Just Breathe

by Mother of Pearl Fetish

What happens when Christian and Ana don't meet at the interview? What steps will he take when he first sees her at graduation? What will change when he inadvertently injures her before he can introduce her to the Red Room of Pain? 2015 Nominee - Fanatic Fanfics Multifandom Awards.

13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – All About Ana: Ana gets physical; Ana gets a new job; Ana gets a wakeup call

Very early, Sunday, 7/3

I wake up and Mommy holds me in her arms. I like it when Mommy cuddles me. The bed is soft, Mommy is soft and we are warm, so warm. I am so sleepy. But then he is here and he yanks me out of bed and throws me out of the room. I fall on my arm. I won't cry .I won't cry. I won't call out for Mommy; he'll hurt me if I do. I fetch my blankie and I hide behind the couch, all the way against the wall. The man brought friends with him and they are loud. I cover my ears and I sleep until the man finds me. He hits me, telling mommy she has to do better, or he will beat me until she does. She cries and promises to do better but he pushes me to the floor again. I hit my head, but I don't cry, because he will hurt me more. Mommy scoops me up when he is gone and she cries and I cry. I'm hungry mommy; my head hurts mommy.

Christian woke with a start; covered in a cold sweat. He had not had a nightmare since Ana started sleeping with him. He was covered in sweat and did not trust he could stay in bed with Ana. If she inadvertently touched him in this state – he did not know what he might do. He slipped out of bed, pulling his t-shirt off to wipe the sweat from his body. His heart raced, his pulse pounded, he panted like he had run a marathon. The piano – he could play the piano until he was calm and could return to bed. He stumbled out of the bedroom and headed to the great room. Coping Together must have kicked open a raw spot in his psyche. He would have to discuss it with John.

********** Seattle Nooz **********
Public Relations staff at Grey Enterprises Holdings announced Christian Grey, CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings and his girlfriend, Anastasia Steele, are in a "committed relationship." Grey's PR staff asked the media to leave the couple alone and allow them to explore their relationship.

Speaking of Grey news – Elliott Grey and his girlfriend, Katherine Kavanagh, returned from Barbados in time to attend the annual Coping Together charity event hosted at the Grey residence in Bellevue by Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey and Mr. Carrick Grey last night. Christian and Anastasia were also in attendance. Rumor says Coping Together raised a whopping $2.1 million for drug rehabilitation programs for young parents.

********** Seattle Nooz **********

Ana's POV

I awake…and stretch… Christian is not in bed. I listen to see if he's in the shower, but I hear him playing the piano. I don't know why he didn't sleep last night. I slept like a rock. I must have been exhausted from the last several days. I'm wide awake…will he go for a run with me? Then a steamy shower…breakfast…and maybe a cuddle in bed before we go to his parents' home for lunch. Maybe we can run from here to my condo, because then I can shower and dress and pick up his birthday present. It's wrapped in white with a silver gossamer bow. I don't have a birthday card for him because I didn't have time to find one that I liked. I stretch again and then dress in running clothes. I have an extra sling for my arm that I hang off my neck. I put my keys in a pocket and head out to the great room. I think Christian is naked and playing the piano until I see his black pajama pants against the ebony of the piano bench.

"Beautiful," I say, kissing the top of his head. I am careful to not touch his back.

"Prelude in G Minor, Opus 23 by Rachmaninoff," he says as he flourishes the final keys. "You're awake awfully early," he commented.

"You're awake even earlier," I countered.

"Bad dream, I didn't want to wake you, so I thought I'd play piano for a while." His voice was a little melancholy.

"Can you tell me about the bad dream?" I asked.

"I'd rather not. You know how you can't unsee something? Those dreams, it's like they can never be undreamed. I'd rather not tell you about my nightmares. They are exceptionally unpleasant." Christian shrugged.

"I thought you stopped having nightmares when I slept with you." I am concerned.

"It may have been residual from the Coping Together event. It's a painful reminder of my early life; but it's a good cause. It may have been residual from seeing Ella's picture. I will discuss it with John when I see him again." He sighed. "So, you're awake and dressed. Were you planning to go for a run?"

