A/N: I'm still in the middle of a very hectic couple of weeks, so updates will be slower than I would like for the next week or two. Thank you everybody for they faves, follows and reviews!
And thanks as always to dandelionsunset and evilgrinstar for their amazing beta work!
Chapter 23—living situations
After Katniss, Prim and Rye left with the Hawthornes, Mrs. Everdeen said, "I could give you another dose of sleep syrup but I'd rather wait until tonight. Try to sleep. If you can't, let me know."
Getting back to the cot hurt, but Peeta felt a small sense of accomplishment that he did it without help. Mrs. Everdeen arranged the blankets around him. Peeta realized he'd been tucked in more in the last 24 hours than he had in his entire life. Mrs. Everdeen could be detached and distant, but there was no question that she was a capable healer and she was never unkind.
"Thank you for allowing me to stay here for a couple of days," Peeta told her. "The Bays usually just send us back home with willow bark tea and orders to stop giving our mother reasons to discipline us." Peeta belatedly remembered that the Bays were Mrs. Everdeen's parents, but she didn't look offended.
"Willow bark would make the bleeding worse," she replied. "And if you lived in a safer environment, I would have sent you home, too. But since you don't, well, here you are." She gave him a soft smile, then left the room.
Peeta tried to rest. Without the syrup to force him into sleep, he couldn't fully escape the pain. Instead, he napped on and off for most of the morning. Mrs. Everdeen woke him up for lunch, and made him drink more broth, tea and water. He felt stiff and it still hurt like hell to breathe, but the sharp, stabbing pain was beginning to fade.
Peeta couldn't sleep after lunch, so he pulled out his sketchbook and pencils and worked on his idea for the band's logo. He drew a clock that looked just like the clock on the Justice Building. He added a lightly sketched katniss flower on the face. For the hands of the clock, he drew arrows with wild turkey feathers for fletching. The hands were set at 11:55.
An hour of drawing tired him, so he rested again. He closed his eyes and thought about what he really wanted to draw—Katniss, the way she had looked early that morning when she'd woken him up. He'd been half convinced he was still dreaming. He remembered how silky her hair felt between his fingers, how her nightgown was askew and had nearly slipped off of one shoulder.
Yeah. Probably best not to draw that picture with her mother nearby.
Peeta didn't realize he'd fallen asleep again until Katniss and Prim came home. They both sat down on the floor in front of his cot.
"How are you feeling?" Prim asked.
"Better," he replied.
"I brought you your homework," Katniss announced.
"Oh. You shouldn't have," he said flatly.
Katniss flashed him a smile. They updated him on what he'd missed at school for a few minutes, before Katniss stood up and announced she was "heading out." Peeta guessed that meant, "going hunting." Prim stood up with Katniss and hugged her tight. Katniss kissed the top of Prim's head, saying, "Prim, it's going to be all right. Don't worry." Prim let go of Katniss, but watched her leave.
"Are you all right?" he asked Prim.
Prim looked over at him. She was upset, that much was clear. It looked like she was debating if she was going to tell him what was on her mind. Finally, she said, "I'm all right, Peeta. Nothing you need to worry about."
"Prim, you're a terrible liar."
That got a smile out of her. "I know. Well, no. I'm not OK, I'm worried about Katniss. But it isn't my place to tell you why, and even if it was, Katniss doesn't want me to worry anyway. She sure wouldn't want you to worry."
"Prim, I worry about Katniss all the time."
Somebody knocked on the front door and Prim went to answer it. Peeta heard children's voices urgently asking for Mrs. Everdeen. Mrs. Everdeen issued instruction to Prim for taking care of Peeta, then she left with the children.
Prim returned. "Mom had to go. One of the miners is in labor. This is her fourth child, so hopefully she won't labor too long. Mom wants you to eat some solid food tonight and she gave me your medication instructions if she doesn't return by bedtime."
"How long will she be gone?" Peeta wondered.
