Previously, on Hyrule Madness, King Zuru was mad over the news that arrived in the newspaper about Lemmy's death that everyone else knew about before them, so he decided to get Rudy-er, Ruto to come up with their own saucy news.
"There's just one problem: We don't do anything!" shouted Ruto at her father, flapping a fin at him."Unless you count our Olympic swimming-which we invented and are hosting!"
"RUDDER-" bawled King Zuru, leaning in toward Ruto.
"Ruto," corrected Ruto.
"RUTHER YOU CLEARLY DON'T UNDERSTAND A THING ABOUT GOSSIP SO I SHALL HAVE TO DUMMY IT DOWN FOR YOU VERY SLOW BRAIN!" shouted King Zuru." ARE YOU READY BECAUSE WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY MAY BE TOO COMPLICATED FOR YOUR FEEBLE MIND TO COMPREHEND!"
The Princess merely rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest as she waited for the dummy down version of gossip.
"WHEN A GIRL AND A BOY LOVE EACH OTHER VEYR MUCH-" said King Zuru, slowly.
Oh, no, not the Fins and the Tails talk! Thought Ruto, on the verge of mental breakdown.
"AND A GIRL TRIES TO STEAL THE OTHER GIRL'S MAN THAT JEALOUS BITCH WILL COME UP WITH SOMETHING BAD ABOUT HER SO THAT HER REP MAY BE RUINED! THAT IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO WITH THE GOSSIP! MAKE IT UP IF YOU HAVE TO BUT WE MUST-"
"BEHOLD FELLOW TRASH AS A GIANT WHALE COMES INTO YOUR LIFE!" shouted a Familiar Voice, walking into the throne room with their hands in the air.
Everybody, basically Ruto and King Zuru, turned toward the voice's beholder to reveal it to be none other than-
"OH NO IT'S SANTA CLAUS! HE'S HERE TO STICK NEEDLES UP OUR ASSES! QUICK, RUTTY, GET THE MUSTARD WE MUST USE THE POWER OF MADNESS TO QUELL THIS FOUL CREATURE!"
"I am not Santa Clause, but the one and only-" began The Stranger, revealing his face to the light.
"GANONDORK!" exclaimed Ruto, pointing at Ganondorf.
"NO MY NAME IS GANONDORF YOU BLUE FISH WOMAN!"
"DON'T CALL ME FISH WOMAN YOU GREY AND GINGER BEARED CREEP!"
"OH YEAH AT LEAST I CAN WALK ON DRY LAND WITHOUT DRYING OUT!"
"AT LEAST I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE!"
"YOU TWO BETTER TAKE IT OUTSIDE! THERE SHALL BE NO CONCIEVING ON MY WATCH!"
The two stared at the king for a brief moment before turning back to the other.
"Anyway, I have come to not lay waste to this pitiful wasteland because I have given up on my quest for the Triforce, so I have come to settle down in peace."
Ruto blinked twice at Ganondorf, who smiled weakly at her.
"GANONDORF IS HERE! QUICK TELL EVERYONE EXCEPT THOSE PRICKS AT THE CASTLE SO THAT-"
"I have already alerted Zelda of my arrival, so that we may begin the era of a new age."
As Ganondorf left, King Zuru groaned loudly, feeling his eyes itching like crazy.
"RUTTU GET THE SPONGE AND RAIN DOWN PLACES OF ICE ON THOSE MORONS!"