Chapter Fifteen

Robb couldn't even look at Sansa. For the next few days he was the one doing the avoiding for once. Every time he thought of Jon with his hands on Sansa he wanted to find Jon and punch him in the face. When he thought of Sansa letting Jon touch her so intimately, letting him inside her...

Robb had been her first and her only. Sure he'd had girls before her in his attempt to…

Okay. He got it. She wasn't on the same page as him. Having sex with Jon was an attempt for her to see if there could be something with someone else. He would have thought that after all this time with Jon she would have figured out that there wasn't much of anything, but Sansa had always been incredibly stubborn.

She wasn't there with him yet. She was just discovering her feelings as her memories came. She needed time. He had to be patient.

These were the things he told himself like a mantra running over and over in his mind. But when he saw Sansa, he saw someone else's hands on her the way he used to touch her and his gut would twist all over again.

How could she kiss him like that and then have sex with someone else?

Because you're her brother.

He'd never wanted to be adopted more.

He couldn't bring himself to touch Margaery, and he was rather impressed with himself that he'd managed to keep from having to sleep with her. She initiated any kisses between them and he didn't get carried away with them. He felt nothing for her so how could he? He certainly didn't kiss her the way he'd kissed Sansa. He did the minimal to keep up appearances. Margaery just thought he was shy. Robb let her think what she wanted.

Currently, she was onto planning that double date with Sansa and Jon. Robb told her he didn't want to do it anymore, but Margaery was like a dog with a bone. He figured if Sansa shut her down again with it, she would stop.

But then one afternoon when Jon showed up at work to drop off some books Sansa had left in his car, Margaery cornered him and he seemed to think it was a good idea. That struck Robb as odd. Jon was the quiet sort; he didn't seem like the type to want to do something like that.

Robb kept his distance from Jon because he was pretty certain if Jon came near him, he was going to make good on his urge to punch him. Jon left, Margaery went upstairs, and Sansa marched into their father's office and shut the door behind her. Robb looked up from their father's desk and kept his face in a neutral mask. He didn't say anything. If Sansa wanted something from him she was going to have to be very clear what it was.

"Tell her you don't want to do this," she said.

"Do what?" he asked, intentionally playing stupid.

She rolled her eyes. "This stupid double date idea. Just tell her you don't want to."

"I did. But then your boy came around and agreed to it."

She arched a brow and the corner of her mouth turned up into a smirk. "My boy?" She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Do you know the reason why he agreed, Robb? Because he thinks you hate him and he wants to spend time with you in the hopes that you'll end up liking him."

Robb sat back. "Well, he's right. I do hate him. And no amount of time I spend with him is going to change that."

"He's a good person, Robb."

"And he's fucking the woman I love."

"And Margaery gave you a blow job," she retorted.

"So you can relate then because I'm the man you love."

"I never said that."

"But it bothers you that she sucked me off."

She folded her arms across her chest. "I find it a bit unfair that you can let her do that and I'm supposed to be okay with it—"

"I never said that."

"—but I can't sleep with Jon."

Robb rubbed a hand down his face in frustration. "We're talking in circles. You don't want to admit that you have any feelings for me, and then in the next breath you're all but admitting you do by the sheer fact that you're jealous of Margaery. We're never going to get anywhere if you can't just be honest with yourself and honest with me."

"There's nowhere to get, Robb. It doesn't matter if I'm honest with my feelings, it doesn't matter what I want or what you want – none of that matters. What matters are the cold hard facts: you are my brother, I am your sister and it can't happen…again."

"I beg to differ."

"I can walk out of this office and plant a big ol' kiss on Jon and no one would bat an eyelash. I can't do that with you, Robb. I can't hold your hand – shit, I can't even go down to your room and see you in our own home because Mom knows and would think something is going on! And if Dad found out? He'd flip his shit. Can you imagine the looks of disgust? Arya would no doubt blame me, Bran might blame you, Rickon wouldn't know what to do with either of us…Jon wouldn't want to have anything to do with me. I can't even imagine how he would feel knowing…" She shook her head. "Have you thought about any of this?"

"Yes, I have. This was something we'd been over many times before."

She threw up her hands in exasperation. "Oh, well, I'm so sorry then that I'm just repeating old conversations and worries from before that I don't remember," she said sarcastically.

Robb sighed. "Sansa, I wasn't implying—"

"Yes, you were. You were implying that because we've already been down that road before it's not a big deal to you now and therefore any of my concerns are just silly. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, right? I'm so sorry that my memory loss is such an inconvenience to you now. I'm sorry that we got into an accident because the last time we were together I was apparently so desperate to protect us that I dated some asshole."