"Who knows?" Prim replied, as she sat back down on the floor in front of his cot. "It could be an hour, it could be all night. Babies have their own schedules, you know. By the way, I have a favor to ask."
"Anything."
"Can I see your drawings? Katniss raved about them last night, she said they were amazing."
"She did?" Peeta couldn't help but smile, which made Prim smile.
"Yes, she did. Do you mind?"
"No, but I should let you know that not all of them are pleasant," he warned her.
Prim rolled her eyes. "You sound like Katniss, wanting to protect me from all the ugliness in the world. Peeta, I'm training to be a healer in a mining district. I've set bones. I've helped my mother amputate burned limbs. I've watched people die right here in this house. I think I can handle some drawings."
Peeta decided right then that, after Katniss, Prim was his favorite person in the whole world. "You Everdeen girls are something else. Hand me my satchel."
She did, and he pulled out the sketchbook he had shown Katniss yesterday. Prim sat in front of his cot and looked at the sketches. Meanwhile, he took advantage of Mrs. Everdeen's absence to sketch Katniss from the morning, with her hair down and her face lit by candlelight.
He kept sketching until he heard a sniffle. He looked up and saw that Prim had tears running down her face. She was looking at the sketch of Katniss under the tree. Peeta closed his own sketchbook and held his hand out. Prim grabbed it. "I forgot," she said, wiping her eyes with her shoulder. "I'd forgotten how bad it was. You really did save us that day, Peeta. And Katniss has saved us every day since."
Prim let go of Peeta's hand, dried her eyes and continued to look through the sketchbook. Peeta went back to drawing. Eventually, Prim flipped back to the picture of her father and Katniss. She looked at it for a long time.
"I offered her that, but she turned me down," Peeta muttered, glancing up from his sketching. "And I'm sorry to say I got a little huffy about it until she explained why."
"She told me she was worried it would upset Mom," Prim mused, "and, honestly, it might. It's beautiful, though. Why were you huffy?"
Peeta frowned. "I assumed she wouldn't want to owe me. I know now that wasn't the case, but still," Peeta put his pencil down and looked at Prim, "how can I ever give her a gift, or do something nice for her if she sees strings attached to everything?"
Prim adamantly shook her head, "You don't give her any gifts, Peeta. Not yet. She'll take it the wrong way."
Peeta looked down at his drawing of Katniss that he had in his hands. Here was a girl who sacrificed so readily for others, yet refused to accept even the smallest gift for fear it would put her in debt somehow.
"I don't know what makes this harder," he confessed to Prim. "Wanting to take care of a girl who wouldn't accept the help if it were offered, or wanting to take care of her when I can't even take care of myself."
Prim got up and sat on the cot next to him, looking down at his sketch of Katniss. "You love her," she announced.
"Since I was five," Peeta quietly agreed.
"Well, let me tell you something about Katniss. Katniss tells herself that she doesn't love anybody, except maybe me." Peeta felt his heart begin to sink at this, but Prim wasn't finished. "She is lying to herself, Peeta. Katniss loves lots of people. Me. Our mother. Gale and all the Hawthornes. Madge. Probably Rye and the rest of the band, by now. And absolutely you."
Peeta stared at Prim. She had just named the very thing he'd wanted and desired more than his own life. "Do you really think so?" He knew he sounded desperate, but he knew Prim wouldn't judge him for loving Katniss.
"Yes," she said, looking at him with sympathy.
"But?" he prompted.
"But Katniss doesn't let anybody love her back, except for maybe me."
"Why not? Is it about owing people?"
"No. It's about losing people."
Peeta closed his eyes and thought about all the years he'd seen Katniss sitting by herself, never allowing anybody in, and how vulnerable she'd been with him in the woods, not bothering to hide her emotions, allowing him to hold her. "She let me hug her," he told Prim. "Is that letting me love her back?"
Prim opened her mouth in shock, then jumped to her feet. "Wait a second, Peeta Mellark! When did you hug Katniss?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes at him.
"Yesterday, in the woods. She was really upset when she saw that sketch of her under the tree, so I held her until she calmed down."
