Warning: Violent assault on first part of chapter.

Take Me as I Am
Chapter 17
[Thanksgiving]

They were chasing her again. In this hellfire inferno, the restless dead were never too far from her heels. Anywhere she turned, they followed relentlessly. They wanted her. They wanted her to join them in their army of the undead—at least that's what they keep whispering. At least that's what the voices in her head keep telling her. These voices echoed all around her, following her as she busted through walls of flame and leaping over puddles of hot lava.

Her skin was scorched, pain shot up her spine with every minuscule movement she made. But she won't give up—there was something missing from her life. She was too young to die. She had yet to experience the gripping feeling of pure love, had yet to experience the joys of motherhood. She was too young to go.

And him, his face, his voice was constantly in her thoughts but she couldn't put a name to the face. Without a doubt, she knew he was someone precious to her. She remembers him holding her, his lips brushing against hers. What was his name? D… Darwin?

No, that wasn't it.

Despite these thoughts running through her head, her weary body kept pressing forward, eager to escape the walking dead. Suddenly, a decayed hand exploded through the scorched earth right beneath her, and grabbed her ankle as she failed to evade it.

With a cry, she fell head first into the burning dirt. In contrast, cold, dead hands gripped at her ankles then made their way up her legs.

"Y'er mine! I claimed ya!" she heard a raspy voice echo right behind her, his cold hands slipped under her shirt and began pulling at her jeans.

"No, no! Get off me!" she cries fell on deaf ears as she kicked her legs up behind her to push the assaulter off of her. She was at a disadvantage—nothing she did affected him. The walking dead that followed her just moments ago now surrounded her and the assaulter. They formed a circle, closing all ways of escape, a two story wall of flame blasted into the sky right behind them.

There was no escape. In a desperate attempt to see the face of her assaulter, she tucked her arms to her chest and role to her back. Her vision blurred with the action, and tried to focus on the red tinged sky above her.

"Yer ready for me, bitch?" That voice was so familiar—where did she hear his voice before?

Suddenly, her assaulter laughed, forcing her to crane her neck to see his face. She screamed in terror as memories of his face flashed before her eyes. Now, as an undead, he stared at her. Randy. There was nothing left of his head but his left eye, cheek and side of his mouth and ears. The right side had been pummeled to a pulp by Da… Daniel? Even at this point, she couldn't remember his name…

"Leave me alone!" she kicked at his chest with her legs, he continued to advance undeterred. With a yank of his decayed hands, her jeans tore into two. Her arms and legs were then held down by the horde of walkers around her. They stood by, their rotting mouths watering in anticipation.

"Help me! Someone, please!" she cried when the corpse of Randy toppled over her—gripping at her breasts, scraping his blood tinged fingernails against her skin.

Please help me… someone… anyone… Dar… Dary…

Frozen and held in place by walkers, she had no means to escape. Her eyes clenched shut and she prayed, prayed for redemption and a swift death.

A face hovered over her—decayed flesh dangled from his face as he stared at her with malicious eyes. Stokes.

"Praying won't work—you left me to die. You're going to Hell," Stoke's floating head taunted as it swirled in her vision above her head.

"Nevermind that, she's already is in Hell," Randy sneered, tearing the final piece of her clothing until she laid completely bare, pinned by walkers. He snarled when he was able to spread her legs and took the plunge.

A bloodcurdling scream ripped from her throat as her innocence was stripped from her. The floating head of Stokes bounced in her vision as he reveled in her pain, the wall of flame burned even higher until the end of the walls disappeared into the sky. With her scream, it set off the walkers around her.

They closed in, snapping their teeth at her until they latched onto her flesh and tore at her piece by piece as Randy pumped into her. She felt her warm blood gush out of her body—she wished desperately for a quick death but it never came.

She felt as if she was trapped in this moment forever, laying above the scorched dirt with hellfire burning around her, walkers tearing into her flesh—Randy stealing her innocence and Stokes laughing at her misery. Where will it end? When will it end?

Her limp body shook uncontrollably as she experience her nightmares all in one. Where was he now? Where did her savior go?

"Daryl… Daryl…" his name came so easily on her lips now.

"Daryl," she bawled as the image of his face flashed in her eyes.

"Daryl… save me… please!"

