"Luke, last time you got lucky. It is never a good idea to leave a child with me" Beca said to her boss, peeping through the door

"Call your boyfriend" he said over his shoulders

"He has a day job that isn't a nanny or in his case manny? Can't you get one of the interns to watch over him?"

"If it were your child would you leave him with these people?" He turned back to her.

"No, and I wouldn't leave him with me either"

"Becky, consider it a favor" Beca arched her eyebrows

"Favor?"

"Yes," he smiled at her before starting walked again.

"Okay" she said turning thoughtful "And for the gazillion time, it's Beca" she said watching him get into the elevator.

Shutting the door to her office, Beca took a breath as she watched the baby grin at her in his stroller.

"What are we going to do?" she asked him as she took a seat on her office chair.

Looking in front of her, she noticed that she didn't have much work, since she decided to work the night before at home in an attempt to avoid watching Love actually.

"Looks like we're going out kiddo" she said getting up

"Hey, Jess" Beca greeted as she pushed the stroller.

"Hi, where are you?" he asked, hearing the street noises

"I'm on my way to grab lunch"

"It's two-fifteen"

"Snack" she corrected herself, rolling her eyes

"Okay"

"Why are you calling me?"

"I missed you? I wanna hear your voice?"

"I think I'm gonna throw up if you keep going"

"I'm calling to tell you that we're hitting the movies after work" he laughed

"Can I veto my way out of this?" she asked crossing the street

"Nope, you have successfully managed to skip every moviecation in the past few weeks,"

"What are we watching" she walked into Starbucks

"A classic, a co-worker told me that there's a theater that is playing the bad seed"

"Genre?"

"Horror-ish, mystery"

"Wow, not a romantic comedy?" she questioned in mock shock

"we could-"

"No," she cut him off "Hey listen does Starbucks have anything for babies?"

"I don't think they do, Becs"

"Okay" she said curtly,

"You're gonna make me ask?"

"Luke left his kid with me, again" Jesse started to laugh.

"Do need to come and save the day?" he asked after composing himself

"I think I got it under control" she said peaking at the baby

"Well, if you need anything give me a call- I gotta go"

"Okay, knight in shining armor, bye"

Beca was sitting on her office chair with the baby in lap. She was tossing paper in the trashcan.

"High-five" she said to the baby, giving him her hand when she got on in then chuckled when he just looked up dreamily.

"You're not bad company, sorry for being an asshole about babysitting you, kid," she told him as she held him up.

She tilted her head to the door when she heard knocking.

"Looks like your dad has finally decided to show up" she said to the baby as they watched Luke get in

"And my knight too" she added in a low voice, when she saw Jesse follow him in.

"I see you're being productive" Luke said looking at the trash can that was filled and surrounded by paper

"Very" she said handing him his kid. "Get a nanny Luke" he nodded taking his child from her. "And you're early" she noted looking at Jesse, he shrugged leaning against a wall.

"Thank you Beca" he thanked her before walking out of her office.

"I was worried about the kid until I got here and saw it for myself" Jesse said putting a hand on his heart

"Haha" Beca said gathering her stuff "He's a good kid, still creeps me though with the none stop grinning. But he's fun to be around" she looked up to find him staring

"Do not- stop looking at me like that," she glared at him

"I can't help it" he said walking to her. "It is so hot when you talk about babies" he said as he pulled her to him.

"I've said it before, I'll say it again. It's gross Jesse" she grimaced looking up to meet his gaze.

"It won't be when we have kids of our own" he shrugged

"Whoa" she said wide-eyed, as she pushed him away.

"Shit, I said it out loud" he said walking backwards "But it's inevitable, Beca" he watched her go back to gathering her stuff, this time fast and with shaky hands.

"Lay down the coffee Becs"

"What's the movie about?" Do not panic, it's nothing.

"A woman suspects that her 8-year-old daughter is a cold blooded killer"

"Nice" Beca nodded. Resting her hands on the office, she took a deep breath and looked down as closed her eyes. Don't make a deal out of it, c'mon Mitchell.

