"Are you sure?" Brandon asked me for the 3rd time.
"Yes, I'm sure." I answered again and again.
"If you don't believe me, look at it by your self. A pocket knife with a little logo of marijuana, a bunch of little packets of heroin..."
"Yeah, that could be anyone." Riven stopped me.
"... A notebook called 'Laylas jurnal'?" I continued and Rivens small smile disappeared.
"Do you guys want to read it?" Blom asked as they all sat down, forming a circle.
" I think we shouldn't." Tecnas voice was weak, like she wasn't sure about what she was saying.
"Please, guys. I really want to know more about her then I do now. She left without any goodbyes. And... If we read this... I think we can maybe...
Finally... let go?" Flora said, whispering the last part.
"I don't know..." Sky sounded really sad. We all were.
"Guys. I know we don't talk about her much, and I know we don't do it because it's hard, but, let's just do it this way. We can read the notebook.
We will dedicate this day to her. But after tomorrow... we will not think of her as 'the girl who died of her addiction'. We will think of her
as a friend we miss. And I think this notebook can give us closure." I said and Riven tried holding his laughter in.
"You sound so girly right n..."
"Riven!" we all yelled and he cleared his throat. As of that, I opened the notebook.
"First page... 12/9/2011- Dear diary. My dad died last night..." I started reading it out loud and stopped. I started shaking.
"It's alright. Continue." Flora said, placing her arm on my shoulder.
"... My mother says that he had cancer, but I ain't stupid gurl." I stopped and giggled a bit, while a tear fell from my cheek. I missed her.
We all missed her. Her annoying way of talking... another tear came from my eye.
"I know my dad didn't have any issues with that shit. And I know very well my dad was drinking the night when he died. The thing that my mother
doesn't know, is that I was there, talking to him. He told me that he hates his life. That he needs a vacation. The vacation that would last
forever. Me, being a 'not stupid' kid I understood what he was saying. And... I didn't know how to stop him. From dying. From leaving me here,
alone with people who feel nothing for me. With people who won't understand me. And I cant forgive him for his selfish actions." I stopped and
turned the page.
"Date: I don't know. Dear diary, I just tried drugs for the first time. I'm high while I'm writing this. In fact, I don't even know what is
happening right now. I'm thinking of words and they are showing up on the paper. It feels magical. My friend, mr. boring says I shouldn't do
this... I mean, no, his real name is Nabu, not mr. Boring, but... oh my god what if that is his real name!" I stopped again.
There was more on that page,
but I just turned it. I couldn't handle reading it.
"... 17/10/2014- Dear shitty notebook I almost never used, I have some big news. Yesterday, I overdosed at my girlfriends house. Now, my mother
sent me in some kind of a shitty crazy house. I have this shitty room and the shitty guards already tried taking you (the notebook) away from me.
You will be hidden under my bed, safe and sound... 9/12/2014- Today I finally talked to the only guy that is my age here, Riven. He seems
like a jerk but I can feel that he is not that bad inside. 1/1/2015- For New years, I'm sitting alone, In my room, writing. I wanted to get high,
but Jennifer didn't get me anything for tonight. I don't know did I already mentioned this or not, but Jennifer is my girlfriend. She loves me
and I love her. I would do... anything. For her." I stopped again. I couldn't handle it. There was only one page left so I needed to read it.
For a closure.
"Um... alright. Last page. 5/3/2015- Jennifer just called m..." I sighed as I realize this was wrote the day she died.
"... Jennifer just called me. She said that I was the one who was wrong. The one who is useless. And I know she was right. So, as I'm writing this,
I'm waiting to take in all the drugs I have. It should finish me off, so... See you daddy." I closed the notebook. I couldn't collect my self.
"Helia, are you alright?" Flora asked me, while holding her hand on my knee.
"No. none of us are." I said and placed the notebook back in the box.
"Remember Laylas funeral?" I asked and some of them nodded.
"Yeah, we were banned from it." Riven said, forming a fist.
"Well, let's make our own little goodbye for her. She deserved at least that much." I said and hey agreed. We took her box and we went outside.
Behind the building, there was plenty of place for digging.
"Are you ready to finally say goodbye?" I asked as I was looking at everyone.
"Do it." Brandon said and I placed it in the hole. When we finished, we all stood up, looking at it.
"This feels so... weird." Shy said and Bloom leaned on his chest.
"Well, so was Layla." Riven said and smirked, and then he actually cried. For the first time in his life... We all knew we would miss Layla.
But we couldn't chance the past... nobody could... and that sometimes hurts.