"So, did you see what Link does in this one?" Zelda catches my eye in passing from our bedroom through the open doorway. She has her laptop sitting on sweats clad legs dangling over the edge of the bed; long, wavy blonde hair down and only slightly messy in the most adorable manner. "The promo was actually 3 free samples, but he would actually only give out one, and he would do it by leaving the stand and carrying the packets with him. Then, the next day, when they came back, he would try to give them another, but they would buy it. Either because the actually liked the product, or because they believe he's trying to help them."

"False compassion - that's his tactic?"I call from the kitchen, packing the food away and stacking it in the refrigerator. Despite having made enough lasagna for an army, I wasn't very hungry after just having had that conversation with Midna, and neither was Zelda.

"No...actual compassion. He literally loves everyone. That's why he can sell. He's genuine, and obviously can't say outrageous things." She folds away her laptop and sets it on her lap. "Impa, come join me. It's getting awfully late."

"Yeah, one second," I call, wiping the counters for the umpteenth time.

"Is something wrong?" She asks, timidly as I step into the doorway and remove my ponytail.

"I'm not comfortable with Midna," I state, changing into a pair of darknut themed pajamas. "Why didn't you tell me she used to be some big time CEO? And, how on earth did you get her to come onboard?"

"I told you she was qualified - I thought it was implicative." She folds her hands into a knot and looks down at them, "And, well, I may have counter-seduced her into working for me."

"What did you do?!" I gawk at her, and she shrugs.

"Nothing really! I just smiled, and complimented her a lot, and giggled at her not-so-subtle innuendos. And then I gave her a hug at the end. And, well, she's valuable to the operation. Nothing seems to motivate her but having sex." I make a squawking noise, and she gives me a Now Really? look. " Certainly not money...though she did mention wanting to take a crack at at least one of Ganon's offshore bank accounts."

"See, that's another thing - it seems like all of Ganon's money is just going to be redistributed. How is it going to help the general public?" I bop into our newly tiled bathroom to brush my teeth while she speaks. Her voice carries well into the greatly lighted space.

"You mean aside from demonstrating to all career politicians that greed and false promises ultimately yield to uprising and revolution? Or how about taking someone who has no business being in power, out of it, so that someone more authentic and, hopefully, compassionate, can be put in it. I think everyone in Hyrule benefits from those two things. Bringing into power people who are actually going to make a positive difference, and keeping mongers of fear and hate out of it. In terms of the money itself? We can try to divide it between all parties involved, though ultimately, Midna will be the one in charge of those things."

I spit. Then wash the toothpaste from my mouth."And here we are, back to Midna again."

"Did she say something to you?"

I lean against the sink, thinking about what transpired in the shop today between Midna and I. Instead of anything in the realm of non-fiction coming out, I blurt, "I don't know...I just..don't want this other woman getting between us?"

Well, it was probably better than, 'I think Midna is a diagnosable wackjob who's in shadiness neck deep. And oh, by the way, she wants to screw you and have me kill someone for her.'

"Aww, Impa!" Zelda croons, "You know that I would never be unfaithful to you. Just as I know you wouldn't be unfaithful to me. Besides, Midna has plenty of other people she can entertain herself with. She'll stop flirting sooner than later."

"Well, I hope you're right," I murmur, turning off the light. I step into bed and slide my arms around her waist. She snuggles against me, nuzzling her face into my neck. I grin, happily.

Best part of the day…

"Are you sure there's nothing else that's bothering you?"

My eyes flutter open and I let out a hum. She sighs and pulls back to look me in the eyes. "Impa?"

"This whole Ganon thing is your baby. And it's something that we've both been heavily invested in, even before our marriage. And I'm more than happy to be a part of it, don't get me wrong. I just sometimes wish we could, you know," I cradle my arms in front of me, "have a physical baby?"

"Oh?" she says. Even in the dark, I can see her ocean blue eyes widening. "Um...I think that would be...something nice perhaps. I guess I've never really thought about it."

AN: Exposition finished!

Last week, my sister and I had an argument that devolved into me yelling, "You can't get a life," and her response was, "You can't get a wife."

And because my life is politics right now, this outrageous little bombshell of a fanfiction was birthed.

See you next weekend for more!

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