A/N: Here we are, last chapter before I love ya and leave ya. I'm afraid I really need this holiday haha, but I will post as soon as I get back I promise!

Boramir: Thank you very much, glad you like the change. Your idea of a story with Benjen being Jon's father is an intriguing one, and I'd certainly give it a read if you ever did write it. Catelyn will find out the truth, but it won't be for a few chapter yet. No more overheard conversations that's for sure! Thanks for your suggestions for the Tyrells, I actually already had that planned for Margaery (great minds ;)) but I like your idea about the money. I had a think about it and I will incorporate it in a sense (you will see how in the next chapter!) So thanks for that, hope you enjoy the new chapter.

unnamed visitor: I'm a firm believer in RLJ as well, but in this AU it didn't sit right with me so I thought I'd explore a different theory. I'm sorry you were a bit disappointed but glad you understand the change and think it's interesting. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with Jon at the moment, especially whether I'm going to pair him with anyone, but we shall see. Yes indeed, Amy could well do with some help, and I'm glad you liked her family reunion. Thanks very much, I sure hope to have a good time, hope you enjoy the latest chapter!

Guest: You're very welcome!

Marvelmyra: Here you go!

Right-ho, here we go! See you in a few weeks!

:)

Admission

Amy walked briskly across the courtyard, pulling her cloak further around her and sending strained smiles to those who called out greetings for her. Usually she would stop and speak with them but she was in no mood to do so today. She had not been in any mood to for weeks. Aedan's naming ceremony was almost upon them and she was dreading it, dreading all eyes on her as she held him before the heart tree. Never before had she minded people looking at her, but since giving birth she felt like a completely different person. Her body was unrecognisable in the mirror and her mind was all over the place. Sleep was a thing of the past and she didn't honestly know how much more she could take before she snapped.

Robb did his best, but he could not help her with their son's almost insatiable appetite. She had been shorter with him than she had intended to be these last days and she knew it was unfair as his own tensions were peaked with Jon being back. There was a strange atmosphere hanging around Winterfell but Amy was too exhausted to try and work out what the cause of it was. It took all of her concentration to actually dress herself properly in the mornings and Aedan consumed almost every minute of her day. Right now she was free of him though and she tried not to dwell on how happy that made her as she crossed to the end of the gardens and let herself through the little gate that led her to the Godswood.

Peace was what she craved right now and this little corner of Winterfell had never failed to bring her that. She may not pray to the Old Gods but just sitting in their presence was always enough to calm her down and take her away somewhere else for a little while. So focused was she on her destination that she failed to notice that she wasn't alone in the Godswood until she rounded the pool, starting slightly as she saw Jon knelt before the heart tree. Instantly she wanted to go and leave him to his prayers but before she could make a move his head turned to look at her and she offered him a smile.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise anyone else would be here so early," she apologised to him and he returned her smile. "Don't worry, I wasn't praying," Jon replied, "I just like to come out here and think sometimes. The keep is…stifling at the moment."

"Believe me I know," Amy said before she could stop herself; "are you alright?" she asked him before he could question her, seeing the little frown creasing his brow. "You don't need to trouble yourself with my problems, there is nothing you could do to fix them anyway," he said slightly bitterly and she took a few more steps closer to him before kneeling down at his side. "Sometimes just speaking out loud can help, instead of keeping it all inside," she said gently and he turned to appraise her. "Why are you out here so early?" he asked.

"In truth, I'm hiding," she told him after a long moment of silence, unable to meet his eyes. "From what?" he asked her curiously and she laughed slightly. "My own son," she confessed, "I'm just so overwhelmed Jon…he always wants something and I can't even remember the last time I had a moment to myself to think straight. Any second I get where he is settled and quiet I use to try and get some rest and, Gods…this morning when my mother offered to take him for an hour I practically threw him at her and fled the keep. I feel bad even admitting that…he's my son, and I love him so much but he's just so…so…testing."

"Robb said you didn't want a nurse for him," Jon said quietly after a moment and Amy nodded her head, her bottom lip trembling. "It seemed like such an easy decision to make at the time," she told him, unable to stop herself from unburdening to him now that she had started; "he's my baby and I wanted to look after him myself. I was so sure I could do it all myself…I never realised how hard it was going to be. Lady Stark tried to tell me but I thought I knew better…Gods! Why am I so stubborn?!"

"You can change your mind, no one will think any less of you," Jon said soothingly and she smiled wryly. "They might not," she agreed, "but I will."