Beth!

Her body shook again, she heard his voice. It wasn't truly him—just another figment of her imagination.

Beth!

After she felt a sharp sting to her face, the hellish world around her shook and began crumbling down. Another sting blackened her vision until finally—when she opened her eyes, she saw him.

-0-

He held her by her shoulders, his blue eyes wide with concern.

With a cry, Beth launched herself into his arms, sobbing with uncontrolled terror in her voice. "Randy… He… He… " was all she could manage to say. She couldn't explain the gripping fear that pulsed through her body—all she could remember was the revolting image of him violating her.

He must've known what she was trying to say. She felt him release her for just a moment before lifting her up in his arms and then settled her in his lap. He pulled the dry end of the sweat drenched blanket to wrap around her trembling frame, and then pulled head to the crook of his neck, her face pressing against the warm skin.

Through her body wracking sobs, she heard him speaking to someone—who else was with them? She felt something was missing, but it was on the tip of her thoughts. The last thing she remembered was asking Daryl to end her life before she turned into one of them after she was bitten. But there was something else… there was something more that she couldn't grasp at this moment.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her back, and flinched away. "No… don't…"

"It's just me, Beth. You know I ain't going to hurt you. Don't you know that?" his low baritone voice rumbled his chest as he spoke. It soothed her to hear his voice.

She nodded but offered no explanation of what just happened. She dared to move her head just enough to take a peak around her. In the dim light of a lit tea light candle, she noticed it was the same room she took care of Daryl in. The funeral home. But something was off—things were moved to different places. There were another set of women's clothes in the room—too big for her to wear.

As her tears subsided, her heightened fear began to dwindle away slowly.

"You okay?"

She nodded, "Yeah…" she offered meekly. What else could she say? She wasn't the least bit 'okay' but she knew Daryl wasn't great with words either. She sighed a troubled sigh and sank deeper into his lap, getting as close as physically possible.

When he wrapped his arms around her this time, she didn't flinch. She was not afraid of him, he wouldn't hurt her. So she sat in his lap in silence, allowing his comforting warmth surround her in a protective state.

She didn't know how long they sat like that until she managed to build up enough courage to speak without crying again. Lifting her head from the crook of his neck, Beth turned to face the side of his face.

His eyes were shut, his nostril flare with each breath he took, his jaw seemed distended and tense from him clenching it.

Beth frowned at the thought of him possibly being upset at her. Which was probably unlikely. Still, she wanted to know what had him wound up. She lifted her left hand from underneath the blanket and brushed against the side of his face. It was almost an intimate gesture, something she normally wouldn't do. But with him, with Daryl, she didn't mind.

He opened his eyes at her touch, and turned to face her.

She saw the regret in his eyes, as if he was blaming himself for something he had no control over. All too well, she understood what he felt that way. It wasn't something he could have prevented. "It's not your fault, Daryl."

His eyes narrowed at her slightly, before turning his head away and shutting them once more.

"I should'a stayed up that night and let you sleep."

Beth shook her head, "He didn't…" she paused to suppress the cold shiver that tingled up her spine. She felt his arms tighten around her, whether instinctively or on purpose, she didn't know. Still, she had to smile at his gesture. He cared for her more than he let off sometimes.

"It was just a stupid dream… like the one I had before after you saved me in that tunnel. This time… he was in it… he done it… and the walkers, they were eating at me. It was just a dream, it's not real anyway," she tried to brush it off like it was nothing. Truthfully, that dream… nightmare, had scared her beyond belief. The relief she felt when she saw Daryl's face—it was almost euphoric.

"Michonne was in here when you started screaming in your sleep… came and got us when she couldn't wake you up."

Beth felt her heart skip a beat. Michonne? She would remember if Michonne found them. What exactly happened? Her head throbbed painfully as she struggled to remember what had happened recently. In the back of her mind, she had a gut feeling that she and Daryl were not alone in the house. At the moment though, she couldn't really put her tongue on it.

"Rick knows… I told him."

"Knows what?" she questioned uncertainly. She tried to keep the surprise out of her voice. If Daryl mentioned Rick, then he must be here as well. And Carl. So… what happened to her that she couldn't remember them? She was so close to remembering… so damn close. It was on the tip of her brain, as if teasing her.

