Peaches unhurriedly moves through the throng and out into the woods. All the while, I'm jumping between my conviction that I have to tell her and my doubts as to whether I should. She also appears to be milling over something. Something which I can only hope is not how she should ask Ethan out…
As we finally get just out of earshot of the crowd, I try to assure myself that it's time. You're going to tell her, Louis. I don't know how, but you're going to tell her. Now, right now. Tell her.
"So… Peaches… I… well…" I try to start, finding no words to say what I mean.
"Is this about… Eddie?" She asks out of the blue.
"Oh, no. No, that's not at all wha… wait, what about Eddie?" I respond. Really, what about Eddie? What's wrong with Eddie?
"Has he told you?" She asks cautiously. Like, has he told me that he's gay? Yes… But is that what she's talking about? I don't know if I still have to keep his secret from everyone. James and Eddie haven't interacted besides discreetly holding hands since they got together, not that I have any idea where they are or what they're doing eighty percent of the time.
"He's t-told you?" I ask back, not knowing how to proceed. "I didn't know if he'd managed to."
"Louis," She stops me, "since you obviously weren't planning on having this conversation, what did you want to talk about?
"I…" I scratch the back of my head, "Eh, we… we can talk about that later. I'd like to hear what you know about Eddie." You're still going to tell her, right!? Yes, I. Still. Have. To. Tell. Her.
"Okay…" She agrees, though I can tell she's much more interested in what I was going to say before she brought up Eddie. "While we were picking berries, my mom and Eddie and I, Eddie couldn't stop asking us about James. He wanted to know what we thought of him, and we both thought he seemed like a nice guy, and my mom mentioned how odd he seemed around Crash, and Eddie asked what we'd think if James, hypothetically, had a crush on Crash."
"He did, a bad one…" I clarify.
"I'd have figured," She continues, "but, anyway, I said I thought they'd be cute together. Eddie took that okay, I guess, but I didn't know why he seemed so perturbed by the thought of Crash and James together… He must've been testing the water to see how we'd feel about him liking James, and I guess my comment might have made him a bit jealous. Then my mom said that we should try to 'hook them up', at which point Eddie was nearly brought to tears. He told us that he had a crush on James… He was relieved that no one cared when he said he was gay, but he was sobbing while we tried to assure him that we…"
"Okay!" Peaches is cut off by Eddie, apparently here and apparently listening to us. "I'm gunna stop you guys right there…" He walks out of the bushes he's been hiding in, along with Crash and James, and finishes his sentence, directing a snarky tone at Peaches, "before you divulge any more Secrets."
"Like how you cried all the way back to the cave, then refused to talk to anyone but James?" Peaches adds mockingly.
"Yes! Like that!" Eddie says, embarrassed.
James rubs his cheek up against Eddie's and says euphorically, "You liked me so much that you just up and told everyone, and then you cried over me before you even knew if I liked you back?"
"Um, not exactly…" Eddie raises a hand in protest, planning on defending his reputation. "I only told…"
James pecks Eddie on the cheek, which shuts him up, and whispers, "It's cute." in Eddie's ear.
Eddie gulps audibly and asks, "Really?"
"Yeah," James says, "Adorable."
Eddie blushes. "Well…" He adds, "I think you're adorable too."
"Promise?" James asks in that strange accent again.
"Only if you promise, too." Eddie giggles.
"Promise." They say, offbeat with each other.
Eddie grasps James' hand, and holds it affectionately as they both look at the rest of us with awkward, eager smiles.
"You guys have waited… what? Three days?" I say, "Go ahead and make out… We don't care."
James leans over and whispers "Promise." into Eddie's ear. Eddie repeats "Promise." back to him, and they kiss for almost half a second before breaking apart to "promise" again. When it looks like they might just keep repeating this process indefinitely, Peaches has Crash and me walk away a little so we can talk.
There's a bleak stretch of silence between each of their re-utterances of "promise" which the three of us spend trying to think of something to talk about.
"Are they just going to keep saying that?" Crash asks under his breath.
"Obviously." I mutter in answer.
"I guess we're stuck waiting here for a couple minutes then." Crash exhales, bored.
"So…" I start,
Peaches finishes my sentence for me, "You've been stalking us, again?!"
"You're surprised?" Crash asks sardonically.
Our little conversation ends at that, and we resume listening to James and Eddie…
I'm trying to make it through each agonizing moment, knowing that I could be telling Peaches… or at least trying to… After maybe thirty seconds, I can't take it anymore.
"Guys." I mumble. James opens an eye to look at me, but then goes right back to making out.
"Guys!" I repeat.
"I think I saw them look over here." Crash teases, "Maybe you should shout a little louder."
"Not helping…" I hang my head in feigned defeat, over-acting so I can think about my performance instead of about having to tell Peaches…
"GUYS!" Peaches cracks in suddenly, making the rest of us jump. Finally they stop kissing for long enough to look at us.
