Warning: Daryl rage.

Take Me as I Am
Chapter 16
[Twilight Sky]

It wasn't as if he wanted to stay away from her. But damn, every time he looked at her, he felt something… something that shouldn't be felt towards a young woman like her—especially since she woke up thinking she was 16 again.

The morning after he scorned her, he wanted nothing more than to apologize for being a complete asshole. What he said the night before was unnecessarily cruel. That morning, she walked right past him with her head casted so far down he thought her head might just fall off her neck. That same day, he tried multiple times just to speak to her. But every damn time he tried to speak to her alone, Michonne would pull her to do something else or Rick would ask him to help him with something.

Now, the fourth day after she woke up with a coma, she has yet to speak to him and he—he has yet to apologize.

And fuck, it was tearing him up inside. He knew he shouldn't let it bother him… shouldn't let her affect him this way. It was for the best this way—that she forgot. Maybe she'll find some dumbass teenage boy to spend the rest of her life with.

Damn, the image of her smiling in pure bliss at another man made his heart clenched painfully tight in his chest. He hated the thought but there was nothing he could do about it. Losing her memory was probably the best thing that could've happened to her. She wouldn't have to remember the time that asshole tried to rape her, or the psychotic priest fucking with her head… or her witnessing the decapitation of her daddy. Or the time she almost made him put an arrow in her head because she was bit. She doesn't remember any of that now… it was for the better… even if she didn't remember him.

He'll remember her though, quite possibly for the rest of his life. In the three weeks he took care of her while she was in a coma, he came to realize that this fair-haired accident on legs somehow buried her way in his tightly enclosed heart. He didn't know when it happened or how… but damned be, he rather see her with someone else than for her to end up dead with him.

Yeah, her losing her memory … it was a good thing. Right?

With a defeated sigh, Daryl closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with calloused fingers. He couldn't' think straight anymore. Anytime he had a moment's freedom to think of whatever the hell he wanted, he thought of her and her damn smile. Sometimes when he was out with Rick doing a perimeter patrol, he would see her back running towards the opposite direction, away from him.

Even Carl asked him if he was alright this morning. Good god, he must be one wrecked son of a bitch if a fourteen year old was questioning his sanity.

"Daryl?"

Daryl ignored the soft voice, believing it was another figment of his imagination.

"Daryl," a hand pressed softly against his shoulder.

He jumped at the contact, shocked that she was even speaking to him—alone too. "What?" he growled, then reflexively bit his cheek when he realized how harsh his tone was.

She didn't flinch at his tone; in fact she gave him a small smile.

"Wha'yra smiling about?" He tried his damned best to scowl at her. The truth was though; he felt as if the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders just from that sweet smile she gave him.

"I've been meaning to ask you something for a while now… I just don't know how to ask it…." She looked away then, abashed.

Daryl looked at her and stilled. He wasn't sure what brought this on. For the past four days, she had been avoiding him like the plague and he, well he hardly had spare time to go look for her. Why was she speaking to him now?

After the minutes of silence, Beth finally spoke up. "I've been meaning to ask you about… us."

"Us?" he croaked out, taken back at her forwardness. What the hell?

"Yeah. I don't know what it is… I just—I just know there's something between us," she gestured her hand back and forth between them.

Daryl had to scoff at her comment. She had no idea what kind of lonely hell he went through when she fell into the coma. God, as much as he wanted to say this woman had no effect on him, he would be lying. When she was comatose, the only thing that kept him sane and moving on was the sheer fact that her life depended on him. Now that she had awakened, this was the first time they had spoken since the night he gripped at her.

And she wants to say there was something between them based on the fact that they had been avoiding each other? As if, Daryl scoffed. "There ain't no us."

"I know there is!" She hissed hotly back at him, her hands propped up against her hips. The sun was beginning to set, casting a fiery orange glow atop her mass of blonde hair. She had cleaned up—wearing some fresh clothes that Rick and he were able to scavenge in the nearby town, her wavy blond hair clean and untangled. She no longer looked sickly and was eating well. They weren't short on food, everyone managed to sneak extra food and snacks to her in efforts to make her gain some weight. And damned be, he noticed the soft curves on her body. She looks… beautiful.

