Chapter 16:

Five years later

I gaze distractedly out of the small cabin window as scenery I recognise suddenly comes into view. Mountains covered with lush forestation and deep valleys where hidden lakes lie. I haven't seen this view in seven years but it still makes my heart beat faster just to look at it. I finally feel like I am coming home for the first time in years. It has been too long since I was last here.

A hand clasping my own distracts me from the window and I turn to look at Jo in question.

"I know this is hard for you Katniss." She shoots me a look of sympathy that has me questioning how good my acting skills have been.

I squeeze her hand back in assurance but before I can reply the captain announces over the radio system that we will be on the ground in a few moments. I bring my attention back to the window again as the familiar roads and landmarks come into view. My stomach clenches nervously as I realise there is no turning back, I really am going home.

I had stayed in California and finished my Environmental Studies course and once it was completed I decided to travel. Work had taken me to many different countries over the past couple of years. I never stayed in the same place for too long, I made friends and enjoyed each location but I never got too attached to anyone or anything.

I had missed my family but my mom was doing great at work and had met a widower called Jack Boggs. He was a nice man who treated her and Prim well and even though she would never love him like she loved my father, I was glad she had met someone who would look after her.

Prim was doing amazing. Now at twenty years old she was at medical school and living with her boyfriend of two years, Rory Hawthorne. It was no big surprise to anyone when they got together, Prim had never lost contact with him and when he moved out to attend UCLA it had only taken a few weeks for the two of them to fall deeply in love. I was delighted for my sister but I would be a liar if I didn't admit to myself that being around them hurt. I had been that happy once, a long, long time ago.

I hadn't really kept in contact with many of my friends from Seam after my breakdown. I spoke to Annie and Finn intermittently over the years and a few others but it was really Jo and of course Gale that were my closest friends.

Nine months ago Jo had joined me in Australia and I had realised how much I had missed her and all my friends back in Seam. We had a great time but I found myself thinking more and more of home and when an invitation to Annie and Finns wedding arrived, I knew it was a sign that it was time. I needed to settle down, make roots and even though I knew it wouldn't be easy, I knew Seam was the place to do it.

Jo had readily agreed to come home with me. Her parents had retired to Florida several years ago and more or less washed their hands of Jo. I was the closest thing to family she had now and we both functioned better with each other than anyone else.

I made my way into the arrivals hall getting pushed along in the sea of people. Just as I reached for my cell phone a loud voice reached me through the throng.

"Katniss! Catnip" I search around looking for my best friend when I find myself enveloped in strong arms.

"Jesus Catnip you are a sight for sore eyes!" Tears fill my eyes as I hear the emotion in Gale's voice. I try to blink them away as I pull myself back so I can see his face.

"Gale, I missed you so much" I smile as I take in my best friend "you look great." He does. Life back in Seam must obviously agree with him and I am delighted to see no effects of his old injuries.

"You look pretty good yourself Catnip." he smiles down at me "I can't believe I am seeing you in the flesh, Jesus it's been years!" We both beam at each other, glad to be back in each other's company after too long apart.

"Where is Jo?" he asks as he scans the crowd looking for my boisterous friend.

"Where do you think? I smile back at him "last I seen she was chatting some dude up in baggage claim" I laugh.

"Fuck! Some things never change." He laughs back.

Just then a movement over Gales shoulder catches my eye and I find myself face to face with Madge Undersee. I freeze in shock. What the hell is she doing here?

Gale notices I have frozen and he shifts uncomfortably beside me.

"Oh sorry Catnip, Madge came to keep me company, I hope that's ok?"

I look at him in bewilderment.

"Madge… and you?" I question in amazement. I feel as if I am having an out of body experience. I shift uneasily as the blonde girl approaches me hesitantly.

"Hi Katniss." She looks at me nervously rubbing her hands down the sides of her blue dress before she stretches forward a hand.

I look at it in a daze as I wonder what the hell is going on. Before I can decide to shake her hand or not a loud voice sounds behind me.

