"Are you sure you have to go?" Jaiden pouted as she followed her girlfriend to the door miserably. Still dressed in her pajamas and thinking clearly for the first time in days, Jaiden was glad she had toughed the day out and not taken her painkillers.
"I've got class at 8 tomorrow, babe." Stacie replied.
"I know," Jaiden admitted. The two girls stopped right in front of the door and looked at each other in silence for a few seconds. Jaiden was the first to lean in, knowing that she needed to step up, and Stacie met her halfway in a short, but meaningful kiss.
"I love you, Jay." Stacie whispered when she pulled back. Her girlfriend blushed obviously and squeezed the hand she was holding.
"I love you back." She said. Jaiden eyes remained locked on the taller girl until the door closed behind her. And to her own surprise, she felt a bit on loneliness creep up on her when the brunette was no longer there. Generally, spending an entire day with anyone was exhausting for her, but that day had been different. She had found herself genuinely comfortable resting between her girlfriend and her sister, and she knew that it had put Beca at ease as well.
"So, are things all good between you two?" Jaiden turned around at Chloe's question and nodded in response.
"Yeah. I apologized. Promised to do better," She explained. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you too. In private." Jaiden nodded towards her bedroom and Chloe started towards it immediately. Jaiden moved after her and shut the door once they were both through the doorway. She took a deep breath and sat down at her desk chair, wanting to have what she was about to say planned out before it turned into a nervous ramble. Chloe sat down on the bed across from her and waited patiently.
"I understand if you're still mad at me for last night. I wasn't expecting either of you to wake up until I got back, and I just needed to get to Stacie. I got in a fight with this girl before…before everything happened and she sent me a picture with her last night. I just…I kind of lost it. And I'm not saying last night went well, by any means, but it's a good thing I left when I did, because that bitch put something in her drink-" Jaiden felt herself beginning to get worked up again and paused, calming herself. "But, I should have at least told one of you I was leaving. I didn't think to. And I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I was harsher than I needed to be. It's just so scary when Beca gets like that, and I was honestly beginning to think that you had run away again. But if the situation had been reversed, and Beca had been somewhere with someone I hated, I would have probably done exactly what you did." Chloe told her sincerely. Her eyes sparkled with kind sincerity and that's what made her next statement hit so hard. "But I need you to try harder with Beca."
Ouch. That stung a bit. Jaiden blinked away surprise and frowned at the girl across the room. "What do you mean?" She asked.
"I mean what happened that night hasn't just affected you. She wakes up like five times a night, shaking, and she's the one constantly tip-toing around like she's scared to upset you. And honestly, Jaiden, you've made like zero attempts to help her, at all." Chloe pointed out bluntly. The redhead crossed her arms, feeling as though she had proved her point.
"You think I know how to help her? No one helped me before, so it's not like I actually had an examples to work with." Jaiden replied defensively.
"That's because you never let anyone help you. I'm sure Beca would have if you wouldn't have shoved her out of your life." Chloe fired back. She watched in irritated amusement as Jaiden stood up to leave and scoffed. "Wow, didn't take much to get you to break your promise. Where are you planning on running this time?"
"Can you please just stop acting like you know what happened between me and my family? It's not even your business and you don't know the whole story, okay? Back the fuck off." Jaiden snapped. Her hand gripped the door handle tightly and her pulse pounded in her ears. And if she was being honest with herself, all she wanted to do was leave. Chloe could see it in her tense stance and fidgety grasp on the door and cocked her head to the side, waiting. Jaiden was still a flight risk, and she knew it. She also knew that the teenager had good intentions, and had meant her promise about staying as well. She just wasn't quite mentally equipped enough to carry it out.
"Well? Are you going to sit down and talk this out, or are you going to bail? Again." Chloe challenged. She was fully prepared to intervene if Jaiden chose the latter, but the 18 year old surprised her by releasing the handle and returning to her chair angrily.
"What the fuck do you want me to do then? Because it kind of sounds like you want me to go." Jaiden said.