"Quite staring," her eyes casted down towards her toes when she caught him redhanded.

He cleared his throat and turned his gaze back to the sunset, he felt warm and unsteady despite the chilly autumn breeze sweeping through the porch of the funeral home.

"What do you want?" he asked after a few more minutes had past. He didn't know why but this little lady confused the bejesus out of him. One moment he wanted to scoop her up in his arms, the next thing he knew he wanted to be as far away from her as physically possible.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I just wanted to talk to you… I haven't done that yet."

"Yeah no shit," he muttered under his breath. "Been avoiding me like I got some kind of disease or something."

"I didn't mean for it to be that way… I just needed time to think…"

"Yeah? 'Bout what?"

"Everything… walkers… this funeral home… Rick and Carl… Lori and Judith…" her voice trailed off.

Daryl snapped his head to face her, "What? You just said Lori and Judith… Your memory's back?" He felt his heart skip a beat at the realization. Could it be possible that Beth knew who he was now? A part of him hated that she might remember all the shit she had to go through the past several months, but… it would mean she remembered him as well. It was a guilty pleasure for him to want her to remember their time together. He didn't realize how badly he wanted it until now.

She gave him a sheepish smile and fidgeted under his intense gaze. "Sort of…"

"Sort of?" he repeated, confused.

"Bits and pieces of my memories started to come back. That first night I can remember the farm… Rick and his group coming in. Maggie and Glenn… the farm being overrun. Then yesterday morning, I remember the prison… Judith being born and Lori dying… It's all so confusing and I'm trying to sort everything but it's so hard," her voice cracked, he could hear the tears in her voice.

Of everything, she hadn't mentioned anything about remembering him. Is that why she wanted to talk to him? That she remembered everyone… but him? "What about me?" his voice was low, his breath caught in his throat, almost not wanting to hear her answer.

When she didn't answer him, he repeated his question, his voice strained. "What about me, Beth?" He almost sounded desperate despite his utmost best to try and sound uninterested and aloof.

"That's the thing… I… I can't remember you at all."

In a rush of anger, Daryl hissed out a curse and punched the wooden support pillar of the porch before gripping the fence until his knuckles turned white. "How is it that you remember the others, and nothing about me?" The memories of her smiling at him, telling him she trusted him… her sleeping in his arms. It was near and dear to him, it was something he wouldn't want to forget and yet—she forgot him so easily. He didn't want to be a bitch, but damn, did that hurt.

"Calm down, Daryl! It's not like I wanted to forget you… I just… I can't remember what happened between us," she placed a hand on his arm, in hopes of getting his attention.

He yanked his arm out of her reach, "There ain't nothing between us! 'specially since you ain't remembering nothing 'bout me."

"Don't lie to me Daryl! I know there's something. I can—feel it," she reached over to grab at him again. He pulled his arm away from her reach.

"Don't. Don't touch me. Best if you go on back in the house," Daryl brushed past her coldly, anger barely contained. His heavy footsteps clattered loudly against the wooden stairs of the patio. Seconds later, he reached the barred makeshift gate of the speared fence.

How is it that whenever it came to this little lady, he was on a never-ending rollercoaster ride?

"Just what aren't you telling me, Daryl?!" she called after him. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner. I wasn't sure what to think! Don't leave like this." This time, he felt her arms slip around his waist, preventing him from going any further. A part of him wondered if he was dreaming—it all felt surreal. It had been days since she spoke to him and yet here she was, demanding to know what went on between them.

What did go on between them?

"Please… I'm so confused. I'm trying my damn best to figure everything out but nothing about you makes sense."

He felt her warm, trembling body pressed against his back. He heard her soft crying, felt her hot breath heating up the sleeve of his shirt. He was aware of every breath she took, every move she made—down to the soft fluttering of her eyelashes. It all the more felt wrong.

