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Chapter 9.

Peeta POV

I lie on my bed in my new dorm room staring unseeingly up at the ceiling. My brain is racing. She is here, ten minutes away, Katniss is in her house, probably unpacking. My hand taps silently against the blanket, adrenalin pulsing through my veins. Six months is a long time, does she look different? It's killing me to lie here when all I want to do is bolt from the room and find her. What I was going to do when I did find her was the only thing keeping me on this bed. She wouldn't want to see me I was certain of that.

Annie had been over earlier when she had received a text from Jo telling her Katniss had arrived. I had felt my stomach drop and had been restless ever since. It had been eight weeks since Jo had confronted me in the Diner and since then I had done nothing but think of her, of what she thought she had seen and how I was going to convince her nothing had happened with Glimmer. It wasn't going to be easy, but nothing with Katniss ever was.

Jo wouldn't even look at me the numerous times I had tried to talk to her. She was furious and didn't want to hear any explanations, just warning me over and over to keep my distance. That was never going to happen. I had experienced first hand what it was like to be with Katniss and nothing could convince me to stay away, only Katniss herself and I was hoping once I explained…

I was shocked she had decided to return here to go to college as I was sure she would just go to UCLA with Gale. I had tortured myself all summer with thoughts of them hanging out in LA and maybe getting back together. I knew he hadn't returned home until late July as he was helping the Everdeens get settled and acclimatise to life on the West Coast. When I heard he was back in town I had avoided him at every opportunity but I had the misfortune of running into him one day outside the bakery. The meeting hadn't gone well.

Flashback:

I am heading out the door when I spot Gale standing with his arms crossed leaning up against his 4x4. I pause, wondering if he is waiting on someone when he lifts his eyes to meet mine and I know it's me. Resentment fills me. Its not a feeling I am used to but when it comes to Gale there is just something that rubs me up the wrong way. He is tall, dark, and tan with eyes almost identical to Katniss, in-fact he could pass for her brother they are that alike. He pushes himself away from the jeep and approaches me as I stop and wait to hear what he has to say. He looks more muscular than the last time I seen him and that just makes me angrier.

"Peeta" he nods at me. His grey eyes look me up and down and I find myself bristling in response.

"Gale" I nod back.

"You probably know why I'm here. I heard what went down with you and Katniss and I'm not impressed…"

"Gale, no offense but you know nothing." I break in, unprepared to listen to a lecture from him. "What ever happened is between Katniss and I and I fully intend sorting it out with her when I see her." I ground out my words making sure he gets the message that I won't be intimidated.

"That's just what I'm worried about." He bites out, his voice becoming more aggressive. "That's my best friend you are fucking with and I'm warning you to keep away from her!" He moves closer enforcing his message.

"I hear what you are saying, but fact is you don't know the full story and I intend on explaining everything to Katniss when I see her." I bite back manoeuvring myself closer so we are face to face. I can see the rage in his eyes as my words sink in.

"She is over you Mellark. I made dam sure of that over the summer. So if I was you, I would drop it and avoid making a fool out of yourself." He shoulder nudges me as he turns and walks away leaving me pulsing with rage at what his words insinuated.

That conversation had frustrated me but I tried not to dwell on it because surely if they had gotten back together, Katniss wouldn't be moving back here.

Madge had been another problem I was unsure how to deal with but luckily she had taken that dilemma out of my hands. The day after the Diner incident she had called to see me at the bakery.

"Listen Peeta, I think we both know this isn't going anywhere" she had told me gently. "You are still very obviously into Katniss and now you have a chance to make it right with her I don't want to stand in your way." She had looked sad as I had silently agreed with her, relieved she had given me such an easy way out.

We had parted as friends which was lucky as we were both accepted on the same art course and couldn't really avoid seeing each other. She was a good person and things would have been a lot simpler if I had of fallen in love with Madge, but she wasn't Katniss. At least she harboured no hard feelings I thought.

I jump of the bed going to look out the window for the tenth time when the door opens and Finn strolls in.

