"Please don't fall in love with me." I deadpan, not caring what he does.
"You make it really difficult not to. You know that, right?" James responds, cozying up closer to me.
"Yeah, I know. The awkwardness is irresistible. Chicks dig the stutter." I say sarcastically.
He stays silent…
"So," I say, "do you still like Crash?"
"You worried he might cut in on 'us'?" He says facetiously.
"Not exactly…" I grin.
"What is it then?" He lifts his head off of me so he can see my face.
"I know someone else who you could go head over heels for…" I say, hesitant to actually tell him, "If you're interested."
"Louis?"
"What?"
"You're not meddling right now, are you?"
I scratch the back of my head and raise an eyebrow at him. "Kind'a."
"In that case," he says, "I don't really want to like Crash anymore. I can't say that I'm not still attracted to him, but I definitely don't want to be."
"You know, he thought you were joking when you asked him out. He doesn't actually think that you're…"
"I don't care if it was a joke. It wasn't funny." He states unsympathetically. His words seem a little harsh, but I don't necessarily disagree with him. I've disliked most… okay all… of Crash's pranks anyway.
"Okay, you're right. It wasn't funny at all. Crash shouldn't have acted like that," I acknowledge, "but I'm sure the first thing he'll do when he gets here is apologize. And… I don't care if you accept his apology, but you might want to consider it because I know there's someone else in the herd who'd be inconsolably heartbroken if you weren't planning on sticking around much longer because of this."
"And this mysterious person whom you've decided to keep buried deep down away from me in that secret-hoarding little head of yours might be?"
"Hold on. Did you just make that pun on purpose?" I stall, not entirely sure that I should divulge Eddie's secret after he just told me not to 'be so obvious' with his secrets.
"Yes, it was completely on purpose. Now tell me." He says, getting in my face expectantly.
"I'm not sure. You seem to fall a little too madly in love with people and then ditch them a little too fast after they turn you down." I say. I don't know why I'm egging him on like this, but the banter is keeping him talking… so hopefully Crash and Eddie will show up and I won't have to spill anyone's secret without his or her approval.
James retorts quickly, "I'm crying like a baby over Crash on the inside. I promise."
"You're suddenly much better at hiding your emotions."
"And you're suddenly much better at talking to people in general. Who is it?"
"I'm still not entirely convinced telling you is the right thing to do." I say, and James plants his hands on my shoulders forcibly. When are they gunna show up? It better be soon; James isn't going to put up with me stalling much longer. I admit, "James, I don't really have permission to tell you."
At that he carefully pushes me over onto my back, making sure it doesn't actually hurt me. Then he jumps onto my stomach and orders, "Tell me, Louis! Or I swear I will kiss you on the lips right this second because the longer you stall the further convinced I am that it's you!"
Well this got out of hand fast… I concede, "Okay, okay. I'll tell you."
"Finally! This ordeal has taken way too much effort. So who is it?"
"It's…"
In a stunning turn of events, I'm interrupted by Crash and Eddie, finally here and looking at us with confounded faces.
"What on Earth are you two doing!?" Eddie asks pitiably.
Oh thank goodness… they're finally here. I mean, Eddie probably thinks that I've been seducing James, but at least they're here. James and I blush as he jumps off me and I stand up, brushing myself off.
I clear my throat and say, "Eddie, let's leave James and Crash to make up. I need to talk with you."
I walk with Eddie until we're just out of ear-shot from them. I can already see Crash crying and obviously pleading for forgiveness, and James seems all too keen to give him it. So… Does this mean it's time for me to meddle?
"Eddie," I say, "You've gotta tell him now."
"What!?" He says loud enough to make Crash and James turn their heads. He gets quiet and continues, "Why do I need to tell him? What did you do?"
"Nothing." I lie, "Well… nothing that should matter. I just think now's a good time to tell him."
"Then why was he on top of you like that when Crash and I got here?" He questions. I was never a very good liar anyway, so I might as well just tell him.
