"Jay? Come on; you have to wake up." Jaiden's eyes fluttered open at the gentle nudge of her shoulder and the early morning sun immediately made her close them again. Groaning, she rolled over and buried her face into Stacie's chest. To her dismay, the older girl shifted away from her and Jaiden could feel her sitting up.
"Babe, get up." Stacie prodded. Reluctantly, Jaiden opened her eyes again and rolled back over in order to face her sister. Beca was already dressed and apparently ready to go; a rare occurrence for the older Mitchell sibling.
"The car leaves in 15 minutes. Get some clothes on." Beca told her. From the tone in her voice, Beca was obviously not happy about being up that early. She watched as her sister slowly sat up and then blinked the sleep out of her eyes. Stacie rubbed her back sympathetically and watched the younger girl get up. Beca took her cue to leave, being that Jaiden had slept in her underwear, and she left the door a little ajar.
"I better get to class," Stacie yawned. She stretched her arms with a small groan and then wrapped them around Jaiden's bare torso. "I love you. Let me know how it goes." She told her. Jaiden grunted a response and slid out of the embrace before Stacie could kiss her. The taller brunette watched, a little hurt, as Jaiden pulled a v-neck on and then slid into some jeans. Unsure of whether or not she should go, Stacie stood awkwardly by the bed as Jaiden somewhat brushed her hair and put on a bit of mascara.
"You can go, Stace. It's fine. I'll be fine." Jaiden spoke up. She glanced at Stacie in the mirror and nodded at her reassuringly. Though her girlfriend wasn't fooled-Stacie had picked up on her nerves mere seconds into watching her-she didn't want to hover.
"Okay. Text me when you can," Stacie called before she let herself out. Jaiden relaxed, only a little bit, and rested her hands on her dresser. The idea of going back to therapy had even invaded her dreams last night; and her stomach had been twisting with nerves since Beca had woken her up. And she knew Stacie wanted to help; she really did, but there wasn't really much she could do.
After a few more minutes of stalling, Jaiden forced herself out of her room and out into the hallway. The idea of breakfast sent her sensitive stomach churning, and she realized suddenly that it was going to be a while before she could start comfortably drinking coffee again. So much for waking up, Jaiden told herself bitterly.
"Hey," Chloe's voice cut into her thoughts and Jaiden couldn't help but jump a bit in response. She hadn't expected the redhead to just be waiting in the kitchen so early. "Can I make you something? Do you want eggs?"
"No, I'm fine." Jaiden replied quickly. The last thing she wanted was to have Chloe do anything for her; especially after she had already done so much. Chloe had to think she was already taking advantage of her.
"Are you sure? It's really no trouble," Chloe tilted her head to the side. Jaiden shook her head silently and looked around awkwardly. Much to her relief, Beca walked in after a few seconds and looked between the two of them.
"Ready to go?" Beca asked. She had picked up on the slight tension immediately and in order to preserve the peace, she decided to just separate them. Her sister nodded and she stepped quickly towards her side.
"See you later, babe. I love you," Beca grabbed her keys off of the counter and kissed Chloe goodbye quickly. She could see the sadness in the older girl's blue eyes, and if she had any spare time, she would have stopped to say something. But, she didn't, so Beca settled for a meaningful look and then started after Jaiden, who had already begun making her way towards the door.
"Love you too," Chloe murmured as she heard the front door shut.
The car ride back to the hospital had been short, silent, and tense. Jaiden had opted to stare out the window moodily; wondering why Beca wouldn't even let her drive herself and how long she was going to be babied. Beca, on the other hand, was just waiting for the opportunity to bring up the fact that se was heading to an appointment of her own. In the same wing of the hospital.
"You're going to be late," Beca noted after a solid five minutes of sitting in her parked car. Jaiden finally lifted her forehead from the window and blinked a few times at her sister.
"What's going on? Why didn't you let me drive myself?" Jaiden deadpanned.
"I'm going to a session too. Just to…learn some stuff, I guess." She admitted. Beca's eyes dropped to the keys in her lap and she waited anxiously for Jaiden's response.
"Oh," Jaiden ran her fingers back through her messy hair. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's just kind of awkward."
"God, Beca, everything's kind of awkward right now. But if I don't get any privacy, then you don't either." Jaiden's voice had a lace of sarcasm, and she finally pulled on the door handle beside her. The 18 year old stood up and stretched her legs; still stiff from the early hour, and then began towards the hospital. She could hear Beca trotting behind her and it took a few seconds for her to catch up.
