The body is not built for continuous pain and suffering. At least mine wasn't. Eventually, as it always does, the pain deadened away and I felt my body lose all sensation and my mind go elsewhere.

Hours may have passed. When I regained consciousness, darkness had descended.

A cold breeze swept past me, but I was too numb to shiver.

The simple act of sitting up, let alone helping them seemed excruciatingly difficult at this point.

But the guilt was worse. The guilt was always much, much worse. Worse than being helpless…than the feeling of wanting to tear my own skin off…than even having my mind and boundaries ripped apart and shredded the way it had been…

I willed myself to stand.

I willed myself to stand in spite of the growing ache in my lower back and the splitting headache. I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Stumbling, I leaned against a tree for support. Where the hell was I?

The simple thought exacerbated the headache and I cried out in agony. Nausea took over and I bent over to vomit.

Wracked with dry heaves, I pressed my back heavily against the tree, head strained up at the stars.

Breathing heavily, I listened to the crickets chirp. The stars and moon were out, offering some semblance of light. My eyes shifted and saw several more trees and a dark, shaded impression in the grass where my body had been.

The woods, I realized. I was in the woods somewhere. Well that certainly narrows it down.

I shook my head and tried to organize my thoughts. If the Warper attacked me in broad daylight in front of a Master Magician, escape couldn't have been easy.

Teleportation was a skill that took me a little over two years to learn. And it also burned energy like no other. Going from one's room in the Keep to a few feet outside the Citadel could be enough to sap all the power of an inexperienced magician; requiring bed rest for an entire day.

And taking another person with them - especially after pulling off big Story Weaver magic like that - they couldn't have taken me far…Unless there was a rendezvous point where I was handed off to be dragged out farther away. Or worse, they had already amassed so many souls that such magic would be a dismissive wave of the hand. But if the point is to give me back, then it'd make sense to put me somewhere close to the Citadel.

I moaned softly and hung my head. Dehydrated and exhausted beyond measure, I was beginning to feel dizzy and lightheaded.

But I couldn't stay here. I had to go somewhere. Or else I'd give into this terrible urge to lie down in the soft grass.

I turned, searching for some sign of civilization. A considerable distance away, smoke rose from the chimney of a possible glass factory. My thoughts went to Opal and what Devlen had tried to do to her. Worry suddenly began to gnaw at my stomach. I was able to keep her husband from harming her but the Warper was a different story.

Heaving myself off the tree, I staggered in the direction of the smoke.

For a while, I collided past several trees, scratching against branches and pine until my arms itched from the sticky sap. Cold sweat beaded my forehead as the headache and back pain worsened. I looked ahead, and unable to see any clearing, fell.

I pressed my hands to the ground, arms trembling and fingers clawing at the grass. Get up, I told myself. Get up and keep moving. But I was so tired...

A branch snapped behind me. I gasped. Bandits? Wild wolves? Something to put me out of my misery? I closed my eyes.

"Yelena!" Janco emerged from the shrubs. His pale, horror stricken face made me wish for a wild animal.

Before long, my companions emerged from the same spot and swarmed me, their hands reaching out to me like overgrown vines suffocating a tree in the jungle.

"What's wrong with her? She looks sick." "She's just traumatized. She needs space. Give her some space." "Yelena? What do you need?" "Yelena?" "Yelena?!" "Are you hungry? Do you want some food?" "Janco!" "What?! This is a serious question! She's been lost for hours!" "Let me help you, love. You'll fall over." "Yelena, can you hear us? Are you still here?" "Are you hurt anywhere?"

My head began to throb and I felt on the verge of a panic attack. "Stop…" I think I mumbled. "Stop please."

I stumbled to my feet and backed several steps away from them. The pain grew worse as everything I could see, smell, touch, hear became too clear…too overbearing…too rough...too loud…

Groaning, I doubled over, staggering on my feet. Their voices and bodies faded away into a blur.

Suddenly I felt the full brunt of the violation. My body couldn't even register, let alone react to what had just happened. I slammed both hands at my temples as if to keep my mind from tearing itself apart. My knees buckled and my body gave as I staggered. I would have collapsed in an ungainly heap had Ari not appeared behind me, catching me below the arms and steadying me.

I felt myself drift between consciousness and unconsciousness amidst alarmed voices as I was swept into someone's arms and carried away.

Ari, Janco, Maren

"For pity's sake, not another one!" Extreme exhaustion lined every inch of Healer Hayes's face and he looked on the brink of collapse. He glanced about wildly and spotted an empty bed. "Set her down."