There was nothing between them—not officially. Sure, he had kissed her once out of desperation… sure he let her sleep in his arms in more than one occasion... and yes, he confided in her more than he would ever admit in the months that came to past. And yet, he hadn't confessed—neither did she. Why?

Because there was nothing to confess—nothing was going on between them. At least, that's what he's going to tell himself and her. Maybe he was right; maybe it was best if she forgot him completely. For God's sake he was probably out and running around in the woods on his own by the time she was born—he was too old for her. Too old, too rough, too damaged.

He then began thinking about the dreaded what if's. What if he was just a few years older than her? What if she was closer to his age? What if they met before the world went to hell? What if… what if…

The more he questioned about Beth's us, the angrier he got. Truth be told, even though they were out running for their lives, being with her—it gave him something to look forward to. And now, everything between them, if they did have anything, was gone. Gone with her memories. Just gone.

"You're wrong. You're nothing but a kid. There ain't nothing between us, and you best take my word for it," Daryl nearly growled out, his jaw clenched so tightly, the muscles began to twitch. He pried apart her arms from his body and moved to raise the bar that secured the makeshift gate.

He needed to get away from her before he did something he would regret. A part of him had been pacified thinking she forgot everyone… but knowing that she remembered everyone else but him. It stung. It made him feel something more than he could understand. He wasn't sure how to react. All he knew was that it was best for her to stay away from him.

"I am not a kid anymore! Daryl Dixon, you better stop throwing a tantrum and talk to me!" she all but screamed at him, pulling at his arms to have him face her. "I deserve more than this!"

Something in him snapped. With a swift turn on his heels, he glared at her with livid blue eyes and began speaking to the suddenly shocked Beth before he could register what he was truly saying.

"You know what, Beth? You're right. You ain't a kid no more, so I ain't gonna speak to you like one. You want to know what happened between us? You want the goddamn truth? The past several months I had to drag your ass around, keeping your ass and mine alive. You're a fucking accident on legs. Something's always wrong with you. You wanted a fucking drink of alcohol so you snuck off on y our own. You wanted to learn how to track so I fucking taught you and you got your smart ass hurt with a fucking bear trap in on the ground, right in front of you. All you had to do was fucking look down!

Then you had to go and tell me I'm a fucking good person. I ain't no saint, but you had me going—thinking I might actually be good for you. But fuck, Beth! Then you had to go and be fucking kidnapped by some psychopathic priest. It took me days to fucking find you. Your dumb ass was about to be eaten by them fucking walkers in that damn tunnel. I fucking thought you were gone. I got you out of there only to find you choking in your sleep. How the fuck does that happen?! No, you didn't die. You didn't die but almost had your ass raped by one of the faggots in the group we were traveling with. What the hell were you thinking going out in the middle of the night like that? 'specially since I wasn't with you. What if I wasn't there to help you when I did, huh?

Jesus Christ, Beth! When we finally came back to this place, you went off on your own to find medicine for me. Because of me, you got bit by the fucking walker when that damn dog upstairs came back. You kept telling me to shoot you in the head. How the fuck can you ask me to do something like that? After all the shit we've gone through together, you fucking asked me to kill you. I couldn't do it, damn it. As much as I knew it was against all logic, I tied your ass upstairs on that bed and looked after you for weeks. Three weeks. You were in a fucking coma for three weeks before you woke up four days ago and jumped out of the fucking two story window. Then you almost had your ass bit again by another fucking walker.

And you know what Beth? All this time I was hoping you would wake up and everything would be just like before. I'm the fucking 'tard for thinking that way. 'Cus you don't even fucking remember me. And that's fucking tearing me up inside because you remember everyone else but me. How the fuck does that happen! What part of me did you want to forget so much? Was it 'cus I kissed you before you went into the coma? Was I that damn repulsive to you? You know what; I ain't a fucking good person. Good in me, it doesn't exist. I'm just a fucking asshole that wants a piece of ass!"

Blinded in his rage, he reached in and grabbed a handful of her hair at the back of her head and pulled her towards him. He slammed his mouth against hers, so hard that their teeth clashed against each other's. He felt the bruising pain of his forceful kiss upon her lips.