"I thought I'd see if you felt like a run, followed by a hot shower, followed by some breakfast," I suggested.

"Followed by some private time?" He chuckled. He closed the lid on the piano and stood to face me. "Well, Miss Steele -"

I gasped. The sunlight from a new day came through the floor to ceiling windows of his penthouse. It hit his bare chest…making the soft bronze curls there take on a blonde highlight…and I could see seven circular scars. "OMG…those aren't pox scars. Grace told Rhiann you barely had blisters. I've seen scars like that before," I gasped. "Cigarette burns...Ray has half a dozen of them on his forearms."

Christian's POV

"How do you know they are cigarette burns?" I asked.

"Twenty-five years ago, when Ray was in the military, there was a fight at an NCO club. Ray subdued one of the fighters, who burned him with a cigarette until Ray used a choke hold and put him down long enough for Military Police to cuff him. Ray got cigarette burns; his co-worker got four deep cuts to his right thigh from a switchblade wielded by the other brawler. Both of them got Leavenworth time." Ana took a deep breath. "How..." She stepped toward me and reached for my chest.

"The crack whore's pimp used me as an ashtray." I pushed Ana's hand away so she couldn't touch, couldn't see and wouldn't ask. Stepping back, I saw the look of sympathy on her face. I can't help myself…my self-preservation kicks in…and I feel the need to step away from this conversation…step away from her…step away from her questions.

"I'm sorry," Ana said raising her hands shoulder high. "I didn't mean to touch. It was an automatic response. Just as I know you pushing my hand away was an automatic response." She turned away, tears in her eyes. "I'm going for a run. Do you want to join me? If you don't, I'll be ready at the condo to go to your parents' home for brunch, unless you change your mind and don't want my company." She left the room, calling for Sawyer.

"Wait," I called out. "Please just wait – give me a minute will you? I'll change. We'll run to your condo. You can get whatever you need. Taylor can give us a ride back to Escala, we'll shower, breakfast, read the papers and hang out until brunch." I went to my bedroom to change into running clothes.

Ana's POV

Sawyer entered the great room. "You might want to rethink that run, Miss Steele." He handed me the Sunday Seattle Times, three tabloids and almost 100 messages left for us at the reception desk in the lobby of Escala. "It's worse on TV."

I numbly go to the media room and turn the TV on. Great...we're news. I had forgotten about the PR release this morning. I sigh and flip to another news station. Yeah…we're news. I go get my laptop and turn it on, surfing the news sites. Yeah…we're news. The E-news channel has a panel discussing my dress – thumbs up; discussing my gloves – thumbs down; discussing my earrings – thumbs up; and discussing my hair and makeup – thumbs down. Gee…I never knew I was so deficient. The discussion of the gloves brings up the cast which is evident during dinner pictures. The panel goes off on a tangent about how I got the broken arm and the whole Jack Hyde story is rehashed. I can't take it. I turn to another channel, to hear how the LGBT community is shocked to learn Christian isn't gay. I hear Kate's ringtone on my smart phone and go check it.

"Oh my god!" Kate squealed. "You're news!"

"Yeah…we're news," I said.

"Just think, you can go public now. You don't have to hide away at his ivory tower." Kate said.

"Oh no…have you seen the number of paparazzi outside Escala, our condo and Elliott's condo?" I ask sweetly. "We're going to be dissected from now until forever. Have you seen the tabloids? Have you seen the news? Have you seen the social media sites?"

"Just breathe…" Kate advised. "And enjoy the ride. I know I will." She breaks off the phone conversation, giggling at something Elliott was doing or said.

I take the papers and messages into Christian's bedroom and wait for him to exit the bathroom. He comes out wearing grey sweats, ready to run; sneakers laced; hair appropriately tousled.

"Sawyer recommends we wait on that run," I hand him the papers and messages.

"Well – damn. Guess I'll have to chase you around the penthouse then," he threw the papers and messages on the floor and then threw himself at me. "Caught you," he smirked, pinning me to the bed.

"Kate's right, I'm too easy…" I succumbed to his kisses.