Ari gently set Yelena on the bed. Her head lolled to the side and her eyes were open but unseeing.

"Give her room, give her room!" The healer dashed over with a bottle and signaled for the party to take five steps back. He pressed a hand to his patient's brow and was silent for a minute. When he looked up, his miserable expression provided no consolation. "The most I can do for her now is to put her to sleep."

Yelena did not even blink her eyes.

Hayes lifted her up gently and tilted the bottle at her lips. With insurmountable patience, he managed to coax, "Two swallows, my dear. That's right, you're doing very well. Good."

With a soft sigh, Yelena's eyes closed and she slumped in his arms.

Hayes breathed a sigh of relief as he set her down and soothed her hair. "Some patients needed injections…"

When he turned to them, his voice quiet and grave. "Is there anything that she has which could let her escape? I'm talking lock picks, weapons, the like. And…" He glanced at her sleeping form, "I don't mean only what's in her bag."

Ari and Janco automatically took a step back with their hands up.

"I'll do it." Maren said, stepping forward.

Hayes nodded and drew the privacy curtain closed.

Yelena

I woke in the middle of the night to find myself in the Keep's infirmary. I had a near panic attack when I realized I had no idea how I got here. There were few recollections of consciousness and simply exerting effort to remember exhausted me.

The other patients were still asleep and the room was lit only by the moonlight that filtered in through the window by my bed. I sat up slowly, every small movement difficult and heavy. Grateful for the water at the bedside table, I poured a glass and downed it. The cool liquid relieved my burning, parched throat.

I lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. When sleep wouldn't come, I rolled onto my side and began to idly trace patterns in the soft blanket. Eventually I fell into an unfeeling stupor as my mind drifted away. My body was numb, as if it didn't belong to me. I felt so empty and alone.

I needed someone, anyone. Go away, I ordered myself. Go somewhere warm and where you're believed, validated, and comforted.

I ended up in an empty, white, sterile room. A patient voice drew all my attention.

"What makes this so difficult for you?" The medic I envisioned asked me. Dressed in white, she held a folder and assessed me with clinical eyes. When I didn't answer right away, she rephrased her question. "You seemed to always have had these memories. But it suddenly seems harder for you. What was different about revisiting them this time?"

"I had to relive everything. Especially those last two years." I told her as I organized my thoughts. "And I gave these memories to him. He forced his way into and took apart my mind. I…I lost everything. I feel as if I no longer belong to myself anymore." I rambled on about Roze's near success at tearing my mind apart years ago when Cahil had first brought me before her as an Ixian spy. My face was wet with tears by the time I finished with how I had stayed in my room for three days, unable to bear the thought of anyone even looking at me.

"I believe you." She nodded and wrote down a note. After a while, she raised her head to look at me once more. "And what has worked for you in the past? What brought you out of this when it happened?"

"Irys did." I sighed. "She told me I was sulking. I couldn't…I couldn't say no to her. She told me I'd been through worse. I had never been able to tell her how completely miserable I felt when she told me that. But at the same time I knew I had to be strong. In spite of it all, she came, brought me food, took care of me, and gave me a reason to leave my room. I had to come back because it's what she was expecting. I had to be better for her. She cared so much that I just couldn't bear for her to see me suffer."

The medic leaned against the arm of her chair thoughtfully. "That sounds very frustrating and difficult. Tell me what happened next."

"I came out of my room. That was the only thing that mattered in the long run. For that I am grateful. But yes. I hadn't felt so guilty about what Roze did until she told me that. I felt I could have done something. I could have prevented it somehow. Maybe if I tried harder to have a good relationship with Leif from the start, he would have protected me. He was Roze's apprentice after all. I could have held Cahil more responsible than he was. Or at the very least I could have coped with it better. I could have done more than sleep and lie around for three days."

"But it's not your fault. You know that right? You couldn't have prevented Roze, a Master Magician at the time, from doing what she had done. And the kind of pain you went through was a very uncommon and unimaginable kind of pain. It's not just a bad day. It was scarring and impairing for you."

Disbelief swirled in my stomach. I've heard this before, but not all too often. "I know it's not my fault. But even now I have a hard time believing it sometimes. I wonder if I could have prevented Reyad from doing what he had done to me. And I wonder if…I could have even prevented Brazell and Mogkan from taking me for their experiments in the first place. If I hadn't been so trusting, I could have kept from being kidnapped in the first place."

"But you couldn't have. The very root of this was that they made decisions independently of what you wanted. And that's why it's not your fault and you didn't do anything to deserve this."

