-60-
Ryll was completely silent during the ride home. Merlin knew that it had taken her a tremendous amount of strength to let Morgana go. He knew that even though it was Uther and not Ryll Morgana was taking a side against, Ryll had still felt a sense of betrayal. He wondered if Morgana had asked Ryll to come with her. He wanted to ask, but he knew it was a touchy subject. Instead he rode next to her as they trailed after the knights. Arthur kept sending worried glances back, but he let them be. They stopped after nightfall to camp, and Ryll huddled by herself at the edge of the camp.
"Go talk to her," Arthur told Merlin. "I'll get the fire going."
"Really?"
"She needs you right now. Tell her we're not going to stop searching. This isn't a defeat."
"Thank you."
Merlin went over to where Ryll was sitting and took a spot next to her, keeping a few feet between them. "How are you holding up?" he asked.
"Nothing is going to be the same is it?" she asked, her voice hardly more than a whisper. She looked so dejected. He'd never seen such a lack of hope in her eyes.
"Maybe not."
"Do you really think Morgana is going to turn evil? People don't just turn evil. They have to be evil at heart, and she is anything but that."
"I think that she has a chance to use her powers for good or for bad, and with how much she hates Uther, I'm not sure which she's going to chose. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, I do, but I just can't help but wonder what Morgause has planned for her."
"Maybe she just wants to keep her safe." Merlin looked at Ryll. Did she know something more? "What am I going to do without her? She was my first friend in Camelot. My first friend ever."
"It's going to be hard for awhile, but you'll learn to adjust. I know I'm not Morgana. I can't discuss dresses or gossip about which new knight is most handsome, but I'll always be here." This brought a smile to Ryll's lips.
"You don't want to discuss dresses with me?" she asked.
"I will if it makes you feel better."
"Like I'd talk about dresses," she said, smiling at the ground. "Thank you, Merlin," she added, bringing her eyes up to meet his.
"Of course," he said, reaching out to take her hand. He squeezed it and when she squeezed back, he continued to hold it. Arthur glanced over at them, shaking his head and then smiling to himself as if he couldn't quite figure out their relationship or maybe he was thinking about Gwen, wishing he could hold her hand openly. Merlin realized how lucky he was. Ryll might be a lady, but she didn't hold herself to the same standards and would never be in the same situation as Arthur. Arthur had to marry someone his father would approve of. But Uther wasn't going to be king forever. Merlin had to keep reminding himself of this. Over the years, he'd had several chances to turn a blind eye and let Uther be killed, but he'd saved him every time. He couldn't bring himself to become a murderer. Uther's hands might be forever stained from the blood of all those with magic he had killed, but Merlin didn't want to kill him. He didn't want revenge.
He started from his thoughts when Ryll moved closer to him, brushing her arm against his and laying her head on his shoulder. "Did she ask you to come with her?" Merlin finally asked.
Ryll was quiet for a moment. "No," she said finally. "She didn't ask me to choose. Yet. But I know some day I will have to choose between loyalty to Camelot under Uther's rule and loyalty to her and to magic. Byron told me the same thing." What did Byron know about all this? Merlin wondered. He tried not to feel jealous of the bond the druid boy shared with Ryll. At least he had told her he had magic. They had that connection that Merlin and Ryll could have had if he had been brave enough to tell her.
"And what will you choose?"
"I don't know, Merlin. It's not that simple. Everyone things it's in black and white. Magic or Uther. But it's not that simple. I have you and Arthur and Gwen. There are many of the knights I've come to greatly admire. They follow Uther's orders. Uther is Arthur's father. Of course he influences them but they can think for themselves. One day Arthur will be king, and he will have to make his own decisions based on what he thinks is right. I know Arthur will be a much better king than Uther. He is kind and would give his life for his people. I cannot just turn my back on him and on Camelot. But I cannot turn against Morgana. I swore to her that I never would."
"Hopefully it will never have to come down to that."
"I hope not. I don't like feeling torn. I've never felt like I've belonged more than when I'm in Camelot. I know it's flawed, but it's still a wonderful place. I would not stand by and see it destroyed by those who hate Uther."
"Like you said, nothing will ever be the same again, but some things will never change. Friends, loyalty. You'll always have me, and we'll always have Arthur. Maybe together we can make a new Camelot that does not come down so harshly on those with magic. Maybe someday magic will be welcomed into Camelot again. We don't know what the future holds."
Ryll's expression turned sad for a moment, and he wondered what she was thinking about. "Some things are set," she said softly. "Some things were always meant to happen."
"What do you mean?" He frowned.