Prim looked pissed off. For a moment Peeta worried that she thought he'd gone too far. Then she blurted out, "I can't believe she didn't tell me that!" Oh, thank god, he thought. She's only pissed at Katniss.
Prim tapped her mouth with her finger, then pointed it at him. "OK. Here's what you do. Don't give her things, because she'll see it as debt. Let her take care of you in her own way. Give lots of hugs. And be really patient with her, Peeta, because she thinks you shouldn't care for her."
Peeta wanted to ask Prim a hundred other questions, but the front door opened and Katniss walked in. Peeta closed the sketchbook before she could see the drawing he'd done of her. Prim informed Katniss where their mother was. Katniss nodded at this news and looked at Peeta. "You're sitting up? That's progress!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, my finest hour," Peeta remarked dryly.
Katniss said she would get dinner started, and Prim got up to help.
"How's the homework coming along?" Katniss inquired, one eyebrow raised.
"The importance of homework is overrated," Peeta replied. He was, at best, an indifferent student. Their teachers had all but admitted that the textbooks for History, Government and Social Studies were nothing more than Capitol propaganda. Nearly failing those classes gave Peeta a perverse sense of pride. He didn't mind Chemistry, Math or Geology, which taught actual facts. As a future baker or miner, he might learn something useful in those classes.
Still, nobody could ever accuse Peeta Mellark of overdoing it for grades.
Katniss looked pointedly at the short stack of books and papers she had brought back from school for him. Sighing in mock defeat, he picked up the homework assignments. He took them back to his cot and started with History. "What's the date?" he called out.
"April 7th," the sisters replied in unison. He put the date and his name on top of his paper, and proceeded to write an absolute shit essay on "The Early History of District Twelve."
After a bit, wonderful smells filled the little house. His stomach growled, and he realized this was the first time he'd been hungry in a couple of days. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, identifying by scent everything which was being cooked. This was something he could do in the bakery—identify what was in each oven just by the smell. He called out, "Turkey fried in oil, gravy, toasted sourdough from the bakery, some kind of greens, and that disgusting tea I've been drinking since I got here."
There was a moment of silence, then astonished laughter from the kitchen. "Very close, Mellark," Katniss said, coming to the doorway. "It's actually turkey hash, made with the last of the katniss, fried in oil. Come eat."
The portions were small but it was the best meal he'd had in years. He tried to help clean up but they both waved him off. He sat back down on the cot and did more homework.
Rye and Bannock showed up not long after. Rye made introductions, then Katniss took herself and Prim into the living room. The boys all sat around the kitchen table.
Peeta didn't waste any time trying to butter up his oldest brother. Bannock did not respond well to pleading, begging or anything that sounded like whining. "Did Rye tell you what happened?"
Bannock looked Peeta in the eyes. "He said you would have killed her if he hadn't been there."
"She nearly killed me, it seemed only fair." Peeta didn't like the tone of accusation in Bannock's voice. And he really didn't feel like explaining that what drove him over the edge wasn't the beating, it was the slur on Katniss.
"I want to know if you and Nikki would consider letting me live with you until I'm old enough to get my own place. I know you have a baby on the way, and I'll do everything I can to help out. I'll keep working at the bakery, and use my wages to contribute to your overhead."
Bannock crossed his arms across his chest and said, "Let me see your back."
Peeta stood up and turned around. Although his back was feeling a little better, it actually looked worse. The bruises had turned almost black, with edges of green and purple. Bannock looked at it and sighed, "Well, shit, Peet. What'll you do if we can't take you in?"
Peeta sat back down. His back was beginning to hurt again. "I'll come squat here in the Seam until Peacekeepers make me go back. As long as I keep attending school, I doubt they'll bother me."
Bannock stared at his youngest brother for a long time. Peeta returned his gaze, trying not to look desperate. Finally, Bannock spoke up, "You've seen our place, Peet. It's small. You'd be on the sofa. A baby is going to wake you up at night. There's no privacy."
