"So he basically came all the way down here just to complain." Janco perched at the end of the table and crossed his arms. "Now that's just silly."

"Basically," I confirmed as I opened the diary. "That man is going to be the death of me."

"He didn't even have the right to do that." Valek came over to us carrying several packets and with Ari in tow. "And if there was still any confusion about that, I made absolute sure to completely enlighten him on the issue."

We were congregated in his office the following day to discuss new findings and reports on the MD-5 situation; and to plan our next move. But having woken up this morning – if waking up and wandering around a mere three hours past midnight qualified – groggy and with a throbbing head, planning anything was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

I looked back down at my notes and at how I would convince the Commander to keep the Stormdancing issue on the table for future negotiations. Various words and comments had been scratched out and the other nonsensical scribbles bloated the tattered pages with wet ink.

"And I'm sure Yelena gave him quite the earful as well." Ari added with a proud grin.

My grip around the quill tightened as I sunk into my chair. I felt his eyes on me and couldn't help but wonder how much more of his respect I had managed to lose.

Valek came around the table and cut in, "Maren's missive was exactly what I needed to start making arrests. But the tactical decision would be to wait until after we find out who they are involved with exactly." He took a seat next to me and began to organize the files.

But Ari didn't want to change the topic. Watching Valek with an odd look, he asked, "He didn't threaten you, did he, Yelena?"

"No." I spoke to Ari but I seemed to be walking through this more for myself. "I've dealt with him before. He was just being a pain in the neck; an angry old man whose bark is so much worse than his bite. He wouldn't have gone through with his ultimatum to kick out the Stormdancers anyways. Not when he made it perfectly clear it's nothing less than what he's always wanted."

Janco made a noise of agreement, "And the easiest and cheapest way to do things is usually the legal way. Hey Ari, remember that one time our good friend Kit tried to sneak those Snowdancers in? Good thing we were there too, or Opal might have ended up snow cat food." He grimaced and shuddered.

Ari shook his head, "I'd disagree with you there. There are quite a few things in the world where illegal means are used for efficiency of both time and cost. Otherwise, why do it?"

"I'm just saying that giving someone magical snow-globes is a lot cheaper than diamonds. And it takes less time with all the sneaking around you don't have to do. Especially getting past us…" He all but struck a pose in his decorous uniform.

"You're talking about something that's not legal in the first place. I'm talking about them hoarding cheap coffee - past rations - that one time for those bureaucrats working in administration. Remember how certain visitation forms somehow got approved faster and with waived fees?"

"It's technically not illegal to hoard the coffee. The Commander only wants a certain amount in Ixia to prevent that caffeine addiction people are going on about. But reality is, you can have it and it wouldn't really make a difference what you did with it according to the Code and whatnot."

"But it's illegal to sell it."

"They're not selling anything. They're trading."

"Trading. Fine. It's illegal to trade it."

"What were we even talking about?"

"You're playing dumb because you're losing this argument." Ari smirked.

"I most certainly am not!" Janco huffed as he came up with some witticism to put in.

Head propped up with one hand, I zoned out of the rest of their argument as I turned a page in my diary. One of the ideas I had was to discuss the benefits of a renewed energy source; to turn something destructive into something creative…what was I even thinking? I crossed out the statement. It wouldn't help other aspects of trade if I made it too easy for Ixia to be self-sufficient. But was there anything else I could say? I thought of the Commander's penetrating gaze and shivered. Nothing I did would shake away the feeling of his disappointment from the day before.

Disappointment…what if I failed to convince him? And this went on the way it has? He'd dismiss me: There wouldn't be so many chances at this. And where would I be? What would I do? The border would be closed forever and it would be all my fault.

Lost in my thoughts, I continued scribbling at the word "creative" long after it was but a wet, black spot on the page.

"Yelena!" I snapped to attention when Valek tapped my arm lightly.

"Where were you?" He looked at me in concern as he gripped my hand. Behind him, Ari and Janco had stopped bickering to stare at me.

I shook my head and forced a smile. "Just got a bit lost in my thoughts. I'm fine."

Still watching me warily, Valek nodded and began briefing again, "With careful enough examination, it becomes clear the forms were all forged. The border guards will be demoted for letting this go on as long as it has. And the reason for such light punishment is because they seem ignorant enough." I was passed an example of a legal document and its counterfeit version for scrutiny. It took me several tries and turns of the documents to see the difference in the seals. From a distance, they were virtually identical.