"You okay Beca?" Jesse said slightly frowning as he watched her clench her fists.

"Yeah I'm fine"

"You don't look fine"

"I said I'm fine" she repeated harshly

"Okay" he said slowly as he eyed her

"You know what," she said looking up "I don't feel like sitting through a movie," she grabbed her bag and made her way to the door

"Okay, no movie" he nodded following her.

"So Benji went to Chicago for the weekend" Beca nodded not paying attention as she pushed the ground floor button

"Becs" he tapped on her shoulder

"Yeah?"

"I said Benji is gone for the weekend" she nodded looking at him blankly

"We'll have the place for ourselves" he smiled, she didn't reply

"It slipped my mouth Becs" he said guessing the reason behind her behavior.

It happened a long time ago, get it together.

"You're not giving me the silence treatment" he added when she didn't say anything

"What do you want me to say?" she asked walking out of the elevator

"Anything" he said pacing to catch up with her

"Anything" she repeated after him, he laughed in spite himself

"Why does the thought of having kids scare you this much?" he said blocking her way from her car.

"Jesse, out of my way before I start saying hurtful things, please" she said looking behind him.

"I can take whatever bullshit you throw my way" he shrugged

"Fine, I'll get a taxi home" she glared at him before walking away

"Man, you're difficult" he shook his head walking to his car.

Hearing him shut the door to his car, Beca turned around and walked back to her car.

"It has been-" Jesse glanced at his watch "-two hours, are you calm yet?" he asked when she opened the door for him. Beca looked at him briefly then walked inside leaving the door opened for him.

"Are you going to tell me why having a kid is so frightening you had a panic attack?" he asked closing the door behind him.

"None of your business" she said in a calm tone over her shoulders

"I'm your boyfriend, and I'm worried" he said watching her take a seat on the couch.

"Don't worry, I'm fine. Sorry if I said anything hurtful, I kinda black out when I panic"

"You didn't say anything, and that's the problem" he said jumping next to her on the couch.

Beca sighed grabbing her laptop from the coffee table. Stop thinking.

"Mixing?" Jesse asked peeking at the screen

"Yeah," it calms me down. She glanced at him before putting her headphones on.

Jesse watched her for few minutes as she mixed, then reach over and removed her headphones

"What?" she said trying to hide her annoyance

"You're ignoring me"

"I'm mixing"

"I see that," he said frowning. "Keeping things bottled up inside isn't healthy Becs"

"Yeah well, so is having Pizza for dinner four days a week, you don't mind that" she said avoiding his gaze.

"That isn't healthy either," reaching over, he touched her arm "talk to me"

At his touch, she jumped from her seat putting the laptop back on the coffee table "There is nothing to talk about"

"Beca" he said slowly, watching her go to her room. "Please, don't shut me out"

Stopping half way she turned to him "God, why are you so persistent?" she asked yelling.

"Couldn't just drop it? I'm fine," she said glaring at him. Turn around and walk to your room. She ordered herself

"You're taking it out on me now?" he asked "Go ahead," gesturing for her to keep going. "At least you're talking to me" he said keeping his voice even.

"You wanna know why?" she asked him her voice deepening with every word.

Jesse didn't say anything, he kept looking at her.

"Wanna know why I can't handle the thought of having a child of my own?" she said looking away from him as a tear escaped, she paused breathing deeply.

Jesse started to walk her way as he watched her try so hard not to break down in front of him.

"Don't" she said, glancing up, making him stop walking.

"A long time ago, I had a one night stand" tears started falling at the memory, making her wipe them with the back of her sleeve. "We were so drunk we didn't use protection- you can see where this is going" she huffed meeting his gaze, he nodded "I didn't tell anyone that I was-" she paused

"It's okay Becs" Jesse said as he walked to her. "It's okay" he repeated, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"The girls thought I had some stomach virus when the morning sickness started- I didn't want it- him-her." she sniffed walked away from Jesse "Then I had a miscarriage, and the worst part is that I fucking wished it" she said running a hand through her hair.