After a shower and breakfast we took the papers, including new ones supplied by Sawyer, into the media room, along with the messages which had increased in volume at the front desk in the lobby. Christian flicked on the news and laughed as a ticker ran across the bottom of the screen announcing our relationship over the background piece about how Transformers 3 had taken the lead at the box office.

I took the pile of messages and began sorting them according to the news outlet or the person trying to contact us. One hour and thirty-two piles later; I sat back and sighed.

"Anything interesting?" He asked.

I handed him five messages from Elena demanding he call her NOW.

"Yeah, right," he said; trashing the messages. "I said interesting, not irritating." He smirked.

"Ellen's producers called," I said.

"Ellen?" He gave me a look.

"Ellen DeGeneres…talk show host…very popular," I looked at him.

"Okay, what topic does she want to talk to me about?" He pulled the business section out of the Seattle Times.

"She doesn't want to talk to you; she wants to interview me," I said.

He set aside the paper and pulled me into his lap. "Really?"

"Yes, she wants confirmation on whether you are a boxer or brief kind of guy," I said. "You know the whole gay community is calling our press release a hoax?"

"What are you going to tell her?" He said, nuzzling my ear.

"I thought commando would be a more interesting reply…but I think I will advise her to buy stock in Victoria's Secret or La Perla," I said as another pair of my underwear bit the dust.

XX

"I feel guilty pulling you away from everyone to talk business," I apologized to Carrick. "It's just that I need to know what is going on with Jack Hyde. I'm going back to the SIP/GP office on Tuesday. I don't want to be blindsided by office gossip."

"Well," Carrick sighed. "My law office received a letter from Elizabeth Morgan on behalf of Jack Hyde. She asked us to be his lawyers, pro bono, in his upcoming case. It gave my firm a good laugh. We were pleased to send her a letter stating that it would be a conflict of interest for us to represent him in the case, as we had been obtained by you as legal counsel."

"I really didn't obtain you; Christian asked on my behalf," I admitted.

"That was good enough for us," Carrick said. "His request on your behalf came three days before Elizabeth Morgan's request on Jack Hyde's behalf."

"Is your firm really willing to represent me, pro bono?" I asked. "I can find another lawyer if the case is a problem for you."

"My firm chooses which pro bono cases we take. After a unanimous decision of the partners; we choose to offer our legal services pro bono to all young ladies who come forward to SPD about the Jack Hyde case. They have all accepted our offer of legal counsel for the trial. I'm sorry there are so many of you." He gazed sadly at my cast for a minute.

"Thank you for representing us," I said. "Can you tell me where we are with the case?"

"Hyde requested to fast track his case; but he has representation issues. Unless he opts to stay with the current lawyer who represented him at the arraignment, he will have to reappear in court to file a change of representation or request a change in representation from the court. Once his representation issues are settled, then he will probably request an expedited discovery hearing. The DA's office would have seventy-two hours to lay out the case and show the proof they have to a judge and to Hyde and his lawyer. If the judge determines there is adequate proof, a trial date will be assigned. If the judge determines there is inadequate proof; he can dismiss without prejudice which will allow the DA to refile once adequate proof is obtained." Carrick revealed details he gathered from SPD and from the DA's office.

"Is the DA's office confident about their proof?" I asked.

"Oh yes; SPD has depositions from six young women besides you; your medical report; police report from the night you were assaulted; various electronic recordings of Hyde forcing his interns to have sex with him; various electronic recordings of conversations he taped at SIP; hard copy files of emails he hacked and hard copy files of information he gathered on the other interns and you. The DA believes the judge will set a date for trial. The DA's office also believes Hyde will accept a plea bargain before the trial ever begins."

"Why would he accept a plea bargain?" I wondered.

"Six cases of class two felonious assault is the equivalent of sixty years in jail and at least $100,000 in fines." Carrick watched Ana's face carefully.

"Sixty years?" I whispered unbelieving.

