Another one of those shitty days. But I find that when you're sadder, the better your sadder scenes will be. So I'm going to stuff the negativity into my story and give it to Kensi. I don't think that if she said, "It was really bad.", the next episode, she's completely fine. They showed it in Praesidium, (not sure I spelled that right) and they haven't shown anything since. That's pretty much the reason I'm writing this story, and I hope the writers include more backstory soon.

It had been a few days after Mandy talked to me on the beach. I'd been having more flashbacks then usual, so I took a few days off, telling Hetty that my mom needed help with her house, and she just nodded. I knew that she knew that it had to do with Afghanistan when she said:

"You can always be honest with me, Ms. Blye. Remember, we're always a call away."

I was sitting on a bench near a little park in my neighborhood. It was one I rarely visited, but it was quiet and nice. There were little kids playing on the structure, their parents watching them from the benches, skateboarders zooming by with headphones over their ears and humming against the cement. It was a good place to just relax. I was sitting for a while, just absorbing everything.

My mind wandered. Where was Deeks now? Where they in danger? How were they? How am I? Should I see Nate?

I walked back to my house and ended up closing the windows, pulling the curtains and burying myself in somewhat clean blankets. I didn't remember the last time I did laundry. Maybe Deeks did while I was being a lazy ass. I just started thinking about my dad, and grabbed a tattered brown photo album with him, Mom and me. Baby pictures of me, Dad and I going fishing for the first time, me sleeping in my dad's arms, my mom hugging me after my school recital.

And the last photo in the album was the last one I'd ever taken with him. "Oh god, Dad. If only you were here right now." I said, pulling it out, and lightly touching my dad's face. It was him at some military event and I was wearing some blue dress that went down to my knees. That was about a week before he died.

I felt a tear fall from my cheek and onto it. I gently pressed my lips onto the old photograph. I heard a knock at my door, and I pulled myself from the nest of blankets I had and peered through the curtains to see who it was.

And there he was; Operational Psychologist Nate Getz. Hetty must've sent him my way. I didn't like anyone, rarely Deeks, seeing my valuable side. But this time, I honestly just needed someone as my support system, since I barely had one. It was like I was fifteen again, me in his bed, clutching his shirts, my sobs echoing through the empty house.

I hesitated at opening the door, but went through with it, and before he could even say hi, I hugged him. I could feel his surprise, but embraced me back. "I take it that you're not doing too well, kiddo?" I nodded.

"I just kind of need someone right now."

"I know." he said, kissing the top of my head. "Let's sit down or something, okay? We can talk." I let him in, and quickly shut the door behind him. The living room was still dark and messy, and I had no intention of pulling the curtains back. We just sat on the couch, Nate and I, and I just rested my head on his shoulder.

Believe it or not, he was basically the first friend I made at NCIS. Before Callen, before Sam, obviously before Deeks.

"You looking back?" he asked, taking the photo in hand. I nodded. I was cracking again. Again! The floods were coming, before my emotional walls were rebuilt.

"I need him back, Nate." I sighed, a tear dropping down my face. "He's the only one who'd understand."

"I know." he said, rubbing my shoulder. "If you want, I can call Deeks or Hetty or someone-"

"No, Nate." I butted in, wiping my eyes. "I don't want them to see me as a weakling." Crying showed weakness, and Badass Blye was what my team expected of me, and Badass Blye never cried for nothing.

"Kensi, look at me." he said, turning to face me; in all seriousness. "They know you're not a weakling, Kens. You went through what most people would find unbearable, and your team knows what that's like. They can help you, Kensi. You need to teach yourself that asking for help isn't weakness, it's because you're brave enough to."

"I'll call Deeks, I guess." I sighed, and stood up. "You want something?"

"No thanks. I'm leaving soon anyway. Rose and I have... something." he smiled. I laughed a soft laugh. Rose and Nate were one of the most complicated couples out there. He pulled me into another hug. "Good seeing you, Kens. And if you need me, just call me. I'm in town for another two days, and then I'm out."

"I'll keep that in mind." I said, patting him on the back. I opened the door, and stood by it as he walked down the street. I shut the door, and pulled out my phone. I pressed the call button and waited for him to answer.

"Hey there, Shaggys, or Fern! You've reached Marty, just leave a message, and I'll get back to you." his voicemail played. I played it again, and again, and again, just to hear the sound of his voice; the only thing that kept me sane.

Hoped u liked it. After next week's episode, I'll use it and add some juice or something. Feel free to tell me if u liked it'