"That you got bit. He didn't say anything else… he just kinda accepted it."

"Hmm," she hummed laid her head against his shoulder once more. "And Michonne… and Carl?" She pressed on, hoping that he wouldn't catch on.

"Dunno. They freaked out when you jumped out of this window here, nothing really after that. Don'ya remember?"

Ah. Beth closed her eyes and nodded. So it wasn't a dream after all. The memory of her losing her memory was in a haze—blurry from all angles. She remembered the feeling of panic… then a female walker… Her avoiding Daryl, and him doing the same. Then… then… she asked him to kiss her. She couldn't fight the blush that crept up to her cheeks, heating her face up into a cherry pink color.

She saw his hand move and press his hand against her forward, "Yer feeling a bit warm. Ar'ya sick again?"

Beth brushed aside his hand, her face heating up a little more. "I'm feeling fine. Just a little warm is all." She pulled herself away from him, sitting up rigidly on his lap. His eyes landed on her, questioning her actions.

She blushed again, and shrugged.

"You really should be getting some more sleep," Daryl nodded at the pillow next to him.

Beth shook her head, "Too much sleep. I just want to stretch my legs… can you come with me?"

He looked out the window, debating as if it was a good idea or not. She felt a bit offended at the thought that he didn't believe she could take care of herself. After all, she did make that run all by herself.

"It's okay, I can go myself. I won't be long," she pushed herself off his lap with a leap, causing him to grunt from the pressure. He caught her arm before she could step away from the bed.

"I'm coming with you. Yer still recovering… shouldn't be alone."

It was then she noticed the fresh bandage on her right forearm. Her memory was a bit fuzzy, but she recalled him helping her change the bandage before she fell asleep last night. Judging by the sunlight in this room, it was roughly midmorning. He and Rick must've been doing something around the home before Michonne called them in because of her.

Gosh, she felt useless. For once, she just wanted to do something good for the people who protected her—especially Daryl.

Beth placed a hand over his calloused ones, and then entwined her fingers with his. She gave him a smile and shook her head, "I don't want to be a bother. I'm just going to walk around the house. I won't be far."

"No," Daryl's firm voice made the butterflies in her stomach flutter. "I ain't going to let you out there without protection."

"Daryl," she sighed. Now she was getting a bit annoyed at his lack of confidence of her. Truthfully, she did get into trouble a lot. But right now, all she wanted was to be alone, just for a short while. "I'll bring my knife and gun. Nothing's going to happen. I'll be within hearing distance from the house… I promise."

She could see he was battling himself as she held his eyes captive.

"Trust me, Daryl… I can take care of myself for just an hour—maybe even less. I just need a breather, no foul play," she gave him a hopeful smile. Half of her expected him to say no, or have Michonne or Carl go with her. But he finally gave him, and none too happy about it.

"Fine, stay near the house within ear's reach," he pulled his hand away from hers and stalked out of the room.

Beth sighed and glared at the door he stormed out of before a full smile bloomed on her face. He had allowed her to hold his hand—even if it was for a short minute. Truth be told, she had always admired Daryl. She really didn't realize it until now, but it might've been more like a school-girl crush. Which for this day and age seems ridiculous, but she couldn't help it. And now, he wiggled his way deeper into her heart.

She made short work of getting ready to go out for the walk. Getting dressed, brushing her hair, cleaning up. It almost seemed like a normal daily routine before the world ended—except of course, the strapping weapons to her belt part. She headed down into the foyer of the home and ran into Michonne and Carl in the kitchen.

"Hungry?" the black haired beauty gave her a knowing smile and offered her a plate of pancakes, without the syrup.

Beth smiled and thanked her before settling down to eat. As she sat there, she began recalling memories of the past few days. The men had gone on a run further away from the home and hauled back as much food as the car could handle—presumably to stock up before the first snow. She vaguely remembers putting up the food with Michonne and Carl, everyone drooling at the thought that they won't starve this winter. Still, with the overabundance of food, they had to be frugal.

"I can't remember the last time I had pancakes," Michonne began; a fond smile appeared on her face. "It ain't the best, but man, these are a god-send."