"That's not counting the stalking, the assault on you and the illegal wiretaps in place at work, plus invasion of privacy at accessing emails and phone calls," Carrick noted. He reached in his drawer and withdrew several business cards and passed them to me. "The DA will offer him a better deal than what he would get in court; but they won't let him off with time served or any hand-slapping nonsense. If anyone wants to discuss the case with you, give them my card. They can call me and I'll determine if it's a co-worker who has a legal case against Jack or if it's just someone seeking information."

"Thank you for this," I stood and offered to shake hands when Carrick pulled me into a hug just as the door to his office opened.

"Well, well – what the hell is this?" Elena purred. "Christian's not enough for you; you're making a play for Carrick?" She insulted me.

"Elena," Carrick's voice carried a warning that Elena choose to disregard. Carrick broke the embrace. It was awkward to say the least. "There's nothing going on between Ana and I and you know it. We were talking about a legal case for her which you should not have overheard."

"Blame Gretchen," Elena shrugged. "I merely arrived and asked to speak to you. Gretchen showed me to your office. She didn't bother to tell me you were counseling Miss Steele."

"Yes I was counseling Ana. Then I hugged her and I was about to tell her thank you for the profound change in Christian." Carrick said coldly.

"About that," Elena began. "I came here today with the express purpose of trying to convince you and Grace to stop encouraging Christian's contact with this girl. In three weeks time he's purchased a company, she's been assaulted, her coworker is in jail, another coworker is dead, and a mentally ill unstable woman is in a psychiatric ward. She's too inexperienced to be involved with Christian. She's going to cause a media shit storm that will ruin Christian. Everyone is calling their announcement of a 'committed relationship' a hoax. The press won't leave him alone until they wring his life dry because of that girl."

"Carrick," I held up a hand to stop him from talking. "I would like to talk to Elena alone, if you don't mind."

"Are you sure," Carrick asked.

"I'm sure she just wants to continue the 'you're-not-good-enough-for-Christian' talk she tried to inflict on me last night. I see no reason to involve you and Grace in issues between Elena and I. Besides," I said confidently, "I'm sure you want to make sure Elliott is not burning the fabulous barbeque you and Theo planned."

XX

Carrick gave Ana a kiss on the cheek. "As I told you last night; thank you for the change in Christian. Yell if you need backup. Elena," he nodded in her direction and left the room, forgetting his cell phone which had been recording his conversation with Ana. As he exited the room, Sawyer pulled him into a darkened side room where Sawyer performed his CPO duties quietly and discreetly.

"Hello, Mrs. Robinson," Ana voice was cold and unfriendly.

Sawyer clamped his hand over Carrick's mouth and inclined his head toward the open door. Carrick understood immediately and both men quietly moved into position to help Ana if needed.

"So why did you show up today when we're having a birthday party for Christian? Thought you'd force him into talking to you since he wouldn't talk to you last night?" Ana asked.

"I didn't know you were celebrating his birthday, it was a few weeks ago." Elena snapped. "But since he met you, he doesn't have time for anyone – not his friends, not his family, not his business associates. However, he has time to orchestrate a committed relationship press release. What did you do? Withhold your affections until he made some sort of statement?"

"I remember Christian's birthday. It was the day Christian introduced me to Grace. It was the day he took me gliding. It was also the day he told me you seduced him when he was fifteen and introduced him to your BDSM lifestyle. He has time for his family; otherwise we would not be here today. He has time for his business associates – Barney came to my house for dinner," Ana said quietly. "I think what he doesn't have time for is your nonsense. He told me he plans to separate Grey House from your salons. Is that why are you here?"

Carrick started to gasp but Sawyer slapped his hand over Carrick's mouth again. "Radio silence!" He whispered to Carrick.

"Since Christian could not be bothered to answer my messages this morning – I came to talk some sense into Carrick and Grace. They are so surprised Christian brought home a girl that they can't see you for the gold-digging whore you are." Elena insulted her.

