The Penis Hole of Salvation bears down on them, its surrounding crowd of spikes glinting dangerously.

His first thought is that Blaine might appreciate this. His second thought shouts at his first thought for going to such a naughty place, because why would he even think that about Blaine? His first thought argues that Blainey's always dropping little hints, coy little smiles, staring at him with this beautiful hazel eyes… and then the second thought snaps back that Blaine's been even more obvious about sending signals at Tina.

The second thought also tells his first thought to stop being such a jealous bitch. His third thought then yells at all of them to shut up, because they really do not want to miss jumping into the Penis Hole of Salvation.

Oh, this is so awkward. And so not Joe. Joe wouldn't do this, would he? Nah, this is definitely a Nick-Jeff thing. This has their names written all over it. Why does it have to be so high off the ground this time?

And then he notices that Artie's face is significantly pale. "Dude, you okay?"

Artie's voice is shaky, which definitely confirms Sam's suspicions. "I don't know if I can jump that high."

New legs, Sam remembers. Artie's only been in the afterlife for about ten weeks, which, considering that Artie hadn't used legs for the last eight years of his life, isn't that much time to practice. He quickly links the fingers of his hands together and holds it low. "Step into my palms," he instructs. "I'll give you a flying boost."

Artie quickly obeys, though his mind apparently catches up seconds later. "Wait, what about you?"

"I'll think of something, now 3-2-1, go!"

The other boy barely has time to put his weight into Sam's hand-basket before he's pulling Artie's foot skyward. Artie uses the extra boost and sails neatly through the hole, where he's caught receiving arms on the other side.

And then it's his turn to focus on the best plan of attack, except those spikes are looking ridiculously sharp—

"Meow," Sugar whispers right into his ear. Before he has time to even jump, she's picked him up by the scruff of his neck like a tiny kitten and tossed him like a little frisbee through the penis hole.

He is spinning so fast that he skids along the floor for a moment, only coming to a halt when Sugar lands on top of him.

"I had it covered," he grumps, pushing himself to his feet. "But thanks."

Sugar just smiles sweetly. "I need your back to sharpen my claws."

Sam almost flees in fear; only a slightly disturbing screech erupting from Unique's mouth keeps Sam in place, his protective streak rising quickly to the surface. He runs up next to Jake, who's on the safe side, looking through the Penis Hole at Unique's smug face.

Sam shouts, "Unique! Are you alright?"

"That's an orgasmic scream," Unique explains, shooing them away. "And it's going to happen as soon as this big mama gets trapped between these spiked walls, so shoo. Get."

Jake backs away reluctantly. "Have fun."

Unique winks. "Oh, Unique has always wanted to be stabbed to death by a penis."

The fourth floor is a safe hallway; there's even a set of bathrooms halfway through where they try to clean off as much dried shit as they can.

It's pretty gross.

Jake has the glorious idea of smashing up the entire bathroom. Soon, water's spraying everywhere—a magnificent shower that Tina soon catches onto. They all come out soaked about a half-hour later with only slightly browned shirts to show for their second-floor troubles.

Except Sugar, who insists that her spit is enough to clean up. When they try to drag her into the water fest, she goes absolutely insane, screaming and scratching and panicking until they release her.

They all give her a wide berth after that. After all, she still smells like shit.

They proceed with caution down the fifth floor, which is smooth and metallic again. Artie speculates out loud that it might be a repeat of the piston hallway, or maybe the laser hallway, so he has Tina go up ahead throwing light and smoke bombs like there's no tomorrow.

You know, rhetorically speaking.

But when Sam hears the thump… thump… thump that reverberates three times throughout the entire hallway, he's the first one moving.

"RUN," he yells, sprinting ahead. He overtakes Kitty and Artie upfront before anybody can react, his shoes squelching with water every step of the way.

The final thump vibrates the metal hallway so intensely that Jake and Sugar stumbles. The ceiling above him is smashed open as a huge metal cylinder, one that's lying on its round side, crashes through, landing just behind Jake; its smooth metal surface seems to hum with a sort of energy that pulls Artie backwards.

"Take off your metal! The roller's magnetic!" he screams, unfastening his belt and emptying his pockets. His calculator skitters backwards, along with Kitty's cell phone, Sam's dorm room keys, and most of their firearms.

Jake doesn't stand a chance; he uses a magnet to keep his battle axe on his back. He's slammed onto the magnetic cylinder as it begins to roll forward, and then he's disappears underneath it.

"Tina!" Artie yells as he leads the frantic charge away from the magnetic cylinder rolling with increasing velocity after them. "Escape! Now!"

Sam grabs Sugar's hand when she lingers, saying, "Don't look... Com'on, you really don't want to see how flat he is."

Sugar eventually acquiesces, bounding forward with her extreme speed and soon overtaking Artie. Artie, on the other hand, has since fallen behind, no longer leading the forward escape, and though Sam would like to help the former paraplegic, Sugar's still pulling him forward.

