Chapter 7.

I'm sitting in Sae's Diner trying to concentrate on what Madge is chatting about but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to pay attention. Her arm clings around my shoulder and I feel like shrugging it of but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I've been in a bad place all summer. Ever since she left which was four months ago. I feel a shooting pain across my chest. Don't think about her. I try to focus my attention back on Madge.

She really is beautiful and friendly and kind-hearted. In fact I would be hard pressed to find one complaint about Madge. I'm a lucky guy or so Finn has told me along with countless other friends. I don't feel lucky though. I remember a day back in March when I had felt like the luckiest man in the world. When my lips had touched hers and the world had stopped. I can't help the groan that rises in me at the thought of her. Madge pauses mid-sentence and looks at me worriedly.

"I'm fine" I lie. "You were saying about Delly and Thom?" I urge her to continue.

This is what I do. I hide the pain from everyone.

For the first two weeks after she left I didn't talk to anyone. Finn called a million times but I couldn't talk to him. I had receded into a black hole from which I could see no light. I had felt as if someone put their hand in my chest and ripped my heart out. The pain had been overwhelming. My dad had gotten worried then.

"Peeta you have to at least try to get on with things." His blue eyes had stared knowingly into mine "I know how you feel, I do, but your life is only beginning and there is happiness in your future son." He had put his arm around my shoulders comfortingly. "I don't know what happened between you but I can see it's tearing you up. Please son, for me, try to pick your-self up."

It didn't feel like I could but for my dad I made an effort and started talking to people again. I just never talked about her. I couldn't, it just hurt too much. Finn had tried that first day we met up after soccer practice.

"I'm sorry Peet." He had looked at me eyes full of sympathy. "I'm sorry I ever encouraged you to go for it. She may be my friend but what she did is way out of line."

"I don't regret it Finn. She just didn't feel the same." My chest felt like it was going to tear open. "If you don't mind I don't want to talk about her again." I choked out before making a quick exit.

He never mentioned her again. Everyone seemed to avoid her name which was fine by me.

It didn't stop her filling my dreams every night though. Memories of our two weeks together were burned into my brain and every night I dreamt of her, holding her, kissing her. It was torturous but it was the only thing I had left to remind me it had been real.

The summer had started then and everyone was excited to finish up high school. I never meant to start anything with Madge. I was lonely and she was there wanting to be more than just friends. I felt really guilty that I didn't feel strongly about her. If she left in the morning to live thousands of miles away I would be sad but not devastated. Madge understood though. She knew I wasn't in love with her but I think she was hoping I might learn to be. Right at the beginning she had made it clear.

"Peeta I know you don't want anything serious and that's fine." She had looked at me with her big blue eyes. "I really like you. I'm willing to take it slowly and see where it goes between us."

That had been six weeks ago and it wasn't going anywhere. I knew that and yet I couldn't seem to let her go. Her soft kisses were like a balm to my bruised ego, my bruised heart. I was cruel to lead her on but I had changed. Part of me had hardened and I was greedy enough to take comfort were I could find it. I didn't deserve her, I knew that, but I was selfish enough for her company that I couldn't bring myself to tell her I would never love her, I would never love anyone else.

A noise beside me brought me back to the present. Madge was looking at me; eyebrows raised and hurt simmering in her eyes.

"Earth to Peeta. You know you could pretend to be interested. Two of your best friends have just hooked up. You would think you would want to know the details." She gently chided me.

"Sorry Madge, I'm just tired I guess." It wasn't a lie. We were late home from Finn's party the night before and I had an early shift in the bakery this morning.

"That's ok." She gently replies. "You work too hard. It will be good for you to go to College and escape slave labour for your mom." She leans forward and brushes her lips across mine. I feel nothing.

It is true; my mom treats me like a work horse. It's not just me but my dad and two older brothers too. I think back to when she left, my mom couldn't have been more happy when she seen my devastation. She gloated for months after it. I couldn't wait to see the back of her. She never bestowed any encouragement, kindness or love. I was used to it though; I had hardened my heart towards her and expected nothing from her now.

"Hey, here's Finn and Annie! "

I look up and see my best buddy and his gorgeous dark-haired girlfriend walk towards us. They slide into the opposite seat and Finn shoots me a cheeky smile.

"Hi guys. Hope you don't mind us barging in like this." He wriggles his eyebrows.