"I know, Ban. I know this is putting you two out. I know you're newlyweds who don't want a teenager in the house, and you don't need another mouth to feed. But I'll be at the bakery before and after school and on Saturdays. Most nights, I'll be at rehearsals with Rye and walking Katniss home. Sundays, I'll make myself scarce if you want me to. Or I'll babysit if you and Nikki want to take some time for yourselves.
"But I'm not going back there, Ban. I'd rather take my chances in an abandoned shack here in the Seam."
Bannock looked at Rye and asked, "What about you? Are you going to stay?"
"Only until I have enough to leave," Rye said. "If the band does well, I'll get a flat, and Peet can come live with me. If it only does a little bit of business, I might be able to afford a room at the boarding house but Peeta can't live there until he's 18 anyway. But right now, I don't have the money for either."
Bannock blew a breath out from between his lips and said, "I don't know, Peet..."
Just then, Katniss walked into the kitchen. "Hate to interrupt, I'll be out of your way in a sec." She put water in the kettle and put the kettle on the stove. She put yarrow tea into a strainer, and put the strainer into a mug. As she left, she touched Peeta on the shoulder and said, "I'll be back when the water boils. You need another dose of yarrow. Hopefully, that will stop the bleeding for good." She gave his shoulder a motherly pat.
Holy shit, she's trying to help, Peeta thought. He kept his face serious and somber. "I appreciate that, Katniss. Thank you." She walked into her bedroom and closed the door.
Bannock was looking over Peeta, clearly confused. "What bleeding? I don't see any bleeding."
"His kidney's bleeding," Rye spat out. "Marigold hit him so hard that he's literally been pissing blood for two days. I saw it myself. It looked like a slaughter house."
Bannock wiped both of his hands down his face. First he looked at Rye, then he looked at Peeta. He put his hands back down on the table. "OK," he said. "I'll stop by the bakery on the way home and tell Dad you're moving in with us for a while. I'll tell him that he needs to start paying your salary to help us with overhead. When will you be out of here?"
"Tomorrow, most likely."
Just then, almost as if on cue, the kettle started to whistle. Katniss returned to the kitchen to fuss over the tea. She set a mug of the awful stuff in front of Peeta. He drank it gratefully. It was a small price to pay to get away from Marigold Mellark.
Bannock stood up and said, "Peet, just come over when you leave here. I'll assume its tomorrow. Send word if it won't be."
Peeta smiled at his brother, "Thanks, Ban. I'd hug you but I don't think my back could take it."
Bannock said his goodbyes and left.
Peeta turned to Katniss. "Thanks for the tea."
Katniss looked pleased with herself. "I thought he needed a little push."
Rye snorted, "Bannock was being a dick. I was over there today and Nikki wants Peeta to come live with them. She hates Marigold. She told Bannock she would have let you live there even before all this. But Bannock wants to fuck his new wife in private, so he was less keen on it."
Katniss turned bright red at this and disappeared into her room. Prim followed. Rye left to collect Mandor, who was rehearsing with them tonight and didn't know the way to the Everdeen's.
Peeta grabbed his satchel and went into the restroom and peed what felt like 10 gallons of brown urine. All of the fluids of the last day seemed to have finally made their way through his system. After washing his hands, he cleaned himself up. What he really needed was a bath, but fresh clothes and deodorant was better than nothing. He put on a shirt and walked back to his cot. He was getting tired again.
He could hear Prim and Katniss in their room, quietly arguing. He heard Katniss tell Prim, "Even if you didn't need anything, mom's list of medical supplies is about a mile long. No arguing, Prim. It'll be OK."
Just then there was frantic knocking at the front door. Katniss walked through the living room to get to it, avoiding Peeta's gaze. Prim followed her a moment later. She'd clearly been crying. Peeta raised his eyebrows at her as she walked by but she just shook her head.
Katniss opened the door to find the extremely upset, oldest child of the pregnant woman standing on their porch. The little boy—Peeta thought he couldn't have been any older than seven—rapidly explained that it was a breech delivery and labor had taken a turn for the worse. Mrs. Everdeen had sent for Prim.