Beth laughed and nodded in agreement. "This place," she gesture at the house. "Someone had been taking care of this before… anyway. I was hoping someone showed up so I could thank them. But they never did."

"Might be better off that way, too. Rick and Daryl have been working on the generator and the propane tank at the back of the house; maybe we might even get a working house this winter."

"That would be awesome," Beth agreed. The rest of the short meal was eaten in a comfortable silence. When they were finished, Beth helped with the dishes as Carl and Michonne spoke quietly amongst their own.

Beth couldn't put her finger on it, but Carl seemed like a different person. Hollow, angry, troubled. She couldn't help but overhear their conversation about what he was going to do for the day. He replied to Michonne with 'nothing,' which gave her a thought.

"Would you like to go out on a walk with me?" Beth asked after Michonne left the kitchen to join the two men.

Carl shrugged, "Where to?" He seemed so aloof and uncaring. Something must've happened to him while they were out on their own.

"I wanted to go out for some fresh air, and I was wondering if you would like to come with me," she offered. Then quickly added, "I just think it's better for me to have someone watch my back. You know." It wasn't a lie, she wanted to go alone but hey, at least she kept Daryl's concern in mind. Not to mention, she wanted to know why Carl seemed so down lately. Darn, she was just too nosey.

He nodded, his eyes brightened a bit. "Yeah, I can do that. Are we going far?"

"Nah uh, just around the house. Within ear shot of the house, sounds good?"

Carl tipped his hat and grinned, "Sounds good to me."

-0-

The first fifteen minutes into their walk, they were silent, keeping an ear out for trouble. But soon, they fell into comfortable conversation, asking about what they used to do for fun or what they missed the most about life before the walkers came.

Slowly though, their conversations grew more serious. They spoke about Judith and Lori. Beth couldn't help but shed a few tears for the little girl who stole her heart. The sweet angel she went back for in the prison was nowhere to be found. She could only pray that the baby was safe.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," Carl offered, his tone a bit clipped.

Beth shook her head, "Why aren't you upset about it?"

"I am… just… there's a lot on my mind right now." They ventured a bit deeper into the woods. The once green leaves were now brown and scattered over the forest floor, making it easier to backtrack their movements in case they went in too deep.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Beth pressed on; hoping to find out what had been bothering him.

"Not really, no offense."

"Well… offense taken," she frowned at him mockingly until the both of them laughed lightly.

"Can I trust you?"

Beth was appalled at the thought that Carl didn't trust her. He was like a little brother to her, a part of Judith's family. Of their scattered family. "Of course you can trust me."

"When Daryl found us… the men that followed us," he was struggling to put out the words. "They were going to kill us for killing one of their own. But before that… the leader… I think his name was Joe, said they were going to… take me and then Michonne… then kill my dad."

Beth was frozen in her tracks when she heard Joe's name, then her heart went cold when she heard the rest of what Carl said. A gripping fear washed over her as memories of Randy tearing at her clothes flashed in her eyes. With a gasp, Beth slumped onto the ground, clutching her blue hoodie at her chest.

"What's wrong?!" Carl placed a shoulder on her arms in a comforting gesture.

Beth nodded, "Yeah… just… brings back memories."

"Of those men?" Carl sounded surprised.

"Yeah, before they went to you. Daryl and I were with them. They're not good people, Carl. They… they say they have rules and they follow them… but they're liars. Did they follow you back to the funeral home?" Suddenly afraid that Joe and the rest of the men will find their sanctuary.

Carl shook his head, "Naw. Daryl and my dad took care of them." He sounded hollow still, as if talking about killing people didn't matter to him.

Then Beth realized what Carl was so conflicted about. Her heart cried out for him, and she pulled him into a sisterly embrace. "It wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself, okay Carl? Don't give up hope either. There is still good out in this world. Don't forget it."

The next moment she knew, Carl wept silently in her arms. She felt terrible for him. He had lost his mother, and she figured he wasn't able to talk to anyone else about this. It must've been eating him up inside. Beth stroked his hair, hoping to comfort him.

"They never got to do it though, right?"

Carl nodded, but did not respond.

Beth smiled, "Good… I was lucky too."

That caught his attention. Carl pulled away and wiped his tears from his eyes, a concerned look plastered on his face. "What do you mean you were lucky too? Did someone try to hurt you?"