"What the fuck is Rapunzel doing here?"

The three of us freeze in shock and I slowly turn to see Jo glare in open hostility at Madge.

"Jo" I murmur warningly as I notice Gale glare back at Jo. The last thing I need is my best friends to declare war in the middle of the airport. "Gale and Madge are together." I state to her, still finding it a shock myself.

Jo looks at Gale incredulously. "You thought this would be ok? Katniss isn't home five minutes and you dump this on her?" I can see she is getting worked up and Gale glares at her warningly.

"Enough Jo" he bites out. I watch as he curves his arm around Madge's waist protectively and she leans into him.

I look at him in bewilderment. This is obviously not a new development and yet he didn't say a word in all our recent conversations. I always knew he had a thing for Madge back in high school but he certainly hadn't mentioned meeting her since he moved back home.

"Jo, its fine" I look at her beseechingly, willing her to calm down "honestly."

She studies me for a few moments and grunts as she picks up the handle of her suitcase.

Gale shoots me a look filled with gratitude and guilt before collecting my suitcase. We walk to the parking lot in an awkward silence and as Gale loads the cases into the back of his SUV Madge pulls me to the side.

"Katniss, I'm so sorry if my coming here has made you uncomfortable." She meets my eyes and I can tell she is being sincere.

I let out a long sigh "Look its ok Madge, Gale maybe should have mentioned you were together beforehand."

She looks at me guiltily "That may have something to do with me. I asked him not to mention us."

I look at her in bemusement "Why?"

The blonde girl shifts uncomfortably "You know why Katniss." She pauses and I grow uncomfortable.

"I know you don't like me and I guess I was afraid your opinion would rub off on Gale." I watch as she takes a deep breath and meet my eyes. "I was young and stupid Katniss. He was in a bad place and I thought it made sense at the time ..."

I realise we have moved on from the Gale topic and are now onto a subject I don't want to discuss under any circumstance with Madge. "Madge stop!" I hold my hand up forcing her to break of mid-sentence.

"Katniss please, you both have been so idiotic!"

I shake my head furiously at her words.

"Madge no! You are with Gale now and I have no problem with that" I lie "but I don't want to talk about this with you – not ever." Pain shoots through me, piercing my heart "I won't talk about your ex-husband."

Rain beats hard against the window pane as I lie in bed unable to sleep. My old house had welcomed me back like I had never left and I was grateful to Hazelle and Gale for all the hard work they had put into getting the house ready for myself and Jo.

The last tenants had left six months ago and when I had been reluctant to lease it out again I knew it was time to come home. Now, here I was back in my childhood bed, snuggled up under lots of covers but I still could not sleep.

Gale and Madge kept running through my mind as I tried to make sense of what had happened. Gale had been very apologetic when he had dropped us home earlier. Apparently he and Madge had been dating for six months and it was serious. I was embarrassed he had not told me. That told me one thing, he knew I wasn't over Peeta and that made my insides turn.

That morning five years ago when I had built up the courage to telephone Jo came rushing back to me.

"Gone? What do you mean by gone Jo?"

The other end of the line was silent and I could tell Jo was reluctant to tell me.

"Tell me, I can cope, I'm a big girl I promise!" I coxed her.

"I don't know how to break this to you Katniss but bread boy left Seam. He got some big scholarship to study in Paris and he took it. He has been gone six months already."

I let the news sink in finding it hard to believe Peeta was on the other side of the world.

"When is he coming back?" I ask dreading the answer.

Another pause before Jo replies

"Well that's just it Kat, he isn't."

I'm confused now. "What do you mean Jo? He is never going to come back? What about his friends and family? Surely he misses everyone?"

"He didn't go on his own Katniss. There were two positions offered so he has a …friend."

Dread fills me, Jo is acting very shady. "What aren't you telling me Jo? Dammit tell me!"

