Heyo... So, there's a little bit of cussing in this chapter... So don't read it if that might offend you. K, bye.
"Pretend I'm Peaches, and just say it." James says, instructively.
"Uh… What?" I ask hesitantly.
"You need to practice saying 'I love you.'" He smirks, crossing his arms. I kind of want to ask him if this has anything to do with the fact that he had a crush on me a couple days ago, but I feel like trusting him right now.
"I… Uh," I clear my throat, "I… love you…" I look down at the ground bashfully, nudging a pebble with my foot.
"Well…" He looks at me, scrutinizing, "it's cute and all, but I think you can say it with a little more, like, brevity r' whatever…"
I shrug and deadpan, "I love you."
"Now you didn't have any emotion… Come on, Louis. You're talking to Peaches, not me."
"I… l-love you."
"Seriously… I can't win here." He puts his palm on his frustrated forehead, "Say it louder."
"I love you!" I kind of shout, but still with exactly the same amount of emotion as I have self-confidence.
James looks at me for a few seconds then says, "Say it again, and this time cuss or something… Maybe that will work."
I breathe in through my nose slowly, and finally work up the courage to shout, "I fucking love you!"
"I never took you for the cursing sort, Louis." Ellie says, almost as surprised at my words as we are by her sudden appearance. Then she adds nonchalantly, "Maybe you're not as perfect for Peaches as I thought you were…"
"What?" I ask, blushing and flustered. Is she messing with me?
James tries to cover for me, "That was actually the first time I've ever heard him say anything even remotely bad, and I told him to…"
"I, well… I just needed to… say it, you know, say something before I…" I say hesitantly.
"Relax, hun," she says, "I was just pulling your leg." I look at her, dumbfounded. "Oh… Sorry," she continues, "Maybe not the best metaphor given the scar on, um… your leg."
"No," I respond, "it's not that… What exactly were you kidding about?"
"Oh, you want me to say whether I really think your right for Peaches." I nod. "Well… That's not exactly why I decided to get up in the middle of the night."
"Then why are you out here?" James asks.
"Tell you what, I'll answer your questions if you answer mine first." I nod again, trying to figure out if she was serious when she said she thought I might be "perfect" for Peaches.
"Well that's not fair," James jokes, "you'll answer my question when you ask yours."
I laugh somewhat then say, "Then you can have an extra one."
"I was kidding," He says.
"So was I." I reply and we chuckle.
"Boys," Ellie says, gathering us back to our awkward selves, "can I ask now?"
"Go ahead." James answers.
"Okay," She starts, "this is mostly for Louis since he's been here longer…"
"Yes?" I ask, waiting for the question.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but Eddie's been really down for the last couple of days."
"I've…" I stop to think. I can't tell her in front of James, and didn't Eddie ask me not to tell anyone? Does his sister count? Can I get James to leave for a minute? I start again, "I've noticed. He does seem a bit depressed."
"Do you know why?" She inquires innocently. Uh… Yeah, I know why… But I don't know if I can tell you… I'm torn; everyone knows my secret, and I'd probably be happy if any of them just ripped the bandage off for me, but is that a good enough reason to give away Eddie's secret? I don't know… It seems more to me like I'm just trying to shove my problem onto Eddie. I might be happier if my secret just goes away at someone else's word, but I need to tell Peaches. Doesn't "I love you" mean more than "he loves you"? It would mean more to me…
I need a plan… Okay… Okay, I'll try to get James away so I can at least talk to Ellie without risking Eddie's secret.
"James," I gasp, realizing I hadn't been breathing that whole time, "could I talk with Ellie… alone for a few minutes?"
"Oh... sure." He responds. He smiles his weird smile again and hops off into the cave.
"I'd assume that means Eddie's mood has something to do with James." Ellie notes.
"Okay, can I say something first?" I request. What am I talking about? What am I planning on saying? At this point I'm not even sure I know…
"Go ahead."
"First… I do know exactly why Eddie has been so down lately…" She looks at me, relieved but still anticipating bad news. "But… I… don't know if I can… tell you…" I scratch my arm apprehensively and turn away slightly.
"What do you mean?" She asks. Her eyes look worried.
"It's just… I don't know… Eddie... he told me not to tell anyone…" And moreover, I'm scared I might not be able to hold back the rest of the secrets I've been keeping if I let any one of them go. My emotions might get the better of me…
"But… I'm his sister… He'd be okay with me knowing… right?"
"I don't know... I wish I could say yes, but I don't know."
"Does. He. Not. Trust. Me?" The grief and suspicion in her voice, I swear, physically hurts me. I don't know what to say to her… other than the truth.
"Listen, mother of the prettiest-girl-in-the-world, at this point literally everyone in that cave has a pretty big stake in the secrets that I have right now. Eddie, I am one-hundred-and-fifty-six-point-two percent sure, trusts you. I'm not, however, sure why he doesn't want you to know his specific secret. My best bet would be the same reason that I haven't asked your daughter out yet. We. Are. All. Afraid. Of. What. Someone. Else. Might. Think…
"I know that's not a very satisfying answer, but Eddie will tell you when he's figured it out for himself. And until then, I'll try to keep him from doing anything stupid. Okay?" She looks at me, frowning. I don't know if she's angry, but I won't blame her if she is. She deserves to know Eddie's secret more than I do.
She takes an enormously deep breath. I don't know if there's anything more I can say without bursting into tears, so I hope she says something before that inevitability.
"I want to be mad at you…" She says, then smiles before continuing, "like, really. I want to be furious. I want to scream at you… but you standing up for my brother, while I'll say you don't really have any claim to doing so, is touching. And seeing you say more than one sentence without that famous stutter of yours must mean that you really think this is important… Thanks for the honesty, but can I ask that you ask Eddie if I can know?"
Vomit, cry, or answer her question? Okay, Louis… please attempt to pick the last one. I say, careworn, "I'll try to ask him, but I can't guarantee that I can get him alone to do so."
"So… If that's as far as we can get on that issue, then I guess I can tell you something you might like to hear."
"Yes? What?"
"Louis, you're a good kid. Shy? Yes, but you're honest. A bit of a wimp? …Maybe, but you were the only one of Peaches' friends who jumped on that boat to save her… So, my point in trying to flatter you is, I'd rather you be with my daughter than Ethan or pretty much anyone else for that matter."
"You… you w-want me to ask h-her out?" I squeak.
"I don't know. Louis, I think you're a sweet kid. And I want Peaches to be able to make her own choice, but I don't think she'll be happy for very long with Ethan. She comments way too often about how adorable you are, just so you know. I'll just say that, since it's obvious you've been trying to ask Peaches out recently, you have my approval. As for Manny…"
"Am I interrupting?" James walks back over to us from the cave. The three of us descend into an awkward display of attempts at small talk while sitting and staring into the forest together. I'm not exactly tired, but my brain is screaming at me to get out of this uncomfortable situation. I've got a new little task to do, and I've kind of figured out most of the rest… except for, unsatisfyingly, the one that directly affects me. At least I've got Ellie's go ahead, but I've also now got to get Eddie alone again before I can even worry about telling Peaches. It might almost have been easier to tell her Eddie's secret. I'm still glad I decided to have her let me ask him for permission first.
"So… Should we get to bed?" I suggest. It appears that they find sitting here just as uncomfortable as I do, because they almost immediately jump to their feet and begin walking to the cave, me following close behind.
This chapter's song is "Volverte a Ver" by Juanes.