I woke the next day disappointed that I had missed seeing the light of day again. Turning in the small bed, I stared up at the ceiling until the grogginess subsided.

To my right, the helpers chattered softly as they took care of the other patients. Judging by the loud, agitated voice followed by one marked with weary patience, Healer Hayes was discussing a last minute medical issue with a concerned family member at his desk.

Sighing, I propped myself up on my elbows. A pitcher of cold water was placed next to me and I took a drink.

A helper rushed over as soon as she saw me. She looked me over briefly and I could smell the antiseptic off of her. With a satisfied nod, she announced she was going to bring me dinner. The affirmative tone of her voice made it clear that eating was going to be an order.

I sat up and watched briefly as the other orderlies interacted with the others. I counted seven patients with four attendants in total. To my relief, May and Sky were no longer here. But I still worried they could be left alone for too long.

"I hope you've been enjoying your trip down memory lane. I know I have."

I cried out and jumped, causing a loud creak in the bed. Hayes, startled halfway out of his chair, glanced sharply at me in concern. When I gave him a short wave, he sat back down slowly, eying me warily.

I didn't look at Reyad but kept my face stubbornly facing front, watching for the helper to return with dinner. As usual, no one else could see him. Hayes continued writing and charting and the other helpers walked past my bed with trays filled with dinners and medicine.

"If you're planning on calling on me so often, don't you think we could set up some kind of schedule so I could at least look like I've maintained my sanity?" To my great relief, I managed to keep my voice soft and steady.

"Oh but what fun would that be? You know nothing's more romantic than spontaneity."

My skin crawled and I shivered.

I could feel his smirk. "I've missed you a great deal, Yelena. Sometimes I think you're avoiding me." The playful lilt in his voice wasn't lost on me. It's the same one he'd use to tell me that the experiments and beatings weren't "so bad" and that I'm always acting scared and "jumpy" over nothing. "How it hurts my heart…"

"Provided you had one." I finished for him just as the helper came in with my dinner.
"Eat. You'll need your strength." She propped the tray up in my lap.

When I thanked her, she beamed. "Feel better soon!"

I picked at the meat and gnawed on a small piece of bread. The food was ashes in my reluctant mouth.

Reyad tsked. "Still so bent on pleasing others…well except me of course. You never tired of annoying me."

I stabbed my fork forcefully into the salad and ate a large bite.

When I had finished, I set the tray aside and lay back down. I gazed up at the ceiling and projected my awareness to the soft sheets that surrounded me; needing to carve the feel and comfort into my memory.

Healer Hayes came to my bedside, interrupting my reverie. He asked if I felt better. Yes. Then, whether I was comfortable. Of course. Did I feel safe? Why wouldn't I? Are the nightmares coming back? Yes…but obviously, they're all in my head. Well that's one way to look at it. With all the sleeping I did during the day, it seems I'm still having trouble sleeping at night, he noted. I'm trying to get back on schedule. That's good. I seem more lucid now than during the day. Master Bain Bloodgood will try to see me by the end of tomorrow, even if it means paying a visit at such an hour. Would that be alright? Sure, I guess so.

I rolled onto my side as the lights were dimmed.

Yelena, the 'shining one...' It was that voice again. I shut my eyes, burying my head under the pillow.

When sleep wouldn't come, I groaned and turned toward the window.

Let me ease your pain, Yelena. You don't have to go back there anymore.

Don't listen, I schooled myself. He's trying to hurt you.

It laughed. But there is no one else. Where will you go?

There was no good reason to shackle me in this cell. I couldn't pick locks. And even if I could, there was clearly nothing to pick them with. The chains clanked in protest as I hugged my knees to my chest, the steel scraping into my skin until it was raw.

Brazell came back in with breakfast. He had brought sweet cakes.

I tried to stand, but the chains were too heavy in my frail condition.

He tsked and, setting the tray down quickly, was at my side. With a twinkle in his kind eye and smile, he pulled a key out of his pocket and began to unlock the manacles. "You weren't cold last night, were you my dear?"

My heart swelled at his term of endearment and I quickly shook my head, glancing at the jacket that had fallen off my shoulders.
Brazell picked up his jacket, dusting it off lightly. "The manacles were necessary, I'm afraid. You were making even your most weather worn wardens nervous with the raving."

"…Raving?"

He nodded sympathetically. "You gave your other friends quite the scare. You were going on about some kind of jungle and…" Brazell looked away, embarrassed for me. "You said we kidnapped all of you."

I gasped. I had to be mad. He was a kindly general who had taken us orphans in when we had nowhere to go. It was taught to us at the beginning of lessons each and every day. We were to be grateful. We were given decent education and nurturing so we could be more than servers and stable hands. But in the corner of my mind, the heretic thought continued to brew. Something was wrong.