"Not my fault…"

The kind medic faded away as I drifted into an exhausted sleep.

"Again." Mogkan commanded.

Brazell gave me a sympathetic smile and handed me the vial. "It will make you feel better."

I blinked. What was I even doing here? Something wasn't right.

When he saw me hesitate, the kind General knelt next to me and tilted my head up to face him. "You need it to be well again, my dear."

"I never feel well when I take it."

"Just common side effects!" He laughed and ruffled my hair. The hearty laughter and attention that used to make me glow with pride suddenly made me shiver. "You'll be fine. You'll sleep through it all, I promise."

Pain sliced into my head again. It felt like my hair was being pulled out one strand at a time. I looked at Mogkan. He smiled and when I blinked, we were in that jungle again. That jungle I know I've never been to but seemed so familiar. He was on the ground, clutching his ankle for some reason. I felt a foreboding…a part of me telling me to run…run as far away as I can. It was the same part of me that kept me from touching a hot fire and from running on ice during the Freezing season.

I looked back down at the vial Brazell had given me. It didn't feel right. Something was very wrong. I set the vial down on the straw.

Brazell and Mogkan looked at one another, concerned. Mogkan scowled and whispered in Brazell's ear.

The General made a silent signal before approaching me again. This time he was accompanied by the new nanny. The one would never even tell us her name. She wiped her hands on her apron and glowered.

Heart racing, I backed to the end of the cell, shaking.

"I didn't want to have to do this, Yelena." Brazell put his hands behind his back and shook his head. "But this won't do. You'll catch cold if you stay in this dungeon for much longer."

The memory of being held down flooded back and I snatched up the vial. But I still felt wrong about drinking.

"You're scared." He stated. "It's alright to be scared. Your mind isn't in a good place right now. That's why we're trying to help you. But to do that, you have to take your medicine."

My head throbbed at that very moment, as if something was pushing against it…almost as if by magic.

I opened the vial and the throbbing went away. Brazell gave an encouraging wave and I drank obediently.

He smiled and shrugged his uniform jacket off and draped it around me. Resting his hands on my shoulders, he glowed with paternal affection. "There's a good girl. You'll be out of here before you know it."

I hardly heard what he said after that because I could no longer keep my eyes open. But before I could fall asleep, the claws came back. There was a sharp, screeching ring as it sliced through my barriers. I screamed –whether inwardly or outwardly I couldn't tell. And yet my body was warm as someone held and cradled me.

Brazell would tell me I was dreaming and having a nightmare when I woke in my own bed…five days later.

Healer Hayes

"How are you feeling today?" Hayes asked his patient several steps away from the bed.

Yelena jumped and glanced at him sharply.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"How did I get here? How long was I gone?"

"You were brought by your friends. You've been asleep all of yesterday and today. It's nighttime."

Yelena ran a hand through her hair as she concentrated. "…What's going to happen to me?"

"You'll be kept here for a few days and, if your condition seems stable after that, be released. In the meantime, do you feel any discomfort or tenderness anywhere? Do you need anything?"

She gazed at the Healer absently for a minute before saying, "That's not what I meant. But I'd like to take a bath, if that's alright."

"...Of course!" He gestured toward the back of the infirmary where the baths were.

While Yelena bathed, Hayes updated the concerned party of her status and ordered a balanced meal from the dining hall. At his desk, he muttered under his breath. If he had it his way, she wouldn't have to see anyone for at least another week unless she requested it herself. Usually, his jurisdiction would trump even the Master Magicians' authorities. But because there was an "investigation" involved, that exception was overruled.

"No more than three at a time and ground rules," He looked at everyone with as stern an expression as he could muster before counting them with his fingers for emphasis. "No crying, no screaming, no fighting, no blaming, and not even…" Hayes looked at the Ixians very pointedly. "…any valiant promises to kill the bastard who did this to her. You will not torture my patient any more than she has already been. I will give no warnings; you break one rule the slightest bit and you're banned until she's discharged. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir!"

Yelena sat up in bed, hugging her knees. She stared across the room, apparently fascinated by a crack in the wall, and did not seem to notice them approach her bedside.

"Yelena? You're safe now." Leif rested a hand on her shoulder.

She jerked violently at the contact. "Safe…" The patient muttered, "Safe…Opal!" She shot up suddenly with restless energy. "Opal…! I have to… Is she alright?! Is she safe?!"

Leif took her shoulders and tried to calm her back down by explaining quickly. "She's fine. She's a bit shaken up, but fine. They didn't manage to get to her or do anything to her. You saved her."

