It was a long shot, but it was the only shot Malon had at getting through to Link and his leaf filled yard. Either that or rely on Moocha-Choka, magical talking bear that loves to make Moocha while chocking the heck out of somebody, and she didn't want Link dead.

Or did she?

Of course not! Link was the hero that saved them, her friend-at one point a crush but then he went leaf shit bananas-and another person that was crazy. If she let him live the rest of his life as a social outcast who makes love to a woman made out of leaves, then she wouldn't be able to pull off the whole good-friend-who-wants-the-best-for-their-insane-friend-yet-does-the-exact-opposite-by-doing-the-one-thing-that-makes-them-happy-thus-being-a-bad-friend-clichè the story has to fulfill. Yes, she does have that in her agenda.

Making her way through the leaves that were in the yard, took everything she had as it felt like she was wadding in water, but she managed to get to his log cabin where loud sounds of groaning where heard. A sweat drop rolled down her forehead as thoughts that were too sexual to describe without the use of leaf pudding, ran through her mind before she knocked on the door as loud as she could. Seconds after, the door flew open as Link quickly jumped into the doorway, clothes still on.

"Can I not help you with your cow sucking?" asked Link, raising an eyebrow at Malon.

"Link, what were you doing in there?" asked Malon, trying to peer into the doorway but Link blocked her sights by moving where she was trying to look around.

"The question is: what're you doing here!?" shouted Link, shoving her to the ground while firing non-existent gunshots from his hand handguns.

"DON'T YOU TOUCH ME!" shouted Malon, suddenly wiping off the leaf stains soiled on her dress." YOU SOILED MY DRESS!"

"YOU TRIED TO TAKE MY LEAVES WITH THAT WALKING PIECE OF GRASS!" shouted Link, pointing at Larry the Waking piece of grass, who quickly ran away in anger.

"YOU SOILED MY DRESS!" retorted Malon, her face turning bright red.

"YOU TRIED TO TAKE MY LEAVES!" shouted Link, throwing down a pair of unused gloves into the fray.

"YOU SOILED MY FREAKING DRESS! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS COSTS!?"

"NICE CENSORING GINGER!" shouted Moocha-Choka, waving his choking victim in the air before taking a sip from is coffee." NEXT TRY TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO END WORLD PEACE!"

"About a rupee considering you got it from the trash can," replied Link smiling brightly.

Suddenly, a group of scurvy pirates appeared from the leaves, pointing all of their fingers at Malon whose entire body was becoming red.

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" wailed The Pirates, waving their hands in the air like they just didn't care." YOUR FINE TARTY BOOTY JUST GOT SERVED! PIRATE BOOTY STYLE!"

As they disappeared Malon's anger finally exploded as she ripped the hem of her dress off her body, revealing her shorts underneath them.

"FINE IF IT'S SO DUMPSTER LIKE THEY MAYBE I WON'T WEAR IT!" shouted Malon, furiously ripping apart her own dress like a maniac.

Once she finally tore through that, she decided that maybe Link would make fun of her undergarments, so she tore those off causing a bright light to shine off her body. The light was so bright it caused all the men in Hyrule to bow down to it, believing this was the light of the goddess. But wait-

"MALON'S NAKED!" shouted Link, calling out to the tress frantically." SHE'S NAKED! POLICE! POLICE! HELP! NUDIST ON THE LOOSE!"

The police, dressed in brown, appeared at her sides, picked her up and carried her away causing Malon to scream like a horny pig named Sally.

"I'M INNOCENT I TELL YOU!" screamed Malon, kicking her legs out but failing to escape or even fly away." HE WAS ASSUALTING ME-SEXUALLY AND OTHERWISE!"

"Yeah, tell it to the judge, Nudy!" shouted The Cops, ignoring her.

"BUT HE SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT!" shouted Malon, crying hysterically.

Her screams died out as Link went back into his house, sitting on his bed, and groaning loudly for no reason.