496 words and once again based n my 'McKay Plus Four' universe, particularly Ch. 3.
Jennifer summoned up whatever courage she could find within herself and looked up at her reflection. The eyes looking back at her were hollow and nearly lifeless, void of the vibrancy that she usually saw in them. Never before had she looked into the mirror and almost not recognize the face looking back at her.
She sighed, and when the breath came out as a shaky whisper she morbidly wondered just how much courage she had left.
None, she told herself.
It had been six weeks, three days, seven hours and twenty-one minutes since Rodney had walked into her quarters and discovered what she'd done; since he'd discovered her betrayal, as well as that of his teammate and brother-in-arms; since she'd destroyed the most important relationship she'd ever known; since she'd hurt the only man she ever truly loved.
Since that day he'd spoken to her only when necessary and addressing her only as 'Dr. Keller' or 'Doctor'. He hadn't called her 'Jennifer' once. Yet this morning, as she tried to keep her breakfast in her stomach he looked at her and, for the first time in six weeks, two days, twenty-three hours and forty-seven minutes, she saw the old Rodney. She'd wavered as the nausea hit and from nowhere his hand upon her arm had steadied her. There was compassion in his eyes and she could even see some love in them as they looked upon her, though it was a shadow of its former self.
Rodney's voice was hoarse with emotion as he'd whispered, "Are you okay?"
She'd been so shocked by his closeness and his compassion that all she could do was dumbly answer with, "I'm fine."
He'd nodded once and released her arm to go off and do whatever he'd been doing, work most likely.
Now she focused on the eyes before her once again and said, "What I really meant to say was…" She faltered. There had been so much she'd wanted to say: she'd wanted to tell him she was sorry; she'd wanted to beg forgiveness and ask for a chance to make things right between them. She still believed it was possible for them to salvage something, for her to salvage something.
"What I really meant to say was," she sniffed back the tears that were threatening to fall- how she still had any left she'd never understand- and said, "I love you."
For a split second nothing happened, and then the eyes in the mirror seemed to take on a life of their own. They narrowed as if mocking her, and then the other features of her mirror image followed with her mouth forming a mocking grin and her head shaking in disbelief of her audacity.
Jennifer bowed her head as a wave of nausea washed over her again. It passed quickly and she headed to bed with a promise to get checked out in the morning and the hope that one day soon Rodney would be able to forgive her.
A/n: "What I Really Meant to Say" was written by Cyndi Thomson, Tommy Lee James, Chris Waters and released in 2001 by Thomson as a single. It's a nice song and it really is on one of my WMP playlists.