"Unlike you or the little brunette submissives you've vetted for Christian...there is no price on my affections. Pedophile, business partner, pimp…now you are trying play protector? Ana snorted her disgust. "I don't understand why you think you need to protect him from me. What's so wrong with me other than…?" Ana gasped as the realization hit home. "…other than you didn't procure me for him so you can't stand that I'm with him. If he's with me, he's out of your control and you can't stand that. You can't stand that you haven't had contact with him twice a week since the end of May. No coffee chats about the submissives you vetted for him. No business lunches to ensure that they are performing their contractual sexual duties and not making him want more. No brainwashing him that he can't have contact with his family because they might learn about his sexual preferences. No brainwashing him that you are his friend, not the sick sadistic bitch who molested him."

"I am his friend, his only friend and when he realizes that you are nothing special, he'll come back to me. He always does. I'm the only one he can trust. You little brunettes, you're all the same – just little money-grubbing, low-class whores – just like his mommy. When he's tired of not being able to beat and fuck you; he'll beg me to find him a new little submissive who looks like mommy and who will let him beat and fuck her." Elena's voice dripped sarcasm.

"You're his only friend because you cut him off from normal teenage boy relationships. You preyed on his self-loathing and brainwashed him into thinking he doesn't deserve to be loved." Ana stopped and observed Elena's face. "You brainwashed him for thirteen years into thinking your BDSM lifestyle was the only acceptable means of physical contact for him. You brainwashed him into withdrawing from his family to keep his private life a secret. You brainwashed him into thinking he learned control from your BDSM relationship."

"He didn't like to be touched from the time that he was a child. I offered him an outlet to meet his sexual needs without fear of being touched," Elena snapped. "I taught him love is for fools."

"Well it will probably surprise you that he loves it when I touch him. He loves being with me. My love doesn't come with strings or a price tag or control…like your friendship. If Carrick and Grace need urging to remove anyone from Christian's life…it will be you and not me. I'm doing everything I can to teach him to appreciate himself and his family." Ana asserted.

"Yeah, you love him alright. You love the billionaire who buys you pretty clothes and diamond earrings and who lives in a penthouse. You aren't any different from the rest. He bought them clothes, jewelry and cars and they slept and fucked in the penthouse too. You can tell yourself that your relationship is special…but it's not. Christian doesn't do relationships. He is a sadist who has a primal need to beat and fuck petite brunettes who enter into sexual contracts with him. You're all just a bunch of cheap whores that he punishes because he can't punish his crack whore mother who couldn't protect him." Elena snapped.

"I'm the first woman he pursued. I'm the first woman he has dated. We had three dates before we had sex with one another in his bed; not his playroom. I'm the first woman he has spent quality time with OUTSIDE his playroom. I'm the first woman to sleep with him in his bed. I'm the first woman he's spent the night with in her home. I'm the first woman he brought home to his parents and grandparents. I'm the first person...other than John Flynn...who he told about you seducing him and introducing to your BDSM lifestyle." Ana smiled.

"I doubt Christian was so besotted with you that he told you information you could use to blackmail him in the future." Elena smiled. "Oh...but that's right...you signed an NDA for him like the rest of his sexual contracts."

"Yes I did sign the NDA. But I did not sign his contract, or agree to any rule except that we are monogamous with one another. You see, he was affected by his mother's chosen profession. He was affected by your husband's discovery you were having an affair with Christian. He was affected by you pimping him out to other women in your playroom."

"You know nothing of our lifestyle!" She shook her finger at me. "I was his Domme; I knew what was good for him. I knew what training he needed. I knew how to push his limits."

"You betrayed his trust then...and he will discover that you betray his trust even now...when you claim to be the only friend he has. How did you do it? You don't give a damn about Elliott or Mia…so did you just feign interest in Grace's life so you could pump your friend for information about Christian? Information you used to insinuate yourself in his life? I bet you became Grace's friend so her contacts with disadvantaged youth gave you an ever renewable source of vulnerable teenage boys. Your victims didn't realize what made them special was that they were young and impressionable. Christian will learn he was not the first teenage boy you molested; and that he wasn't the last. Perhaps when he does; he will tell Grace and Carrick you have a history of being a predator and urge them to keep you away from youth. Morally; I'd out you as the predator that you are. However, I promised Christian I would not say anything. He does not want his family to know he was your sexual submissive for six years. He thinks they will hate him, the victim; not you, the predator."