She held back a grimace that threatened to surface. Instead, she nodded, "By a person in the same group… Daryl took care of him though. But I dream of it sometimes…"

"Is that why you were crying in your sleep?"

Beth blushed, "Yeah. Sorry for waking you up."

"I'm glad that they didn't get to hurt you. I think Daryl would've killed everyone there if they did," Carl grinned and winked at her, a knowing smile crossed his face.

Beth's blush deepened, she was forced to look away embarrassed. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

Carl scoffed and dusted himself off before offering a hand to help Beth up, which she gratefully accepted. "It's not like we're blind. He looks after you. I think he likes you."

She choked on the breath she was taking when he said that. She stammered, unable to say anything.

Without waiting for her, Carl began walking away before saying over his shoulders, "You know it's Thanksgiving, right?" He was talking as if he didn't just surprise the daylights out of her.

"Uh… yeah… I think so," she answered uncertainly as she caught up next to him. "Why?"

Carl pointed at the ground in front of them, before looking up at the large tree. Beth followed his gaze and gasped, a pleasant sensation washed over her.

"What?!" She gasped incredulously, and sank into her knees to brush aside the leaves. "Apples! But it's the end of November!"

On the ground were multiple apples, scattered all around the base of the tree. Some had already been rotten to the core. But some were still intact—a bit shriveled but they could still be eaten if need be. Above them, the tree had but a handful of intact apples left, less shriveled but still looked old.

"Don't know why but, what I wouldn't do for some apple pie!" Carl laughed loudly. It was the first time Beth had heard him laugh so genuinely. The memory she temporary lost after she woke up from her sleep, she remembered Carl being solemn and kept to himself, brooding. He turned to her then wiggled his eyebrows and grinned widely, "I bet Daryl would like some pie too."

"You little snot," Beth punched his shoulder lightly, playfully sore from the younger male picking at her. But he was right. After all that they had gone through… something as simple as a pie may lift everyone's spirits up. Especially since, it is Thanksgiving after all.

-0-

It was a chore but they did it. With Carl's help, they managed to make a small Thanksgiving feast for the five of them—a pot of rabbit stew and two apple pies. Minutes after Carl and her pulled the two homemade apple pies from the oven; the front door to the funeral home clicked open and in strolled the two astounded men and a very impressed Michonne.

"Surprise! Happy Thanksgiving!" Beth laughed and clapped her hands in front of her chest.

"How…?" The smile that Rick had on his face was priceless.

Beth looked to Carl and nudged him, "I couldn't have done it without Carl. He found the apples and caught the rabbit."

Carl didn't speak, instead, he shifted on his feet nervously, something Beth never thought he would do in the presence of his father.

"Come here, bud," Rick opened his arms and took a step towards them. Carl returned his father's embrace without a word. Rick patted Daryl on the shoulder and grinned, "We've got a lot to be thankful for, don't we?"

"Yeah, Beth's wonderful homecooked meals," Michonne laughed and pulled a piece of the hot pie crust off the dish and popped it in her mouth. "I don't know how you managed to make this, but girl, this hits the spot." She walked over and pulled her into a warm embrace.

Beth smiled brightly at Daryl, who returned her smile with his own smaller one. Without a word to each other, Beth entwined her hand in his and pulled him towards the unoccupied seats at the table.

"Now hold up everyone," Rick spoke up before anyone was able to take a bite. "I think it's best," he began and reached out his hand to Carl on his right and Michonne on his left. "If we say grace. Hershel would've wanted to. Would you like to do the honors, Beth?"

At the mention of her father's name, tears swelled up in her eyes. Beth gave Rick a grateful smile and nodded in agreement, "Yes… he would've." She reached over and held Daryl's and Michonne's hand, while Daryl reached for Carl's.

Softly, she spoke, her voice cracked with raw emotion. "Heavenly Father," she began slowly as she recalled her father's favorite grace by Ralph Waldo Emerson. "For each new morning with its light, for rest and shelter of the night, for health and food, for love and friends, for everything Thy goodness sends, We offer our thanks. Amen."

-0-

Beth stepped into the porch of the funeral home, relishing in the cool air after cleaning up the dishes. She was grateful she was able to do something for the group—even if it was something meager like making apple pie. If it weren't for the men fixing the propane and generator, it wouldn't have happened though.