"I wished that my own child would die and it did"

Jesse paced to her and pulled her into hug. Feeling her sob against his chest, he held her closer to him resting his cheek on her head.

"Okay, I need oxygen Jess" she managed to say.

"Sorry" he apologized pulling away.

"There, now you know" she exhaled looking away from him.

"When was this?" he asked letting go of her.

"7 years ago" she said before going to pour herself water

"Why did you keep this to yourself?" he watched her drink

"You don't share this kind of stuff Jesse" she said wiping her cheeks

"You got it all wrong, I'm sure your friends would have supported you"

"Tell that to twenty-three-year-old me," Beca shrugged. He walked to her again, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I can't imagine how awful it was to go through all that, on your own." he said gazing into her watery eyes

"Now I feel like crap for going down to memory land." She sighed making Jesse laugh

"You gotta have to stop making me laugh in serious situation"

"Do you think they're still playing the film at the movies?"

"I don't know, but I have it on DVD"

"Of course you do. Sorry, you had to see this" she said gesturing to her face

"Are you apologizing for crying?" he asked pulling her closer.

Hearing the front door open, they both tilted their heads to see Stacie get in with shopping bags in both hands.

"Hi" she said not looking at them as she placed the bags down.

Looking up, she eyed Beca.

"Were you crying?" she asked making Beca look away and clench Jesse's shirt

"Mufasa's death. We were watching lion king, just now" Jesse lied

"Yeah, mu-" Beca mumbled

"Mufasa" he quickly said

"Yep. That was sad" Beca shook her head in phony sympathy sniffing.

"Well, I would question your humanity if that didn't make you cry" Stacie said eyeing her friend.

"We're watching lion king" he whisper yelled when Stacie made her way to her room.

"Thanks" Beca said giving him a sad smile.

"You shouldn't beat yourself up, it wasn't your fault" he said watching her expression harden at his words

"You merely wished for it. You were twenty-three Becs, I'm sure you thought your life ends when you have a child at that age."

"He or she would be like six now" she said wiping the tears that started to fall

"Beca" he held her chin turning her to face him. "You need to stop blaming yourself, these things happen all the time. It is not your fault"

"I would have sucked as a parent anyway" she said, trying to compose herself. "I don't usually cry, but when I do, I cry enough tears to fill a swimming pool"

"That is a meme-worthy caption" he said making her smile.

"Idiot"

"That's because you're emotionally messed up" Stacie said overhearing Beca.

"Thanks for sugarcoating it" Beca scoffed, watching Stacie hop on the couch and turn on the TV.

"You said Benji's gone for the weekend?" Beca asked looking back to Jesse. He nodded.

"Okay" she said removing herself from his hold. "I'm gonna go change" Jesse nodded again watching her walk into her room.

"Whatcha watching?" he asked jumping next to Stacie.

"The E network"

"You do not seem like a person who would enjoy reality television" he remarked sinking into the couch.

"It's fun." She shrugged. "I didn't buy the lion king thing by the way, it's smart, I'll give you that, but I doubt Mufasa would make Beca sob against your chest" she said not tearing her eyes off the TV.

Jesse subconsciously looked down at his shirt to find a wet spot.

"You should know that when my friend lets you see her cry, it's a huge deal" she added tilting her head to find Jesse nodding to her words.

"Be safe" Stacie said glancing up at Beca when she saw her get out of her room.

"Always" Beca replied wearing her sunglasses.

"She didn't buy it, didn't she?" Beca asked closing the door behind them.

"No, she did not." He shook his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

AN: Um, this is the very first time I tried writing something sad. So let's not be dicks about, if I sucked. (Yes, I just quoted Legacy)

Review what you think of it, that would be appreciated. And A big ass thank you for reading.