When Jaiden left Stacie's apartment that night, she didn't feel right. She didn't feel right at all. And she knew what was coming, and the thing that bothered her the most was that she knew she couldn't prevent it. As Jaiden got into her car and drove home, her stomach twisted into a knot at the familiarity of the street names. The thought of leaving again, of finding someplace knew, pulled at her brain, but she pushed it aside desperately. No more running, she told herself firmly. She couldn't break her promises again. With stiff hands, she drove back to the apartment complex and parked out front, in between Beca and Chloe's cars. Jaiden forced herself into the building and up to their floor. Her feet drug across the thin carpet and she didn't bother to shut the door softly behind herself after she had entered. The mild slam roused both Chloe and Beca, who were lounging on the couch together. The two girls exchanged glances and sat up enough to watch Jaiden shuffle into the kitchen, grab the half empty bottle of whiskey out of the top cabinet. The 18 year old didn't so much as spare them a passing glance as she retreated into her bedroom. The door was left slightly ajar and Jaiden knew what Chloe was going to say before she even opened her mouth.
"You should go in and check on her. Maybe she and Stacie had a fight or something."
"And maybe she just wants to be alone." Beca argued.
"Beca," Chloe chastised. "She's 18. She shouldn't be drinking when she gets upset."
"This is college, babe. That's kind of what everyone does."
"If you aren't going to check on her, I will. And that's probably the last thing she wants-"
"Fine," Beca sighed. Ignoring the pain that wracked her body, the brunette got to her feet and limped begrudgingly towards the open door. She ignored her instinct to knock, and slipped into the bedroom. Jaiden shot a passing glance at her from her position at her desk, where the bottle of whiskey sat next to an open notebook.
"You okay?" The older girl asked quietly.
"Beca, you know I have depression, right?" Jaiden deadpanned. Beca blinked in surprise, but nodded.
"I've guessed." She admitted.
"I can't…I can't do much about it. So if tomorrow, or the next few days, or weeks or whatever, I'm just…distant, don't get mad. It's not you." Jaiden muttered.
"Okay. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No. Not really. It just comes and goes," Jaiden sighed. "If Stacie comes around tomorrow, can you just…you know?"
"Yeah, I'll talk to her," Beca put her hand on Jaiden's shoulder reassuringly and squeezed it.
"Thanks," she said.
"No problem. I love you. Goodnight." With that, Beca turned around and let herself out of the dimly lit room. When she returned to Chloe in the living room, she had made up her mind. "Come on, get up. We're going on a road trip."
"Beca, its 11:00. What on earth are you talking about?" The redhead questioned.
"We're going to get the rest of her things out of her room and cutting the rest of her ties with that God-awful house. She needs help moving past this." Beca replied definitely. The tiny girl pulled Chloe off of the couch and towards the door, ignoring the ache in her ankle.
"Is she okay though?"
"Yeah. It's just…it's just her depression. She said I can't help, but this'll have to do something." Beca explained. Chloe's reluctance softened and she grabbed her keys off of the hook by the door. Beca struggled to pull on her shoes while her girlfriend waited patiently.
"You're a good sister, Becs." Chloe told her. The brunette blushed slightly, a bit grateful that her bruises hid the reddening of her cheeks, and opened the door. The two women made their way down to the bottom floor slowly; Chloe walking patiently beside Beca and matching her pace to her's so that she didn't feel rushed. "I'll drive," she offered when they had made it to the car.
"Thanks," Beca said. She climbed gingerly into the passenger's seat, while Chloe rounded the front of the vehicle and got in the other side. As Chloe started the engine and pulled out of the lot, Beca reached for the CD she had snuck into the car the day before. "I put this new mix in here yesterday," she said. Chloe smiled at the small surprise and glanced over at Beca out of the corner of her eye. The brunette pushed the CD into the slot and pressed play. A small whirring sounded from the machine before a soft beat began to play out of the speakers.
"Is this…is that you?" Chloe asked? Beca very rarely put her own vocals into her mixes; she said that it made her feel like she was trying to show off, or make people listen to her.
"Yeah. We were supposed to come up with something original for my production class, so…what do you think?" Beca asked nervously.
"I love it. Beca, this is really good." Chloe told her. She used one hand to turn up the volume and felt her heart skip as her girlfriend's voice filled the car. Beca couldn't manage to hide an embarrassed smile and fixed her gaze on the redhead in the driver's seat.
Jaiden stumbled out of her room and steadied herself on the wall with the hand that wasn't clinging to her whiskey bottle. She had drank more than she had intended, and the note she was trying to write Stacie had quickly turned into an "I'm so sorry for everything". Guilt had come creeping back into her mind as the alcohol had filled her bloodstream, and she couldn't believe that she had put the girl through everything. The running, the pushing away, Ted; Stacie's life had no doubt gotten worse since she had entered it.
"Fuck," Jaiden burped. She staggered out into the apartment and looked around blearily. Beca and Chloe were nowhere to be seen, and she made her way to their bedroom as quietly as her drunk motor skills would allow her to. The door was open, and the dark room was empty, much to Jaiden's surprise. A quick glance towards the door showed that both of their boots were gone, as well as Chloe's keys. They had left.
Chloe and Beca leaving without saying anything didn't seem right. Jaiden usually found herself annoyed by the constant updates on where they were going and what they were going to do. Maybe they had just gotten fed up with her shit finally. Chloe had certainly seemed to foreshadow it with their conversation the other day.
"They left," Jaiden muttered to herself. And suddenly, she couldn't be here anymore. She couldn't keep being a toxic presence in the lives of the people she could now admit to herself that she cared about. Jaiden knew that if she left, she would come back. Beca would get upset and freak out, and Jaiden just wasn't disconnected enough anymore to actually cut her off. She had to do something permanent. So, the 18 year old wandered down the hallway and into the bathroom, taking another swig of booze as she went, and grabbed for the medicine cabinet's handle. Her blurry vision took a few seconds to focus on the orange bottle on the top shelf. She grabbed for it clumsily, nearly dropping it, and then made her way back out into the hallway. Jaiden dropped to her knees out on the hardwood floor and swallowed back the wave of nausea she felt. The whiskey on her hand suddenly seemed overpowering and she slid it aside, sick to her stomach.
Jaiden pulled out her phone and just barely managed to pull up Chloe's name in her contacts. A few difficult seconds later, Jaiden pulled up their previous conversation and struggled to begin to type.
Telll beca im real ly sorry. Dont let her in 1st when u get home
The brunette pressed send and watched the blue line move across the top of the screen, which was quickly followed by the "delivered" message that appeared below the speech bubble. Letting her phone clatter to the floor, Jaiden turned her attention back to the pills beside her and took a deep breath. She had to do it. There wasn't anything left that she could do. Chloe had been right when she said she needed to try harder, but the thing was; Jaiden didn't have anything left to give. The way Beca looked at her when she caught sight of her sent a pang of sadness through her chest every time.
The childproof cap took nearly an entire minute to pull off, but eventually Jaiden sat with a pile of small, blue pills in her hands. She stared down at the small ovals for several seconds, and then finally managed to nerve to toss them back. The wasted teenager grabbed for the bottle she had pushed aside earlier and quickly managed to wash them down with a drink of whiskey. Despite the churning in her stomach, Jaiden downed the remaining pills and forced herself to swallow another mouthful of booze in order to get them down. Jaiden let the now empty medication bottle roll away from her and leaned back against the nearest wall to wait it out.
Well. Let me know what you'd like to see happen. I'll probably be wrapping this up after a few more chapters. Thanks for reading!