"Does it? What have I said that led you to come up with that?" Chloe asked her. She arched an eyebrow, skeptical of what the younger girl would use as proof for her accusation.
"It's just the way you're acting right now. Like I'm not good enough for Beca or something. Well guess what? I never claimed to be. You drug me into this, so if I'm ruining your lives, it's your fault." Jaiden was in full on defense mode and she gripped the seat of the chair tightly. Chloe noticed her muscles flexing in her arms and decided to tone it down just a little bit.
"You aren't ruining our lives. But you can't deny the fact that Beca hasn't been doing so well lately."
"And it's my fault?"
"Well, both of her breakdowns were sparked by you." Chloe's words were matter of fact and she saw the hurt on Jaiden's face the moment she said them. The teenager's uptight exterior melted into one of utter shame and her glare turned to the floor, softened by the blow.
"You're right," The younger girl's voice was thick with held back tears, and she blinked quickly in a meager attempt to hold them back.
"Jaiden," Chloe started softly. The 18 year old shook her head and stood up again, rushing for the door.
"You're absolutely right. That's why I need to go. I'm not good for her. I've never been good for anyone. That's why everything always goes wrong." She muttered, more to herself than to Chloe, as she stalked out into the hallway and directed her path towards the front door. The redhead followed her closely, praying that Beca wouldn't catch onto the situation before she could tone it down.
"That's not what I'm saying. Jaiden, please, don't go." She pleaded quietly. Chloe grabbed Jaiden's arm and locked her grip. The 18 year old was forced to stop and face her, knowing she couldn't overpower the avid Club Fitness member. Her eyes were brimming with tears, much to her dismay, and she made herself meet the upset blue ones in front of her. She hated crying in front of others; absolutely hated it. That had been one of the things Ted always mocked her for. His voice filled her head as she felt the first drops began to slide down her cheeks.
"What are you crying for, huh? Can't handle a little discipline?"
"You're sniveling about something you brought on yourself."
"Come on, it didn't hurt that bad."
"Come on-" Jaiden tensed at the familiar words that came out of Chloe's mouth and she pulled back fiercely. Her arm broke free from Chloe's grip, but she lost her balance and stumbled back, colliding against the door with a loud cry. Hot pain seared through her side, and she felt the familiar sensation of warm blood beginning to rush down her side. Jaiden clutched at the soaked bandages around her wound and whimpered at the feeling of popped stitches.
"Oh my God, Jaiden, you're bleeding." Chloe dropped to her knees beside Jaiden as the teenager finally slid down the door, coming to rest on the rug beneath her. Footsteps sounded from behind her and she grimaced at Beca's audible gasp of shock.
"What the hell happened?" The small brunette demanded. She hobbled down the hall and dropped stiffly to Jaiden's side. Her eyes widened at the dark stain seeping through the 18 year old's shirt.
"Nothing. I tripped and hit the door. I'm fine." Jaiden answered quickly. She reached up with her free hand to quickly wipe away the stray tears on her face, only to fine more falling at the look on Beca's face. She was so concerned; so scared. And Jaiden didn't deserve that. She had never deserved Beca and she never would.
"You're not fine. Come on; we've got to get you to a hospital." Chloe interjected. Jaiden quickly pushed her hands away when the redhead attempted to help her up. Despite the increase of both bleeding and minor agony the action caused, Jaiden got to her feet and brushed past them.
"Where are you going?" Beca called after her. Jaiden ignored her question and locked herself in the bathroom, leaving a small streak of blood on the door handle. Once safely inside, she stripped off her ruined shirt and pulled the gauze that clung stickily to her skin. Blood streamed down her ribcage from the reopened wound, and she sucked in a harsh breath as her fingers grazed the red mess lightly. Fists began to knock on the door rapidly, and Jaiden clenched her jaw shut.
