After some watching movies on the couch, and eating breakfast, Deeks looked at me and asked me the terrible question.
"Kens, what happened?" he asked.
"Deeks, I don't know if I want to talk about it." I said, looking away from him.
"Kens," he said, grabbing my shoulders. "Don't do this to me. Don't shut me out."
"I'm not." I said, wriggling away. "When you were tortured, whenever anyone asked, did it bring back memories?"
"Yes, but, Kensi-" he started.
"No, Deeks. Just go to work. Tell them I'm okay. I'll call you if I need something." I said.
"Kens, what if I'm undercover. What if I die?" he asked, looking into my eyes. His blue eyes, the color of the ocean, pierced my heart. Just remembering what I almost lost, tears began to flood my eyes. He pulled me into a hug, one that I needed badly. I hugged him back, and let the tears roll down my face.
"Kensi, you're safe. Don't worry." he said, stroking my hair. I sniffled. I hated myself for being weak. "Kens, they're not here anymore, okay."
"I know." I said, my voice cracking. "It's just the memories won't leave."
"Just think of me, and your team." he said, looking at me.
"That's what triggers them." I said, softly.
"What?" he asked. "You should see Nate."
"I'm fine." I said, even though we both knew that what I said wasn't true at all.
"Kens, you're not. You need some help." said Deeks. He sounded really concerned.
"Just go, Deeks." I said pulling away. "Hetty needs you."
"I don't care. I'm sure Hetty would much rather have me here so you won't kill yourself, instead or chasing bad guys who are going to die anyway." said Deeks. Does he ever take a hint?
"Deeks!" I yelled, my temper exploding. "It's MY house! LEAVE!" He seemed taken aback and then headed towards the door.
"Call me if you need anything." he said, softly. And left. I watched him leave and then began to cry. I couldn't take this anymore. I didn't want to live with these damn memories! I don't need them haunting me! I noticed the gun on the table.
I grabbed my notepad, a pen, and wrote my note. A note about how I couldn't take it, how stupid I was, and how Deeks should just open the damn box already. And how much I loved them. A few tears got onto my paper. I walked into the bathroom and started crying freely, carrying my gun, my hand wouldn't stop shaking.
I sat on the toilet, my hand shaking, the beatings echoing in my mind. I raised it to my head, and then pulled the trigger.
Deeks' Point of view
I was half way to my apartment when I realized that I forgot my keys at Kensi's. I swerved around and drove back. When I came up her street, and parked the car, I heard a gunshot.
No, she couldn't have. I ran into her apartment.
"Kensi!" I yelled. "Kens!" I ran into the bathroom in her room and saw her, sitting on the floor, crying. The gun was next to her, and a hole in the wall in the shower.
She missed. Thank god I forgot my keys. I got down on the floor, and hugged her tightly.
Kensi's Point of View
I knew I missed. I knew it when I could still hear myself crying, and when I could hear Deeks screaming my name. He opened the door and pulled me into a hug.
"I had to, Deeks." I sobbed. "I couldn't take it anymore."
"Kens, you didn't have to. Do you know how depressed I would be if you were on target?" he said, tears in his eyes. He hugged me again, and we just sat there on the floor for a while. I felt his tears drop on my face.
I couldn't believe how crazy I was. I couldn't believe that my partner loved me this much.