Artie swiftly finds himself squeezed tightly between Sugar, Ryder, and Brittany. They're all tense muscles and swear words—and in Brittany's case, hardcore explicit rap—hell, even Artie's insanely suspicious and freaked for his life.
Because if this death trap is still active… does that mean the rest are too?
Artie's done his research. He's exceedingly thorough about it, because that's the way he's always been. In his past life, his legs couldn't take him anywhere adventurous, so he spent most of his time cooped up alone in his room, reading encyclopedias for fun. In this afterlife, he's gone on maybe three Operation Parachute missions and they've always been harmless; he's never seen one anti-Reaper death trap. But he has definitely read up on everything there is to know about them… and they're called death traps for a reason.
If every single death trap is active… Artie gulps.
The piston that crushed Brody begins to lower away from the ceiling slowly, further propelling the rest of the Like Hell I'm Dead Battlefront into 110% Panic Mode.
"Why are the traps still activated?"
"Is the Guild trying to kill us?"
"Maybe this is Nick and Jeff's idea of a sick joke."
"What's going on?"
"Don't look." This last one is Sam, spreading his arms wide in an attempt to herd his friends away from the oncoming brutal mess.
"No, I wanna see!" Sugar giggles, her tail twitching back and forth excitedly.
"EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP," thunders Kitty. Immediately, every person swivels away from the descending piston to face the blonde. Sensibly, she's put away her weapon and instead has propped her arms up on her hips. She looks like she's fully in control of the situation, and so Artie instinctively treats her as such.
"What was that?" whispers Ryder hoarsely.
Kitty looks at him pointedly and he clams up. "That," she responds, "Was an anti-Reaper death trap." She looks to Artie for further explanation; he's happy for the chance to show off his knowledge.
"This trap is a straight hallway meant to encourage a fearless charge forward. There are, however, pressure and heat sensors all over the hallway. At the slightest stimulation, a piston blasts out of the floor, ceiling, or side wall. The piston system is completely random and the order is frequently changed." He pauses, scrounging his mind for more information. "Uh… I can't remember anything else—but know this: though these are all death traps, they're not completely inescapable. Each one has one particular escape path. It just takes a quick mind to catch it." He smiles and taps his own temple.
Kitty nods at him. "Then you'll be our guide through here."
Artie swells with pride—and then immediately deflates. "I, uh… I don't… I'm sorry, I don't remember which order they come in," he admits.
Brittany giggles. "Long road to ruin, there in your eyes/ Under the cold streetlights/ No tomorrow, no dead end in sight."
Groans sound along with Brittany's snide lyrics, but Kitty quickly silences them with a glare. "No problem, Artie. You'll just need to come up with the escape route the second the trap activates." She ends this with an expectant scowl.
Artie salutes. "Yes ma'am."
"But why are they active in the first place?" Sugar mewls pitifully. "You called Joe yesterday! He had all of yesterday night and this morning to deactivate them!"
"If the Guild has activated the traps again," replies Artie promptly, "Then the only logical conclusion we can reach is that there has been another Reaper sighting close by."
"Another Reaper attack?" Unique cries. "Three just invaded the day before yesterday! They've never attacked so closely together!"
"They don't come from our world," Artie elucidates to Ryder. "They have to break all the laws of physics and the universe to get here; even with the amount of magic it takes to harvest souls, that can't be easy."
"So you're saying," deduces Ryder, "That either their magic powers or whatever are increasing, or the walls between worlds are weakening."
"Yes," he confirms. Personally, he thinks that it's most likely the latter. They've been getting more and more residents dropping in this world recently. Apparently Sugar had come a couple months after he did… and then, within ten weeks, Ryder had appeared.
Still, the frequent Reaper sightings hadn't occurred until Ryder. Perhaps he was the straw that broke the camel's back…?
Blaine's the one to voice the question that everybody's probably thinking about. "Should we still go down to the Guild?"
Kitty looks at him frankly. "The Reaper's probably already making his way through the traps. What do you think?"
Jake readies his battle axe. "Let's go after the bastard."
It's Ryder's idea to use Tina's arsenal of small explosives to stimulate the pistons. Sugar's sensitive bare feet and hands seem to be able to sense that the metal surfaces feel different; from there, it's just the matter of a sudden bomb explosion to activate the piston. With no further deaths, they finally reach a set of stone stairs spiraling downwards, and Artie knows that none of the descents between floors are booby-trapped.
The next floor is another hallway; this one is well-lit and completely white.
"Artie?" Kitty asks expectantly.
"There are a couple safe hallways," Artie says. "I'm not saying that this is one of them, but out of ten floors, there are three safe ones just to throw you off."
"But we won't know that until we reach the other end of the hall," Kitty concludes." Proceed with caution."
They walk down the pure white hallway in silence for all of five seconds before Unique quietly comments, "This feels like a bathroom."
Artie agrees. It feels like the walls around are made of ceramic; their footsteps clack and echo all around them.
Blaine chuckles. "One really, really long bathroom."
"A bathroom without all the usual shit!" Sam laughs, high-fiving Blaine.
"Stop!" Tina shrieks. It's so uncommon to hear her voice so loud that the team freezes on instinct and glances her way. She's squinting, her naturally narrow eyes now so small that Artie can hardly see the dark brown, almost black irises underneath.
"Do you see something?" Blaine inquires from the back of their group.
In reply, Tina reaches into a little pouch by her hip and tosses a smoke bomb over Artie's and Sugar's heads. Artie instinctively shields his eyes as it explodes, holding them shut until somebody's shouted reaction causes him to sneak a peek.
Lasers. Laser beams, now visible in the haze of smoke, are everywhere in front of them, criss-crossed in all directions; the first of the laser beams is right by his forehead.
"Holy…" Jake breathes from the back.
"Are those cutting laser beams?" hisses Unique.
"No," Artie reports, stepping carefully away from the laser next to his nose. "They're sensory beams. The trap will activate is the lasers are disrupted. I believe the trap may be falling rubble. Or it might be some sort of deterrent. Or maybe it's the razor blades. Or it might be—"
"—Something we really don't want to activate," finishes Kitty. "We get it. Everybody, take your time."
Artie glances nervously at Unique's bulk. She catches his look and gives him her best bitchface. He hurriedly looks away.
They're about halfway through when, not Unique, but Blaine shouts, "Crap! I think I—"
The monstrously deafening sound of a flushing toilet drowns him out. Moments later, a panel in the ceramic ceiling slides out and barfs up a pile of human excrement directly over Blaine.
Sam sums up everybody's thoughts with one word: "Shit."