Songs in this chapter: To move in is to grow by We came as Romans, My Demons by Starset, and Nobodies Home by Avril Lavigne.
"That really sucks Merida. I can only know how Anna feels." Kristoff drew a deep breath and glanced over at Alice.
"I just hope she can do it on her own. Her mother was furious when she got home." Merida rested her head on her hand and indignantly looked out the window.
"Turn here Kristoff. Well Merida the only thing I can say is that it was Anna's choice. She was doing so well too." Alice said under her breath as she glanced into the side mirror to make sure the car behind them was still there.
"How far know?" Kristoff said as he turned the wheel.
"Only a few more miles."
"God it feels like we're going down a rabbit whole going to this camp site. Alice are you sure this is the right way."
"Don't worry Kristoff, I've been going her since I was young so I know the way pretty well."
Jess picked her head up from her phone and turned her head towards Merida. "Relax girl, Anna needs this time to get her mind straight. Her mother had every right to be angry. My parents were pissed when they found out too."
"Jess you haven't given a shit what your parents say since middle school. Anna isn't you, she cares about what her mother says." Merida irately looked at Jess.
"Just because it seems like I don't give a shit, it doesn't mean I don't listen."
"Merida, it's for Anna's own good that she's not coming with us. You have to understand that." Kristoff kept looking around into the woods as he drove.
"I get why she wasn't aloud to come but it makes sense on why she did it in the first place." Merida retained
"Maybe, but it seems that she took the easy way out." Kristoff said.
"She didn't though. There were so many things she had to juggle at the same time. Something had to give way and that was it. Yah it wasn't the right decision but she only did because everything was more important."
"Merida, grades are extremely important and for Anna to stop focusing on them was stupid."
"Your fucking wrong Kristoff." Merida clenched her hand and glared at Kristoff.
"It was Merida. We told her it was a bad decision."
"It wasn't even a decision. Her life was, is, happening now. This agent is giving her a shot and she has more than earned it. On top of that she has to write an original song for him and she is struggling to just think of one word for the lyrics. Also she has is extremely worried about telling her mother her sexuality that I'm beginning to think that she'll never tell her mother. Finally, she and I are in love and trying to balance our relationship. It was never a bad decision she was just overwhelmed and fucking up her grades was just one mistake she's made since all this started."
Everyone in the care fell silent for a few moments. It was Alice that spoke first. "We all deal with stress differently and it's different for everyone that has it. I get why Anna let her grades slip, and to be fair I've let some things slip up and made some pretty bad mistakes in my life."
Kristoff let out sight. "This is why we are going on this trip, to forget what's going in our lives for a few days just have fun relax."
"I only wish Anna could be hear with us." Merida said.
"We all do but, it's also unfortunate that was the night she was going to tell her mother." Jess said.
"It was awful and it was hard to tell Anna there would be another chance. Her mother is going to be pissed for a while and is going to try and find out what the reasoning behind her drop in grades was. That night Anna called me at midnight frantically telling me that she would never be able to tell her mother that she was gay and then she cried her eyes out for the next hour. It took me a while but I finally calmed her down and told her that she just needed a little time to set things straight again and then when the time was tell right again, then to tell her mother that she was gay."
"She's home and even though she is in huge trouble she can take some this time to kinda relax. Which is what we are going to do so let's lighten up and get this weekend started." Kristoff hit the gas and everybody laughed.
"Hell yah. It's time for a nice relaxing weekend with no worries and nothing to stop us. Woohoo!" Alice boomed.
"Let's make this weekend the one to remember, if we remember it." Merida said finally lightening up.
"That's the spirit."
It was a few more minutes before they had turned and headed down to Alice's parents cabin. When the two cars parked everyone got out and Flynn said it looked just like a cabin from a horror movie. It was huge with a rustic and dated look. Trees on one side a lake on the other with a small dock. A boat house just a few yards from the cabin and to top it all off, they were miles from civilization.
"Right in the middle of now-fucking-where." As Rapunzel put it.
Before they unpacked all of them were dying to get to see the inside. Opening the door the entire first part of the house was open concept. The family room was nearly the entire area and it was nothing short of spectacular. A big flat screen TV with an PS4 hooked up to it, the couch was a nice black leather and had two recliners that matched it. There was a coffee table in the middle and behind the couch was a pool table and dart board. To right and behind the family room was a tremendous kitchen with granite counter tops a and stainless steel appliances and to the left were three steps that led up to a dinning room that looked to be straight out of a magazine.