In the middle of her rant, Robb had gotten up and came over to her. He stood in front of her now and brushed the tears that fell from her eyes away. "Sweetheart, calm down," he murmured. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel like your concerns don't matter. They do. I'm just – I'm terrified right now, Sansa." He cupped her face in his hands and drew her closer to him. "I love you so much, sweetheart. Being apart from you is tearing me apart…" He kissed her then and she let him. She let him because it was what she wanted and she didn't know how to make it stop. As soon as he touched her she saw nothing but Robb and felt nothing else but Robb. It was downright scary. And it was also not helpful.

Sansa pushed away from him and walked to the other side of the room. He clouded her thoughts too easily. The last time she got lost in him they ended up wrapped around a tree. Not to mention the fact that he was her brother and it was wrong.

"We had plans, you and I," he said softly. "Have you remembered them?"

She looked at him and shook her head. "No. What plans did we have?"

"We planned to go away. Before the accident we had both applied to school in California. We were going to attend So Cal together and live together while we were there. Behind closed doors, you and I would have been free to be together."

"And then?"

"And then we were going to go overseas, somewhere in Europe, and live together there, too. I had even thought I would change my name so that no one would know we were related. Our plan was to be together there the way we couldn't here."

"And our family?"

"They didn't need to know."

She furrowed her brow. "Wouldn't they wonder?"

"A brother and a sister being in love and living as lovers would have been the last thing they would have thought."

She frowned. "They might have still thought it unnatural that we would choose to move so far away together. And if neither of us dated…"

"It's easy enough to pretend and make up a story or two."

"Ah, I see. Stories and lies and subterfuge."

"You're overthinking it."

"I think you're underthinking it," she countered.

"To be with you, Sansa, I would do what I had to do. You are the other half of my soul and my heart. Without you I am incomplete."

"Maybe you just need to try with Margaery—"

He barked out a laugh that was decidedly bitter. "No. I don't want to do anything with Margaery. She is merely a beard. Her presence in my life keeps Mom from suspecting."

"But—"

"But nothing. I let her suck me off because it had been a long time and being around you again was hard. Especially with you not remembering us...I thought of you the entire time."

"I really didn't need to know that."

"Sorry, but it's true. Sansa, I've tried. When I was in California, I dated, I fucked women – I tried. I tried before you, too."

She cocked her head to the side. "You did?"

"Yes. I dated a lot and slept around hoping that someone would fill that void that only you could fill. It didn't work. I tried and I tried and I tried, and I just can't do it anymore, Sansa."

"Did I? Try that is?"

"No. There was some idiot your freshman year of high school that you kissed at a dance."

"An idiot, huh?" she said in amusement.

He looked sheepish and rubbed the back of his neck. "I told him if I saw his hands within an inch of your ass I would beat the shit out of him."

"So, you were reasonable about it," she deadpanned, and then laughed.

Robb laughed with her. "Of course." He came over to her and she straightened, holding herself ramrod straight as though steeling herself for his touch.

"Do you love me, Sansa? The way a woman loves a man?"

"I don't…I don't know. I have these memories and I feel what I felt and it's colliding with now, here, with you…"

"Do you want me?"

"Robb, don't."

"Do you?"

"You know I do," she whispered.

"We can sort the rest out."

"Sort the rest out? You make it sound like I'm borrowing money or we're planning a road trip. Robb, we're talking about incest. We're talking about changing our entire lives, the lives of our family and friends—"

He kissed her again. Hungrily and with urgency. Sansa responded in kind. She was powerless to do anything else. When Robb made the call, she was helpless to do anything but answer. She was aware that she was technically cheating on Jon. It was an odd sort of feeling probably because it was an odd situation, but she almost felt as though Jon was the one on the outside. He was the one she was dating, but it was more that she was trying to get past Robb with him. Her desperation to stop her feelings for Robb had pushed her into Jon's arms, but she didn't…fit in his arms. But she wanted to. So badly.

Yet here she was, kissing Robb again.

"If you tell me to go away – if it's what you want and you're absolutely certain," Robb rasped against her lips, "I will go. I love you, Sansa, and as much as I want to be with you, I will not stand in your way if you think you can be happy with Jon."

"No, don't – don't leave me," she said desperately, fiercely. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and squeezed her eyes shut. Just the thought of it ripped her heart open. "Don't go, Robb."

"Then, my love, you have a choice to make."

Voices outside the door split them apart again and it was moments like this that drove the fact home that she and Robb were impossible. But the ache in her heart and the need in her body were not in agreement.