I gesture at Peaches pathetically, hoping they'll understand, and ask, "Could you guys, you know… leave!?"
"O-okay, Louis," James says supportively. He walks up to me and whispers in my ear, "but you better tell her this time."
The three of them hop off into the bushes, leaving Peaches and me alone. I swivel around. She's standing there, beaming at me and giggling happily. Tell her.
"I… I, uh… Peaches... well, I just…" How do I say this!? "Can we just…"
Hold on, let's make this a game. I hesitate less when we're playing.
I ask, "Can we just be completely, a hundred percent honest with each other for like five minutes?"
"Okay. I'll try." She says, almost competitively.
"So will I. Do you… want to ask a question or something to make this faster?"
"How do I look?"
"Beautiful. And… and not just because I'm secretly in l-l-love with you." I close my eyes and clench my fists, a wave of both relief and terror casting over me.
"You know… for someone who's been able to keep a secret for so many years, you're not very good at it." She comments warmly, giggling at my gloom.
"Yeah… b-because that totally counted as telling you…" I say pessimistically.
"I think you might be getting a little too worked up already. It's your turn, ask a simple one."
"What's your favorite color? It's probably important that I know that, but I don't."
"Brown. What's yours?"
"Green." Like her eyes? Shut up… and yes. Like her eyes.
"What's your favorite thing to eat?"
"Those berries you found… Are you ever planning on actually learning how to swim?"
"No. I like the dirt. Why haven't you taken off that necklace I gave you yet?"
"Because you thought it made me look pretty. Were you lying?"
"Yes." I say. She frowns, but then I continue, "You're a beautiful person, and I don't really care what you look like." And thus begins the awkward silence…
…Finally she looks at me and asks cheerily, "Whose turn does that make it?"
"I haven't the slightest clue, and I couldn't care less." We chuckle in unison, and I smile a bit too widely at her, and she smiles a bit too widely at me.
"Are you purposely trying to keep me from my happy, little life of discontent and depression?" I ask sarcastically.
"Of course I am." She says, "Now, why haven't you told me yet?"
"I really do want to tell you, really." I say anxiously.
"What's stopping you then?"
I shudder and snivel, "Peaches, I'm scared."
"What are you so scared of?"
"Okay, I take that back. I'm not just scared, I'm Terrified! I'm terrified that you don't love me back, I'm terrified that you don't even like me, I'm terrified that someone's going to walk in on us and I won't be able to finish this sentence, but right now I'm mostly terrified that the only reason you agreed to this is because I've got more to lose than you do…" What have you got going for yourself, Louis? You're a wimp. You're a crybaby. You're a loser. Heck, I'll say it: you are a wiener!
While I'm busy brutalizing myself, Peaches uses her trunk to lift up my head. I close my eyes, hoping she won't realize what I'm thinking. I don't want her to know how cruel to myself I've been, but I really don't want her to know how right it felt to be so cruel. I eventually peak. Of course I do, I can't keep from looking at her for too long.
"Believe me, Louis." She says so understandingly that I can't help but listen, "You mean just as much to me as I do to you."
"It's definitely been five minutes… Do any of those indirect declarations count?" I ask to ease the distress this whole conversation has put me into.
"Louis, look me in the eyes… and tell me."
"I… I don't know if I can…"
"I thought that was the whole reason we're having this conversation- so you could say it, so you could just this once work up the courage to say what I hope you're about to say."
"Fine, okay. I'll… I'll say it…" I say, shortly before seeing Ethan peek his head around a tree before coming toward us. "Or… maybe not."
"What are you two doing out here?" He asks, feigning his unawareness of what we must be doing. What else would we be doing besides what we're currently doing!?
"Oh! Hi, Ethan!" Peaches says, her voice ecstatic.
"Steffie said you wanted to know where I was." He clarifies.
"Oh, yeah." She speaks fast and eager, "We were all talking, and I didn't know that you two had broken up. But I guess, here we are, and…"
"Listen Peach," He interrupts callously, as if he's ignoring her. Then he says much more gently,
"I'm sorry about before… I was kind of a jerk."
"It's fine, Ethan." She turns back to me. "What were you saying, Louis?"
I clear my throat erratically and stutter, "I was just…"
"Peaches," He interrupts, his voice suave and hate-worthy, "I was wondering… if you'd… like to go for a walk."
"Hold on a second." She says dismissively, "Louis, say it now."
She's giving me another chance, again, but it's too late. I blew it. She's too happy to have Ethan here, and she's finally gotten the opportunity to be with him she's always wanted.
"No, no… It's okay. Go with him, Peaches."
"Are you sure?" She asks with a fusion of joy and melancholy.
"Yes." I say, keeping back tears. "Go with him."
I turn my head as they walk away. I can't look at them…
Hi... Sorry this has taken so long, I have SOOOO much to do since school started. This chapter's song is "You and Me" by Lifehouse.