Hey! guys here is the next chapter. This chapter is slightly longer than the rest but only by a bit. as the story goes on the chapters might get longer but I'm not keeping any promise, but hopefully I will be able to do this.
I hope you guys like it.
I do NOT own -Man
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'Italics' for writing
'normal' for normal speech and dialog
'Blond' thoughts
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Lavi POV
Once we were in our room. I set our bags near the table and then walked over to the bed on the far left and sat down on it. I watched Kanda from the moment we walked in until I sat down. I watched as he carefully placed Allen-chan onto the middle bed. I couldn't help but feel happy for Kanda, that after such along time, he had finally found someone to love. Once, Allen was on the bed Kanda moved to the bed on the far right and sat down. During that entire time he didn't take his eyes off Allen. As we waited I remember the book that I picked up which had fallen out of Allen's pocket. I dug it out of my coat's pocket. I knew I should give it back, but a part of me wanted to read it. I knew that there was something that Allen was keeping locked up. I placed my emotionless mask on and with out another thought I opened it to the first page, I saw Allen's beautiful and elegant a hand writing. I then looked at the word and read...
'November 30 1895
It has nearly been a year since I started traveling with Master Cross.
I don't know reason I'm writing in this journal, maybe it because when I was at the market earlier to get some food I saw this empty journal, and I still had a bit of money left, and I didn't want Master Cross to take it had used it for Wine. So, I bought this book so I could write my thoughts in it. I plan to hide it so that Master Cross won't be able to find it. I will only write in it when he is away and if I'm alone, and I will never show this to anyone. I mean a girl still need to have secrets and needs something or someone to tell them, In this case writing them.
Allen the one who keeps walking'
I had finished the first passage quite quick and it seemed that Allen still hated Cross even when he was young, but why would Allen say something that make him seem like a girl. I was now very interested in what was in this book. So, I turned the page and something had lit my interest…
'December 25 1885,
I hate this day.
This is the day I lost everything. The day of my adoption, the day I was cursed...and the day of Mana's death.
I still can hear Mana's words ringing in my head. "Never stop keep walking".
For so long I thought there was nothing for me. On this day, a year ago, I truly felt like a demon.
A monster. A freak. I was nothing. I was...
the Devil Child.
I wish I died when that village tried to burn me in that small cottage.
I hate myself. I wish I could just disappear, but even thorough I wished for that I just can't disappear. Something inside me wants to survive. It want me to live...But..Why? Why would a part of me what to live on. What is for the reason for being here in this world.
-Allen Walker'
Lavi knew that the rest of it would be about the his time with Cross, the pain that happened to Allen but what he wanted to know, was what Allen thought about now. He also knew if he read anymore about Allen's past because I knew my mask would break and I would start to cry. So he skipped to something that he wanted to know what Allen thought about, the time before Allen's arm attacked him.
'July 16, 1888
It has be a year since I have gotten to the black order. I have meet so many different people and every is so nice.
But…
I hate it. I hate how I have to lied to them. But I just can't tell them.
Not now.
Not since the 14th has shown up.
Especially him. I love him but I can't tell him, but as much as I want to tell him. I just...can't.
I dont want to be hated. So I must hide. I have to hide from them. I can't let them find me.
Never!
So will keep this to myself until I find someone to share it with.
-Allen Walker'
Lavi was shocked. He would have never thought Allen would be in love with someone - and a guy no less. But then again, he has noticed that Allen had a bigger secret and the only way to find out was to read the whole book. But first, he wanted to read the latest entry, but what he read was not what he had expected...
'August 5, 1888
I know they won't believe me...
I mean my Innocence just attacked Lavi. Without my control, it just attacked him. When my Innocence did that, I felt my whole world break.
It had hit me hard. But the worse part, was when my own 'friends' wouldn't let me help take him to the Nurse Wing or even let me anywhere near him AND them.
I was official hated. Krory wouldn't talk to me anymore. Miranda would run away screaming that she had something to do. Lenalee would just glare at me and not speak to me at all. Kanda wouldn't speak or listen to me - just ignored me as though I wasn't there. He hated me, the one I loved so much... hated me.
That broke me.
The finders and scientists would be too terrified to speak, even Komui wouldn't speak to me other than to give me missions briefs.
The other exorcists resigned to beating me up along with a few finders, and guess what?
I HaTeD it.
I was weak…. And I was…scared.
The only person I could speak to without being scared, was: Jerry.
He was the one person who was able to see the hurt within me. The self-hate I held. Even though I didn't tell him the worst part about it, he was 'still' worried for me.I think I can only say this here, in this very journal, but, I was raped and found.Sure they won't remember, after all, they were drunk, but that doesn't change the fact that I'll still remember.
I feel that their is no one I can cry to about this... not even Jerry.This was all I had to start with when I was about to tell my friend the truth.That I was a girl.Right when I was feeling like I could actually trust them and believe in them, now they hate me and my guts. I feel that if I tell them, they would just hate me even more so...
I feel like a broken doll - or perhaps, a puppet with broken strings. Even broken, I still play my music. The music of my heart.I'd be surprised by finding the will to live, even if just a little. If my friends ever found this journal and read the content of it, then I wouldn't know if they would loath me more than they do now, or maybe just feel a little sympathy. If they do, please note, that I'm very sorry and I don't want to be hated anymore.
Please forgive me for my sin. I just want to be free and alive.
-Allen Walker'
Lavi could feel the tears threatening to fall at this. By reading this, he had found out something: Allen was a girl.
Is that what she wanted to keep hidden?
'No.' something deep inside of him said. It was something more. Something bigger. Bigger than anything Lavi could even figure out.
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Another done! I hope you guys enjoyed.
So the last journey inter was from the first chapter but I did some editing to it. Just cause I felt like it. Well I hope you guys like it.
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Ja Ne!