Finally, his rage settled when he tasted the coppery taste of blood on his lips. Guilt immediately washed over him and he released her, taking a shaky step back. He clamped his eyes shut, and his hands clenched into tight fists; a near unbearable ache began to build in his chest as he recalled every word he screamed at her. Fuck, he sounded like an asshole. He honestly didn't mean to say all those things… he didn't mean half of that shit he said to her… as if it was her fault for being caught in the middle of accidents. It wasn't her fault.

Fuck, and he finally screwed it all up.

I'm a motherfucking asshole… he couldn't help but agree with the thought as shaky breaths shook his body. As his breaths slowed and became steady, he dared himself to open his eyes. In the twilight sky, he saw Beth standing there… waiting.

He thought she had run off already, cursing him to hell… or was that his own thoughts? His eyes casted down immediate when he realized she was staring at him, tears streaming down her face, her face scrunched up as if she was in pain.

Goddamn, he was the asshole that caused those tears. Here was even more reason to believe she was better off hating him. She was right. She deserved more… she deserved better.

He opened his mouth to try and apologize, but he was unable to say a word. He felt nothing but overwhelming guilt—for the first time in his life, he felt ashamed of his words. He had no business saying those things to her… no business what so ever.

With a cry, Beth collapsed onto the floor; her breaths were rapid and shallow as she cradled her head with her hands.

"Beth!" He was crouched at her side within a second, scanning her for injuries. "Beth, what's wrong?" His guilt doubled, believing he was the one who caused her even more pain.

She hissed in pain and drew her knees closer to her so she could bury her face on her thighs. Daryl didn't know what to do—she didn't answer any of his questions. Finally, he gave up talking and simply pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, letting her bury her face in his chest.

For minutes, he held her without a saying a word. He had been an ass to her this entire time; he had no right to hold her. It felt so right but damn, did it feel wrong at the same time.

"That's not fair Daryl…" she began to speak again, her soft, teary voice made him close his eyes in shame. She was right—it wasn't fair for him to blow up on her like that. It wasn't right.

"Beth, I'm—," he began, stuttering and released his hold on her.

"Let me finish," she cut him off.

It took him every fiber of his body not to fall back onto his butt when she inched closer towards him, her face mere inches away from his own. In the dying light, he saw her blue eyes almost glow in a purple hue when she cupped his face and forced him to face her. Nothing in her eyes told him she was angry or afraid… instead, she had a bittersweet smile on her face.

"I told you don't lie to me, didn't I? All those things you said… about what happened to me…. I… I remember… most of it. And I know, with every damn part of me is that you are a good man Daryl, without a doubt…" she brushed his cheek with her soft hands, and gave him a watery smile.

"What? Did you just… get your memories back?" he gaped, awed.

She nodded and beamed him a watery smile.

"This isn't no romance movie or something… how the hell? You can't just get your memory back and forgive me like that. I just—," he couldn't even finish his words, overwhelmed with guilt. Daryl brushed his own calloused fingers against her swollen bottom lip, regretting every word and action he had done and said while in his rage. He didn't deserve her ever… he didn't.

"I see the way you look at me sometimes… I may be young, but I'm not stupid. I know I'm not just some piece of ass to you," she mocked his words with a lighthearted chuckle.

"You're not…" he cringed at his confession. A part of him marveled at how his Beth was so easy to forgive, so gentle and kind. His Beth…?

"I know there are still a lot of things I don't remember right now… it's still fuzzy but I remember most of it. I don't know why but whenever I look at you… my heart races. I'm always looking to see where you are or wondering if you're okay when you're out with Rick. I remember seeing your shadow everywhere I go—and I just know, you've always been making sure I was safe. What I do know for sure… is that what we had between us before I lost my memories… I don't want you to act like it never happened… Now that I do remember that there is an 'us', it only goes to prove that we shouldn't just hide it. I don't want to pretend like it never happened…"

A tear from her eyes splattered onto his thumb, and he continued to hold her gaze with his own and a warm sensation washed over him, pushing aside his feeling of guilt. He let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes briefly before opening them again. "I can't… I ain't gonna be that perverted old man who takes advantage of a girl who lost her memory… it ain't right, even if you do remember most of it now. But Beth, I'm—I'm sorry for hurting you, for saying all that shit. You don't deserve that. You deserve better."

