Louis and Tawny were seated on a park bench. Tawny thought about the conversation they had at lunch and the thoughts that occupied her mind that morning. The more she thought about it, the more she understood that she herself was torn, between her happiness about how close they had become and her wish for Louis to be free. Of course, the two didn't have to be mutually exclusive. Louis's love for her was genuine beyond doubt. But she couldn't help but think that there was still an unknown at work – perhaps something that was burdening Louis, making him do certain things, possibly without his realizing it. She knew she had to dig deeper.
"Louis," she began. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you. And I'm not quite sure how to put it." She paused. "Are there any feelings you have about me that you haven't told me about?" She paused again, as the expression on his face turned into one of incomprehension. "I mean… Any feelings of, I don't know, guilt, or debt, or something like that?"
Louis looked down at the ground, not saying anything. Now his expression betrayed a sense of comprehension, but also an unwillingness to admit it. Tawny smiled at him, beginning to understand. She knew she had to help him bring it out into the open and as painlessly as possible. She placed her hand gently over Louis's.
"Louis," she said with affection. "You might not know this, but I've had the same feelings about you. Many times." The recollections flowed inside her head, including the one that had crossed her mind that morning. "All the times when I wasn't very good to you, when I walked away from you. Especially at the beginning, when you made it so clear from day one how fond you were of me, and I didn't do anything to reciprocate."
Louis just stared into her eyes, not knowing what to say.
She continued. "I think it's normal when two people love each other that they sometimes have feelings of remorse, of inadequacy, of guilt toward each other. And if that's the case, I think it's important to talk about it, to let it out into the open. Then you realize that it's a mutual feeling, and that you shouldn't let such feelings keep you down." She gave Louis another magnificent smile. Louis could feel the walls of his heart dissolving, the defenses keeping his feelings holed up melting away.
Louis's mind was still reeling from the initial shock. How could Tawny ever feel that she hadn't been good enough to him? He felt overwhelmed by a sense of incomprehension, even outrage at the thought. Yet Tawny's confession also had the intended effect: it forced him to come out with his own emotions, so that the wrongness of any sense of inadequacy she might have felt would not be allowed to stand.
"Tawny…" he began softly, shaking his head slightly. "I really don't know where to begin. There are just so many times I've wronged you…" He stopped as he met her reassuring eyes. They somehow had a cleansing effect on him, purging his feelings of guilt.
"…But I know it's okay. Thanks to you." He couldn't hold back the tears as Tawny took him in her arms. How could she be so wonderful, he thought to himself for the umpteenth time. A part of him wanted to think that his feelings of inadequacy were confirmed all the more by how right she had been, how she could be so understanding and forgiving – but these thoughts were swept away by her gentle hug and caressing touch.
Louis pulled back, looking fondly into Tawny's eyes. "When I thought we were moving to DC I was overwhelmed by this feeling that I was going to lose you, again. Just like that time you auditioned for SACCY. I thought about all those times when I was selfish and immature, when I acted like a jackass, when I did nothing but play pranks. All those times when I took you for granted." He paused. "And when we discovered our love for each other, I decided that I never wanted to lose you, ever. And that you deserved only the best of me. A more mature, more serious, more thoughtful me." Tawny smiled affectionately as the pieces now fit together.
"And I still think that way, Tawny. It's the least I can do to be worthy of you. I genuinely want to be closer to you, and if that means changing myself, then so be it."
Tawny kept her silence as the expression on Louis's face told her that he wasn't quite finished.
"But I do feel freer now, now that I've articulated and come to fully understand this whole chain of thoughts in my head." He smiled at her, a smile of both affection and gratitude. "Thanks, Tawny."
Tawny gave Louis a heartfelt embrace. "I love you just the way you choose to be, Louis," she whispered into his ear. Louis breathed heavily as he could feel his heart swelling with indescribable joy and linking up with hers in an unbreakable bond.