"Fuckin awesome." Rapunzel said under her breath.
"This is going to fun." Flynn said as he, Kristoff, and Marc high fived each other. After they immediately went for the pool table.
"Boys don't you want to see the rooms first."
When the went to pick rooms it was to no ones surprise that all the couples who came got their own rooms and even though Merida and Jess were the only ones that didn't have their significant other, they didn't mind sharing a room. After all the rooms where situated and everybody had seen the house it was time to unpack.
The first thing out of both cars were cases of cheap beer that Flynn had brought from home. He said his dad wouldn't miss and probably would never find out. No one argued but there was some worry from Rapunzel and Ariel. But everyone said it was going to be fine and that he had only brought enough for everyone to get a good buzz. He also said this would be nothing compared to the junior prom after party.
Alice chipped and said that no would ever show up. Her older brother had parties when he was in high school. She just said to know your limit and make sure they watch each others back.
After the boos where placed in the refrigerator everyone finally got their luggage and hauled off to their rooms.
It was later in the evening that they were all jumping in the lake and listening to the radio in the background. It wasn't until Merida had gotten out to jump again that she flipped through a few stations and cracked the radio.
"I've been sleeping on stones."
"My mistakes are easier made a second time and I can't move on since I closed my eyes, since I closed my eyes. I'll cut off myself from everybody else. To move on is to grow yet I haven't been able to accomplish either. I know the way to go yet I can't bring myself to move forward. I've been sleeping on stones and the formed my to spine. My once straight back, now a crooked line. I've broken no bones, and I appear just fine. My life's been emptied from the inside."
"Every decision is easier made a second time, every decision is easier made a second time. But once you start done a line, the distance becomes greater to change your mind to change the way you're living your life. To move on is to grow, yet we barely accomplish either on our own. We know the way to go, yet we follow those with their eyes closed."
"I've been sleeping on stones. We've been sleeping on stones and the formed to our spines. Our once straight backs, now just crooked lines. When we all wake up inside the beds in which we lie, we will wish we had stopped the first time. When we wake up to the lives we created, we'll see that we built nothing but destroyed it. So turn around and head back the way you came.
"I'll follow you, encourage you. I'll follow you, encourage you. We'll be stead fast in our way and as we make it back to where our live branched off, we will take the path we should've taken all along. Once you start down one line, distance becomes greater to change your mind to change the way you're living your life. To move on is to grow, to change the way you're living your life. To change the way your living your life.
The light humming of her fan above her, the sound of her pencil rolling up and down her desk. The way her frivolous breath came out of her nose to signal she was still awake. The light in the room brightening up the hollow heaviness in her room. Anna sat still in her chair, no one was home and none of her friends were around. There was nothing to do and it was already eight o'clock at night, or at least that's the time she thought it was.
The sun outside her window was almost over taken from the darkness of the moon by now. Her eyes would flick up to check outside her window to just make sure the stars were still coming out. If there was one thing that would always come out, it was the sun and moon. But even those can be blocked by clouds and tonight this moon was gone, a new moon.
Anna lifted her head off the desk and propped her arm up so the weight of her head could be felt by her body again. Her pencil stopped rolling and rested against her finger nails. She looked down and stared at the object. No matter how many times it gets worn out, it can always be sharpened back to a point.
Somewhere on the desk there was a buzz and Anna picked up the object. It was a text from her mother saying she'd be home in five minutes. Another buzz followed and this one said that she and Anna were going to have another talk. The thing Anna did was sigh and text back 'K'. It was about the millionth time they were going to have this talk and the only thing she did now was nod her head and try and say she understood.
Instead of sulking around and waiting for her mother, the red head decided to just listen to music. It didn't matter what the song was about and it didn't matter what the song was, it was just a distraction.
Finally getting up from her chair, Anna walked over to her bed and picked up her head phones. She plugged them into her phone and fell onto her bed, her chest facing the ceiling. She closed her eyes and just hit the play button.
"Mayday, mayday, the ship is slowly sinking. They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling. They're all around me, circling like vultures. They want to break me and wash away my colors. Wash away my colors. Take me high and I'll sing, oh you make everything okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. We are one and the same and you take all of the pain away, away, away, away, away, away. Save me if I become my demons."