"There's no shame in asking for help," he persisted and she turned and looked at him. "I don't even know who I am anymore," she whispered, "I used to be so sure. In my mind I never considered how having a baby would change everything, I was just so sure it would make everything better. I was so naïve to think that I could just carry on as before and slot him into my day. He needs me almost every waking minute, he takes up all the time I once had for everything else. I haven't done my duties in weeks, I haven't helped Bran and Rickon with their studies in what seems like forever and it has been so long since I was at the archery boards with Arya. And I'm too exhausted to even consider Robb's needs…" she tailed off at that, a blush rising up on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she apologised, "you didn't need to hear all that. I'm blessed, I know I am…I feel awful for even complaining about it."

"It's not wrong to miss the life you had before, the Gods know I do sometimes," Jon said in return and she smiled sympathetically at him. "You have that life back now Jon, the King has released you from your vows," she said gently and he snorted. "It's not that simple," he said, shaking his head and she frowned slightly. "What do you mean?" she asked him.

"I thought I'd spend the rest of my life serving at the Wall, it's what I always wanted. It was the place where I thought I could truly belong. Don't –," he shook his head as she opened her mouth to protest; "don't say I belonged here because it isn't true, not really. Most of my time growing up here was wonderful, but I always knew that I was different to the others, that I wasn't loved the same way."

"Lord Stark -," she began then but he cut her off again. "Regrets me," Jon said bitterly, "how could he not? He loves Lady Stark, and they have five proper, true born children together. I am just a burden to him, a mistake he made during the war. He looks at me sometimes and I can practically see the regret in his eyes."

"I don't doubt he regrets hurting Lady Stark," Amy agreed, laying a soothing hand on his arm; "but that doesn't mean he regrets you. Believe me Jon, you are loved here, Robb missed you so much when you were gone. They all did…I know it can't have been easy all the time but now you're back here perhaps things can get back to how they were when you were growing up. If Lord Stark didn't want you then he would never have claimed you, believe me, countless lords leave their unwanted children to starve rather than take them in."

"Perhaps," he muttered and she rubbed her hand up and down his arm, feeling utterly stupid about voicing her own trivial worries to him when he was burdened with such horrible feelings. She had everything she had ever dreamed of and yet she was moaning about a lack of sleep. "I am so sorry you have had to feel this way," she told him meaningfully, "but you being released from your vows could be a new start for you Jon. You can do anything, go anywhere…you're free."

"You know all you have to do is say the word and Robb will get a nurse for Aedan at once," Jon said in return, "he won't question you and he won't think any less of you. He loves you both more than anything in this world and all he wants is for you to be happy. A few hours less with your son won't be the end of the world, and it won't make Aedan love you any less. All you have to do is go back to the keep and admit you need help. Swallow your pride Amy, believe me, it isn't worth it."

"Telling a Lannister that pride isn't worth it is like telling a Stark that honour is meaningless," she said in an amused tone and he snorted. "But you're a Stark now," Jon returned with a grin and her own smile widened. "You're a good man Jon," she said softly, meeting his eyes, "and I know that Winterfell is lucky to have you. That this family is lucky to have you, even if you can't see it yourself."

"Thank you Amy," he said, nodding his head slightly. "I ought to return to the keep, will you be alright here? Perhaps I could ask Robb to come out…" she trailed off, raising her brows slightly but he shook his head, a faint smile still on his lips. "No I'm fine, you go ahead," he urged her, "I promised Arya I would spar with her and Bran later anyway. Perhaps I will see you out by the archery boards?" it was his turn to raise a brow now and Amy smiled widely. "Yes," she agreed, squeezing his shoulder before she rose up to her feet; "perhaps you shall."

Jaime barely cracked a smile as Lanette fussed over their gurgling grandson and she frowned slightly at him as his stony expression caught her attention. "What is it?" she asked him and he seemed to start slightly, his half focused eyes becoming alert again as he sat up straighter. "Hmm?" he blinked stupidly at her and she sighed heavily. "You, what's the matter with you? You've been distant these past days, tell me what's wrong Jaime," she urged him and it was his turn to sigh. "I can't," he said slightly awkwardly which only served to deepen her frown. "Then I can only imagine the worst," she replied but he shook his head at once.

"I can't tell you because it isn't my place, the Gods only know how I even know," he was shaking his head now and looking rather disbelieving. "Jaime, you're not making any sense to me," she said with a slight roll of her eyes. "Don't trouble yourself," he smiled, "it is nothing to do with us."

"Right," she said sceptically, fixing him with a searching look for a moment before she turned her attention back to Aedan who was thoroughly enjoying being free from his swaddling. "When did Amy say she was coming back?" Jaime asked after a moment. "She didn't," Lanette answered him, "although I don't imagine she'll be much longer. What do you make of all this with Jon? I imagine Lady Stark must be finding it difficult."