"How would it be you taking advantage of me when I'm the one who is telling you that I want this? You're not being fair Daryl… and I know for sure that this isn't a mistake. What I felt—no, what I'm feeling and what I remember, it's real. I don't know if it's love but I know… there's more to us than you're wanting us to believe."

Daryl remained silent, unable to coherently put together words to push her away. It wasn't love that he felt for her, was it? He just wanted her safe, happy and cared for—he didn't realize it until she was bitten just how much her presence meant to him and his sanity. Did he dare to let things go further though? For what he just did to her—he'll never forgive himself even if she just brushed it off as nothing. She was too forgiving… too naïve.

He muttered a silent thanks to the man above for letting Beth gain back some of her memories of him—as selfish as that sounded. Could he allow himself to care for her more than he already does? Would he come to regret it in the future? Too many different scenarios… it was almost unnerving.

"And it's not fair, Daryl," she repeated again, a twinkle of mischief sparkled in her eyes despite the fatigue evident on her face.

"What?" He was almost afraid to know what she wanted to say next.

"You said I was yours… and that you were going to save me. I remember… that you kissed me before everything blacked out," she grinned lazily when he visibly flinched at the memory.

"You remember that?"

"Mhm," she drawled, her smile growing wider. "I think you need to apologize to me."

Daryl nodded, agreeing completely in a more serious tone versus her lighthearted one. "I'm sorry Beth. I put my hands on you when I had no right to. I'm sorry for saying all that sh—those things. It ain't your fault for whatever happened to you."

Beth sighed then, a frustrated sigh. "That's not what I meant by apologizing Daryl," she huffed prettily, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Puzzled, Daryl pulled back with a confused look in his eyes. "What'dya want then?"

"Kiss me," she demanded abashedly, she adverted her gaze to the top of her drawn up knees. "Both times… just earlier and after I was bit, you kissed me. But… it was too rough… I—I want a real kiss."

Daryl was taken aback by the sudden change of events. He briefly wondered if she had officially gone insane. After all he had said, she still wanted him? "After all this… is that... Are yo— 's that what you really want?" he questioned, not bothering to conceal the shock in his voice.

She gave him a firm nod and turned to face him, her hands gripped the collar of his jacket. "You said those things out of anger. I know you don't mean it. I forgive you—every bit of it. Because I know you, Daryl Dixon. And I know, you will be regretting what you said for long time to come, even if I tell you that it's okay. Call me stupid, naïve… call me anything… but just… kiss me."

Daryl couldn't help but chuckle softly at her forwardness—she amazed him to no end. Always so forgiving, yes, she was also naïve, and an accident on legs. But damn, one thing is for sure, he couldn't deny her. From the deepest pit of his heart, he knew he had wanted to kiss her—to really kiss her for the longest time now.

He brushed aside the tendrils of sunkissed hair from her face, feeling a bit awkward at the whole situation. "You sure?"

Beth rolled her eyes at him and pulled against his jacket, forcing his head down. His arms secured around her back and waist to keep him from toppling over her and from her falling into the ground.

She gave him a lazy smile and brushed her soft lips lightly against his.

When he stilled, he felt her smile grow wider as their lips continued touched. Tentatively, he pulled her closer to his body to protect her form the chilled autumn air when she shivered.

Beth pulled back just a hair's width and whispers against his lips, "I've never been so sure in my life. Now… kiss me."

/

J.R.- Phew… long chapter. The end? Nope! It would be a good place to stop if I didn't have more things in store for the two.

I didn't want to drag her amnesia for a long time, so four days seemed good enough. Some people remember the next day and some just never remembers. Hopefully, it's not that hard to follow.

Okay, after 15 long chapters… we have a confession from the both of them, sort of! Yay! I'm excited to start writing some love between the two of them!

Next up, Beth!

Thanks for reading, please review!