"I repeat myself; you stupid little bitch... you know nothing of our lifestyle," she hissed.

"For someone who is not in the lifestyle; I understand a great deal more than you think I do. I know you didn't tell Christian the truth about your lifestyle. You never told him he could safe word. You never told him he could have hard limits. You never told him he could walk away from your relationship without repercussions. You never taught him that safe, sane and consensual relationships don't have to be hidden like a dirty secret. I also know you're not the hot 40-year-old blonde who seduced horny 15-year-old Christian. The Botox, the plastic surgery, the Pilates and the strict diet aren't enough to make horny teenage boys want your 50-plus year old body. That's why you want Christian so bad. You want to relive your glory days with the gorgeous self-made billionaire. When he stopped using you as a submissive…you had to become his pimp. You had coffee and lunches and discussed his submissives for a vicarious thrill. It's why you control his girls; undermining them; supplying him with a new submissive when he might go the distance like with Leila Williams. You're afraid that he might learn to want more…like he does with me." Ana asserted.

"He doesn't want more with you – you're just a new obsession – like kickboxing, running, playing piano, speaking French, playrooms and mergers and acquisitions," Elena snapped. "Once he learns to master you – he'll move on to a new little brunette. You're just an unknown challenge to him right now – and the longer he fucks you – you'll lose that lovely new toy smell, touch and feel. I was going to offer you a million dollars to walk away from Christian – but I just realized – I don't have to! I can wait – because once he's done with you – there's no second chances. You'll be out of his life like the rest of them." Elena smiled. "Then I will be there, with my stable of petite brunettes; waiting for him to pick a lovely new toy; which he will abuse and destroy."

"You are the stupid bitch in his life…not me. You think it all comes down to your BDSM lifestyle…you can't handle that he's exploring new ways of dealing with stress in his life. You can't handle that he doesn't need you or your stable in his life. He's not your submissive…you can't order him to give me up." Ana recreated Christian's head tilt.

"What he doesn't need is a little bookworm like you in his life; undermining everything he's accomplished. I won't stop until you are out of his life." Elena smiled smugly. "When you are out of his life; I will use you as an example of what happens when Christian steps away from the controls over his life." She grabbed Ana's arm – holding it tightly. "Come on; we're going to talk to his parents. I will make them understand they have to separate you from Christian!"

"Don't touch me, you slimy bitch." Ana yelled, yanking herself away from Elena.

"I don't take orders from bookworms," Elena sneered.

"And I don't hit ladies," Ana said; proceeding to give Elena a right hook to her mouth.

Elena flew backwards and landed on her ass, blood spilling from her mouth. "You bitch; I will sue you for assaulting me." She screamed through spitting blood.

"I don't think so," Sawyer said, stepping into the room. "Miss Steele hit you in self defense."

"Self defense," Elena spat blood. "Try assault."

"Definitely self defense – you grabbed her and I'm sure she will have bruises. Someone should have put you on your ass years ago." Sawyer said.

"No, Christian should have thrown her out on her ass years ago," Ana said. "Sawyer, please take me home."

Ana's POV

I'm exiting the house after Sawyer when I'm grabbed from behind. I scream and do a 180 spin…screaming "Don't touch me!" I'm slapping on the spin and make contact with Christian's face. I gasp and step backwards…horrified at my actions.

"Christian!" Carrick bellows behind us…and Christian turns to talk to him.

I race out the door to Sawyer as Christian disappears up the hall. I don't know why I called her Mrs. Robinson…that's too good a nickname for her. I should call her Becky Sharp. She never came into a family but she strove to bring misery with her and to weaken the most sacred affections with her wicked flattery and falsehoods…her soul is black with vanity, worldliness and all sorts of crime.