She looked up at him and smiled. "Never mind. It's nothing." It wasn't nothing, but he did not press her.
"You should get some sleep. You've had a long day," Merlin told her.
"Will you stay with me?" she asked. Her eyes were wide, and she looked frightened by the thought of being alone.
"Of course." He rolled out their blankets, and they lay down, Merlin wrapping an arm around her until she stopped shivering. She fell asleep almost at once, but it took Merlin a long time to fall asleep. He stared off into the distance, listening to the crackle of the fire and the idle chatter of the few knights still awake. He knew that they had passed over some sort of point that they could never come back from. He wasn't sure what was going to happen, but he knew that he had to keep Ryll safe. He did not doubt that she had a good heart, but so did Morgana and yet she had still chosen to turn against Camelot. If Ryll began to turn against Uther too, her hatred could drive her in the wrong direction. He thought of what she had done to the Brotherhood of the Elements. He knew that she hadn't meant to – she'd lost control – but what she had done showed the true potential of what she could do if she chose to use her power that way. She wouldn't. He wanted to trust that, but desperation could drive a person to do things he or she never dreamed they would do and he knew how much she wanted to protect Morgana.
Ryll was fragile despite her bravery and stubbornness. If he did not protect her, he was afraid of what her power might do to her. It was only a matter of time before she lost control again unless she truly learned how to control it. It was raw and untested. She did not yet know how to use it. Perhaps it was better that she didn't use it. But he of all people knew what if felt like to not use something he was born with. He would be nothing without his magic. Perhaps she felt the same way. If only he could tell her that he had magic too. They could work together to control it. She'd know she wasn't alone. He wondered if he'd confided in Morgana before any of this had happened if it would have changed anything. Perhaps she wouldn't have felt so alone and so frightened. He couldn't make the same mistake with Ryll. He had to find the right time to tell her, and it had to be soon. He just wasn't sure how.
…
They reached the forest surrounding the castle midday the next day. Ryll had not spoken a word to anyone since she had awoken. Merlin watched her with worried eyes and even the knights had noticed her somber demeanor. It didn't feel right to laugh or to smile or feel any sort of happiness when her best friend had been taken from her. She knew she had done the right thing letting Morgana go. She'd wanted to go. Then why did it feel as if Ryll had set something dangerous in motion? Morgause was powerful and dangerous, Ryll knew. Who knew what kinds of ideas she would put into Morgana's head? But Morgana had turned on Uther. Perhaps she and Morgause would plot against him. She shook the thought from her head at once. Morgana was not evil. She would not murder someone, and she would not plot against a kingdom in which her friends still resided. Morgause would train her to use her magic. Morgana wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. She deserved to be who she was without fear of execution. Ryll hadn't used her power since the devastation of the Brotherhood. She was terrified of it. Terrified of who she had become. She understood Merlin's fears.
And that was what frightened and upset her the most.
Morgana had a kind heart. So did Ryll, but Ryll had still lost power and murdered all those people. Everyone told her it was an accident, but it wasn't. Maybe she hadn't meant to do it, but she hadn't stopped it. She'd seen her powers when her anger and rage took hold. What would Morgana do when she mastered her powers? What would her hatred for Uther drive her to do? Ryll more than understood Merlin's fears because she had the same fears about herself.
She saw the way he looked at her as if she was going to lose control of her powers at any moment and give herself away. Maybe his worries were justified. She didn't know what she'd do the next time she felt rage or fear. Maybe it was best she didn't use her powers at all. She would keep them hidden away and be normal. Perhaps she should have gone with Morgana and Morgause. If she was truthful with herself, she would admit that the thought had crossed her mind – the temptation of safety and power. She could be who she was with no fear. Morgause could train both her and Morgana. She'd learn not only to control her powers but also to use them to take down her enemies and help those in need. They would be unstoppable.
But that thought had fled her mind as quickly as it had breached it. Her home was in Camelot. She wouldn't abandon the city she and her friends had fought so hard for. She wouldn't abandon her friends. Morgana was the one leaving her. Ryll didn't blame her, but she also couldn't make the same choice. Sometimes a battle was worth fighting even when it put you right under the noses of those who would persecute you. She would help as many people as she could in Camelot. They needed her there. She needed to be there. There was no question as to that. She'd be lost without a home, and she never wanted to feel lost and alone again.
Ryll had fallen back from the others by now. Merlin was giving her space, and the others were eager to reach home. She slowed Owl to a walk, wanting to be alone in her thoughts. She didn't hear the telltale warning signs that she was being followed until it was too late. Owl rumbled a warning, but Ryll was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't hear. It was only when five men stepped out of the woods and surrounded her that she realized her danger.