Valek continued, "Maren managed to discretely switch out several forged copies for legal versions by standing in as a border guard. It'd prevent any large scale operation from being tipped off by our fugitive. She was also paying attention – to actual profiles and realizing that there are different people involved." Unmistakable admiration tinted his voice.

I examined the forged copy again and followed the next line of reasoning. "So what's in MD-1?"

"Precisely. If the plan was to drag anyone out, they would be going the wrong direction."

Janco added in, "And reconnaissance while we were in Sitia hasn't turned up anything particularly odd."

"Not to mention the border guards as a whole are notoriously difficult to compromise." Ari said with pride, "Between constant rotations, only soldiers with best marks in both loyalty and competence can have the privilege of taking on the freelance dull, but high paying job."

"Which explains why people still get confused when a certain, charming Liaison decides to saunter in once every blue moon." Valek grinned.

It still didn't make any sense to me why people would want to go into MD-1, one of the bleakest and most desolate parts of Ixia. So I voiced my concern. "MD-1 isn't the best place for a vacation right now. Isn't it also possible that this could be a diversion? If they're capable of forging documents at will, couldn't they swap their forms to throw us off their tracks?"

Janco nodded, "That's a good point. It'd be pretty smart to convince us to run into MD-1 on a false lead so that we'd be stuck in the North for the entire Cold Season…"

"Out of the way and likely dead." I finished.

I had meant to sound casual but if their expressions were anything to go by, it had the most unintended, opposite effect. Ari and Janco snapped to attention as their bodies leaned forward, ready for action. Valek tensed and looked pained.

"Sorry. It wasn't supposed to come out that way." I avoided their gaze by sorting through my papers in the diary.

Janco broke the tense silence. "That's alright! You're past that after all. We must still be processing the shock. It must have been so traumatizing to be dragged out there like that by that magician. Which means given time, we should all be able to just relax."

Ari agreed, "Don't feel guilty. You would have never thought to do something like…that. It was a very small moment of weakness when you let your guard down. The important thing is that you were strong enough to get out of that hold he had over you."

My throat felt dry and I fidgeted in my seat. The pristine window was closed and the gusty wind howled outside across hazy, wintry skies. I had the worst urge to go to it, wrench it open, and jump headfirst out of it; to disappear and to be away from all of this. But turning the snake bracelet around my wrist, I forced myself to stay put. "I know. Thank you for putting that into perspective. Where would I be without you?"

The Power Twins nodded together, accepting my answer.

Valek seemed to notice my discomfort as he swiftly changed the topic. "Yelena raised a good point about papers being switched halfway through to throw everyone off. However, time may work to our advantage. A little over two weeks will signal the start of the Cold Season. The confinement will freeze everyone in place as we plan our next course of action."

I gave my head a tight shake and managed to ask, "What do we do in the meantime?"

His mouth formed a grim line. "Did you ever wonder why the Commander was so open to hearing Kitivian's complaints against you?"

It suddenly occurred to me. Why did he take such valuable time out of his schedule to listen to him? With people being as interchangeable as spare parts, the loss of a single captain should have been absolutely inconsequential to him.

Valek voiced my realization, "He suspects that either one or both the generals may be involved. I need to find out if they are."

"But if you go, you could tip them off. They can't know we suspect anything yet."

Ari agreed, "She's right. And if this is about a discreet interrogation, then we best have someone with diplomatic training do it." He glanced at me pointedly.

Valek turned to me reluctantly. "Do you feel like you can handle this?"

I didn't feel as if I could. I still didn't feel ready for anything. But maybe this would help make that feeling go away. I thought of Irys's advice to face my fears head-on in order to conquer them…and to stop sulking.

I nodded and spoke before I lost the resolve, "Yes."

Ari beamed and nodded in approval.
Valek handed me the dossier and briefly explained the mission. If the generals were involved, it was likely that they would take measures to cover up or to flat out deny the occurrences. General Kitivian might be able to use that alibi; with the snow-cats and elements lurking about, the MD-1 border was notoriously difficult to guard. Regardless, it would be difficult to explain away all the sudden new arrivals, especially in the most deadly of seasons. Valek planned to bring this to his attention to gauge a response.