"Did you see her?" I blurt out straight away. I had been going out of my mind this past couple of hours since Finn had left with Annie.

Finn stands near the doorway regarding me with a look of pity.

"Yep, she is back alright." He makes his way over to the futon falling back on it and closes his eyes.

"Did you talk to her?"

"Yep we definitely talked" he murmurs, not looking at me.

"Do I have to drag every word out of you! What happened?" I ask in frustration.

Finn sits up, running his fingers through his hair, a trait he uses when he is nervous.

"What do you want me to tell you Peeta? That she is still pissed? Because she definitely is. She thinks you really hurt her and I don't think she is going to forgive you buddy." He looks at me and I can see the pity.

"Did you tell her about Glimmer? That it wasn't true?" I ask, panic filling me. I had told Finn the truth of what happened after his lake party and he had believed me no questions. I knew it wouldn't be so easy to convince anyone else.

"I didn't get the chance. As soon as I mentioned you she lost her cool and said she didn't want to talk about you." He stares down at the floor obviously uncomfortable at being the bearer of bad news. "She knows about Madge, she thinks you are still together and I didn't get the chance to explain."

"Fuck!" I punch my fist against the wall.

"I'll get Annie to tell her."

"I've really lost her haven't I?" My body is burning with desperation; I can't believe I messed this up so completely.

"Give it time Peet. She is mad now but she will calm down and then you can try to speak to her, explain…." He trails of, what else can he say.

"Does she look ok?" I whisper, desperate for any news of her.

"She looks good bro." Finn stands and pats me on the back as he makes his way to the door. "It's not time to give up yet." He turns and gives me a look before remarking "Way I see it, she wouldn't still be so mad if she didn't care about you."

After a sleepless night I still don't have a clue what to do about Katniss. I have tossed and turned all night knowing she is so close and I am unable to see her, to hang out or even call and say hi. I shrug the covers off my bed and decide to go for a run to clear my head. Half an hour in I find myself running down her block. I had helped Annie unpack the previous morning so I know where her house is located. It is early still with no sign of life on the street. As I run closer to her house I find myself slowing down. I don't know what I am doing as I stop on the road and look up at the elegant old building. I can't see any movement inside as I stand and stare for a few moments, almost willing her to look out the window or open the door. I have lost the plot I think to myself as I make myself continue on down the road and pound out a few more miles before I head back to my dorm.

A couple of hours later I am just leaving the administration building when I catch my first glimpse of her. I have been unconsciously looking out for her all morning, looking for a shiny brown braid or silver eyes amongst the sea of fast paced students. I am on my way to meet Finn for lunch when I see her cross the quad. I freeze as I catch my first sight of her in six long months. Her normally tawny skin is now really dark which is accentuated by her fitted red t-shirt and her hair swings in a long chocolate braid reaching the waist of her tight dark jeans. I can't breathe as I drink her in, longing filling my whole body as I find myself taking a couple of steps towards her. I realise what I am doing and stop myself unsure what to do. At that moment, almost as if she senses me, Katniss turns and my eyes meet hers. Time stills and everything around us blends away as our eyes connect and I can feel my stomach flipping at the intimate connection. For a few moments her eyes are uncensored and I catch shock and something else which makes my skin prickle before reality sinks in and her eyes change, shuttering out any other feeling but anger.

I start to move towards her again before I can think about what I am doing and I watch her register my movements and turn to walk away.

"Katniss!" I call out as she picks up speed. She doesn't turn and is nearly at the edge of the quad before I manage to catch her up.

"Hey" I reach for her arm.

She turns quickly and pulls it out of my reach as her eyes meet mine once more.

"What do you want Peeta?" she bites out. She looks amazing is all I can think as I scan her face taking in her tan and sprinkle of freckles over the bridge of her nose. I realise she is waiting for an answer.

"Hi….. I just wanted to say hi and ….. can we talk?" I stammer out, unsure what to do now I finally have her attention. Seeing her in front of me makes it difficult to concentrate as I have dreamed of her every night for months now.