"Scream and it will be the last thing you do," one of the men said, aiming a crossbow at her heart.
She looked around. "Who are you?" she asked. "I have no valuables with me."
"We're not looking for valuables," the man answered. "We're looking for you."
"Me?" she asked, surprised.
"You. The one who killed our leader and our people with your unnatural magic."
Ryll's heart picked up a beat at his words. "You're the Brotherhood?" she asked shakily.
"What's left of it. We managed to escape the cave in. Most were not so lucky. You killed them and for that, you're going to pay."
Ryll didn't even think about trying to escape or fight back. She sat still in the saddle and looked at the man with sad eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did," she said.
"Do you expect me to forgive you?" he snarled. "Tobias was a good man."
"Was that his name?"
"You didn't care then, why would you now?" the man spat.
"I didn't mean to cause such death. No, I don't expect you to forgive me. I haven't forgiven myself, so why would I ask for your forgiveness?"
"You'll die no matter what you do. You must pay for all the lives you've taken."
"Ryll!" Merlin had come back around the corner. His eyes widened when he caught sight of the men. "Leave her alone!" he shouted.
The man who had spoken to Ryll turned his crossbow on Merlin and fired. "No!" Ryll screamed. Her rage and fear boiled up within her and before she could stop it, she had flung all five men back against the trees. They crashed to the ground, dead or unconscious. Ryll looked over at Merlin who had managed to dodge the arrow.
"Ryll?" he asked, riding toward her.
"I'm so sorry," she said, tears blurring her vision. "I've become a monster. I never meant to hurt anyone."
"You're not a monster, Ryll. How many times do I have to say it?" he told her.
Ryll looked down at the prone bodies of the men. "I killed their people. You should have let him kill me."
"What are you saying?" Merlin asked, shaking his head. "I would never let you die."
"Even if I deserved it?"
"You don't deserve it," Merlin said forcefully. "Everyone deserves a second chance. You need to give yourself one."
"I can't control my power!" Ryll shouted. "I can't stop hurting people!"
"You just need help controlling it. You need to practice."
"And who's going to help me?" Ryll asked. "I should have gone with Morgana and Morgause. At least then I'd be far away from anyone I could harm."
"Don't say that."
"It's the truth."
There was a rustling from the ground, and they turned to see the man who had shot at Merlin aiming his crossbow at Ryll. Before either of them could react, he shot straight at Ryll's heart. She didn't move. She sat perfectly still and waited for the pain to course through her body. Her eyes never left the arrow. It was a fitting end, she decided. Struck down by an arrow, the girl who could destroy with her mind, killed by a simple piece of sharpened wood.
But the arrow never reached her. It seemed to pause midair before reversing its course and heading straight into the man's heart. Ryll turned to look at the one person who could have done such a thing. Merlin's eyes were glowing amber as the arrow struck the man. They faded back to blue, but Ryll had seen the change. It was undeniable.
Merlin turned his eyes back to her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he said so softly that she could hardly hear him. Tears glinted in the corners of his eyes.
Ryll couldn't breathe for a moment. She sat staring at Merlin, forgetting everything up until that moment completely. She couldn't even remember why she was crying.
"You have magic," she said finally.
Though Ryll already knew the truth, Merlin slowly nodded his head, confirming something she never thought was possible. Merlin had magic.
Merlin Will Return
Author's Note: The end of part three! Wow, I wrote part three really quickly. I hope you enjoyed it! I really appreciate all of my readers! Every time I get a new watch or favorite or review, it makes my day. I'll take a break before moving on to part four. I have to add that I'm also working on a sequel to Forbidden Magic, Unbidden Love. This one takes place in the 21st century but is a continuation of this story. And I'm 50 pages in. It's turning out so well, and I'm really excited for it! And since I'm working on it so far in advance (I definitely won't post it until I'm finished with parts four and five of this one), I have plenty of time to perfect the plot. It's pretty epic. There are secret organizations and lots of fun twists to make an original story that diverges from the show. Also I kind of started a Merlin book... I just seem to have boundless ideas for my fanfictions so I thought, why not start a Merlin book. Amaryllis is in it, but I'm obviously changing a lot because it needs to be entirely original. (Well, based off the legends, obviously, but it won't scream 'I'm obviously a BBC Merlin fan and got all my ideas from the show!') Okay, I feel like I'm rambling now. Basically I'm on a Merlin kick. I just finished re(rerere)watching season two. Okay, yeah, I'm going to go to bed now.
Thank you again for reading!