiers who did it... GRRRRRR!)
59. DO teach Kira and Annabelle to act like Samara from the Ring.
(Especially Kira! With her hair, it's not that hard to do the costume. And her norwegian accent gives her a very creepy factor.)
(We did it right after everyone had watched the Ring for the first time. It was the best prank I've ever pulled.)
(Excluding that time I convinced the Avengers I was a guy for two months.)
60. DO make the world's best slip n' slide using several tarps, water, and lots of dish soap.
(It's summer in Nevada okay?! I thought it got hot in Tennessee but Primus, it's even worse here!)
(Even the bots were overheating and they can withstand much worse!)
(And hey, after using a hose to wash off the soap, no one needed to use a shower or the washracks. Everyone was practically sparkling, especially the bots.)
61. When Magnus and I are on leave, we're on leave damn it.
(THAT MEANS DO NOT CALL US FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN A LEGIT EMERGENCY.)
(AND NO, THE BASE BEING SET ON FIRE AGAIN DOESN'T COUNT.)
(WE WERE OVER 500 MILES AWAY *804.672 KM FOR THE NON AMERICANS READING THIS* GUYS! WHAT THE HELL WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT!?)
(MILES, LENNOX, SIMMONS, ETC.)
(Ultra Magnus: Nothing less than a decepticon attack will get me back there before our two weeks are up.)
(Ex-fucking-actly.)
62. If you decide a road trip is a suitable idea for your assigned two week leave, please remember to pack enough supplies for both you and your cybertronian guardian.
(This includes energon and enough money for hotels and food.)
(If you forget to pack enough energon, you might just end up stranded in the middle of nowhere with an offline 'bot on your hands.)
(Epps, Leo, Fassbinder, Sharsky.)
63 a. Whatever you do, do not tell Red Alert about Earth's conspiracy theories.
(Especially the ones about secret organizations.)
(He's paranoid enough guys.)
(I do not need that stress in my life.)
(Miles, Sam, and Leo, the little shits.)
63 b. DO NOT tell Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Skids, or Mudflap any conspiracy theories either!
(THEY'RE STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THEM!)
(Aforementioned Idiots: HEY!)
(What? You do!)
64. DO NOT quote Mythbusters! It drives the Science Bots to inspiration. (Requested by seranabishop97! Sorry it took so long to do, I wanted to wait a few chapters before I mentioned them again!)
(Lennox to Epps after Wheeljack's latest experiment blew up in his face: Am I missing an eyebrow?)
(He was.)
(Miles after he ordered a broken Aflack toy from eBay: QUACK DAMN YOU!)
(I don't know.)
(Wheeljack to Shockwave and Starscream after a project blew up for 'no reason': Failure is always an option.)
(Starscream to the base kids during a tour of the Science Wing for a lesson *pointing at Wheeljack*: Remember kids, the only difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.)
(Shockwave slapped him upside the helm for that, which made the kids giggle.)
(Miles to Sam after he was told he couldn't eat ice cream for breakfast: I reject your reality and substitute my own!)
(I like Miles' thinking.)
(Wheeljack to Ironhide and Crosshairs during target practice with a whole company *about 50-60 soldiers*: Our deathray doesn't seem to be working.)
(To which the two chuckled maniacally and/or groaned dissapointedly.)
(Which, of course, sent the whole company running/diving for cover.)
(Their idea of a joke I guess.)
(At least... I hope it was a joke.)
(... IRONHIDE!)
65. No chair racing in the halls!
(Someone went a little too far, going way too fast, and went flying!)
(Which should have been funny...)
(Except we were on the third floor... in the main 'bot hangar.)
(Yeah... they're on medical leave for awhile...)
65. Don't take the batteries out of the Officers' alarm clocks the night before world leaders are supposed to visit base.
(Even if they would have been late to the meeting anyway.)
(Putin kept giving the evil eye.)
(The Queen is cool though.)
(Whether you like him or not, Obama is hilarious.)
66. Even if he finds it hilarious, do not call your company supply seargent "Sugar Daddy."
(This needs no explanation really.)
(Lennox, Epps, several random soldiers.)
67. Rachet is not "Dr. Feelgood."
(This is a good way to get a wrench to the face.)
(Leo, Sam, Sunny, Sides, and Jazz.)
68. Do NOT put bumber stickers on the altmodes of Optimus, Ironhide, and Magnus while they're in recharge. Especially not ones that say "KEEP ON TRUCKING."
(This is a good way to get either A. A look of dissapointment from Optimus, B. A cannon to the face, or C. A week in the brig.)
(Optimus kept his on though.)
(Leo, Miles, Lennox... me.)
69. Do NOT to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters. *I just had to put this one to honor it's number.*
(... Even if you look damn good.)
(Someone snapped a picture of Magnus in his holoform after he had just come in from the rain and he was soaking wet.)
(They made it into a poster and hung copies all over the base. He was so pissed.)
(I may or may not have snatched one before he tore them all down...)
(... HUSH.)
70. DO NOT give 'magic beans' to Skids, Mudflap, or any base kids. This is considered cruel and unusual.
(Especially if they're just pinto beans spray painted with glitter on them.)
(The only kid smart enough to realize it's a joke is Kira and that's only because she's too smart for her own good anyway.)
(Otherwise, have fun breaking the hearts of about 50 or so kids all under the age of 10.)
(Yeah, it's a real funny joke ain't it asswipe?)
(Unknown soldier who as soon as he's found is getting two demerits, cleaning and paperwork duty for a month, along with two months in the brig.)
AN 2: So here's the chapter at last! Again, sorry for it being so late! Please send in requests for one shots and rules and I'll do them.
I'm especially willing to do the ones involving pranks of any kind. I might even do a sequel for some of these rules, like the last one.