AN: Hello again my dear readers. I know updated just a little while ago, but I'm feeling antsy and bored as hell. I don't feel like reading on of the ELEVEN books I bought on Wednesday or watching anime, and none of the people I watch on Youtube have uploaded anything interesting. So yeah. Here's some more.
Some are from personal experience and some are from and/or inspired by Skippy's List and other hilarious works.
REMEMBER TO REQUEST RULES AND ONESHOTS PLEASE.
*INSERT STANDARD DISCLAIMER HERE*
71. Flinstones Vitamins are not candy and you shouldn't treat them as such.(Personal experience.)
(Ratchet does not enjoy pumping human stomachs. Especially if you've done something stupid LIKE OVERDOSING ON CHILDREN'S VITAMINS.)
(Leo, Sam, Will, and Miles)
72. Sock puppets are inanimate objects and can not take responsibility for your actions.
(Have you ever seen a 50 foot tall robot with a giant sock puppet on his hand?)
(No?)
(I have...)
(... *sighs*...)
(Lennox, Fig, Epps, Leo, Sam, Miles, Bumblebee, Skywarp, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, and Jazz)
73 a. DO call Chief Master Sergeant Epps and Major Lennox 'Mom' and 'Dad' respectively.
(It started as a joke really. It started after Epps told Leo to go do something and Leo, being the sarcastic little shit he is, went "Yes Moooom.")
(It was all down hill from there.)
(Lennox finds it absolutely hilarious.)
(Epps does not.)
(Annabelle is surprisingly cool with having so many new brothers and sisters.)
(Almost every soldier under their command does it.)
73 b. DO NOT call me Mom, Mother, Ma, or Mama!
(Sometimes I hate the twins.)
(So much.)
(Sideswipe: Yeah, love you too Ma!)
(Grrrrr...)
(Well... it's not so bad. It's kind of touching that they like me that much actually.)
(Both sets of Twins and Sam *Ma*, Leo and Bumblebee*Mom*, Miles *Mother*, Sharsky, Fasbinder, and Fig *Mama*.)
74. DO hide your inflatable sheep when your officers are giving room inspections.
(Inflatable sheep are not the strangest things we've found while giving an inspection.)
(It's up there, but it's really not.)
(... Soldiers are weird.)
(But the bots are weirder still.)
(These four are grouped together because they all live in Barricade's hangar o' doom.)
(Miles, Sam, Bumblebee, and Barricade.)
75. DO NOT inhale sulfur hexafluoride and then act as if you've been possessed!
(This happened right after a couple bots in holoforms had a horror movie marathon in the human rec room because Wheeljack blew up the TV in the other one.)
(Miles and Sam popped up behind the couch and with really deep voices said "I am in need of a more suitable host body...")
(Then the Inception theme rang out across the rec room.)
(They had gotten Soundwave in on it... Somehow.)
(Skywarp screams really loud.)
(So loud he woke me up and I had fallen asleep in my office the next floor up.)
(Red Alert has the whole prank on record.)
(It's glorious.)
76. DO NOT pretend to drink Listerine in front of the bots!
(I have six words for you, dear readers.)
(Listerine bottle, vodka, and green food coloring.)
(Lennox, Leo, Fig, and Epps.)
78. NO, you can not arrest base kids for being rude!
(Barricade and Prowl)
(You know better the both of you!)
(Prowl: The youngling was cursing at me in german Agent Woodward.)
(Doesn't matter! If a kid is misbehaving, tell his parents. DON'T STICK HIM IN THE BRIG!)
79 a. A two drink limit does not mean first and last.
(Lennox, Epps, Fig, Jazz, Chevy Twins, Shockwave, and Hound.)
79 b. A two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
(Sarah, Ironhide, Wheeljack, Starscream, Skywarp, Sam, and Miles.)
79 c. A two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as big as you like.
(Leo, myself, Simmons, Crosshairs, Lambo Twins, Ratchet, Soundwave, and *sometimes* Optimus.)
80. Calvin Ball is not to be played EVER.
(At least, not without proper supervision.)
(Nope, scratch that, it shall never be played EVER AGAIN.)
(I thought Ratchet was gonna glitch when we all came in from PT with injuries ranging from a few scratches to legit broken bones.)
(Skywarp and Skyfire are really good at Calvin Ball. Which is surprising because Skyfire is a pacifist. Guess games don't count.)
(Me, Leo, Sam, Miles, Sharsky, Fassbinder, Lennox, Epps, Fig, assorted cybertronians in Holoforms.)
81. DO convince a 'bot to do a King Kong thing with you!
(This was me and Skywarp. We climbed to the top of the water tower and he went nuts. It was a lot of fun.)
(The humans and bots who got the joke all had to sit down, they were laughing so hard.)
(The others were just confused.)
(Got a chuckle out of Optimus AND Magnus though!)
82. NO, the seekers don't look like Doritos with legs and it's not a good idea to tell them that either!
(The only one who'll laugh is Skywarp and you'll possibly get a chuckle out of Skyfire.)
(Otherwise, it's a good way to get yourself a free ride at 10,000 feet.)
(Did I mention you'll be OUTSIDE the plane?)
(Leo, Sam, and Miles.)
83. DO NOT do that stupid pig prank.
(You know, the one where you let three pigs loose with numbers on the side?)
(Don't do bullshit like that. It's too cliche.)
(On the plus side, now we have lots of extra bacon.)
84. DO NOT build hoverboards for the base kids without permission from their parents!
(This actually hasn't yet, it's just preemptive measure.)
(Wheeljack built one for Kira that goes really fast so she could know what it's like to actually fly.)
(Starscream couldn't decide if he approved or not.)
85. DO inform your commanding officer of the nature of your imprint bond once you and your partner have decided.
(Starscream and Kira's bond is a parent-child bond, which is really rather cute. That means that the rest of the seekers are like her crazy uncles.)
(Bumblebee and Sam's, along with Barricade and Miles' are romantic bonds.)
(Jazz and Epps' is a sibling bond. So is Ironhide and Lennox's.)
(The Chevy Twins have a sibling bond with Leo.)
(And the Lambo twins have a sibling bond with Fig.)
(Magnus and I... haven't decided yet... In fact, we haven't actually talked about it yet...)
(... *sigh*...)
AN 2: Another chapter is up and running! WHOO!~ I'm on a role today!
PLEASE REMEMBER TO SEND IN RULES!