"He was… forcing me to tell him… who liked him."
"But you didn't, right!?" He shouts again, but they seem to ignore us.
"I was literally opening my mouth to say your name when you guys showed up." I explain. He looks perplexed.
"But… how? How do I tell him?" He asks, ignoring one little fact that I'm about to point out.
"Why do all of you think that I somehow know how to tell people that I like them? I've been trying to tell Peaches for years now, and I still haven't ever really told her!"
"Okay, fine. You're right; you're pathetic. Now can we move on to my problems?" He says ironically.
"I'm being serious. Walk over there right now and tell him." I say rashly. Since when are you the just-go-for-it type!? Well… I guess I'm not, but Eddie is.
"Shh…" I say as he starts to protest. I grab him by the wrist and wrench him back to James and Crash. Then I do the same to Crash and start pulling him away, more awkwardly than with Eddie, of course, as he has no idea what's going on and I've just interrupted his rather-too-long apology.
"And you're point in switching us was?" Crash asks as we get back to where Eddie and I had been standing. "Are you making sure he can tell us apart or something?"
"You're hilarious." I say sarcastically, wanting to flick myself for not being shy enough. Where did I go? That was figurative of course… but it's obvious I've been spending too much time with people besides Peaches. There's no way I'd have been able to do any of this a week ago… Being shy may not be the most enjoyable thing in the world, but at least I didn't feel so cynical when I was more socially awkward than I am now. I'll worry about this later though; right now I need to get Crash to shut up, as he's been buzzing me with 'clever' questions as to why he's no longer talking to James.
"Eddie likes James…" I deadpan.
Crash immediately shuts up, at least for a second. Then he says in an uncertain manner, "Say again?"
"Eddie has a crush on James, and if all's going well, he should be asking him out right now." I clarify.
"Yeah, I figured that's what was happening." Crash chuckles, pointing at James and Eddie.
"What, how?" I ask. Then I turn to see James and Eddie making out, though I wouldn't exactly call it 'making out.' Is that what two people kissing is supposed to look like? "Oh… Uh, is a kiss supposed to last that long, and are they doing it right or is almost eating each other not normal?" I ask, half-joking.
"They're definitely new at it. You're supposed to use more tongue." Crash adds, apparently in the mood for doing nothing but make jokes.
"Like you would know." I jest.
"Shut up." He says good-humoredly, "You know, they're actually kind'a cute together."
"There's no way that's healthy this early in a relationship…"
"Who cares?"
"We will in a couple months when they break up and are constantly sobbing on us." I say, again half-joking.
"Point taken." He says, "So, should we all get the heck out of here?"
"Probably." I agree.
"Guys!" He shouts. "Could you take a break for like a half-hour so we can walk back to the herd?!"
Eddie holds up a finger in a one-more-minute fashion.
"Fine." Crash grants, "But I swear if you guys go for even sixty-one seconds more, I'll walk over there and pull you two home."
Eddie waves him off dismissively.
"So…" I say, "Seeing as we've got a minute, what took you guys so long to get here?"
"Diego and Shira."
"They told you guys?"
"Yup."
"Everything?"
"What'd'ya mean 'everything?' Shira's pregnant and they're gunna have cubs. What more is there?" He asks. Crap… Must I always have at least one secret to keep?
I lie, "Never mind. I'm just a little concerned I'm going to get eaten by saber cubs in a few months."
"Well, I'm just a little concerned we're going to get eaten by sabers right now." Crash says, "Eddie! James! Let's go!"
Finally, they take a second to breathe and join us. We start walking home.
"Wiener," Eddie says. I look at him, shocked at his sudden return to jerkishness.
"Seriously?" I say polemically. "Are you kidding me? After all that you're still thinking it's okay to call me that!?"
He looks at me apologetically and says with as little irony as possible, while gesturing at James, "Thanks…"
This chapter's song is "Me Quiero Enamorar" by Jesse Y Joy.