Smiling, Brazell stood and met Mogkan as he entered. The man pulled at his long, braided beard and shook his head once.

My benefactor turned to me again. His smile had faded. "You need to try harder, Yelena. I had hoped to be able to take you out of here by the end of the morning…" He sighed and, after procuring the vial of "medicine", turned away.

Mogkan looked at me only once before my mind was filled with those claws again.

I woke, shuddering. The infirmary was empty and quiet. Exhaustion tore at me and I collapsed back onto the pillows, intending to sleep for just a few more hours.

Looking out the window, I saw the hazy skies and leapt out of bed, hoping to catch the sunrise. My shoulders slumped when I realized it was actually sunset.

I felt a presence behind me and turned slowly.

Master Magician Bain Bloodgood cleared his throat and gestured toward the bed. I mechanically sat down as he took the chair at the bedside.

He asked me whether the nightmares were still happening. Yes, every night. Did they ever change, child? No. It's always the same thing. Finally, would I give him permission to enter my mind? I shrugged and lay down. Of course. How else could I hope to get better?

When Bain finally emerged, he nodded, already preoccupied with what books he will be reading on the matter, and bid me goodnight.

I all but ran to the baths to wash and scrub my skin raw after he was gone.

After four more days of this, Irys decided that enough was enough. With Valek in tow, she came in after dinner time for an interrogation and to try to get me back into the habit of sleeping at night.

Uncertain, I sat up cautiously. I was slowly forgetting these people were even in my life.

Irys rested a hand on my shoulder and cupped my face. "Yelena, something is happening here. And it has affected you so tremendously you can no longer access the power source and can't sleep at night. We need to know what you've been seeing."

I pulled her hand down and took a breath. I would have given anything to keel over dead or unconscious at this point. "Brazell's dungeon. It's always the same. At first it was only when I was asleep. Then I started having flashes to it. I'm always alone and…helpless."

"You never saw his dungeon until we were there together, remember?" Valek spoke, "If you had to relive a memory, I should be there with you." He took my hand and our eyes met. But this memory wasn't so sweet.

"I was put there once before that." I said slowly. Speaking about this was like walking into a vat of boiling oil. I felt the worst urge to tear my skin off. "I was fourteen years old. The experiments hadn't started yet. But that was probably when my magic was starting to kick in."

"You never talked about this." Irys said, her eyebrows knit together.

"It's not something I want to think about. But at the time, I started to see…remember…things." My voice grew wistful at the memory. "I started having vivid memories of climbing trees and swinging through the jungle…hiding in caves from someone…eating sweet, ripe berries that grew all around me. I even started to have recollections of my family. Not actual memories though…but feelings. Somewhere I felt that there was a time when I was loved and cared for unconditionally; as if I had a good, full life before the orphanage."

Irys touched my hand and said soothingly, "And then what happened?"

I closed my eyes, wanting to cry at her pity. No. Imagine you're sitting at the bedside, not on the bed. Dissociate.

The patient's voice became jagged. "That's when it became problematic. That's when they grew worried. One day Mogkan and Brazell didn't…they didn't look right. I started to feel…as if something was taken from me. I started to want out at that point. So they gave me something…something that made me constantly sleepy and my head hurt when I was awake. But I still trusted Brazell then because he took such good care of me and was so kind. And I believed him when he said they needed to put me in the dungeon because my 'ravings' were becoming a kind of danger to the welfare of the other orphans. And eventually…eventually I stopped struggling. I gave up and stopped talking about it. They made me say that I had been lying and dreaming."

"I said it so often I began to doubt myself. And eventually it all stopped: no more dreams and no more memories. I was always an orphan – a girl without a past or future that a kind general took pity on. The whole time Mogkan was doing something."

"But that's over now." Irys insisted. "Mogkan's dead and you're safe now."

She didn't seem to hear her. She looked away as her voice broke. "I didn't even know what it was. I didn't have a name for it. And he never even had to touch me." A choked sob escaped despite her efforts. The patient covered her eyes with one hand and cried.

Irys squeezed my hand. "I promise you. You're not there anymore. It's in the past."

"No, I still see it. I've always seen it."

"Yelena, stay with me." Irys begged, her voice becoming strained with worry, as her grip tightened. "And no matter what happens, please, please don't do anything rash. You have to trust me. Bain and I will find the counter-spell or Valek will find the Warper. Somehow, someway we will save you."