"I imagine they are all finding it difficult," Jaime said rather edgily and Lanette turned her full attention back to him again. "You know something don't you, something big," she guessed and his slight grimace told her that she was right. "Lord Stark may have said more than he ought to have done," he finally said and she raised her brows expectantly; "I'm not telling you a thing, I promised him what he told me would not be passed on. And before you start, I know there are plenty things you don't tell me. You and my father can have all the conspiracies you want, just don't push me on this."

"Fine," she said lightly, her mind in overdrive as she thought on what Jaime could possibly know about the situation with Jon. She bit down on her lip slightly as she pondered it, wondering if it could be at all possible that he knew the identity of his mother. Her eyes slid to him and she wondered if she dared say one more thing on the subject. "You know," she said, avoiding his gaze and focusing on Aedan; "if it has anything to do with Jon's mother then I think it past time he were told, and Lady Stark too for that matter. Such a thing should never have been a secret, no matter the circumstance."

"We can hardly judge on secrets Lana," Jaime said warningly and she nodded slightly. "Which is exactly how we know what the consequences can be," she said quietly, "I am just saying…if you have Lord Stark's ear then perhaps you ought to encourage him to do the right thing for everyone, no matter what it may cost him personally."

"Perhaps you're right," he muttered and she looked towards him again, seeing him chewing down on his bottom lip. "Is it really that bad?" she asked in concern and he met her eyes for a moment. "Potentially," he said simply and she knew he would say no more, her mind racing again as she tried to imagine what could possibly be so awful. Before she had too much time to ponder over it though there was knock on the door and Jaime got up to answer it. "Hello sweetheart," he greeted easily and Lanette brought a smile to her face, knowing that Amy had returned.

"I'm sorry, I was longer than I intended. Is he alright?" Amy asked as she came into the room, Jaime closing the door behind her. "He's perfectly well," Lanette assured her as she came to look down on her son where he was lying in a nest of cushions on the sofa. "He looks snug indeed," Amy said with a smile, Aedan kicking his little legs more furiously and gurgling insistently up at his mother, his arms raising up to her. "It looks as though he is pleased to have you back," Lanette commented and Amy's smile widened as she leant down to scoop him up into her arms. She cradled him close and Lanette looked towards Jaime, seeing how his features had softened and relaxed far more now that Amy was in their presence.

The tension between the two was near non-existent now and Lanette thanked the Gods for it. "I don't suppose either of you have seen Robb?" Amy questioned as she wrapped Aedan's blankets more securely around him. "He was headed out to the tiltyard after breakfast, he may still be there if he isn't in the keep," Jaime answered her and she nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her baby's head. "Shall we go out and find papa?" she cooed to him and Aedan grunted slightly in response. "I'll take that as a yes," Amy said happily, "thank you for staying with him a while," she continued, beaming between Jaime and Lanette.

"It was our pleasure," Lanette told her honestly, smiling at the sight of them. "We shall leave you in peace for a while," Amy smiled back before she moved towards the door. "Let me get that," Jaime darted ahead and opened it up widely for her so she could step through. "Thank you," Amy said warmly, sending a smile his way before she disappeared out. "Much better," Lanette commented as Jaime closed the door behind her. "I know," he agreed, "thank the Gods."

Robb finished his bout with Jory, sliding his sword back into his belt and pulling off his helm to wipe the back of his hand across his forehead. "I can't keep up with you and your fancy southern tricks," Jory commented and Robb laughed. "Well, my good-father is the greatest swordsman in the kingdoms, I would be a fool not to take his advice," Robb replied and Jory nodded his head, clapping him on the back. "Humiliate someone else tomorrow," he advised in an amused tone before moving off towards the armoury where his uncle was overseeing the training of some of the younger lads. Robb turned to lay his helm aside then, a smile coming to his face as he spotted Amy approaching with Aedan bundled up in her arms.

He was pleased to see his wife looking much brighter than she had done the past few weeks, and his smile only widened as she sent him that breath-taking smile it seemed had been absent from his days for far too long. "What brings you two out here?" he asked as she came closer. "I heard tell a handsome man was sparring, have you seen him anywhere?" she asked in return, cocking her head to one side as her eyes sparkled with amusement. "You must have just missed him," he told her, "I'm afraid you shall have to make do with me instead."

"Such a shame," she said with an exaggerated sigh and he grinned, moving closer and pressing a kiss to her lips before he eased Aedan from her arms. "Gods, I swear you grow bigger every day!" he exclaimed as his son gurgled happily at being hoisted up into the air. "Be careful," Amy said in an exasperated manner as he held him up above his head. He made no reply but he did consent to bringing him closer and snuggling him against his chest. "I've been thinking," Amy said as she contemplated him and he wondered if he was imagining the slightly apprehensive look in her eyes. "About what?" he asked, rearranging Aedan's blankets around him.