Or, I thought with a dark feeling, there was also a chance that they were unaware and are under the influence of magic to remain so. And without my powers, there was no way for me to know that.

I clutched the papers as if doing so would keep me from tearing into little pieces. "I'll pack and leave in the afternoon."

Valek nodded. "Hurry back and stay safe."

I gathered my things and began to leave when Ari stopped me. "We should be able to get some training in before noon. You don't want to risk another incident like with that wannabe king happening all over again."

Noon. I turned the word over again in my head as if only just grasping it. Noon! How could I forget? "I'll actually be a bit later, Ari…" I said as I gathered my things and hurried to the door. "There's something I need to do first."

"You're not getting out of this." Ari replied. He moved to stand in front of the door, his jaw set into a stubborn line.

"I know." I said distractedly, wanting desperately to shove past him. "I'll be there in an hour."

Arms filled with fabrics of all different textures and colors, Dilana tossed her head at me to indicate her notice. She slipped behind a closet door and I heard clatters and rustles as she rummaged through it.

Dilana emerged with a large box and set it on the stool. "I believe I meant noon yesterday, and not noon today."

To my great relief, there was no anger in her voice. But then again, she was a sweetheart by nature. I hurried to apologize. "I fell asleep and lost track of time…sorry."

She drew back to analyze me. "My goodness! You do look exhausted. Is everything alright? Did something happen with the Commander?"

"Something like that." I sat down in chair and considered what I'd tell her.

She knelt down and pushed the box toward me. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But it looks like you need a break and I'm about to give that to you. Go on, open it!"

"Dilana…what did you-?"

She held up a hand. "I finally got permission to design your dress uniform so you'd get to look unique...! Er…as unique as anyone would in a uniform, that is. Anyways, the point is you won't have to go to important delegation meetings looking like some strange cross between an adviser and an accountant anymore."

I opened the box and gasped at the sight.

Dilana, who had been watching my expression carefully, asked in a nervous voice, "Well? Do you like it?"

"I love it! It's…" I couldn't find the words. "It's incredible. Thank you."

She beamed as she shooed me behind the privacy screen. "Well you know you'll have to try it on to be sure!"

I emerged donning a tailored black skirt and shirt ensemble. As the higher ranking officials and advisers wore all-black outfits, mine had to be no exception. But even then, Dilana had managed to smuggle in her creative spirit in the smallest of details. My jacket cuffs had red diamond shapes stitched into them to match the ones on the collar and the lapels were tailored to fit perfectly against my chest. The hem of my skirt was painstakingly lined with a precise trail of red silk and was fitted with a belt.

It oozed dignity and I could only marvel at how comfortable it was.

Dilana appeared in the mirror as she came up from behind me. Displaying her complete marvel, she declared, "You look powerful, Yelena."

"Thanks to you." I smiled.

She waved a hand dismissively. "Me? Don't be silly! I just made the clothes. It's the woman who makes them special and gives them that spark, Yelena."

I turned back to the mirror. I found it hard to believe that the woman she spoke of could promote any semblance of stalwart much less power. She seemed so strange and obscure, like an imposter carrying a borrowed name with the borrowed identity. I took in a breath and held it as I thanked Dilana again.

Distracted, she fluttered about like a hummingbird, tugging and making marks at the waist of the skirt and the sleeves of the uniform with a piece of chalk. When she stopped to assess the damage, she tsked, "It looks like you've been losing weight again. Are you sure you're fine?"

I gave her my most reassuring grin. "Yes. Don't worry too much about it. Traveling just makes me lose weight – living off rations and all."

Dilana nodded reluctantly. "Alright, if you say so, dear."

"Say that again. I dare you." Janco jabbed a finger at Ari.

Ari just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Alright, you wouldn't have needed to pick locks all the time if you had something else to occupy yourself with."

"How do you even sleep at night…?"

"Easy. By closing the day with a good book. But I guess what works for me just won't cut it for you, will it?"

"Oh will you book learners just get the hell away from me…!"

I smiled softly as I wandered away to a bench. I set the bow against the seat as I sat down.

"Why?" Reyad appeared next to me on the bench, his long legs stretched out before him. "Why do you still do this to yourself?"

"Because I'm trying." I said simply as I bent down to brush dust off my boots.

"Trying?" He scoffed. "Is this what they call trying these days? Then again, you were always quite the underachiever."

