After coming home from the airport, I dropped my bag on the floor and fell onto my couch. Only then did I realize that the place was clean.
"Deeks." I said, rolling my eyes. I grabbed a blanket and curled up on my couch, trying to sleep. Every time I closed her eyes, I kept seeing images flashing. The man hitting her, Jack, everything. I 'woke up' crying.
"Come on, Kensi." I told myself. "You can do it. The past is just the past." I tried to get some food, thinking that would help me. My feet were freezing on the cold kitchen floor, but I told myself to suck it up and opened the cabinet. It was full. Of non perishable food, maybe. I grabbed a chocolate chip granola bar and sat on my couch, thinking how this was my first time since... it... happened. Tears began again. I couldn't do it anymore. I needed him.
I dialed his number and just after the second ring, he picked up.
"Kens?" he asked. "Do you need anything?" Just after hearing his voice, I just broke down.
"Kensi! Kensi, I'll be there in 5 minutes, I promise." he said, his voice full of concern. I was still crying when he came.
He raced to the couch and pulled me into his arms. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here, I'm here." he whispered into my ear. I laid my head on his shoulder.
"It just keeps coming back." I sniffled.
"I know. I've been through the same thing. But, hey. Do you know what helped me sleep?" he asked, looking into my teary, puffy eyes. "You." I smiled a sad smile.
He lied down on the couch and opened his arms. I got down next to him. "I love you." I whispered.
"I love you too, Fern." he whispered, kissing my hair. He touched my back. I winced, he touched my wounds from the whipping.
"Sorry!" he yelped.
"No, it's fine. That's not even the worst." I said. It was true.
"I know. So let's focus on the things that are more important. Like me, and sleep." he said.
I smiled. "How are you so perfect?" I asked.
"No idea." he said. He kissed her cheek. "Now, let's sleep." I curled up next to him and actually slept for the first time in ages.
The next morning, I woke up earlier and found that Deeks was still there. Sleeping and snoring a bit. His scruff was tickling my cheek. I kissed him lightly and went into the bathroom. I washed my face, washing away the tears and pain from the night before.
I never really realized how much I loved him. Since I had almost lost him, and everyone I loved, I never realized how much I loved his laugh, or his eyes. His voice or even his presence, how it made me so happy to be there right next to him.
"Kens! I need to pee! You done?" asked Deeks from the other side of the door.
"Almost!" I yelled back. I looked at herself in the mirror. I touched my cheek and my face. "You're alive." I whispered. "You survived." I felt the healing scar that was on my temple. "Barely." I added. She put on some face cream and opened the door.
"Hey, there." he said. "I might go to work, but if you want, I can stay." I did want him to stay. He was the one that caught me when I fell, the one I trusted. But I didn't want to seem weak.
"Kens, you won't seem weak to me." he said, his eyes full of concern. "Don't shut us out."
"Maybe you could stay." I said shyly.
"Good, because Hetty gave us all the week off. So you're stuck with me, sugar bear." he said. "Now, what for breakfast?" As he went into the kitchen, I honestly felt like crying. I got so lucky in Afghanistan. I was so thankful that I didn't kill myself over there. Maybe if I didn't have to bring back memories.
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