Peeta noticed how instantly the sisters forgot their argument. Prim's tears vanished and she pulled the little boy inside. Prim comforted the child while Katniss quickly poured her a thermos of tea and handed Prim what looked like a small bag of medical supplies. The sisters hugged and Katniss said, "Be careful." Then Prim was gone.
Katniss walked into the living room and sat on the sofa. "Prim's hands are really small, but she's a lot stronger than she looks" she explained to Peeta. "She's able to turn the baby when nobody else can. Mom says that since Prim started helping, she hasn't lost a single breech birth."
"She's amazing," Peeta said sincerely.
"She is," Katniss agreed. There was a moment of awkward silence. Peeta decided to put his homework away, mostly to give himself something to do. He saw his homework poking out of the textbook, the date at the top of the page. Today was April 7th, which meant tomorrow was the 8th...
Tomorrow was the 8th. Oh, shit. No wonder Prim was upset. Katniss was taking out tesserae.
Before he knew what he was doing, Peeta launched himself off the cot, strode over to Katniss and pulled her up off the sofa and into him. He ignored both her squeak of protest, and the sharp pain that flared up in his back at the sudden movement. "Don't go to the Justice Center tomorrow," he croaked. "Please don't."
Katniss stiffened and pulled away. "Prim needs shoes and clothing. Mom needs medical supplies. We need tallow, salt, tea, soap, thread, needles...I can't hunt or gather any of that." She scowled at him but her voice was calm.
"Is this why you were so reluctant to eat breakfast this morning? To make sure the food didn't run out?" She nodded, a familiar, stubborn look on her face.
He wanted to help her. He desperately wanted to. But he knew he was no position to help, not enough for things like shoes. For god's sake, he was about to start sleeping on his brother's sofa.
Peeta ran his fingers through his hair, looking for a solution and finding none. He also remembered what Prim had told him—don't give her anything tangible; do give lots of hugs, do be patient.
"When are you going?" he asked.
"After school."
"I'll go with you."
"Why?" She looked at him with deep wariness. Even in his despair over what she was doing, he couldn't help but smile at her just a little.
"Because," he said pulling her back in for a hug, "that's what friends do. We support each other. I promise I won't argue about it with you. I just...really hate that you have to do it at all." She didn't pull away. She still couldn't wrap her arms around his waist, so she kept her arms folded up against herself. But she laid the palm of one hand flat against his chest.
"How many slips?" He was almost afraid to ask but he needed to know.
"Seventeen, so far. Eighteen after tomorrow." Thirteen more than him. He closed his eyes and buried his face into her hair. What he wouldn't give to remove those extra slips. Or end the Reaping altogether. He pulled her closer as if to protect her from the Games themselves.
He realized with a pang of sorrow that Katniss was not much taller than Prim. Prim was about the same age now as Katniss was when their father died. How many meals had Katniss missed in the last few years that kept her from growing like she should have? Peeta was not especially tall-none of the Mellark men were-but Katniss barely came up to his shoulder. And he could tell that she was too thin.
She continued, "If Rye can start getting us some work, I may be able to skip having to take out tesserae on my birthday. I've gone every year since I turned 12." She was quiet for a minute, then asked, "Peeta, how did you know that my birthday was on the 8th?" She had started rubbing her thumb back and forth against his chest. His heart fluttered a little bit.
"Because your father used to come in and trade for little cakes on your birthdays. You were May 8th. Prim was November 17th. Your mother was January 4th." He started stroking her braid with one hand.
"Oh, I remember those cakes," she sighed contentedly. "When's your birthday?"
"June 2nd."
"What kind of cake did you get on your birthday?"
"None. We've never celebrated birthdays at my house."
His back was acting up again. He reluctantly pulled away and laid down on his cot. She lit another candle, sat on the floor in front of his cot, crossed her legs and faced him.
