Hey I'm baaack with not too much of a long wait! I have a lot of chapters written so the updating won't be much longer, we're getting to the end too hmm exciting but anyways, here's the new chapter!
I woke up with the side of my face colder than the other half and my neck twisted into a sharp pain. My eyes slowly opened to see a hard wooden floor. I pushed myself up, leaning on the door that I had fell asleep in front of, and looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm my dizzy head. I suddenly felt the result of that floor and vowed to never fall asleep on the floor again.
Once my head felt like it could manage to do its job, I slowly stood up, unlocked the door and opened it quickly, not realizing that Drew was leaning on it as well. As it opened, he fell back, his head hitting the floor quite hard.
"Oh my gosh, Drew!" I said, kneeling down quickly to make sure he was okay.
"Well, good morning to you too." He joked, with a smile.
I shook my head as helped him stand up, almost pulling myself down in the process. "Are you okay? Really?" I asked, as he finally stood in front of me.
"Yeah, the real question is are you okay?" He asked, with concerned eyes that were directly on me, "You know, after last night?"
Suddenly overcome with an emotion that I didn't really know, I sat down on the edge of the bed. Drew followed and sat beside me. I didn't really want to talk about last night but this was something that had to be talked about and I guess in this instance, sooner was better than later.
"I can't say if I'm okay or not." I said, looking ahead, "I've always been strong, you know? I've always been able to handle things on my own and keep things to myself without feeling like I needed other people. I can handle the burden of this myself but Luke really messed me up. I've always been able to control when I wanted to feel open and when I wanted to let people in. Luke forced his way in, he forced himself onto me physically and mentally. The physical hurts sure but the being weak mentally is horrible. It's.." I paused, trying to find the right word but I couldn't think of anything except, "Shit. It's total shit. And I've been mentally weak since before Luke. Coming to Degrassi, I was never used to this. At my old school, I had many acquaintances and a few friends and I used to think that that was horrible and that my life was so boring. But if an exciting life is loving someone just for them to leave you, I don't want it. If an exciting life is a guy wanting you and if you want him back he just forces his way onto you, I don't want it. I don't want any of this."
Drew looked at me as if he didn't know what to say and honestly, I didn't want him to say anything either. What I said was enough and I didn't have anything else to say.
"I should probably go." I said, standing up.
"Summer-"
"No," I walked out of the door of the room down the steps, Drew following behind me, "I have to go."
Drew grabbed my wrist, stopping me from opening the door, "No, you can't go through this alone."
"Did you just hear me?" I retorted, angrily. I turned around to face him as I continued, "I'm more than capable enough to get through this alone. Needing people didn't get me far before and it isn't going to get me far now."
Before Drew could try and fail and in the end just waste more of my time, I pulled my arm away from him, opened the door and slammed it as I walked out.
I walked out into the street that I only was familiar with at night when there was a whole bunch of teenagers on the lawn that was now covered with red cups and trash. Funny, I felt like trash as well.
Watching too many rom coms made me all too familiar with the walk of shame. But not as familiar as I was with it this morning. Of course, mine was a little different. My walk of shame was a little more mental than the fact that my shirt still had a beer stain on it.
My walk of shame was my shame of being weak. I went through all this whole year trying to make my life exciting. I thought that going through all this would somehow end up making me feel like I was fulfilled. Make me more happy with my life but now my life was spread all over in pieces like the leftover trash from Drew's party. That was my life, a lawn full of pieces of toxic waste that needed to picked up. Piece by piece, I had to properly throw away all the trash that had accumulated on the lawn that was my life.
Most people hated being alone but this revelation made me realize I was best on my own. Well, mentally anyway. I spent so much time trying to make people stay when the bottom line is that I can't superglue someone into my life. I can't make everyone or anyone stay. If someone wants to leave, they will. And behind them, they'll leave trash in my lawn. But I'm the only one who can clean up my lawn, no one else is going to want to clean my lawn up because they have their own lawns to clean up.
And my priority now was cleaning up my lawn. Picking up the trash and cutting the grass. So that my lawn could grow and become strong again. Independent again. I needed a fresh lawn.
Sorry that it's a kind of short chapter but what it lacks in quanity it makes up for in quality (hopefully!) Don't forget to review/favorite/etc.