XX

When Carrick heard Ana and Sawyer leave the study, he entered, retrieved his cell phone and called Grace. "If you can do it quietly," he said, "I need you to leave the patio and come to my office." He turned his icy glare on Elena. "Grace is going to be here in a minute. She will determine if you need stitches or just need your mouth sewn shut when your body is autopsied." He wiggled his cell phone at Elena. "I recorded my legal session with Ana; I forgot my phone was still recording when I left. I have the entire conversation recorded between you and Ana, you evil, manipulative bitch. Grace is going to look at your wound. She will fix whatever she can. You will apologize to her for causing a scene today. You will remove yourself from any committee or charity connected with youth. You will not attend any social event which has ties to youth programs. You will cease contact with my son. You will cease contact with my wife. You will cease coming to my home. I will tell the universe and more specifically the Special Crimes Unit at SPD that you are a pedophile if you do not stay out of our lives. I will use this taped conversation as evidence. Do we understand one another?" Carrick glared at Elena. He exited the study and saw Christian standing in the hall…calling out to him.

XX

"What the hell, Steele? What is going on?" Kate called just as Sawyer and I cleared the gates at the Grey home in Bellevue.

"Carrick and I talked about the Jack Hyde case. Then Elena showed up and we had a fight. She grabbed me which pissed me off. I hit her and left." I wiggled the fingers on my right arm. They were alright; not swelling, or bruised or numb. I examined my arm for bruises...and yes... dark smudges appeared on my upper arm.

"Why doesn't the salon slut like you?" Kate demanded.

"She doesn't think I'm good enough for Christian." I will not cry! Sawyer hands me a handkerchief. I blot the tears to keep them from falling.

"Do you know why Carrick bought the vacation at Christian's home in Aspen when Elliott and I had the issue covered? Did he think she wouldn't stop bidding against me, but would defer to him?" Kate's investigatory skills were going to get both of us in hot water.

"The press took pictures of the prize donors with the winner. I think winning the auction was Elena's way of forcing Christian to talk to her. He hasn't talked business with her since the first part of June because he's been busy with work…and with me. Can I borrow your car? I've had it; I need to get away and think about all the crap that's gone on since Christian and I met. I want to go to Montesano to spend the 4th of July with Ray. I'll drive back after the fireworks Monday night, getting home around midnight. Please don't tell Christian I have your car or tell him where I went. If he asks; just tell him I needed to get away." I vow not to cry.

"Speaking of fireworks – there be fireworks in the house right now." Kate said quietly into the phone.

"What's up?" I gave Sawyer a questioning look. He shrugged...he had yet to hear from Taylor.

"Grace, Carrick, Elena and Christian are yelling at one another. Elena is pissed about the press release. She's screaming at Christian. Grace told Elena if she is the reason that you break it off with Christian that she will rue the day. Who says that anymore? Christian is yelling it's his life and what is going on between him and you is no one's business. Carrick is yelling at Elena to get the hell off his property before he has her removed and swears out a no contact order against her." Kate reported.

"I'm sorry..." I'm staunching the tears with Sawyer's handkerchief.

"This is so not your fault! Elliott and I support you. He hates that salon slut, and I think Mia does too. She went to her room when she heard you left. She doesn't want to see Elena. Theo and Frances just headed for their car. They don't want to be here either." Kate related.

"What are you going to do?" I ask.

"Elliott and I are leaving and going to his condo. We're turning off phones and ignoring the world for a few hours. Maybe I'll be home after sunset, maybe Elliott will spend the night. Mom and Dad invited Ethan and us for a cookout and fireworks tomorrow."

"Well, don't tell anyone I'm going to Montesano," I said. "I don't want Elena Lincoln following me there and pissing Ray off. If he sees the bruises where she grabbed me; he might shoot her. It would be hell trying to dump her body somewhere with one working arm."

Christian's POV

"Grace, I'd like to talk to Christian for a few minutes, alone now that Elena's been escorted from the house by Taylor," Dad kissed her on her forehead.

Mom gave him an odd look and closed the door on her way out of his office.

Dad handed his cell phone to me. "I think you need to know the entire conversation between Ana and Elena – and not any warped version provided by Elena." He hit the app to play back the conversation and left the room via an open side door which he closed.

I listened to it twice while tears rolled down my face. She loves me. Anastasia Rose Steele loves me. OH MY GOD, Dad heard and knows everything! I sat on in the chair, my elbows touching my knees, my hands buried in my hair; my breathing raspy and labored. I did not hear Taylor enter the room.