He spots Tina's tiny figure in the distance, waving frantically. He puts on a burst of speed, but he's running out of steam and the rumble of the magnetic rolling pin behind them is only getting louder. It's hard to run when his uniform is still sopping wet from their recent shower; it sticks to his skin and makes it hard to move properly—

Tina's hiding in a tiny alcove in the hallway with Sugar, the girls' bodies pressed tight against each other. Sam could definitely fit into the space if he squished along with them, but he doesn't know about Ryder and Artie.

"There's no room!" Sam panics. "We can't—" He doesn't finish his sentence though, because when Ryder arrives, he solves the problem by ducking down and shoving his wet head of hair between Sam's legs from behind. Sam barely has time to ask what he's doing (though Ryder's pretty much just given him head, heh heh) before Ryder shoots to his feet with Sam now sitting on his shoulders, clearing a spot for Artie to squeeze in.

Again, the of Ryder's left arm does not escape his observation. He reaches down and pulls it up; though Ryder protests verbally, he does not offer any sort of physical resistance. "Your arm," he exclaims in worry.

Kitty notices. "What about your arm?" she asks, her eyes narrowing analytically.

"It's okay," Ryder says quickly, glaring up at Sam.

"This is my last chance: give me your hands/ 'Cause that thing is rolling at the speed of light," Brittany yells as she sprints, reaching a hand towards Kitty. "My chance is fading, heart is racing/ So just help me squeeze in or else I'll die."

Kitty takes Brittany's hand, who uses the force to leap into the air. Tina's arms don't support as much as guide her flying body to faceplant into the wall with a wet slap.

The threatening metal cylinder rushes past their alcove.

Sam can literally feel Ryder's stare burning holes through his eye sockets, so he promptly lets go the appendage. This, unfortunately, is a mistake; as Ryder no longer has physical control over his arm, it simply flops over like the sack of meat it is, even slapping himself in the face on its way down.

"You obviously did not hit yourself in the face on purpose," Kitty deduces. "And Jake's down. We're losing our touch. We've lost at least one member to every trap."

"Then… that's good, right?" Sugar poses hesitantly. "If we're so awesome, but keep dying anyways, then maybe the Reaper got caught and is already dead."

Kitty closes her eyes and inhales, exhales once. "We won't know until we're actually down there," she speaks decisively. "Plus we're already halfway down. There's no going back." She whirls on Ryder. "Now, status report: why is your left arm suddenly not working?"

Ryder gives her a wave with his left arm. "It's fine," he repeats, shooting a murderous glare over at Sam. "This smart guy just thought he'd spite me by throwing my arm back into my face."

Kitty doesn't look like she believes it in the slightest, but she lets it drop. "Fine. We have six members left and only four floors to go. At this rate, we'll have three surviving members by the time we reach the Guild." She glowers at all of them. "You'd better hope that you're one of those people."

The sixth floor is the first that is not a slightly descending hallway; instead, it's a continuous descending staircase with smooth metal walls. Artie and Sugar take the lead again, descending with caution. Kitty, Tina, and Brittany follow, with Ryder and Sam bringing up the rear.

"Man," Ryder whispers nervously. "Remember that squeaky step?"

Sam looks at Ryder quizzically. "What?"

"My first day here," Ryder laughs, looking down at the white steps. "You forgot to tell me about the death trap on the first floor of the music building. Second time I died."

Sam chuckles uneasily. "Oh. Ha. You're… you're not angry about that, are you?"

"No. This… this just reminds me of that."

"That's probably pretty close," Artie calls up to them. "Joe planned every death trap with an escape for situations exactly like this. Though I'd think that a squeaky step might be a little too obvious of a warn—"

The step underneath him squeaks loudly.

Artie immediately leaps up three steps while Kitty leaps downwards. Everyone flinches.

Nothing happens for a couple seconds. Then the sounds of a babbling brook fill the air around them; trickling water, dripping down the smooth metal walls in clear paths. Artie experimentally touches the liquid. Nothing burns or melts or even hurts. "This isn't the acid pit," he reports. "This isn't even too hot or cold… it's just water."

Sugar suddenly screams in despair, bouncing through the air to land in Artie's arms. "Hsss!" she snarls, trying to brush tiny drops of water off her skin. "No! Where's the water coming from!"

"Your songs remind me of swimming/ Which I forgot when I started to sink/ Dragged further away from the shore/ And deeper into the drink," Brittany chirrups.

"I can't swim!" wails Sugar.

Kitty glares at the other blonde. "Not exactly motivational words."

"Sugar, the water's about a centimeter deep," Artie protests. "I can't you carry you down all the way. Besides, your shoes should be enough…"

He trails off as Sugar's ears perk and begin to swivel like little antennae. Her eyes flash red and she freaks out, limbs flailing in all directions; she manages to punch Artie at least three times while he drops her. She lands with a tiny splash and screams in fury, jumping to her feet.

"Water! Noooo!" she screams, hightailing it down the stairs frantically.

It's only when Sugar's terrified screams die away that Artie hears it: like cards being shuffled, along with the dull roar of a thrashing waterfall.

Artie glances hopelessly at Brittany. "At least we won't drown in shit this time."