The patient looked from her mentor to her lover. Second Magician's wrinkled robes were covered with sweat stains and her fastidious neat hair had fallen into disarray. Valek was unshaved and his characteristic graceful walk and motion had become jagged and heavy. Her newfound appreciation for peaceful rest made her emphasize with the torture they were putting themselves through in their anxiety. They were so tired. The patient met her mentor's eyes, smiled, and squeezed her hand in return.

A relieved smile brightened Irys's haggard face as she bent down to kiss the patient on the forehead.

When Irys had gone, Valek took her place and held my hand, his thumb tracing small circles on it. "It's a difficult situation."

"We'll figure it out." I reassured him, trying to forget how useless I felt. "There has to be a way to stop him without my magic."

He smiled mirthlessly. "I was talking about you, love."

I feigned ignorance. "Me?"

"Yes you." He stroked my hair and his hand glided beneath my chin, tilting my head up. "You look so tired."

My heart broke at the guilt that hung so heavily in his voice. I shook my head and smiled. "I just need to get a bit more sleep is all. I'll be fine."

My eyes fell to the hand that held mine and the thick bandage wrapped around his forearm. Sometimes I forget how long it takes for flesh wounds to heal without magic. I touched it gingerly with my other hand. "What about you?" I looked at him. "Are you alright? You look pretty sleepy too."

Valek shook his head, unwilling to change the topic. "It's just a scratch, love. And I have Ari and Janco doing reconnaissance for the next few nights so that I can rest." He gazed at me intently. "Yelena, if you're in pain…if you're suffering, don't spare me, please."

I squeezed the hand that clutched mine so securely and grinned in earnest. "I'm glad I don't have to."

The other visitors were beginning to make their goodbyes and departures. My mind flashed back to the memory of waking up alone and it became harder to breathe.

Valek caught my glance and said soothingly, "I'll leave only when you want me to, love."

"How about you don't leave?" I couldn't keep the anxiety out of my voice. "How does that sound?"

"Done." He kissed my hand and I pulled him into the small bed beside me.

I rested my head on his chest, closed my eyes to his steady heartbeat, and found blissful comfort in his familiar, musky scent. A secure arm came around me and stroked my hair soothingly. I felt his lips brush across my forehead and a relieved sigh escaped me: Warm. Safe. Cherished.

Leif was sitting in the chair when I woke in the morning.

"Mother's interrogating Valek." He rushed to explain when he caught me glancing around the room. "She nearly had heart failure when she saw him…er…too close for comfort! Get it? Because he was there and you two were being all snuggly-wuggly…and then there's the bed actually being very tiny…and it's a pun so...okay never mind."

I sighed, reluctant to address our worried parents. I didn't need my powers to sense their anxiety across the Keep.

"But look what I've brought you!" Leif jumped up and held out a mug of his medicinal tea that smelled worse than the dungeon.

I wrinkled my nose. "Water from the sewer?"

Unfazed, he grinned. "Take a better whiff and try again."

Reluctantly, I sniffed the tea. I gaped. "Moonmist?"

The herb grew most predominantly in the fertile Illiais Jungle. And even then it was difficult to find. Only the flowering part of Moonmist had any medicinal use and it wilted and died within hours of its nightly bloom. The herb gave relief from intense mental stress and helped clear the mind. And unlike Theobroma, Moonmist also acted as a protective barrier against all mental, magical contact. It was especially useful for abusive domestic situations where survivors needed to escape without their abusers being able to detect their locations via mental connection. But like Curare, there was always a less positive use for it. Council debate was being made on the problematic use it carried as a block against mental interrogation by the Master Magicians of criminals. I already had a stake in rendering mental invasion unethical in all situations.

"You got it!" Leif smiled too widely and his voice was too loud. "And the best part is I added a bit of Custra so you can be all awakey-wakey without the grogginess and sleep should come better for you. Either way, that Warper shouldn't be able to enter your mind anymore. Once you drink this, it should all go away so that you could feel better while Master Bloodgood works on a more permanent solution."

I held the cup, gazing at the tea. It was light blue, the color of the sky. "How did you even find it?" His hyperactivity suddenly made sense. "You must be so exhausted."

"I have my ways! It took longer than I expected but it was a piece of cake really."

At that moment, Mara walked in and rested her hands on his shoulders behind him. "Don't listen to him. He made a mad three-day dash to the Illiais Jungle, found a batch, and ran back here in the same breath. He hasn't slept properly in days. And he just pulled an all-nighter."

I looked at Leif.

He waved a hand dismissively. "I have no idea what you two are talking about. I didn't run anywhere, I went on the horsey! I'm just peachy keen! Perfectly fine! Never been better…I'll just go…take a little nap…unless you wanted some kind of food? I can go cook you something!"

The image of Leif falling asleep over a roaring fire frightened me and I shook my head quickly.