"No don't be silly. We ordered five minutes ago so hurry up and choose and we can eat together." Madge smiles over at them.

They both study the menu but I notice Annie shooting me worried glances every few moments. I pass no remarks and try to listen as Madge fills them in on Delly and Thom getting together. After their order is placed, Annie clears her throat looks over at Madge,

"So are you all set for the party Thresh is throwing this weekend? Should be good."

"Yeah, it will be nice to see everybody before we all go our separate ways". Madge smiles over at her.

"Yes everyone seems to be going. I heard the girls talk about it. You know, Maggie, Clove and Glimmer?" Annie's eyes flashes to mine nervously. I look back at her enquiringly.

Just then I hear the door shut and I look up to see Johanna Mason walk in. My chest pain throbs slightly and I drop my eyes to the table. I don't want to talk to Jo. I didn't even know she was back. I had heard friends chatting in the bakery that Jo had been in LA for the summer visiting a friend. I knew who that friend was.

I hear her footsteps approach our table.

"You are some piece of shit you know that Mellark!"

I look up in shock. My eyes rake over her in confusion. I can tell she is livid.

"You know I was the one to persuade her to give you a shot! You mooned over her for years and when you finally got your chance you just had to go and treat her like crap!"

Everyone at the table froze including me.

"Jo, what the hell are you on about" Finn looks at her angrily.

"He knows what I'm talking about!" She jabs a finger at me.

"I can't believe you! You've been putting on this pity act for months now." She clenches her fists in frustration, her voice rising. "Hell, I even felt sorry for you. I couldn't understand Katniss" I flinch, she has said her name. "I thought she was being too hard on you."

I'm finding it hard to breathe now. The room starts to spin. I can see Annie looking at me worriedly. Madge clings on to my hand, I can't look at her. This is too much.

"You blew your chance Peeta. You blew it as soon as you slept with that slut!" She grounds out.

I shoot my face up and look at her in shock finding my voice.

"Jo, what the fuck are you talking about? I never cheated on her." I can't bring myself to say her name.

Jo approaches me very calmly and puts her face close to mine. Then she whispers "Maybe you are forgetting the night my best friend saw you in a truck with that tramp Glimmer's legs around you!"

Johanna takes a step back. "You are scum Mellark! My best friend is in bits over you"

I look at her in astonishment. No, that can't be right. Katniss never said she had seen me. She never mentioned it. I think back and try to remember.

It had been the day before she was supposed to leave. Things had been going brilliant between us and I had thought we were going to try to make it work long distance. Finn had arranged that party at the lake but Katniss had to do a last shift at Hawthorns. She had convinced me to go on without her. I hadn't wanted to go, I had been down about her leaving and didn't want to socialise but Finn had pressed me to come for at least a little while. A lot of kids from school had been there and there had been a definite party atmosphere. I hadn't been feeling it though and had drowned my sorrows in the cheap beer someone had supplied. I had gotten wasted for the first time in my live, depressed at the thought of Katniss living so far away. Glimmer had approached me and I had thought naïvely she was being kind when she listened to my woes about Katniss leaving. She had offered to drive me home. I didn't remember much after that as I think I passed out but when I came to Glimmer had been on top of me, legs curled round my waist and her top of. I had been disgusted and pushed her of, stumbling my way out her truck and into my house. I had been furious at her but never mentioned it to anyone, embarrassed at how intoxicated I had been.

Katniss must have seen me in the truck with Glimmer. That was the only explanation. It was the very next day Katniss had so cruelly ended it with me. The day she broke my heart.

"Katniss thinks I cheated with Glimmer?" I look up at Jo.

"She doesn't think Peeta! She saw you with her own eyes." She growls.

"Listen up cause here's how it is lover boy." She grounds out. "Katniss is going to Panem with me. She wanted to change her mind when I told her you would be there but I have convinced her to stay." She looks at me menacingly "If you so much as glance her way when you see her, I will cut of your balls. Keep away from her! You got that?!"

With that Jo turns on her heels and storms out. The whole Diner is silent. My face is burning, I can't look at anyone. I stand up slowly and make my way out the front door. I can hear Madge shout in the background but I don't acknowledge her. My head is swimming. Katniss thinks I cheated and I hadn't. Katniss was moving to Panem, to the same school as me. I was going to see her again. For the first time in months I feel like I can breathe. Everything is a mess but hope floods through me. She is mine and if we can make our way back together I am never letting her go.

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