"I cannot stop this, sickness taking over. It takes control and drags me into nowhere. I need your help, I can't fight this forever. I know you're watching, I can feel you out there. Take me high and I'll sing, oh you make everything okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. We are on and the same and you take all of the pain away, away, away, away, away, away. Save me if I become my demons. Take me over the walls below. Fly forever, don't let me go. I need a savior to heal my pain. When I become my worst enemy. The enemy."
"Take me high and I'll sing you make everything okay...we are one and the same, you take all away of the pain away...Take me high and I'll sing oh you make everything okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. We are one and the same and you take all of the pain away, away, away, away, away, away. Save me if I become my demons. Take me high and I'll sing oh make everything okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. We are one and the same and you take all of the pain away, away, away, away, away, away. Save me if I become my demons."
After the song ended Anna went downstairs and turn on outside lights for her mother. After she walked into the kitchen and took out a bar of chocolate. As much as she loved her mother and knew what she was constantly saying, Anna knew her mother was right but right now she just wanted to be alone for a while, but at the same time she wanted someone else to be sitting next to her. Anybody.
It was then that she thought of someone who was going through this too. Anna walked to the front door to make sure the her mother wasn't walking up. After checking she picked up her phone and dialed the number.
"Hello." A nervous and unsure voice answered.
"Hey, Elsa?" Anna said as she looked back through one of the windows next to the door.
"Who is this?" She answered with a small bit of aggression.
"It's me, Anna. I-I was wondering if you were doing anything around ten. If you are then don't worry about it."
There was a gap of silence that followed and Anna looked back and saw her mother walking up the driveway. Anna checked to make sure the call hadn't disconnected and when the silence continued she was tempted to just say sorry and hang up.
But then Elsa's voice answered. "I'm not. Is there something you want to talk about?" Elsa's voice was small and very nervous almost as if she were going to start stuttering her words.
"Yah, I just need someone to talk to."
"Wh-Okay."
"I'll meet you by the lake at ten." Anna checked the window again and her mother was at the door now, looking for her keys.
"Okay." Elsa answered and then the call ended.
It wasn't even a second later that the door opened and her mother was looking directly at Anna. "Go to the table." Anna followed her mothers directions and went into the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast table. Her mother followed and sat done across from her daughter. "I've been talking to everyone at the restaurant and your teachers and all of them that something is bothering you. Olaf even said that you might need to tell me something." Anna's face went pale and her palms started to sweat, she then started to twirl her pigtail. "Before I get into the talk about your future, I want you to tell me if there's something that you need to tell me. If there is Anna, please tell me, I can be here for you if you just tell me."
The sky was clear and the moon engulfed the lake in pool of light. The stars twinkled with each passing second and the wind was calming. It was already past ten fifteen and Elsa had stopped pacing at this point. This was such a stupid idea. What does she want to talk about? Do I even care? The blonde took out her lighter and light up a short blunt. To her right Marshmallow got up and staggered a few yards away from where Elsa was sitting. She didn't bother to look at him. Doesn't she have friends that she can talk to? I barely know her. Elsa took a few more hits before getting up and pacing again.
What's the point of staying here if she hasn't shown up? Why the fuck am I here in the first place. I have more important things to do. Elsa looked back into the woods and saw nothing. She took a few more puffs and through the blunt on the ground. If she wanted to come then she would be here by now. As much as she wanted to leave there was this sense of staying and waiting for the younger girl to show up. When the had talked earlier she had sound really morose and lost. Something Elsa was all to familiar with. She looked across the lake and still saw nothing.
Again she stopped pacing and sat down. There was only herself and Marshmallow. What was there to find to do in the middle of the fucking woods? Elsa took a deep breath and leaned her head back against a tree. She sat there from what seemed like a lifetime and the only thing she could think of to do was sing. Even though it felt weird to just start singing with no purpose, she couldn't help at how calming it could be.
As much as she wanted to sing the song she wrote for her music class the only thing she had for it were the lyrics and couldn't figure out anything on how to make it sound good.
Instead she closed her eyes and sang the first song that came to her head.
"I couldn't tell you why she felt that way. She felt it everyday and I couldn't help her. I just watched her make the same mistakes again. What's wrong, what's wrong now. Too many, too many problems Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. That's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go. To dry her eyes. Broken inside."
All of sudden she felt Marshmallow's head on lap. She looked down and say the soft happiness in his eyes and she smiled.
