Walking pass the stereo Beca paused when she saw the CD that Jesse gave her on Valentine's Day and smiled holding it in her hand.
Hearing the doorbell, she walked to the front door, half way through she put the CD case on the counter.
"Jesse?" Beca said opening the door
"Hi, you forgot this in my car" he said handing her her wallet.
"Thanks, I was actually looking for it." she took it from him
"You left it out probably when we got tacos on that drive through on our way here" Beca nodded getting inside and leaving the door open.
Jesse followed her in, "You done packing?" He asked
"Yes, I'm having dinner" she said walking back to the kitchen table
"Oh, sorry. But I did call, you didn't pick up" he said taking a seat facing her.
"It's on silent." She said checking her phone.
"Did you eat?" Beca asked
"No" he shook his head
"I ordered enough for two- but I'm not hungry enough to eat them both" she shrugged
"This is new, you okay Becs?" Beca rolled her eyes.
"The other container is on the counter" she pointed at it
Jesse got up and grabbed it and smiled when he saw the CD he gave her.
"Shit, you got sunburns," he said sitting back as he eyed the redness on her cheeks
"That's what happens when you don't apply sunscreen" she sighed
"Sorry" he frowned
"It doesn't hurt so much, I've had worse" she looked at her leg.
"Weird how lately I've been somehow the reason behind your physical pain"
"Karma is a bitch, I know" she said playing with the food
"I didn't say anything" he put his hands up. The way you're looking at me is enough.
"I've had it coming. I'm the asshole who runs away whenever I don't want to face the consequences of my actions. My friends- I mean our friends, make sure I don't forget how much of a bitch I am." She said before eating
"So, met anyone interesting at the wedding?" Beca asked playing with food.
"You mean a girl?" He mumbled while chewing.
"Yep" she nodded
"Oh yeah! As I told you at the beach, single girls were all over"
"cool" Stop it, right this second. You don't get to feel bad when he meets someone new.
Jesse watched her eat her food in silence, waiting for the snarky comment she always had. Instead he got a frown and awkward silence.
"Thanks for dinner" Jesse said dropping the container in the garbage can.
"You're welcome" Beca said curtly as she avoided looking at him.
Jesse watched her for a second then grabbed her hand.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked her as he turned her slowly to him.
Beca looked at him without saying a thing.
"Do you know how hard it is to be with you without actually being with you?"
"Not to be able to do this when I want to" He said before wrapping his arm around her waist.
"I thought I could roll with being friends with you but I just can't." He shrugged
"Stacie says you're in resistance, okay. But why? Why are resisting me, us?" He asked her as he leaned down.
"Jesse- I" Beca mumbled as she stared at his lips.
"What is it, Becs?" he said in a low voice her feeling her breath. "Let me guess, you want to kiss me but don't have an excuse to explain your actions later?" he guessed leaning over until their lips were almost touching.
oh fuck it.
Beca wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him, letting go of the crutches in the process.
Jesse slid his hands helping her wrapped her legs around his waist,
"I missed you so much" she mumbled between kisses as he pinned her against a wall.
"Me too" he said before kissing her forcefully.
"My leg, my leg" she winced "I can't stay like this for long" Beca said against his lips.
"we had sex on your uncomfortable couch and you didn't complain"
"I was stoned, Jesse" she said before kissing his jawline.
Jesse picked her up bridal style and paced to her room.
"Do you need anything? Painkillers? A pillow?" he asked putting her on the bed.
"No. I need you" she said pulling him down.
Beca woke up in the middle of the night, wrapped in Jesse's arms. She glanced at the clock to find it one am.
She removed herself from him and ran a hand through her hair.
"What the fuck did I do?" she asked herself as she watched Jesse smile in his sleep.
Risking the possibility of falling to her face, Beca got up and walked to her closet grabbing clothes to wear then went to the bathroom.
Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Beca tried to find a reasonable explanation for what she did.
Don't even go there. She thought to herself as she ran the water before splashing it to her face.
"I felt your side of the bed empty, you okay?" Jesse peaked his head through the crack of the door
"Yeah, I'm fine" she said closing the spigot. Jesse nodded walking to her.
He wrapped his arms around her from behind burying his face in her hair. Glancing at their reflection the mirror, Jesse eyed her for second "You've got to be kidding me" he groaned letting go of her.
"Jesse-" She called him when he turned on his heels.
