AN: I'd like to dedicate these next two chapters to my anonymous reviewers, Le Potato and TanaSoho. You two have been unbelievably helpful. Le Potato, your positivity and consistent reviews give me life, and TanaSoho, your criticism and helpful pointers have been superbly supportive. So, Le Potato, this one is for you and that little prompt you sent me, and TanaSoho, I'll bring in Ultear next chapter just for you. Thank you two so much for everything. I love hearing from you.

Story the Seventeenth: Things Man Was Not Meant to Hear

If there was one thing Erik hated– actually, no, he hated a lot of things. This just happened to be one of them. Visiting Fairy Tail wasn't close to the top, but it did piss him off. Sure, he got to see Kinana, but… in this case, the negatives outweighed the positives by a lot. Macbeth was talking to Laki, and both of them looked far too interested in whatever the hell they were talking about for anyone else in the vicinity to feel at all comfortable. Sorano was talking with Mirajane and Lucy, Richard had gotten into a discussion with Levy and Gajeel (the topic of which remained a mystery, even though Erik could hear their thoughts), Kinana was serving drinks, Sawyer had gotten into a fight with Jet about who was faster (which abruptly ended when Cana had flatly pointed out that Jellal was faster than both of them), Merudy and Juvia were giggling about various things (mostly abs), Jellal and Erza were pretending not to like one another, and Erik was sitting next to Jellal considering the pros and cons of lobotomy via soup spoon.

And then, Mira, Sorano, and Lucy all burst into laughter. A few heads turned their way, but most people just accepted it as part of the daily bustle in Fairy Tail. Erik meant to continue ignoring them until one of Mira's thoughts shoved itself forward.

Those two would look so cute together! He heard her think. He groaned. More matchmaking, it seemed. He caught a glimpse of Jellal flickering through Sorano's thoughts, and grinned to himself. He was almost completely certain they were talking about Jellal's relationship with Erza, which they had dubbed 'Jerza' (which was silly, in Erik's opinion, as there was no way in hell Jellal was topping anyone, though he acknowledged that there wasn't really any other way to put their names together), and that usually meant blackmail material. His ears twitched slightly as he started focusing on their conversations. But then–

"I mean, I know he's got a thing for Erza," he heard Lucy say, "but I've never seen him interested in another girl."

"Merudy says he never looked at her or Ultear," Sorano added. "And from what I've heard, Ultear wasn't bad-looking."

"Definitely not," Lucy agreed. "So, you think he's gay?"

"Totally!" Mira giggled. "I guess Erza's the exception that proves the rule."

"I'm thinking pansexual," Sorano argued. "I bet he's just got a thing for redheads."

"Does that mean he'd be interested in Natsu?" Lucy wondered.

"Natsu's hair is pink, not red," Mira pointed out. Sorano laughed.

"Maybe he's got a thing for recklessness, then," she joked. The girls giggled together. Erik groaned. Jellal's sexuality was something even he hadn't been able to figure out, so he doubted they'd get it. Literally anyone could see that he and Erza were head over heels for one another, so who the hell else could they possible 'ship' him with?

"What should we call this one, then?" Lucy asked.

"What, Jellal and Natsu?" Mira asked, staring. "I mean, we could call it 'Jeltsu' or 'Nalal' or 'NaJel' or something." Erik snorted – those were dumber even for Mira.

"No, Jellal and Erik," Lucy corrected. Erik choked, spat out his water (it was too early to be drinking), and fell out of his chair all at once.

"Erik!" Jellal yelped, jumping out of his seat. Erza leapt over the table.

"Are you alright?" the armored woman queried. Erik twitched.

"Kina," he said hoarsely. She looked over at him.

"What's up?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"I need to be drunk. Stat."

AN: So, as you might have guessed, Le Potato's prompt was "what if Mira and Lucy shipped Jerik" (which, as some of you may know, is my OTP), and I added Sorano and Erik overhearing them to that mess. Thus, we got this mess. Anyway, Erik remained traumatized for the rest of the day. Sorano eventually figured out that he had overheard them, and teased him relentlessly. Sadly, Jerik never happened.