Suspended in Motion

by girlmonstering

"There's a moment, a split-second, right between jumping and the free-fall." This is what happens when you lose everything. When you cut your ties to friends, family, and the life you had before, what's left? A story from Julia's perspective.

2. Chapter 2

'Julia'

I suppress a sigh. Trying to get out of here. Just try, Julia. Fucking try.

'Yes, Dr. Roberts?'

'Your treatment team is worried about your lack of progress.'

'What?'

I swear to god, that woman is smirking. So, she finally provoked a response. I snapped, instead of giving her another verbal dose of the dreamy, sleepy stupor that I've been soaking in.

'We're worried about your lack of progress.'

I slow my words right down again, tugging myself back into the haze where I exist.

'I've been engaging. I talk to people.'

I've been trying, but it frightens me. When I go too far out into the world, I'm not safe anymore. My heart speeds up, drumming in my chest and my lungs fill with smoke. It's like every inch of my skin is crawling over me.

'Dr Emilia says you still haven't opened up in therapy.'

My skin crawls and opens up, and my head swirls. I can't handle it. Better to stay soft and hazy.

'I've been trying.'

Soft and pliant. Easy does it.

She sighs, a rush of sterile air floating across to me.

'I'm afraid you'll need to try harder. This is your last chance, Julia.'

'Meaning?'

I've lost my patience, lost my cool again. Damn it.

'Progress in the next week or we'll start looking at other options.'

She closes the file in front of her, and I stand up. That's my cue to leave. As I'm shuffling towards the door, keeping things slow and steady to avoid stirring anything up, her voice trails behind me with the strangest words I've ever heard her say.

'I'm glad to see you're getting your fight back. Embrace it. That's what's going to save you.'

The woman has no idea what she's talking about.