"That perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all to get a nurse for him," she said and his eyes widened; "I mean…I really ought to be helping your mother more with duties around Winterfell and I cannot remember the last time I spent any real time with your siblings. But…if you don't agree then I'm happy to carry on looking after him myself, I just thought that -,"

"Amy," he cut her off before she could carry on her tirade; "I think it's a wonderful idea. You don't have to spend every second of the day with him." She looked relieved at his words and he could only imagine how difficult it must have been for her to admit to herself that she needed help, let alone him. "I got so caught up with being a mother that I forgot about everything else," she confessed to him, stepping closer and placing her hand on his arm; "I miss being a wife, a friend and a good-sister…I want to be all that again."

"Then perhaps you ought to join Arya, Theon's been getting rather cocky again of late, I can keep hold of Aedan a while. Likely he will enjoy watching his mother at the boards," he said and she beamed at him, reaching up on her toes and pressing a kiss to his lips. "Thank you," she said meaningfully when she pulled away and he knew it wasn't just for suggesting she went to the boards. "Amy, I love you," he met her eyes, "don't ever feel like you can't be honest with me."

"I was just overwhelmed for a while," she smiled reassuringly, "and stubborn," she added with a slight roll of her eyes as her hand clasped tighter around his arm. "I love you too you know," she went on, "I'm sorry if I haven't shown it enough of late."

"It's a big change for everyone," Robb soothed her, "but everything will settle down and it will be that much easier if we get a nurse for him. Now enough of this, get over there and wipe that smug grin off Theon's face!"

"Have you thought any more about it?" Jaime asked Ned as they found themselves alone in the parlour again after dinner. Lady Stark had gone with Robb and Amy to help settle Aedan in with his new nurse and Lanette had excused herself not long afterwards. Jaime imagined she had done it on purpose so he could get on with needling at Ned. The man in question gave him a slightly disgruntled look before taking a long drink from his tankard. "We have all lived happily for this long without them knowing the truth, why would I risk all that now?" Ned asked him and he sighed.

"Because it isn't fair," Jaime said, "you raised a boy as your son when he is no such thing. You allowed your wife to believe that you had betrayed her with another woman and brought the product of that union under your own roof. I know you had your own noble and honourable reasons for doing so but you were a damn fool to lie about this. Your wife is a clever woman, I doubt she was as ignorant to your brother's reputation as you assume her to be. Likely she knew, and likely she hoped you would be different. All you did with your lie is prove to her that all men are the same deep down, that she really did just marry a substitute."

"Don't you dare," Ned said warningly but Jaime wasn't done, knowing that he was getting somewhere with him. "And Jon?" Jaime raised his brows, "How is it fair never to have told him the identity of his mother? The poor boy is probably still living with some hope inside him that she is still alive out there somewhere, that one day he might get to meet her. Feel her arms around him. It might be cruel to snuff out that hope, but it is even crueller to allow him to live on imagining that one day it could happen. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Don't you think he deserves the truth? Don't you think they all do?"

"What good will the truth do them?!" Ned snapped at him and Jaime sighed heavily. "What good has this lie done you?" he asked in response and Ned's hard expression shifted to that of quickly concealed devastation. Finally, Jaime imagined he had made some impact. Thinking he had done enough for one day he stood and clasped his hand to Ned's shoulder. "Goodnight," he said quietly, "just think about it."

He got no response. He didn't expect to get a response as he made his way to the door and let himself out into the hallway to make his way back to his and Lanette's chambers. When he pushed open the door he froze for a moment, seeing her knelt down on the floor and retching into a chamber pot. "Lana?" he questioned her, slamming the door closed behind him before rushing to her side, sinking down and pulling her hair back away from her face. "I'm fine," she said weakly after a moment, her own hand coming up to wipe across her mouth and he could see the shake in it. "You don't look fine," he whispered, trailing his own hand across her forehead to make sure she wasn't clammy. Gods he hoped it wasn't a fever.

"I'll call Maester Luwin," he said and she shook her head, her own hand coming to grasp at his as she turned her head to meet his eyes. "Don't…I don't think I can hear it from him…I don't know if I can believe it," she said to him and he frowned. "What are you talking about?" he asked her in confusion, seeing her eyes wide and scared. "I've been ignoring it for months…hiding it from you, hiding it from myself because I don't see how it could possibly be real," she gabbled out.

"Lana, I don't know what you're talking about," he said in an increasingly panicked voice, her nails pinching into the back of his hand as she held his eyes fast. "I've only ever felt like this once before," she whispered, that look of fear back in her eyes again; "when I was expecting Amy."

A/N: Possibly a slightly cruel way to leave you all for so long but...well, I considered posting two chapters this week but the end of the next chapter is ever worse than this one so really I'm sparing you...

Anyway, bye for now!

:)