"Sorry," The older girl apologized quietly. Jaiden glanced down at her as they crossed the lane between the parking lot and the entrance and rolled her eyes.
"I'm not actually mad at you. I don't think I'm entitled to be mad at you for a while." The two of them made their way through the front doors and up to the hospital's front desk. The sickeningly clean smell of the building hit Jaiden like a wall; filling her thoughts with vomit, the clicking sound of her doctor's pen as he filled out endless charts based on their interviews, and the scratchy, thin blanket she had curled up with at night.
"Jaiden Mitchell? Dr. Wilson has been ready for you," A nurse's voice pulled Jaiden out of the minor flashbacks and she threw a nervous glance at Beca. Her older sister nodded reassuringly and reached out to squeeze her arm, knowing that Jaiden was probably a lot more uncomfortable than she had let onto.
"I'll meet you back out here, okay?" She said.
"Okay," Jaiden replied quietly. With one last lingering glance, she moved towards the waiting nurse and left Beca alone in the lobby.
"Take a seat, honey," the woman behind the nurse's station prompted lightly, seeing that Beca was still standing in front of her.
"Oh," Beca broke her gaze away from the corridor that Jaiden had disappeared down into and shook her head. "No, actually, I have an appointment too. I'm here to see Dr. Hernandez."
"B. Mitchell?" Beca nodded in confirmation and scratched behind her ear as the worker scrolled through her computer. Within seconds of clicking the "Patient Confirmed" button, a new nurse walked into the lobby. "She'll take you right into his office."
Beca thanked the woman tensely and forced herself to follow the older lady clad in blue scrubs. They made their way down the practically identical hospital hallways and Beca found herself wondering how exactly she would find her way back. Eventually, they stopped in front of an open door and the nurse peeked her head in.
"Ms. Mitchell is here," She called. Apparently receiving a confirmation, the woman turned around and gestured into the doorway, prompting Beca to enter.
Out of every stereotypical shrink she could picture, there was not one that looked like Dr. Hernandez. The woman was small, practically the same height as Beca, and somehow that eased her anxieties just a little.
"Beca! It's so great to finally meet you. I was just reading over your chart," the tan skinned woman rose from her desk and extended a delicate hand towards her newest patient. "Please, take a seat," Beca shook her hand and then did just that. She sank down into the soft leather chair that sat across from the psychiatrist's desk and tried not to look nervous.
"Never been to therapy?" The doctor asked. Her left eyebrow arched up playfully and Beca found herself blushing.
"That obvious, huh?"
"Just a little," she smiled. "Let's just start off with a simple question then; how are you doing?"
"Like, in general or today or?" Beca let her voice trail off; completely at a loss at how to answer such a generic question.
"Just in general. How have you felt lately?"
"Well, kind of shitty, honestly. My little sister tried to kill herself. I thought how I was feeling would be obvious." Beca said.
"Some people don't like their sisters," Dr. Hernandez shrugged. "Why do you think she did that?"
Beca couldn't help but wince at the question. It was certainly one she had been asking herself a lot lately; but actually having to discuss it with a stranger was a whole different deal.
"I don't know. In the hospital she said…she said she didn't know how to fix things. With me, or with my girlfriend, or…I think she said anything."
"Why would she have to fix things?"
"Jaiden and I," Beca paused; trying to figure out how exactly to word things. The things she felt seemed so clear when they were in her head, but when it came to voicing them, she just couldn't find the right phrases. "We hadn't actually spoken in a couple of years, until she came to Barden."
"Why?"
"Our parents got divorced and…and I got the easy life with my dad. She ended up in my mom's custody and her new husband abused Jaiden. He nearly killed her." Beca admitted. Her face grew hot with shame and she couldn't help but wonder what the woman across from her was actually thinking.
"And so she blamed you for that?"
"I promised to help her; to get her out of there. And I didn't before he…before she ended up in the hospital. She kind of had a right to be mad."
"How old were you at the time, Beca?"
"I don't know," Beca struggled to think back to what grade she had been in at the time. "Like 15. Somewhere around there."
"Fifteen year olds can hardly take care of themselves; let alone someone else," Dr. Hernandez pointed out. "The adults involved were to blame, not you."
"I know, and she does too. Jaiden ended up blaming herself more than anybody though." The admission caused the slightly older woman to frown.
"What do you mean?"
"Ted," the name tasted like venom in Beca's mouth. "He pounded it into her head that she deserved what he did to her, because she was gay. And I guess she just started to believe it after a little while."