Beca managed to get to the room without falling, at a slow pace.
Standing in the doorway, she watched him get dressed.
"I thought you were finally done with your little drama, guess not" he said to her as he wore his jeans.
"Jesse. I can't-"
"You can't what? Admit you love me." He interrupted her walking back to her
"I get that you have your issues and that you give me a heads up from the beginning-" He huffed
Beca looked away from him holding back the tears that started to build up. Jesse held her chin and tilted her head to face him.
"What's holding you back?" he asked her.
"Jesse, I can't let myself love" she wiped the tears that started to fall.
"One day you'll wake up and realize you don't want me anymore and take off. I'm saving you a lot of time"
"A little too late for that, don't you think?" He questioned walking backwards
"I can't promise you that we'll be together forever, but I'm not going to bail on you without a good reason." He said wearing his shirt.
"But I can't do this anymore, whatever this is" he gestured between them.
"I can't be friends with you. And I can't just be your fuck buddy." He said wearing his shoes.
"I don't think I can even be around you anymore. 'Cause we keep on doing the same over and over again. Caught in vicious circle" he ran a hand through his hair.
"God, you're ruining the best part of falling in love. The first stages are supposed to be amazing. And you managed to make them agonizing" Jesse let out a groan of frustration.
"You treated me like crap just 'cause I didn't want to give up on. Because I know you. You would never say it out loud, you're scared of admitting to yourself. Beca Fucking. Mitchell, the badass who thinks low of people and doesn't believe in love, is in love."
He stood in front of her eyeing her.
"I'm done waiting for you to stop acting like a fucking child and get over yourself." He sighed watching her cry and resisted pulling her into a hug.
Reaching over he wiped her tears gently "Have a safe trip" he said before heading out.
Hearing the door slam, Beca slid down sobbing.
"Jesse?" Stacie said when the elevator opened. Noticing the redness in his eyes, the messy hair and the unbuttoned shirt she asked stepping out of the elevator. "What did she do?"
"I can't believe I let her do this to me" he chuckled humorlessly
"I've tried my best to be understanding and-"
"What happened Jesse?" Stacie asked to confirm what she had already figured out
"We had sex, sober, then she wakes up and has second thoughts. I actually thought her bullshit came to end."
"Did she say something or was it just you doing the talking?" Stacie hiccupped.
"Oh, she did talk. More bullshit"
"Jesse, calm down. You need to understand where she's coming from. You know the number of relationships Beca had in the last 10 years? Zero, it's always casual hookups with her. My roomie has trust issues," Jesse nodded looking at Stacie
"Take a deep breath and sleep it off. Swing by at work tomorrow we'll talk, okay? "
"Okay" Jesse said pushing the button for the elevator
"Great, 'cause I really need to pee"
"Even when you're drunk you're good at your job" Jesse laughed
"Thanks" she pulled her hair in a bun.
"Good night" Stacie said when he got inside the elevator.
"Night, Stacie" Jesse waved as the elevator closed.
"Oh fuck" Stacie swore looking inside her bag before she knocked on the door.
"Wear your keys as a necklace" Beca sniffed wiping her cheek as she let Stacie in.
"What took you so long?" Stacie asked closing the door behind her.
"I didn't have the crutches," Beca said over her shoulders as she made her way to the guest room.
"Do you wanna talk?" She asked peaking her head through the doorway and watching Beca lay on the bed after she put her phone on the nightstand.
"Stacie you should go to sleep, I can smell vodka from here" Stacie shrugged
"Hey, why are you sleeping in the guestroom?"
"Everything in my room smells like Jesse" Beca sighed closing her eyes.
"You mean it smells like sex in there" Stacie laughed.
"And that too." Beca tilted her head to look at Stacie.
Stacie eyed her for a while then got out of the room.
"If I'm gonna let you sob against my chest, I need to wear something less expensive" she said over her shoulders making Beca chuckle.
Getting back to the room, Stacie took off her shoes and jumped next to Beca.
"I don't know what do you need more, a hug or a slap for how much of an idiot you are," Stacie said pulling Beca into her arms. "But you look like crap"
"I fucked up, Stace" Beca cried
"Yes, you did, a bunch of times" Stacie said rubbing Beca's back "Do I need to wake the girls up for a surprise pity party?"
"No, it's Monday, they have day jobs to wake up to later. And Chloe is dropping me to the airport early" Beca shook her head pulling away.
