Doc code 1278803-4576b

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Entry 32 –

Contacting Arno and Thaal has set off a veritable avalanche of emotions within me. I feel as if I have been buried under the weight of the last few days. I am unsure how long I will be able to document the conversation that transpired, however, I need the cathartic exercise of logging my emotions in this record. Arno and Thaal were very pleased to see me when I called. Of course they'd attempted to contact me but I'd found very little energy or time to respond. And so, as I settled down on the cot in the corner of the lab I'd acquired for personal projects (I had yet to receive official quarters – I wasn't sure if this was due to an oversight or the fact that I remained 'on probation', but I tried not to consider it overmuch as there was little I could do about the matter), I found myself eagerly anticipating a chat with Thaal and Arno.

When Arno answered, he had smudges of some sort of paint on his face. "Brainy!" he exclaimed excitedly, then fumbled with the projector, sounding exstatic, "Finally! We were worried!" He shook himself then, as though realizing something. "Thaal!" he called over his shoulder excitedly, "Br-Vril's on the line!"

"I'm going by Querl now," I told him.

"Oh your given name? Finally," Arno said, glancing back at me. "I was getting tired of confusing which name to use." He looked concerned then. "Not going by Brainy?"

"No," I said shortly, my tone indicating I did not wish to discuss the matter further.

"Yo Bvril it's about time you called!" Thaal trumpeted, entering the holographic projector's input range.

"It's Querl," Arno told him even as I said "I'm going by Querl at this point in time,"

"Oh-ho," Thaal said, "Well that's progress, isn't it?" His eyes didn't quite reflect the grin on his face as he pressed softly, "…still not Brainy?"

"That is not something I wish to discuss," I said in clipped tones.

Thaal looked at me, eyes narrowing in concern for a moment before shrugging, conceding the point. "All right, fine," he said, brushing over the topic. "How's the Legion? Has anything changed since you left? Hav you met any of the new members yet?"

Arno gave Thaal a disgruntled look and elbowed him, turning to me and asking questions of his own. "Forget him, Querl. How are you? Why haven't you contacted us? Did you get reinstated? Were you arrested? What were you thinking, breaking in like that?"

"Yeah! Why didn't you take me with you?" Thaal piped up.

Arno shot him a withering glance. "That's enough from you," he said.

"Sorry," Thaal muttered sheepishly, slumping down on a chair behind Arno's shoulder. "Are you in a lab right now?" he asked suddenly, peering behind me.

"I am," I replied. "Arno, I'm doing fine. I didn't contact you due to a variety of factors, not the least of which was an emotional exhaustion that left me feeling drained. I didn't have the energy to communicate, although I must admit I feel as though seeing you has actually invigorated me. Perhaps I should have contacted you sooner. I feel I have made you worry, and for that I apologize."

"We left 'worried' behind ages ago and moved on to 'frantic' sometime last week," Thaal said accusingly from behind Arno, leaning forward, his features hardening in a way I hadn't quite believed he was capable. "Querl. We're your friends. Of course we care about you. Of course we worried. All you told us was, and I quote, 'I have illegally entered Legion HQ. I have been discovered. I will contact you with more details at a later date.'" Thaal's face wrinkled slightly. "Then we hear nothing for two whole weeks! two! weeks!"

Arno shot a glance over his shoulder. "Thaal," he said warningly.

"No!" Thaal shot to his feet, beginning to pace restlessly, gesturing wildly with his hands as he spoke. "Brainy, I may not be that important to you, but you matter a lot to me." He glared at the camera. "You left, without telling us anything. You wrote us a three-sentence note. Arno was freaking out. I almost called the Science police! You couldn't even call?" Thaal grappled with the air for a moment before pointing at the input reciever. "I don't know what you were thinking, but you sure weren't thinking about us. Get your head together, man! For a genius you're acting really stupid!"

Arno was standing also, trying to calm Thaal. "Calm down, Thaal, let's talk about this later," he said quietly, "we should—"

"No!" Thaal pushed Arno aside, seating himself in the chair nearer the screen, pushing his face close to the input receiver. "We were worried sick, and…" his voice trailed off, his features softening as he looked at me. "Brainy, are you crying?"