"I'm okay. Leave me alone." She said. Then, Jaiden opened the cabinets in front of her and went to work on herself. Because if there was one thing she knew, it was how to perform first-aid. Jaiden pulled her t-shirt off of the floor and pressed it to the wound firmly, despite the way her body protested at the action. The 18 year old sat down on the floor with a new pack of gauze and a roll of medical tape; determined that she could fix this herself. Jaiden stretched onto her good side in order to allow gravity to do some of the work, and waited patiently for the bleeding to slow. Eventually, after nearly 10 minutes, the blood began to thicken and the wound became sticky, until finally it clotted enough to stop bleeding all together. Jaiden picked herself up, careful to avoid jostling herself too much, and slowly began to wipe away at the mess of dried blood on her side with a wet washcloth. She could hear the two girls outside the bathroom door whispering loudly, obviously arguing about what to do, and before she knew it she was crying again, because Chloe really had been right. She made life hard for Beca. She strained the older two girls' relationship. They would probably be living happily if it wasn't for her. Beca wouldn't have gotten hurt, and no one would be fighting right now if she wasn't here.
"I have to go." Jaiden whispered to herself. She stared at her reflection in the mirror and paused in her attempt to clean her injury. Stay or go? Risk hurting Beca more in the long run, or rip off the band-aid and get the worst of it over now? Break her promises and hope Beca would understand eventually, or continue struggling not to ruin her two roommates' lives? The choice was impossible, and filling her mind with immensely conflicting possibilities and outcomes. She had no idea how to take care of Beca, or even help her for that matter. She could barely take care of herself.
"Jay? Can you please just open the door? Please?" Jaiden was pulled out of her thoughts by her sister's voice and she turned towards the door with fresh tears in her eyes. She didn't know what to do. But despite her complete uncertainty, Jaiden reached forward and undid the lock with a small click. Within seconds, the door opened and her sister slipped inside, worry painted all over her bruised face. She looked down at the half cleaned injury on her side and then eventually, up to Jaiden's tear-streaked face.
"Maybe we should go to the hospital, if it really does hurt that bad-"
"It doesn't. Beca," Jaiden's voice hitched in her throat. "I'm not good for you."
"What?" Beca shook her head and sat the younger girl down on the closed toilet seat behind her. She took the bloody washcloth from Jaiden's hand and carefully pressed it to her sister's side, taking over the job of cleaning it.
"Chloe was right. Ever since I came back into your life, you two have fought more, and your anxiety has gotten worse, and you're just not happy. And you got hurt because of me." Jaiden's voice turned to a hoarse whisper, and Beca stared at her, astounded that she could be thinking this way.
"When did Chloe say this to you?" She questioned.
"She didn't say that. It's just…she said I need to step up for you and I don't know how to. I'm not cut out for this Beca, and I think it'd be better for both of us if I just left." Beca's eyes widened and she shook her head again immediately.
"No. Jay, you belong here. We're sisters, okay? I need to be stronger for you, and I need to trust you, and that's on me. All I need from you is you." Beca searched her sister's dark eyes, praying that she was listening to her. Jaiden's only response was a slight grimace at Beca's touch, and just the smallest hint of a nod. The older girl tossed the red stained cloth she had been using into the bathtub and exchanged it for the gauze beside them. Beca pulled off a section and pressed it to the laceration as gently as she could, not oblivious to the fact that Jaiden was biting her bottom lip in an attempt to mask how much pain she was in.
"I'm almost done." Beca assured her softly. With that, she taped the gauze in place firmly and smoothed the bandage down as gently as she could. Satisfied with her handiwork, Beca managed to get back to her feet and then waited patiently for Jaiden to get up as well. The 18 year old wiped the remaining tears from her face and stood.
"Take a few of your pain pills and go to bed." The older Mitchell instructed. Jaiden nodded in silent understanding, popped two of the small tablets from the orange bottle on the sink, and left the bathroom. Chloe, who had remained outside the door the entire time, approached her tentatively as she made her way towards her bedroom.
"Jaiden, I'm sorry-"
"For what? Being right? Just forget it, Chloe." Jaiden cut her off coldly, never slowing her pace, and left the redhead standing in the hall, facing a closed door.
Sounds like there's a lot of work to be done, huh? Reviews/feedback/suggestions are greatly appreciated!