"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. How long are you going to stay there?"
"It's supposed to be a three days thing but I think I'm gonna stay for more" Beca said sniffing
"You won't change, won't you?" Stacie laughed pulling Beca into a hug again "Always running away"
"Well, enjoy hanging out with Sheila" Stacie rested her chin on Beca's head.
"Don't eat a lot of pies, you'll get diabetes and die."
Beca nodded
"On the other hand, she could teach you how to bake,"
"Mom would have a seizure if I baked with Sheila instead of her, or did anything with Sheila for that matter" Beca chuckled.
"You don't have to tell her" Stacie shrugged.
"Hey, Stace?" Beca said sitting up as she wiped her cheek
"Mhhm?"
"Did you get that ice-cream you told me I'll need?"
"Yes, I did" Stacie nodded getting up
"No, no I'll get it" Beca shook her head reaching for the crutches "Do you want some?" She asked looking at Stacie who nodded
"How did you know this will happen?" Beca asked getting back to the room.
"Well, what can I say. I'm a really good therapist" Stacie shrugged sitting up.
"Of course you are." Beca rolled her eyes, giving Stacie the ice-cream before she put her crutches down.
"You were moping around and watching movies by yourself, whenever you hear his name you look up like a lost puppy. And you fell for my "psychological tricks", which can only mean your mind was elsewhere"
Beca sat on the bed and started digging into the ice-cream.
"But being the moron you are, I knew you would screw up again, and Jesse like any human being has his limits." Stacie shrugged leaning against the headboard.
Beca put down the spoon as she stared at the ice-cream when she heard his name.
"What do I do?" She asked feeling the tears starting to build up.
"Well, you need to accept how you feel" Stacie sighed "and hope he'll forgive for how you treated him"
"He hates me" Beca said through a cracking voice as she looked up
"But then again I had it coming" she shrugged filling her mouth with ice-cream.
"You're fucked up good, my friend"
"Thanks for reminding me." Beca exhaled as she laid next to Stacie.
"I can't bring myself to say it, Stacie" Beca said closing her eyes as she rested her head on the headboard.
"You'll get there," Stacie patted Beca's shoulder
"It's awesome having a shrink for a friend" Beca chuckled
"You didn't think that before"
"I didn't think a lot of things before" She said bringing the ice-cream to her mouth.
Not able to sleep, Beca got up and decided to shower.
Walking inside her room Beca stood in the doorway. Way to go Beca. She sighed loudly before she went to the window and opened it.
"Morning, Chlo" Beca said as she opened the door for Chloe
"Hi" Chloe greeted eyeing her friend.
"You look like shit" she said closing the door behind her
"Thanks. You're early."
"Yeah, well I didn't want to get stuck in morning jam." Beca nodded before walking to her room.
"Thanks for coming"
"No problem" Chloe said following her.
"You gonna tell me what made you stay up all night and cry or do I have to make you?" Chloe asked leaning against the door as she watched Beca apply makeup.
"Wait, I need to get this done first" Beca said applying eyeliner
"Okay" Chloe said
Beca exhaled putting down the eyeliner "I slept with Jesse, again-" Chloe opened her mouth to say something but Beca held her hand for her "-Let me finish then you can tell me how you told me so" Chloe nodded
"We were both sober this time. And because I can't accept why I did it again, he had it with me, which I don't blame him for, and told stuff he should have said from the first time we had sex after I broke up with him." She said quickly hoping not to cry, which didn't help.
"Oh, Beca" Chloe said
"It's okay, it's okay. I'm fine" Beca sniffed, checking her makeup.
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know." Beca shrugged "Not redo my makeup thanks to the waterproof mascara" she joked
"We should get going" Beca said reaching for the crutches.
"Are you sure going to your dad's retirement ceremony is a good thing right now?" Chloe said following her
"Oh yeah!" Beca nodded walking to the kitchen to pour herself water.
"He would hate me if I don't and I don't want him to, we've just started to get along better" Beca explained as she leaned against the counter.
"Lead the way" she put the cup down and glanced at the CD case.
Beca wore her backbag and followed Chloe to the door.
"Just a second" she said walking back into the apartment. Beca grabbed the CD and put it in her backbag.
AN: Sorry if I stretched it so much. Tell me what you think in the reviews. Also, I might not be able to update for a few days.