How embarrassing. I swiped at my face, surprised to find my eyes were indeed leaking lacrimal fluid. I hadn't realized. "I suppose I am," I said, voice shaking. "I'm sorry," I added. "You're right. I wasn't thinking. I was…" What? Too many emotions jumbled together in my mind, I couldn't think. "afraid," I said, finally settling on an emotion.

"Afraid of what?" Thaal demanded.

"I don't know!" I exclaimed. "Everything's a mess, Thaal. I don't know why I'm here, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know! I don't know," I repeated miserably. "Do you understand how difficult it is to not know anything when your entire worth as a human being is founded on your ability to know everything?"

"Querl you're a lot more than a big brain and anyone who can't see that can answer to me," Thaal said darkly. "Or better yet, Arno, since he's a lot bigger and stronger than me," he added after a moment, trying to bring a lighthearted edge to the conversation. He was only marginally successful. Arno nodded seriously, seating himself in Thaal's abandoned seat, the two of them having effectively switched places.

"So what's the big deal with this other Brainiac?" Thaal asked.

I glanced around suspiciously. "It's…complicated," I admitted, feeling my heartrate kick up a notch, my tears threatening to start again. "I can't really discuss it over an open channel," I continued.

Thaal nodded seriously. "How about everything else?"

"No one trusts me here," I said wearily. Tears having relented, I found myself feeling empty and numb. "I don't really have any friends. Except perhaps for Shrinking Violet, and she's currently on a long-term mission of some sort. I don't know the details. I'm here on a probationary status."

"Why probationary?" Thaal demanded. "It's not like there's anything wrong with you."

"Yes, well," I paused. "They think I'm a clone."

"A WHAT?" Thaal's piercing shriek likely roused his and Arno's neighbors, and could have possibly roused my neighbors as well had I been in the residential area of Legion HQ. As I was in a lab, his shout merely echoed through the empty corridors. "Why would they think that?"

"It's what I told them," I explained.

"Why?" Thaal pressed, sounding baffled. I didn't blame him. "What about the impostor?"

"It's complicated. They all think he's me, and I don't really have any evidence to prove otherwise. Until I can gain that evidence, I have no way to prove I'm not a clone."

"What about DNA?" Thaal asked.

"I could explain, but you would be unlikely to understand the minutiae," I told him.

"Fair enough," Thaal replied. "I mean my specialty is international politics and Journalism, so…"

"And I'm an art student," Arno added, "but you already knew that."

"Hence why explaining exactly what prevents me from using DNA as evidence would be rather pointless. Take my word for it – it isn't enough evidence."

"Okay, so, you're basically being treated like what, an 'extra' Brainy? A Brainy two-point-oh?" Thaal asked.

"Basically," I agreed. "Additionally, as I am fully biological I am seen as more fragile, more incompetent, and more mentally unstable than my cyborg impostor," I felt hot tears welling up in my eyes at my own blunt explanation of how I was being treated. I blinked hard, trying to will them away. Crying would not do me any good at this juncture.

"Brainy, that's sprocking insane," Thaal said. "Why didn't you call sooner?"

"He was too emotionally drained," Arno chimed in. "Thaal, he would lock himself in his room for hours at a time to work on his projects. If you were around people who were constantly watching you and judging you when what you most wanted was solitude, wouldn't you have a tough time finding the energy to contact the outside world?"

"First of all, I'm like the extrovert's extrovert, so the idea of locking myself in my room sounds like being locked in a coffin and buried alive." Thaal said. "But I know Brainy is more of a lone soul, and being a lone soul yourself, Arno, I trust you have a better understanding of why he might not want to contact us right away, even though it makes absolutely no sense to me."

"Thank you," Arno said, turning to face me. "Brainy, I know it's been hard. But you know you can always count on us, right?"

I shook my head slowly. "I..forgot," I admitted. "I forgot what it was like to have friends who knew who you really were." I buried my face in my hands, unable to look at them. "I feel so…betrayed," I confessed, my voice muffled slightly by my palms. "I don't know if I can handle this."