With a sigh, Beth leaned against the wooden railing with her bottom pressing against the wood and her back against a support pillar. She looked out past the wooden spear fence that Daryl had erected. Their little funeral home looked like a fortress. There was hope that maybe; just maybe they could stay here without having to move for the winter.

The thoughts of today slowly crept up on her, bringing her into a small bout of tears when she remembered Rick's kindness to think of Hershel on this night. Thanksgiving was always her daddy's favorite holiday—next to Christmas and Easter of course. He was a strict man, but he loved his children dearly. She missed him, every bit of him. A part of her wanted him to be here to scold her for caring for an older man, but somehow, she knew he would accept Daryl.

Not that they were an item or anything of the sort. It was just… things were different when it came to Daryl. Daddy had always liked him—most of the time.

"Hey," Daryl's low voice brought her out of her musings.

She didn't even hear him step onto the porch. She beamed him a smile under the half moon and wiped her tears. "Hey," she returned her voice a bit nasally.

"You okay?" he propped his hands up against the railing, making it creek just slightly.

Beth nodded, "Yeah… just thinking about Daddy. He…" She couldn't find a way to continue before she started to cry again. "Ugh, I just keep crying today," she sniffled as she began wiping her tears with her sleeve. "I just… I just miss him so much."

Daryl pulled himself off of the railing and walked in front of her, before pulling her into his arms with a sigh. He almost sounded annoyed at her.

Beth pulled away slightly, unsure of his tone. "It's okay, you don't have to. I don't want to be that annoying little girl."

"You ain't," he rasped, his voice low. He engulfed her in his arms once more, while she remained leaning against the railing with her bottom.

She enjoyed the heat emitted as she tried hard to stop her tears. "I hope Maggie, Glenn… everyone… I hope they're okay," she mumbled into his neck.

Daryl hummed in agreement and stroked her back gently. It was so gentle, so different from the Daryl that blew up in her face just yesterday.

"Do you think we'll see them again?"

"Maybe, maybe not," he whispered. "We won't know 'til we cross that road."

Beth sighed and nodded, "I hope we do. I miss them. I miss Judith." At the mention of the little girl, fresh tears fell anew.

Daryl pulled back, and brushed away her tears before cupping her face with his hand. "We'll find them. Can't do it now, first snow will come soon. Our best bet now is to survive the winter together, and search for them after the snow melts. But we'll find them, we'll try."

She gave him a hopeful smile, "I'm so thankful that you're here." A blush crept up on her cheek at her confession. She had gone too far for her to retreat now. It wasn't a secret to him, or anyone else in this house it seems like. She had feelings for this ruggedly handsome redneck. She could only hope he felt the same, though she didn't expect him to admit it at all.

"Me too," he whispered, peering into her eyes before looking away.

Her heart hammered in her chest at his words. It wasn't a confession of undying love, but from Daryl… that was more than enough. She smiled and leaned forward, putting some of her weight against him. They listened to the night in comfortable silence—content knowing that they could not hear walkers nearby. At least for the moment, they were safe.

After a while, Beth spoke again, her voice soft and teasing.

"So… there is an 'us' now, right?" She felt his breath catch in his throat, and she resisted the urge to laugh. She knew he wasn't going to answer, but she wasn't going to give up the opportunity to tease him for screaming at her like that yesterday. Her memories were back, still a bit hazy at times, and she was going to use it to her full advantage. It wasn't him that's going to take advantage of her; it will be her taking advantage of him, she giggled to herself.

"Us huh? Yeah, guess so… don't rightly know," he shrugged; his face and neck grew increasingly warm.

Beth gasped, taken aback when he agreed. "Really? You… you really think so? What made you change your mind?"

He pulled back enough to peer into her eyes, as if searching for something. A sense of deja vu washed over her when he didn't repeat, she asked him again. "What made you change your mind?"

"… You."

/

JR- Long, long chapter again! I was waiting to post this near Thanksgiving… but I couldn't bear to wait until then to update.

Thank you for all the reviews everyone, they're all so lovely! I love the feeling of getting reviews, makes me write faster!

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter!

Thanks for reading, please review!