At that, Yelena let herself be guided back down into a sitting position on the bed.

"What happened?" She asked in an uncertain voice.

Valek was brief and concise. "We brought you back. You slept while we continued to investigate. I sent Maren back as our trip has been extended."

She clasped her hands tightly. "Oh. Everyone's delayed because of me?"

"It's not your fault, Yelena." Irys interjected, placing a hand gently on top of her tense ones.

All three of the visitors looked at her in concern.

"I feel so helpless." Yelena said after a moment in a soft voice. "And alone."

"You're not alone." Irys said firmly. "And whatever he's making you see or even feel is not real. All of that is in the past and is over now. You've been free for years."

"But what if it never ends? What if this keeps happening? And I'm never free?"

"It won't." Irys declared. "Bain and I will figure out what to do and we'll cure you. He'll be out of your mind and you'll be fine."

She shook her head. "It goes beyond that. Before Devlen did-"

"Don't worry, Yelena!" Leif's voice was too cheery. "Devlen's been taken care of. He can't hurt you or come near you again. You don't have to worry about him at all. It's all good."

Yelena narrowed her eyes at him. She glanced at Valek quickly, who shirked from her scrutiny.

Without taking her eyes away, she said in a low voice, "I can take anything from you but a lie, Valek."

He valiantly returned her gaze and held it for a moment, deciding. Then he spoke, "Devlen is our only link to whoever the ringleader is right now. We decided to let him think he managed to escape. But he won't come near you and he can't hurt you." His voice intensified. "I promise."

"I know." She said. "I've made sure of that too."

Irys exhaled sharply. "You didn't…you cursed him?"

"I had to keep him permanently away from Opal." Yelena said tightly. A small, brief spark re-lit her eyes as she challenged her. "And you've always said the Ethical Code didn't apply to criminals."

The Second Magician looked uncomfortable. "This is a difficult case, Yelena. And curses are always up for debate in any situation. Opal would have had to press charges against Devlen and since so few know…"

"You need to keep this under wraps. And I could blow that for you. But it's funny how raping a person's mind is never considered a curse."

Her chagrined expression said it all. "We'll worry about this after we uncover and put a stop to this operation."

"Well it won't be too bad. We've the Soulfinder on our side. All we have to do is track them down and Yelena can suck out the souls and release them to the sky. They lose their power, we go in, and bam!" Leif clapped his hands together, "Problem solved."

"I can't help you." She said.

"Why not?" Leif demanded.

"Shadow's gone." Yelena shook her head numbly, "And I can't hear Kiki."

Leif blanched, "What the hell did he make you see?"

She only shook her head again as her hand had migrated between her teeth. When she caught everyone staring, she pulled the hand out quickly and declared, "I really don't want to talk about it. I'm so tired…please let me sleep."

Before anyone could interrupt, the Healer stepped in between them and spread his arms out. "That's enough. I don't care how important your investigation is. You will leave her alone."

Leif

"Where's Moon Man when you need him?" Leif threw his hands up in frustration as they all congregated in a guest room.

"That bad?" Ari tensed with anxiety.

"Sometimes under great stress magicians can lose their magic temporarily. Or in rare cases they form a null shield." He paused and looked pointedly at Valek. "But Irys was still able to put her to sleep and calm her nightmares so it couldn't be the latter. Though believe it or not I wouldn't even mind a null shield so much but for that look on her face… I've seen that look before, many times on the investigations I go on. And it was the same one Gelsi wore before she died. She looks like she's checked out…like she's holding out for one final battle before…" he couldn't finish the sentence. "I don't like it. And we have to watch her. I'm so worried."

"This is my fault." Opal said, shaking her head, "She was protecting me, as always. I always cause bad things to happen to her. Jabbing her with curare…letting him do this to her…"

"Hey!" Leif grabbed her by the shoulders. "We'll have none of that right now."

She looked away, ashamed.

Leif paced in small circles, his steps agitated. "Irys's protective charm won't last though. Whoever this is is in her mind. But there's something I can give her and it'll take me a while to find it, if I can even find it. What am I saying, I have to...and soon! I can't lose her again."

Before anyone could reply, he had run out of the room into the night.

Another chapter! :D As always, please review! Of course, thanks to those who did, especially "Guest," my very lovely and thoughtful anon reviewer. And I hope this chapter makes it clearer what was happening to Yelena when it came to that dungeon scene. If it's still clear as mud, the next chapter will make it super obvious. :)