"Don't think we have much to talk about, do you?" She folds her arms and scowls at me. I have loved that scowl for years.

"Please Katniss, just hear me out. Everything that happened….. It's not what you think. Please just let me explain?" I beg her, praying she will give me a chance.

"I really don't have anything to say to you Peeta. There is nothing you can say that I want to hear." She cruelly states and I feel my heart plummet. She seems so cold.

"You're freezing me out. I get that but don't you think for the sake of our friends we should at least try to be civil?" I ask using the only weapon I have that might make her listen.

I can see her study my words as she bites her bottom lip. My stomach dips at the movement and I feel my groin tighten. She doesn't want Finn and Annie to be pulled apart over our problems any more than I do. I'm praying this will work.

"You're right. We have to try to get on for Annie and Finn's sake but that's it." She is shaking her head now.

"I didn't do it Katniss!" I blurt out, feeling her slip away. "I never cheated, I would never cheat on you" She freezes staring at me.

"I saw you" She whispers "I saw you Peeta." She wraps her arms around her torso and I can see she is hurting. "I was coming from work and called to see if you were back from the party and I saw you with her in that truck."

"I didn't do anything, I swear. I was wasted and she took advantage but I didn't do anything, I was passed out for Gods sake! I had you, why would I risk that for someone like Glimmer?"

"Peeta, do you know how often I have wished I could erase the mental pictures I have of you that night? Glimmer with her hands in your hair, her legs around you, her mouth pressed to yours?" She is shaking now and I just want to wrap my arms around her. "You forgot about me so easily…."

"I never forgot about you Katniss! I don't know how to make you believe but I am not a cheater!"

I am angry now. I am an honest person and I had hoped she would believe me when I told her the truth. She obviously never really knew me.

"Why didn't you tell me what you had seen?! I blast at her. "You hurt me too! If you had only told me what you saw I could have explained! You dumped me so easily and that hurt."

She looks at me in shock, struggling to understand why I am so angry.

"We should never have started something Peeta. I was moving to LA so it was always going to be a bad idea." She drops her eyes, kicking her left Chuck at an invisible stone not meeting my eyes.

"Do you believe me about Glimmer? I was drunk, I passed out, came to and she was on me. I pushed her of I swear. I didn't cheat." I need her to believe me before we can move on.

She looks at me now and I meet her eyes full on trying to convince her of my honesty.

"I believe you" She whispers. I release a sigh, feeling a large weight lift of my shoulders.

"Thank God!" I make a move towards her but she puts up her hand to stop me.

"I believe you about Glimmer and we can be friends but that's it."

I look at her in confusion.

"You are with Madge and .."

"I'm not with Madge" I cut in. "We ended it. It was never serious I swear."

She looks taken aback at this.

"I'm sorry it never worked out for you and Madge." She says softly.

"It was never serious Katniss. I was trying to get over you and it just sort of happened." It's the truth. "What about you …. are you with anyone?" I don't really want to know the answer but I have to ask.

"I don't want a relationship with anyone Peeta." She answers pointedly. "I'm here to work so I can get a good job at the end of this. I don't have time for anything else." I know what she is getting at, she doesn't want me.

"Right." I breathe out feeling the pain of her rejection wash over me. This conversation had been going so well but now I feel worse than before. She was making her feelings clear – I had blown it.

"Friends?" I stick out my hand towards her. I want to make sure I can see and talk to her again.

She regards me quietly "Ok Peeta, friends" She slips her hand into mine and I feel a shock race up my arm straight to my heart. She pulls her hand away sharply. "I have to go now, so I'll see you around." She blurts out quickly.

"Ok Katniss, see you soon." I watch as she bolts away, her braid swinging and her butt swaying in her tight jeans.

I let out a sigh. Friends was better than nothing. Friends was something I could work on. Friends could see each other and do things together. I feel my spirits rising. Hell I have waited years on this girl, what's a while more?