"Sprock that," Thaal said harshly. "Brainy, you're one of the kindest, bravest people I've ever known and if they're too stupid to see that, that's on them." His voice rose as he continued. "But I also know that you're a hero. It's in your blood. You can't not help people. You'll always do the right thing. Just… try to take care of yourself some too, okay? You can count on us, even if you can't count on your … friends," Thaal said the last word with venom, as though it were a dirty word. "I can't believe I idolized those guys."

"It's not their fault!" I said quickly, glancing up at the screen. "It's a very complicated situation."

"Sure it is," Thaal said disbelievingly. "Do your friends also not know how to talk to twins?"

"Lightning Lad is from Winath. He has a twin," I said, feeling confused. "I fail to see your point."

"Even if there weren't anything wrong with your impostor, a clone is basically like an identical twin, right?" Thaal sounded frustrated. "Why should it be so hard to get to know you and get along?"

"That's a good point," Arno agreed.

Thaal muttered to himself. "I'm of half a mind to come over there and give the whole lot a talking-to."

"I don't see how that would be particularly useful," I confessed.

"You say that now, but you've never seen Thaal get really worked up. He's quite the orator when he puts his mind to it," Arno told me.

I couldn't picture what he was saying. "You mean just now does not qualify as getting worked up?"

"He does his best work in front of an audience," Arno said, glancing fondly at Thaal.

Thaal waved a hand dismissively. "Anyway, Brainy, would it be all right if I dropped by for a visit?"

"I don't think that's possible," I said. "It requires a significant amount of clearance to get in."

"Don't you worry about the details," Thaal told me sternly. "I just want to know if you'd be comfortable with me being there."

"To be honest I can't think of anything that would please me more," I told him.

"Good to know," Thaal said. "I know a few people," he explained.

"Isn't it getting late?" Arno said quietly. "Brainy, you're always welcome to call. But I suspect you have duties there, right?"

"I do," I said. "It's been difficult for me to sleep lately is all."

"Well hopefully you sleep better tonight," Thaal said brusquely.

"I hope so as well," I said, glancing at the time. "It is late," I said, feeling surprised at how quickly the time had passed.

"Well call us again soon!" Thaal said. Arno nodded sincerely from behind him.

"I will," I promised.

"Brainy. Don't give up. Don't let the negatives get to you. You're a great person and one of my dearest friends," Arno told me sincerely.

"Yeah and don't forget to write in your journal. That'll probably help," Thaal said, smirking.

"For the last time, Thaal, it is not—"

"Whatever you say," Thaal interrupted. "Now go to bed!"

"I will." I said, pausing. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now stop ignoring us, you dummy!" Thaal said with exasperated fondness.

"I'm going to sleep," I told them.

"Sleep well," Arno said.

"Don't let the bedbugs bite," Thaal added.

I decided not to ask. "Good night," I said, and ended the transmission. That night, I slept peacefully for the first time since I'd arrived at Legion HQ.

Somehow, a part of me had forgotten what true friends were like. Another part of me felt concerned that my lack of contact had led Thaal to feeling devalued, as though my silence indicated to him that he did not matter to me as much as I to him. Thaal, for all his annoyance, is one of my dearest friends, and his loyalty to me has touched me beyond words. There are no words in the interlac lexicon with which to express my deep gratitude for the friendship I have found in Thaal and Arno. I only hope I can one day find myself worthy of the esteem with which they regard me.

A/N: Wow! So this is a doozy of a chapter, but once they started talking I couldn't bring myself to interrupt them, so what we have here is a very long chapter with Thaal being his awesome self. I missed these guys, hope you did too! OR did you forget they existed, like Brainy? (It's okay if you forgot about them... Arno will just cluck his tongue and shake his head in disappointment at you)

Hopefully this chapter allayed some of the fears and/or questions people had about what was going on in Brainy's head. He's an introvert, but for all that he needs to get out of his head and talk to people sometimes. Arno and Thaal make great sounding boards, but what about the Legion? Well. We'll be getting there, but that's another entry...

Thanks for reading, and as always, stay tuned!