Authors Note: hey everyone sorry I have been so busy I haven't had time to write. Thank you for sticking with me guys. Thanks to all those who have followed and added this story to their favourites list. Thanks for sticking with me here we go guys:

Saturday 14th September 2011 7pm

Evening baby girl. This week was quite eventful. Last Saturday I told you about how Edward was not his usual self and was in actual fact rather tongue tied. Well on Sunday he came over earlier than usual. We were hanging out like we normally would; we were watching a film whilst taking a break from studying. All of a sudden he switched the television off and turns to look at me. "I think we need to talk." He states. With that I begin to panic, in my history those words are never followed by anything positive.

Shaking I responded "o..o..k..a..a..y..". His eyes were trained down towards his fingers in his lap, I have to admit this is the first time I saw the vulnerable side to the so sure of himself Edward I was used too.

Eyes staying down he starts, "so I have been thinking a lot about us recently," suddenly his eyes meet mine, "and well I was thinking that as much as I like our friendship it's not enough for me anymore." With that I got up and walked away, I couldn't listen to that anymore. I stormed up here and slammed the door on him.

At the time I just thought what he had said brought forward every anxiety I had. That right there was why I did not let people get close because they just end up hurting you in the end. That is all people do is let you down, I am much better staying by myself with you. That doesn't mean that you will let me down angel, because you are my daughter and I will be proud no matter what. I am determined not to become my mother, who I could never do anything right for. So long as you try your best I will be proud. Of course there will be times I have to tell you off for not following the rules I only do it because I have you best interests at heart. Anyway I digress.

I spent the next few days sulking, ignoring Edward's calls and visits. I was determined I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me broken. The thing was that I probably should have let him explain because it would have made life a lot easier for both of us. See I was so hung up in my belief that he didn't want to be friend with me I didn't even stop to think that maybe he meant something else. Looking back if he didn't want to be my friend anymore he would not have put so much effort in to telling me that. If you are smart like I know you will be you will probably guess what he was trying to tell me. It wasn't until Thursday that I eventually talked to him and even then it wasn't through choice.

Dad was watching you Thursday evening for me whilst I took a well earned bath. I had got out of the bath and dressed in sweats. I came downstairs to get you from dad for your feed and there he was sitting in the living room watching sport with dad. I froze, before I had time to run dad announced my presence. Edward stood and looked at me. "I guess I will leave you two to it," with that dad walked out leaving me standing there with him. I looked closer at him and he was cradling you in his arms and it made him look even better. I sighed, I was trapped and we both knew it. "Look Bella the other day, I was so nervous and I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, everyone kept saying I needed to tell you and that you would feel the same, I guess you don't." He looked dejected, and I couldn't understand why. Had he really believed I didn't want to be his friend either?

I could feel my anger building "so you thought that I didn't want to be your friend either, trust me I would have said something sooner!" Now he is the one that looked confused.

"What do you..." he starts and then thinks again. Realisation suddenly colours his face. "That's not what I meant the other day Bella. When I said I didn't want to be friends anymore you didn't let me finish, I was going to say that I wanted to be more than friends."

He wanted to be more than friends with me? It was not a concept I was used to. No one ever picked me, especially not nice people like Edward. I was destined to spend the rest of my life with someone like my ex, someone who didn't really love me but tolerated me enough. Could it be possible that I could have someone like Edward? Or was I just setting myself up for an even bigger fall?

Me and Edward both just sat there staring at each other both not daring to speak. What did I say to him? I really wanted to be with him but I was so scared, I didn't want to be hurt and let down again because that really hurt. Scared to let someone get close because the closer they get the more painful it is when they leave. So in the end I told him just that. I cried and he held me close, whispering in my ear that he was there for me. He knew better than to promise me everything was going to be okay or that he would always be there. I hate those promises because everyone always breaks those promises.

In the end we decided we are going to take things slowly and see where they go. That leads me to why I am writing so early tonight. I have just finished getting ready for our first date. He is taking me out for dinner, dad agreed to babysit for me. I am wearing this deep blue dress and flat black pumps. I have curled my hair and put minimum make up on. I am all ready, I thought I would write now in case I don't get a chance later on. This week has been rough but hey they never said that life would be easy they just promised it would be worth it.

Sleep well sweetheart.

Mummy

Xxx

Authors Note: sorry again about the delay college is hell and then I had Christmas. Good news is that I am off for the next week so I am hoping to update again. Please review it is nice to know people like my work.