Logically, I'd have expected myself to be happy since Ethan turned Peaches down, but I don't. I feel awful, worse than awful. I'm angry with Steffie; I'm angry with Ethan, but most of all, I hate myself for not telling them to drop dead if they thought Peaches was anything other than perfect. Peaches is silent. I can tell she's heart-broken, but her eyes seem to convey that she's got some sort of idea, a plan, or something.
Finally, she looks down at the ground and says quietly, "What if I stopped hanging from trees?" She states it so matter-of-fact that I cringe. "And What if I don't act like a possum anymore? Then won't Ethan like me?" She looks at me expectingly, hoping for encouragement, approval.
I step back, shaking my buzzing head in disbelief. She's going to give up herself to win over a guy that doesn't even like her. I can't handle this right now; I need to be alone for a few minutes. My face is hot, and I can feel tears trying to escape my eyes. I don't want to weep helplessly in front of Peaches right now, not if she's busy being Steffie.
I just turn. I run off into the dark forest as fast as I can hoping Peaches doesn't follow. I want to walk alone for a bit, clear my mind. It doesn't appear that she's following me, so I slow down to a walk.
The night is so clear, illuminated by the moon. I smell the fresh misty air. It must be raining nearby. Several crickets chirp to each other. Their sound is so melodic and harmonious. The trees cast long, eary shadows on the ground. The small pebbles and rocks that litter the ground stick out in the dim light. I pick one up, staring at it real hard. It's darkish gray and round, almost spherical. It's so small. It's minuscule. I look around; no one. I suddenly feel small, standing there all alone. I suddenly wish I hadn't left Peaches.
I run back as fast as I can. I'm probably about half way when I see Peaches staring into the water of the falls. She's scrutinizing her reflection, frowning. As I get closer, I see that she's sobbing. Tears are falling into the water and messing up her reflection. When she sees this, she uses her trunk to slosh around the water more. She smiles when her reflection is no longer distinguishable, and my heart sinks. Why does she want to change herself? She's so much more than her reflection, but she doesn't notice. She's too concerned with what Ethan sees. By now I'm about three feet away from her. I can't let her hate herself just because Ethan might like her more if she changes. Why can't anyone see that Peaches is the most beautiful when she's herself? Why does everyone think she should change?
"Peaches," I say. She gasps, spinning around in surprise. "Please... don't." I can't find the words to tell her how perfect she is already, how she doesn't have to change.
"What, Louis?" She says, tempered. Her anger hits me like a rock.
"Listen... don't... don't give up yourself to get Ethan." I say slowly, whispering so quietly I can barely hear myself. She just stares at me. I can almost feel her frustration building.
"But he'll never like me if I don't." She says. Her voice rises with each word.
"But he won't be liking you." I counter, my voice just as loud as hers.
"I just want to feel like someones likes me!"
"Then why are you changing yourself!?" We're both yelling now. I never wanted to yell at her. I just wanted to show her that Ethan isn't worth it.
"Well, why do you care if I change!? Don't you want me to be with Ethan; don't you want me to be happy!?" I want to say that I don't think she'll be very happy if she has to be someone else, but I'm too upset and not thinking.
"Of course I want you to be happy! But I can barely handle one Steffie, and I don't think I can handle two!"
She looks into my eyes and, infuriated, says, "Louis, you don't get it- I have to change! No one is ever going to love a half-possum, half-mammoth freak!"
"I do!" I shout, my voice squeaking from being at such a high volume. Oh no! Louis! What did you just do!? Those other times may not have been perfect to tell her, but this is definitely worse! I cover my red face and turn away, embarrassed. Darn it! Why did you tell her!? There's no way she'll react well to this!
I sit down, still covering my face. My legs and arms are trembling. What is Peaches going to say? What's she going to do? I wish I could be anywhere but here!
To my surprise, Peaches puts her trunk on my shoulder sympathetically. I look up at her. Her faces is bewildered, but it doesn't look angry. She just looks curious almost. She says quietly, "How long?"
"How long what?" I ask back, confused.
"How long have you, you know... liked me?" Was there ever a time I didn't like her? I try to think back to the first time we met. We were quite young. My parent's were still... I take a long breath in. My heart starts beating really fast and my side aches. I clench at it, but it's a well too deep with unheard wishes. I start breathing harder, and tears rundown my face. What's happening to me? I feel like I can't breathe! Peaches must see my alarm because she starts slowly stroking my head softly with her trunk, trying to calm me down. It kind of helps. I can breathe again, but it's choppy between sniffling. She looks down at me. Her face is soft but distressed. She smiles a little as my heart rate returns to normal. She so beautiful; I want to hug her and hold her and tell her how much I love her. I don't even care that there's no physical way for me to hold her. But, I can kind of remember when I started liking her now.
"I'm not exactly sure when I really started liking you, but remember that time you saved me when I was in that deep water?" She nods. "That's when I new for sure that I did." It just now registers in my mind how long it's been; we were just little kids when she pulled me from that pond.
It must be really late; the moon is nearly half way through the sky. Today has certainly been a day of extremes... It's hard to believe that whole Diego incident just happened this morning. It feels like it's been weeks, months even. Wow, I actually followed Diego's advice. Anyway, it must be really late, and I doubt that Peaches' parents are going to be very happy when she gets back.
"We should probably..." I yawn, rubbing my eyes. I suddenly feel so tired. "We should probably get you back home." My brain still hasn't really processed that I told Peaches, but it does occur to me that I've no idea where I'm going to sleep tonight. Though, I'm not sure there's very much of tonight left in the first place. It doesn't appear that it's completely registered to Peaches yet, either. I don't know.. I guess we both need a while to process what I've just revealed. It occurs to me that I literally had no plan what so ever for what to do once I'd told her.
"Louis?" Peaches pulls me out of my thoughts. "I'd be fine with acting like this never happened if you want. That way, you can tell me when you want to." I can't believe it. I'm not sure I even comprehend what she means. Does she not want me to tell her again, or is she giving me a second chance to tell her right? I hope I know Peaches well enough to assume that she's genuinely letting me have another try. I guess now that she knows, it would give us both time to think this through. I nod my head, reluctantly accepting her offer.
"So..." She says, "Wanna race home?" I almost laugh. Same old Peaches, as forgiving and care-free as ever.
"Why not?" I say, completely ignoring the fact that I'm dead tired. I stand up quick and take off sprinting as fast as my legs will carry me. It only takes a few moments for Peaches to swing over me. I've probably run about twenty feet when my body remembers that it has about the same amount of energy as I have muscles to keep it moving... I kind of just stop, breathe really hard, and fall down in a bit of a daze. I lay on the cool ground panting, finding it funny at how little I care about how I feel right now. Peaches walks up smiling and shaking her head.
"I guess this means I win..." She says, and I half expect her to propose a rematch.
"Again? But I was just getting warmed up." I say sarcastically while, and I'll never admit this, literally gasping for air. We both laugh, which doesn't do too much to help my whole oxygen issue. She looks down over me with a smile across her face. her eyes are sparkling. I feel a big grin grow on me, and I can't help but keep laughing. Though I don't know if that's why she's smiling. I feel a few tears escape my eyes, but they're not sad. They're happy, relived, hopeful.
Peaches lifts me up and holds me in her trunk. It's warm and calm as she walks back.
This chapter's song is "My Paper Heart" by The All-American Rejects.