"I'd probably get more done without you hanging around me all the time."

"Blaming others for your own problems now?" He sniffed. "You're getting worse and worse every day."

When I didn't say anything, Reyad flourished a hand at Ari and Janco. They continued their banter, completely unaware. "It's funny how life seems to just go on with or without you, Yelena."

"I'm not that important."

"No, not with that attitude you're not."

"Attitude…" I laughed bitterly. "The right attitude: perk up, chin up, and just be happy…don't worry and be grateful just for being alive. If the right attitude is all it takes then there'd be no suffering in this world."

I took my bow and went back to join my friends for another brief round. We fought until the sun was midway in the sky. I shivered in my sweat soaked outfit as a misty gust of wind breezed past us. I had to leave if I wanted to get at least a few hours of traveling in.

Janco left with an argument still on the tip of his tongue. But Ari pulled me aside.

"I'm worried about you to the point where you scare me sometimes. How are you doing?" He asked me, "And the truth."

I hesitated but eventually confessed, "Not well."

Ari nodded, "You're admitting that now. It's better than avoiding it the way you've been choosing to lately."

"I don't want to be this way."

"It can take time. The important thing is to not let yourself dwell on it for too long. You're young and you still have a life to live. You'll realize that when you become empowered again and this can't pull you down anymore. But I know you can do it. You're stronger than this."

I couldn't meet his eyes. But he continued on, "You just need to find your center again. You'll be fine. I absolutely believe in you."

I nodded mechanically. "You're right. I'm sorry about all this sulking."

I made a swift departure as all my ruminating threatened to break the path I treaded on and to swallow me whole.

With one hand clutching my cloak and the other on the reins, I nudged Kiki ahead on the frosty road. Judging by the rapidly clearing path, we should arrive at the General's house within several hours. My shoulders tensed as beads of cold sweat dotted my skin. An eerie emptiness followed me as the intimate communication Kiki and I have shared over the years stayed silent. The past few days had passed too slowly as apprehension filled me at every turn.

But I smiled when Kiki noticed my unease and steadied her gait. For several moments, we continued on. I turned to see the leafy curves of Snake Forest. The masses of green and brown seemed inviting and almost protective in their resolute steadfastness. And in the back of my mind I could see past the trees to the Southern border that lay just beyond it.

My mind wandered back to my first taste of freedom all those years ago. And in the oddest of ironies, it had been by playing the fugitive. At this point, even the sticky, sweltering humidity of the Hot Season in the Illiais Jungle could lift my heart. For hidden away in my own hammock in a secret part of the canopy, no one would bother me, much less look at me.

Maybe if I made a mad dash for the border now I could be gone before it was too late.

I pulled on the reins and clicked my tongue, guiding Kiki into the forest.

At the foot of a Velvatto Tree, I shed my cloak and cast it aside. A gust of wind tore into my shirt as Kiki dragged her hoof restlessly. She nudged me in disapproval and I half expected her to yank me back by her teeth.

I turned to her and scratched behind her ear, soothing her with my murmurs. Unsatisfied, Kiki nudged me again.
"I won't be late, Kiki. I just want some time to myself for a bit."

She continued to nicker as I began my ascent up the tree and left her behind. Hunger induced fatigue slowed me down as I strained my muscles in the exercise. I considered climbing back down but the familiar, dense scent of leaves and sap spurred me on.

When I finally reached a wide branch, I clawed my way forward, knocking past sharp branches and sticks. Catching my breath, I rearranged myself into a sitting position on the branch. The quiet and the distant bird calls brought me some respite in the coming darkness. Here, things seemed lighter, farther away.

A sea of green greeted my line of vision. I closed my eyes as I took in deep gulps of the pine scent and let my mind flee this place. A maddening halt blocked my efforts.

When I couldn't dissociate no matter what I tried, the choking returned, and I was soon shaking with tears.

It was pitch black by the time I regained my bearings. I shivered violently as a blast of cold air pounded into me. Another gust followed and my hands shot out to snatch at stray branches. Forced to glance downwards, I could see how very close I had been to falling.

Falling and snapping my neck on the grass below.

And there was no fear. Not even the sickening sensation of having my stomach jump into my throat. I blinked and observed the distance, as casually as a Valmur that had scaled dozens of trees twice as tall as this one.