Leif stood and backed toward the door. But when he turned, he collided headfirst into the wall next to it. "See? Perfectly fine! Never been better! Hunky dory!"

He stumbled out the door and poked his head back in just a few seconds later. "Mara? Honey? Which way is our room?"

She shook her head and after bidding me goodbye, went to guide her husband home.

I looked back down at the cup, and brought it up to my lips to drink.

You think this will make it disappear?

I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried in vain to make the voice disappear. Drink it and it will all go away.

Zaltana remedies lose their potency…as do all other concoctions. What will you do when these remedies and the magic of the healers can no longer help you? When the screaming and the raving nightmares come back and they can no longer save you?

Don't think about it yet. I commanded myself. Worry about that later. You're not even thinking straight right now. Clear your head first.

You will still remember, Yelena. It did not stop when you banished Reyad's ghost. Nor even when you saved the Commander and reclaimed your own soul all those years ago.

I shook my head, as if the Warper would leave out my ears the way trapped water does. But he was right. It won't end. It never has. To this day I can still feel Roze's magic inside me when she tried unsuccessfully to rape my mind. Reyad still haunted my dreams and I was so tired…

Put a permanent end to this…all of this. I can help you. There is no need to go halfway.

Reyad chose that moment to appear. He crossed his arms with a mocking grin. "Funny. I never got to see daddy half as much as you did. I'm almost jealous. And these days…"

"You need to get out of my life." I said through clenched teeth. "You have no place here."

He laughed. "Then why won't you make me? Why am I still here with you to this very day?"

I turned my head away and refused to look at him. His sadistic mirth burned me.

"I'll tell you why, Yelena. It's because you can't and won't let me go. Not even after all these years. I'm a part of you…and I always will be. No matter where you go or what you do…" He jabbed a finger at the cup in my hand. "No matter what kind of medicine you take to try and stop the screaming in your dreams…it'll never end."

"Stop…" My voice came out in a hoarse whisper as my eyes welled with tears.

"I wonder what Valek will think of you in a few more seasons." He had a fit of uproarious laughter and clutched his stomach. "The ruthless…cold blooded Chief of Security…in love with you…you really did come far, I suppose. But don't tell me you honestly thought this would last for much longer. He just needs to spend a bit more time with you…an extended vacation perhaps…where all that whining and clinging will eventually show and he'll see you for what you really are: a lost, scared, defenseless little girl addicted to pain… a real pain in the ass to be with…and I would know."

"You're wrong." I seethed. "I'm not addicted to pain. Why the hell would I do this to myself?"

Reyad only shrugged and smoothed his hair out. It was always cut in the latest style. "Does it matter? Who do you think could be with that? Someone who always needed to be taken care of lest they spiral out of control? Mark my words, Yelena. This victim character you love playing, it'll get old real fast. And he'll leave first. Then your little friends. Your family will probably continue to take care of you out of guilt but they will resent you…maybe pass you along to each other like an unwanted gift.

"But in the end, you'll be all alone again. Right back to where you started. Same story, Yelena. You just changed the scenery up a bit."

He laughed as he faded away, leaving me alone again.

He is right you know. The voice came back, filling the void. I wonder how things will be if you hold out for a few more years…when you have lost your youth and beauty as well.

Images of my mentor, lover, parents, friends, and brother swirled in my mind. I saw Leif scavenging in the dark, the entire night, with only the meager light from his lantern for the Moonmist bloom. He then sat patiently next to a fire for hours after that, watching and brewing the remedy. My parents clutched each other the way they did when they mourned my apparent loss to the Fire World. Valek lay beside me all night, in his boots and cloak, awake and alert to save me from any nightmares and demons. Irys poured over books in hers and Bain's library to search for a cure. Ari and Janco worked tirelessly to find the culprit in their daily investigations of everything from rowdy taverns to underground crime networks.

I still had to try. I downed the remedy, letting the medicine wash over me and relax tense muscles and fatigued bones.

Breathing softly, I felt a lethargic calm sweep over me.

Bain took that moment to enter, clasping and unclasping his hands.

I set the empty mug down and sat next to the magician eagerly.

"How are you today, child?"

"Better." I answered impatiently.

"And Leif's remedy? Did it procure the intended effect?"

"Yes. Did you find anything?"

"That's good. Any side effects to the medicine?"

"Tell me what you found." I was ready to throttle him.

The magician sighed and fidgeted. After a moment, he took my hand and said as calmly as he could, "Yelena, child, there is simply nothing wrong with you."

Updates like candy! I honestly intended for this chapter (according to the outline anyways) to have a bit more action in it but alas it is not so. I promise it won't be too slow for much longer.

Thanks for reading and please review! They really do make my day! :D