"Open your eyes and look outside. Find the reason why you've been rejected and now you can't find what you left behind. Be strong, be strong now. Too many, too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. That's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes. Broken inside."
"Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind, she's falling behind. She can't find her place, she's losing her faith. She's falling from grace, she's all over the place, yeah. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. That's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. broken inside. She's lost inside lost inside, she's lost inside lost inside."
"Avril Lavigne, right." Elsa jumped up and started saw the red head next to her. Marshmallow was wagging his tail and barking with glee. "Sorry, didn't mean to make you jump."
"It's okay. I was just relaxing for a few moments."
"Oh, well uh, lets sit down." Anna smiled.
Both of them sat against the tree that Elsa had been leaning on before, Marshmallow at their feet. "What did you want to talk about?"
Anna looked out onto the lake and took a deep breath. "Well, I just want to see if you can help me?"
"With what?"
"Elsa, I'm not gonna sugarcoat this so...I'm depressed. More than I've ever felt in my entire life. And, I want to know how to handle these kind of feelings." Elsa was quite for a few seconds. She's depressed. For someone that has everything going for her, how can she be depressed. "I don't want to say that you have these same feelings but I want to know how you get through with these kind of feelings."
In matter of seconds Elsa went through nervousness, excitement, and confusion. Here was someone that was trying to help her and now it was the other way around. It took her a few moments but she was able to think of something to say. As much as she wanted to tell Anna something that would give her some kind of answer, Elsa knew she didn't have the answer herself. "I do feel depressed too Anna, and to be truthful, I've never really faced my emotions. If you haven't noticed I bottle up my emotions."
"Oh." Elsa could here the disappointment in Anna's tone.
"But that doesn't mean I can't help you." I can't fuck this up, I just can't. "Anna, from what you told me about you and your mother I can only guess that this is what's really bothering."
"Right on the money."
"Well, the only thing I can say is that don't keep waiting to tell her at the right moment."
"Why?" Anna shifted herself and faced Elsa.
"Because that only means you finding an excuse to not tell her what you truly feel. Even though I haven't told you much about myself the only thing I can say is that in my mind I think about just coming out and saying what is wrong with me. I don't want to wait for the right moment and I don't want you to keep trying to make me tell you. I guess what I'm trying to tell is that just tell her that you're gay. Don't wait for the right moment and don't think about what your going to say."
"So I should do the Shia Labeouf thing and just do it."
"I'd say to let it go."
"But how does this help me?"
Out of all the times Elsa had talked in her life this was the most she ever talked, and the most when she didn't feel anything towards a girl, especially Anna. In the back of her mind she knew that this is what friendship was and it was the most gratifying thing she had ever felt. At the same time though, she wanted more. "It helps you because it's a huge weight off your shoulders. It will help you focus and break free from these emotions. It'll make you happy again."
Anna smiled even wider than before and lunged at Elsa. The blonde felt the warm and gentleness of Anna's body against hers. Her eyes wide and unsure, the only thing she did was sit there and let Anna's arms wrap around her. Lifting her arms to wrap around Anna felt like an eternity, like her arms suddenly weighed over a hundred pounds.
The red head suddenly realized her and the two of them were face to face. Elsa's arms had stopped moving and were only around Anna's waste. "Thank you Elsa. Is there anything else you want to tell me."
I love you but she would never say that to Anna. It would only lead to more problems. "No." Elsa could feel the heat rush to face and her eyes were locked on Anna's. In just one simple movement could Elsa kiss her. Her smile is priceless and she is so beautiful. Her breath was heavy and she started to sit up. Anna kept smiling, her eyes wandering around Elsa's face.
The butterflies in her stomach felt like hornets and temperature was boiling. Elsa looked onto Anna's lips and only dreamed of what they felt like. But, she stopped herself from anything else and told Anna to get off of her.
"If your not doing anything Sunday Elsa, how bout we meet at the mall."
"Sure." The blonde answered a little fast.
"Cool. If we meet at one in front of the food court is that good?"
"Yah."
Anna hugged Elsa again. "Thank you, really. I knew you were going to be a great friend."
I know it's been a really long time since I uploaded a chapter and I'm really thankful to all of you that like it. I'm going to start college soon as a freshman and don't know how much work I'm going to have. But if not next week the week after I will have the next chapter out. Sorry for these sporadic chapter updates.