A sudden, nervous nicker pierced the silence.

I scurried down from the tree and calmed Kiki. She nudged me again, perceptive eyes giving a thousand admonishments.

I gave her an apple from my pack and scratched behind her ears. "Don't worry, I'll just die when I'm meant to, Kiki. And no sooner or later, no matter what I decide to do."

"Cozy." Maren commented as she walked into the elaborate guest suite. She picked up a green decorative vase and took the silver-lined lid off. "What is the point of this though? Do you put water in it?"

"It's furniture." I grinned as I lit the lantern. I could only imagine how the barracks looked in comparison.

"I see. There was too much free space and they needed to fill it in with obscure items?"

"It's a different style."

"You don't seem to agree with it." Maren pointed to the banners I had pulled down and set aside in an ominous heap of green and black.

"I don't like to look at the colors."

She nodded quietly and sat next to me on the couch. "And how have you been adjusting?"

I shook my head. "Not well, because it looks like I'm still scaring people."

She stayed silent as I gathered my thoughts. "It's been hard. Getting up in the morning and getting dressed is often as far as I can go at this point."

"Sleeping's been hard?"

"That along with the nightmares I'd get with my eyes wide open. Life just went on and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I can hardly get through the day. I'd lock myself in a storeroom, crying, when I can't stop the shaking. None of that got better when I came here, back to Ixia. At the same time it feels like it's because I simply lost a part of myself."

"What part are you referring to?"

"The part where I can get up and keep moving forward – it seemed to have gone out the window. I feel stuck. Helpless." I told her briefly about Kitivian and how Valek had to go in there to rescue me afterwards.

She listened patiently without judgment. I felt somewhat lighter at being able to confide this to someone.

"That seems really frustrating."

"It is. And it feels like I'm never going to get out of this…like this is all I will ever be able to feel for the rest of my life. It makes it even harder to keep moving forward."

"You're trying. And that's the most anyone can ever ask of you." Maren firmly.

"I don't feel like I'm trying hard enough. I feel like I'm giving in too easily. But I'm just so tired."

"Being tired doesn't make you weak, Yelena. And it doesn't make you any less resilient a woman. What you're going through is incredibly difficult and I think you've been doing pretty well for the circumstances."

I looked up at Maren and, to my great relief, found no deception in her eyes. "Thank you. This means a lot."

"Of course. It's what friends are for."

"I need time. I think that's what it really is. And a good night's sleep for now. I'll worry about the General in the morning." I briefly told her about the mission and our concocted plans.

She nodded. "That sounds like a good plan. Good luck tomorrow."

When she had gone, I plopped back down onto the couch with a deep sigh. I glanced toward the half filled bag I had hurriedly hidden behind the bed when Maren knocked on the door. My eyes trailed out the window at the moon which so visibly lit the Western road – the road that led to the forked path which will go to either the Commander's Castle or the Southern border. Anywhere but here. After some heavy debating, I retrieved the pack and took the supplies out, committing to my decision.

Climbing under the covers, I dimmed the lights and shut my eyes. Maybe I can do this, I thought to myself. If what Maren said was true, then I could probably handle this after a good night's rest.

But in my dark dreams I remained haunted by the faces of all the men and women I had failed to save. The ones who would be shackled here forever.

Reyad hovered over them in the dungeon and smirked as I frantically tried to pull one of his "students" past him. But the confused woman wouldn't budge even when her chains were broken and rusted away. I begged and implored but she remained stubbornly fixed to her spot. The darkness was rising behind her and the sunlight was moving farther and farther away.

His ghost coalesced behind me, making me jump with a loud yelp. "You can run, Yelena. By all means run. Run away as fast as you can, like you always do. Or you can stay and keep doing what you call 'trying'. It makes no difference, don't you see? You will always belong to me."

And that's why empathy is, in so many ways, superior to sympathy. I know it's still vague but I hope it's becoming clearer as to who's been helping and who's been making things, well, worse. If not, the next couple chapters will DEFINITELY make that clear.

As always, I can't thank my main reviewers enough for their continued support/commentary in this story. Nothing makes a writer feel more special than people as engaged as you. Much love!

And "Unknown," I won't be abandoning this story, I promise! Like I said, I've a pretty solid idea of where things are going so it'll be okay. ;) Some chapters just might come a bit slower because they're harder to write.