"How do you think your parents will take you going to live with Bannock?" Katniss was doing a poor job of keeping her distaste for Mr. and Mrs. Mellark out of her voice.
"Pretty sure I don't care. But if I had to guess, Marigold will be furious and Dad will be disappointed."
"It's weird to think about, that our parents used to date each other," Katniss mused. "If it had worked out between them, we'd be brother and sister."
Peeta stared at her for a moment, a twinkle in his eyes. "But then I'd be attracted to my own sister! I suppose that should gross me out but with you, it's kinda hot."
Right on cue, Katniss turned scarlet.
"Totally hot," Peeta continued, warming to the topic. "You know, Katniss, I am injured here. Be a good sister and give me a sponge bath, would you, please?"
"Peeta, stop it!" Katniss shouted, her voice caught between laughter and righteous indignation. Peeta laughed too, then immediately regretted it.
"Ow, ow, ow," Peeta breathed, "laughing hurts."
"Serves you right for being a pervert," Katniss retorted. But she didn't even try to hide the smile on her face.
There was a single sharp knock on the front door, then Rye let himself and Mandor inside. They walked into the living room and started unpacking their instruments. Mandor had his mandolin. "Where's Prim?" Rye asked.
"She's helping my mom deliver a baby," Katniss explained.
"Oh, you two have been here alone? I do hope I'm interrupting something," Rye insinuated.
Peeta quipped, "Give Rye the sleep syrup, Katniss. He's sounds a lot smarter when he doesn't talk."
Rye, Mandor and Katniss practiced, with Katniss sitting up against the cot like she had last night. Peeta listened and watched, but his mind kept going back to the Reaping, and the tesserae, and those thirteen extra slips. He retrieved his sketchbook and opened it to the drawing of the clock.
He carefully erased the wild turkey feathers that he had drawn for the fletching. In their place, he drew the distinctive, glossy black and white feathers of a mockingjay. It was a small, subtle bit of rebellion, using the feathers of a living example of Capitol overreach. It wasn't exactly revolutionary, but he felt better for it.
After an hour or so of rehearsal, Rye and Mandor called it a night, and started packing up their instruments. Peeta called Rye over and handed him the drawing. Rye looked at for a moment, before asking, "What's the flower all about?"
"It's a katniss blossom."
Peeta half-expected Rye to scoff at that, but instead Rye looked thoughtful.
Katniss and Mandor walked over to look at it. Katniss smiled at Peeta when she saw it. The approval in her eyes was all the praise he needed.
Mandor rumbled, "Fuckin' A, Rye. You never told me your brother's a fuckin' artist." His voice literally made the thin walls in the house vibrate.
"He's more like an idiot savant," Rye said, "but he has his uses." Katniss scowled at Rye, who ignored her, still studying the drawing. "It works," Rye finally decreed. He handed it back to Peeta. He and Mandor said their goodbyes and left, Rye making ribald parting comments about leaving the two of them alone.
Katniss ordered Peeta to go to the bathroom one last time before taking his sleep syrup. Peeta did, and came back from the bathroom to find that Katniss had blown out all but one candle, and had turned down the blankets on his cot. She gave him the syrup, then knelt down to tuck him in. This was wholly unnecessary at this point, as Peeta was perfectly able to arrange his own blankets. Still, he enjoyed it and he remembered what Prim had said. Let her take care of you in her own way. She brushed his bangs back.
"I'm going to miss this when I go to Bannock's," he told her.
"So will I," she admitted. "Peeta? Will we still be friends once you leave?"
He took her other hand, frowning at her. "I hope so. Don't you want to be?"
"Yes, but I don't want you to have to give up your whole social circle at school just because of me."
Peeta could feel the syrup start to work. "Katniss, I told you. Any man who hides behind excuses is unworthy of you. We're friends, you and me. Besides," he yawned, "not one of those crapsacks ever tucked me in."
She softly laughed, and pulled the blankets up around his chin. Just as he slipped into unconsciousness, he could have sworn she kissed his cheek and whispered, "Goodnight, Peeta Mellark."