"Katniss I really don't want to tell you this but Madge went with him and news came home two months ago they are engaged. Peeta and Madge are getting married"

I had dropped the phone then and slumped into a bawling mess. I had felt as if someone had reached into my chest and pulled my heart out. He was mine and I was his. It wasn't supposed to end like this. I knew I had messed up but I had foolishly thought I could explain and maybe he would have understood. Knowledge of just how bad I had fucked up hit me like a ton of bricks. I was never going to be with him again. We were never going to kiss, touch, marry or have children together. He belonged to someone else now and the thought was unbearable.

It had taken me weeks to process Jo's news and after beating myself up I became angry at him. After all his words of always wanting to be with me it had taken him a few lousy months to move on from me and less than a year to be engaged to another girl. Just like the first time I had left, he didn't waste any time moving on.

I felt like he had played me. I had been a fool to listen to him and his flowery words. I had never wanted to fall in love. I wasn't like other girls, I didn't dream of my wedding day and having babies. He had made me want to though. For the first time in my life I had started to want those things and now I would never have them.

I had hardened my heart then and nobody had come close to breaking through since.

Frustrated I wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon, I pushed the covers off and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Hot chocolate always solved a multitude of problems and I hoped it would do so tonight. As I was melting a chunk of the airport bought Swiss chocolate into the milk, the door opened and Jo stood regarding me from the doorway, arms folded.

"Can't sleep huh?" She looked at me sympathetically.

"No." I grumble "Want some hot chocolate?" I ask reaching for an extra mug.

"Sure" she answers as she makes her way over to the kitchen table and plops herself down. "Want to talk about it?" She asks and I can't help but roll my eyes at her.

"Nope" I answer sharply glaring at her.

She stretches her arms in the air as she considers me "I think it's time."

I look at her sharply and silence descends over the small room as we watch each other waiting to see who would break first. I know what she is hinting at but I want to pretend I don't.

"Dunno what you mean" I murmur as I move to pour the hot liquid into the mugs.

"Don't jerk me about Katniss. We have never really talked about it and you know it" she nods her thanks as I hand her the hot drink. "I just think we should talk about it. There is a good chance he is going to be here for the wedding next week – God, I'm even afraid to say his name to you!"

I groan in annoyance at Jo as I sit down in front of her.

"Peeta! His name is Peeta! You know you can talk about him. I have no problems with it." My voice is rising now as my frustration grows.

"Jesus, it was six years ago Jo, I'm over it!" I frown at her "He got over me, gez, sure he married Madge!

"Yeah that was really successful for Goldilocks." Jo mutters.

"Successful or not he did it and he never looked back." I bite out, folding my arms.

"Katniss, I don't know how Peeta feels about you or even how you feel about Peeta. I do know you aren't over him." Jo talks calmly, ignoring my glare.

"Six years is a long time Kat. I'm afraid this is never going to pass, that you are never going to be the same. You put such effort into acting as if nothing ever happened when it is so obvious to me and anyone who loves and knows you that you're hurting." Her words lance me like a sharp knife.

"It's ok to admit you are hurting Kat"

A broken sob breaks free from my mouth. "I Can't."

Jo moves around the table and takes me into her arms.

"You can Kat. It's me. I love you like a sister, you don't need to hide anything from me."

I sob into her shoulder, her words comforting me.

"I fucked up Jo. I fucked up and he ran and I'm so God damn angry at him!" I raise my head to meet her eyes.

"He made me feel things I never wanted to feel Jo and I hate him for it." I mean every word. "He got married, became a big hotshot artist and forgot about me. I hate him for that."

The tears are flowing freely now. Six long years of burying all my feelings and it's like a damn busting.

"I need to get over him Jo! I don't want to think about him, I'm tired of always looking back." I sob broken heartedly.

Jo pats my back softly in sympathy.

"You will Kat. Next week when he sees you, Peeta Mellark is going to regret never fighting for you. I promise."

Hi to all my new followers!

Peeta will be in the next chapter – Everlark is always endgame remember that!