"What do you mean come back tomorrow, I have to see Zelda today!" shouted Malon to Impa with a wagon full of milk behind her." This is urgent-by my Dad's standards anyway-business that must be-not really because he's gone ape shit insane-addressed at once! Even though it wasn't business to begin with-"
"I am sorry, but the Princess has more…..urgent matters that need addressing," replied Impa her eyes drifting to her corners for a brief moment before they settled on Malon again, full of certainty." Yes, very urgent matters that need addressing today, at this exact moment in time!"
"Really?" asked Malon, raising an eyebrow while crossing her arms over her chest." Are they that important or are they about her beauty?"
"SRUB HARDER!" shouted Zelda at her caretakers, stark naked and shivering."THE STAINS ON MY DRESS WON'T COME OUT BY THMESELVES!"
Impa sighed loudly before quickly turning her back to Malon and walking away. Malon stomped her foot angrily before signaling for Ingo to turn around.
"IMPA! IMPA! IMPA!" wailed Zelda at the top of her lungs, a loud croaking sound emerging from the back of her throat." IMPA! IM-PA! I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IM-IM-IM-IM-PAAAAA!"
She kept screaming each time getting gradually louder before her screaming became so loud even The Zoras could hear her. King Zuru awoke with a start, nearly falling off his throne again if not for the assistance of a few nearby Zora guards.
"RUTO! RUTO! RUTO!" shouted King Zuru once sitting on his throne, a loud croaking noise coming from his stomach." RUTO! RU-TO! RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-TOOOO!"
He too gradually got louder with each scream, so loud even the Gorons could hear him.
"All right everybody, take a break and when we get back-" began A Goron construction worker, working on a school for fellow Gorons. His ears opened up, and he could hear the chorus of screaming old people." What is that!? WHAT IS THAT!? GORONS WHAT IS THAT!? GORONS! GORONS! GORONS! GO-RONS! GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-RONS!"
The same thing happened and their screams became so loud, even the Korioko could hear them, which they didn't really care since they thought it was a bunch of dying frogs. Malon could hear it, and the screaming drilled into her eardrums, causing her to jump into a barrel full of dragon urine.
"GROSS!" screamed Malon at the top of her lungs, puking up her lunch once tasting the urine.
Link walked out of his cabin, his eyes bloodshot red as he could not sleep." SHUT UP BEFORE I SUMMON MY LEAVES!"
"IMPA! IM-oh, there you are, I was wondering what you were doing," replied Zelda once noticing that Impa was standing beside her bed.
Somehow, the screaming stopped as the source of it was stopped.
"Yes, Your Nagginess?" asked Impa, placing a hand on her hip, shifting her weight to her right side.
"Was that Link?" asked Zelda, curiously.
"No that was Malon, and she seemed to have a problem she needed to address," replied Impa.
"Was it Link?" asked Zelda, sitting up on her bed, fixing her robe.
"No, it was not Link, but now I want to talk about your problem."
"Is it about Link?"
Impa slapped her forehead, shaking her head in agony as her head throbbed painfully." No, it's not since you were the one calling me in the first place."
"It's about Link." She rolled out of bed, getting to her feet and walking around the room." I think we're breaking up."
"D'OH!" shouted A Nearby Caretaker, banging their head against the wall before quickly running away.
"You were never a ting to begin with, Your Annoyance."
"Yes, we were and don't you tell me he didn't save me from death before! The one who saves the damsel in distress always married her!"
Frozen would like to have a word with you, thought Impa, rolling her eyes.
"No matter what, and he totes saved me, so that means were totally getting married whether you like it or not!"
"You are your own woman, Your Sassiness, I shall not-"
"Okay, good because I was starting to think that you were going to say no, and lock me in a tower for all eternity. Like in those fairy tales, but more darker. Anyway, I can't marry him!"
"And why can't you, Your Worriness?"
"Because he loves that pile of leaves more than he loves me, Zelda, the fairest maiden of them all!"
"That would be Snow White, Your Stuck-upiness."
"Whatever, I don't care if that woman's as white as gold, she ain't got nothing on me!"
Impa shook her head, impress by her attitude, and reasons.
"Wait, did you just say a pile of leaves?"
"YES!"
"Your Silliness, I believe that Link is not interested in any-"
"I have pictures on the ceiling of him with his leaf girlfriend."
Her mouth opened in shock as she looked at the ceiling, dazed beyond comparison by the amount of pictures Zelda took of Link with is leafy girlfriend. She looked at Zelda, her eyes as big as her booty," Have you been stalking him, Your Creepiness?"
"Well, I have to keep an eye on my man, since he's cheating on me!"
"Your Stupidness, you never told him you were a thing!"
"He put a ring on it!"
"He did no such thing as he did not like it to put a ring on it!"
Zelda gasped, placing her hand over her mouth as she shook from both loss of oxygen, and shock." You take that back, you caretaker!"
"Sorry, Your Bitchiness, I was merely caught in the moment.
"Did you just call me a bitch?"
"No, I did not, you must be imaging things."
"Yes, you clearly did and-"
BREAKING NEWS WE ARE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL AGAIN!
Both looked at the ceiling, confused beyond comparison.
"By the Gods?" asked The Two, confused.