"I have complete faith in you guys!" Zelda concludes her customary pep talk by wishing the room of hackers well. "Tingle?"

"Yeah, I got it," The hefty man in a green onesie grunts. He smacks Kafei's shoulder, who looks up from his computer screen with a pompous sniff.

"Fine, Zelda," The dark haired Sheikah acknowledges, "Though if people actually start making lines of inquiry, they'll be able to tell this was fabricated unless we start making good public relations N-O-W."

"That's fine, it's why I hired Ghirahim," Zelda states, while everyone's eyes nearly roll out of their heads as the diva himself stands up at the sound of his own name.

"Don't worry. Ladies! Gentlemen!," The white haired wonder struts about, admiring himself in every reflective surface in the room, "I've been on the phone, all day long, and I have a few fairly respectable people who can vouch for us...respectable, in the eyes of the public, that is."

"So, if anyone investigates those pseudo-businesses in addition to ours, we all go under like a house of cards," Kafei grimly concludes. "Zelda, this is not sounding like the job security I had asked for."

"Guys, guys! Eyes on the prize!" My wife says, flushing. I wrap my arm around her waist and wait for her response. "We're about to do the impossible right now. Think about that for just a moment. No way in hell is it going to be a walk in the park! But you all signed on because you wanted to make real change, and you wanted it to happen now.

"Tingle," she gestures, and he looks up at her, "You served overseas as a technician, and when you came back, you returned to an apathetic country, and couldn't even get a job, let alone healthcare for your PTSD. It's politicians like Ganon who control the media, and downplay the real problems veterans like you struggle with every day. That's not quality of living! That's not in your best interest, and it certainly isn't in the best interest of those who still haven't come back yet!"

Tingle's mustache twitches as he sniffs, face flushing. Zelda continues, turning to Kafei.

"Kafei, you and your wife were separated, not because either of you had done anything wrong, but because Anju isn't a citizen of Hyrule. And now your only contact with her, and your son is by bi-weekly phonecalls. And even with two part time jobs, you can't send enough money to smuggle them over. You of all people understand that the hundreds of millions of families who have been cloven to pieces due to Ganon's legislation are suffering in ways no family should! "

Kafei sits back, head turned away, arms crossed. The words have struck home, and he's back onboard.

"And Ghirahim," my wife's voice softens. "You were thrown out of our own home, for no reason other than that you were different. When is enough enough? When do we get to see people like you on T.V. not being trivialized and made fun of? When do we get to see people who matter in the eyes of the public say, 'you're allowed to exist'? You made your way in this world the hard way; many others lost their lives simply because they came out at the wrong time, and in the presence of the wrong people."

Ghirahim, his bravado extinguished, sits down as tears leak from the corner of his eyes.

"This is our time to say, 'we matter', by taking down the big guys who think that, because they made the law, they are above the law."

The room is silent, though the three men solemnly nod, remembering their call to duty. I feel a swell in my chest, and have a # proudwife moment. Brains and badassery aside, I love my wife because she loves people.

Just as Zelda is about to elaborate on some other aspect of her scheme, the door thunders open, and in flows a dark woman with fiery hair and a temptatious grin. Without introduction, she slides up my body and breathes, "You smell like a Sheikah" up my neck.

"Get it off!" I croak, smacking away roving hands.

"This is Midna, our CEO."

Tingle whistles; Ghirahim snorts.

"Sorry I'm late," Midna says, sultrily. She flips her hair, and meanders around the room, taking in the electronics. "I take it this is where we're all going to be spending our time together." She straddles a seat and leans forwards, narrowing golden eyes, "Better get comfy!" I trace her gaze towards my wife's ass.

"No!" I fiercely shout. "No, no no no nononononono!"

"Impa," Zelda's eyes find mine with a pout, "She's perfect for the job."

"Perfect for getting into everyone's pants!" I shout, "And oh, come on! Everyone was thinking it!"

"Someone sounds sexually frustrated," Midna murmurs, and Kafei cracks a chuckle, which he poorly disguises as a cough.

"Alright, alright. Everyone, please settle down," Zelda puts her hands up, as if shushing a crowd of Kokiri. "Midna, in the future it would be lovely if you would phone ahead when you're going to be late. Aside from that, you will be a valuable asset to our company. Moving on." She grabs a remote and brings down a monitor from the ceiling. "I've contacted the HardRockers and the ProjectHousewives. Through them, we were connected to a sub-sect of the Zora mafia, who have aligned interests. I know it's a risk, but they want Ganon out of office just as much as we do."

The monitor flickers to life. The screen is divided into three horizontal rectangles. The two side rectangles feature a Goron and three Gerudo, respectively, the one in the middle is pure static.

"Hey guys!" One of the Gerudo coos.

"Tingle! Looking good!" Another says, approvingly, while Tingle gives her the double thumbs up.

"ProjectHousewives in for the report. We have you all connected over on this end," the third states, addressing Zelda, who nods, graciously. "Every top tier web browser has your company's logos and advertisements circulating. We've got you around entry number 13 for search engine optimization, since you're a not very well known company. We've been redacting some of our old sites' read only forums to include references to you in passing."

"Excellent work!" Zelda praises with a wink, "This helps us so much. I'll be sure to put you in charge of draining one of Ganon's largest bank accounts."

The leftmost screen yields to static as they hang up. The Goron on the right takes his turn.

"Um. Hi," he says, almost sheepishly in a deep, gravely voice, "I'm HardRocker number forty-three? Um. I'm the representative who's here to connect you to the Zora? I think." He smiles, and rubs the top of his head, "just a moment."

He disappears from the view of the monitor. What sound carries over from his end could only be described as a cat on rollerskates playing a bass drum. "Aha!" He yells, making everyone in the room jump. The monitor in the middle wakes up to a masked Zora in a black suit.

"Greetings," he says, in a computer-modulated voice, "This is an audio message. We are pleased to inform you that your company is now 54% publically owned in stock shares, with a value set to artificially increase by up to 230% within the next twelve days. We expect to have free access over Ganon's personal computer files, as well as a minimum 2 billion rupees in cash for our services."

The screen fades out dramatically before returning to static. The Goron reappears and bids us farewell in his awkward manner and leaves the videoconference as well.

Zelda turns off and stores the ceiling monitor, throwing on the lights. She closes her eyes, pressing fingers to her lips, hardly containing her excitement. "Guys! It's happening!"