"Okay, I think I've learned enough about your sister," Dr. Hernandez turned a page in her notebook and then let her eyes settle on Beca. "Let's focus back on you again. Why do you think you're here?"
"Well, Jaiden's doctor suggested that this might help with the entire situation. And I know there are some things that I really can't ignore anymore.
"Like what?" Dr. Hernandez prompted.
"Just…myself. I'm not really the best with relationships; my girlfriend can vouch for that. I didn't really start letting people in until this year. And my anxiety…it's gotten worse since everything started changing." Beca explained awkwardly. The psychiatrist nodded, jotting down a few notes, and then looked back up.
"Well, Beca, I think we have our work cut out for us."
"We've been sitting here for 20 minutes, Jaiden. Don't you think it's about time you say something?" Jaiden lifted her eyes from her clasped hands and made eye contact with the doctor for only the second time since entering the room. Dr. Wilson was young, pretty, and obviously just out of her internship; all of which made Jaiden nervous.
"Something," She offered bluntly. The psychiatrist rolled her eyes and clicked her pen impatiently.
"You know I'm only here to help," She reminded her. No response. Dr. Wilson shifted in her chair and rested her chin on her hand, staring at her patient thoughtfully. "You know, if I don't have anything to write down, they're going to assume that I'm not a good match for you. And then you'll get sent to Dr. Stevenson, who is in his early 70's and has been conducting therapy out of textbooks for the past four decades-"
"Fine," Jaiden relented with an irritated sigh. "What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to say what you're feeling. How've things been since you got home?"
"How do you think? Tense, obviously. Everyone watches me like a hawk and Chloe's going to ask me to leave any second-"
"I'm sorry; who's Chloe?" Dr. Wilson interjected.
"My sister's girlfriend. They asked me to move in with them earlier this year, but now I know she's fed up with everything. She knows I'm not good for Beca." She explained. Dr. Wilson frowned and she clicked her pen out in order to jot something down.
"Did Chloe ever say these things to you?" She questioned.
"Well, no, but-"
"Then how do you know that's what she's thinking? Has she been hostile to you in the slightest?" The older woman challenged. Jaiden arched an eyebrow, slowly coming to terms with the fact that she may have just met her match.
"No. But, before everything, she told me how I needed to step up and try harder."
"Was trying to kill yourself 'trying harder'?" Jaiden fell back into silence at the question and sighed.
"No," She admitted finally. "I just didn't know what to do."
"Well," Dr. Wilson reasoned. "I'm here to help you figure that out."
Over an hour later, Jaiden was practically jogging back into the hospital's main lobby; beyond ready to go home. Dr. Wilson was immensely good at her job, which wasn't necessarily fortunate for Jaiden, because she found herself talking about much more than she had wanted to. A small burst of relief flooded her racing mind when she locked eyes on Beca, and from the look on the older girl's face, she felt it too.
"Ready to go home?" Jaiden nodded eagerly at the question. "Well let's go then," The younger Mitchell followed Beca out of the sliding glass doors and towards the car. Dr. Wilson had given her one item to take care of until their next session and at the time it had sounded simple; address the situation with Chloe. Not even fix the situation, just address it. But, the longer she thought about it, the more daunting the idea seemed. If she approached Chloe about it directly, the redhead could ask her to leave right then and there.
"Beca," She started out nervously. "Has Chloe said anything to you lately? About, um, me?"
"Huh?" Beca looked over at her as she started the car. "Oh, um-"
"Does she want me to move out?" The younger girl blurted out. Her sister paused in her move to put the vehicle into drive and leaned back in her seat, completely astounded. The question had caught her off guard and she struggled to figure out where the assumption had even come from.
"Jay, what? No. Why would you…why would you even think that?"
"Because she said I needed to step up and I didn't. And she wants to protect you." Jaiden mumbled. Her sister shook her head, sighing at the paranoid, self-blaming point of view, and rubbed her temples.
"Chloe has been terrified that you hate her since you got home. You're both freaking each other out because you both think that you're mad at each other. When we get home, you two are going to talk this out; got it?" Jaiden nodded, a little shocked at the authority in Beca's voice, and then moved to put her seatbelt on.
"Okay then," The younger girl said. Satisfied, Beca finally put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking lot.
I came up with a hella good idea to bring Emily in and I've been thinking about making her a potential future love interest for Jaiden (scandalous, I know). Let me know what you think!