"Sir, are you aware Miss Steele has left your parents' house?" Taylor informed me.

"House," I muttered. "Fuck the house; she's probably left my life." I hit play on the app on Dad's phone.

Ana's POV

In the car on the way to the condo, Sawyer asked, "Did you hurt your arm again?"

"Just jarred it a bit. Sawyer, if I asked you to drive me to Montesano, would you have to report it immediately to Taylor or Mr. Grey?"

"Why do you want to go to Montesano?" Sawyer asked.

"I want to spend the fourth with my dad. We go fishing, eat pancakes at the fire station, watch the town parade, grill the fish we catch and watch the fireworks. Ray has a guest room and we have extra fishing poles. The boat is big enough for the three of us. The fire station makes the best pancakes in the world." I tried to bribe him. "It's just that I can't stay here in Seattle right now. I just need 24-36 hours to think about things."

He looked at his watch. "Technically, I'm off duty at four o'clock – which means we have to be on the road before four because Ryan will be looking for me for a sit-rep before he takes over security for you for the evening. I don't have to report back to work until five a.m. Tuesday morning. I can call my roommate and have him deliver clothes for me to your condo. Does Kate trust me to drive her car?"

"You don't want to follow me in the SUV because it has a tracker on it?" I questioned him.

"Yes, for Mr. Grey's protection," Sawyer admitted.

"Is there a tracker on my smart phone?" I watch his face intently.

"No, but there is an authorized GPS app just in case you misplace it," Sawyer said.

"Well, looks like it's going to be you and me, Kate's car and my old cell phone. Get your clothes together; I want to get out of here. I'm going to pack and call Ray to tell him we're incoming." I said.

"I know you cooked like a fiend and sent lasagna home with Ray," Sawyer said. "Will he forgive me if we raid his freezer?"

"We'll grocery shop once we hit Montesano. I need supplies for potato salad and apple pie. I know there is enough lasagna in Ray's freezer for dinner tonight."

"You need a shirt to hide those bruises," he said, indicating my arm. "If your dad sees them; there will be fireworks...and I don't mean pretty July 4th explosions. I mean fireworks from firearms."

Recall the forward from my old cell to the smart phone; done. Pack; done. Take the gun safe out from under the bed; done. Next task is to email Kate about Christian's birthday present. I need Elliott to give it to him. I don't think I can bear to see it sitting on the coffee table when I get home tomorrow night.

I changed from my sundress and wedge sandals for brunch at Carrick and Grace's house. I feel more like myself in jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt and Converse. Sawyer gives me a double take when I hand him my gun safe and laptop backpack.

"When did you get a gun?" He was shocked and suspicious.

"I asked Ray to bring me a Taser. He brought my gun also, in case I healed before he got back here. Taylor told him how anti-guns Christian is. He told Christian about the Taser, but did not the gun. Ray didn't want Taylor searching my underwear drawers in the middle of the night on orders from Christian. I've got a conceal carry permit if you want to see it."

"Let's head out," he said, checking his cell. "Taylor and Mr. Grey just left Bellevue."

"I took half a pain pill. The GPS coordinates for Ray's house are saved in the Garmin. When you hit Montesano, wake me up." I climb in the back seat of Kate's car, with my pillow, throwing my tote on the floor.

I wake before Sawyer hits the city limits of Montesano. I didn't nap well. My inner bitch screamed I should have gotten to know Christian better before sleeping with him. My inner tramp wept because her days of mind-altering kisses and mind-blowing fucks are on hiatus. My subconscious warned me this is not my fault…I didn't ask to be Christian Grey's first real girlfriend. The look on his face when I left tells me he didn't expect me to strike him.

I feel I've wrecked the wonderful night Christian and I had together last night. It hurts. Contrary to Kate who lies around in ugly pink flannel pajamas printed with demented killer bunnies after a fight with a man…Unlike Carla who chooses not to dissect her failed relationships but throws her all into the next relationship…I choose to fill my head with positive thoughts and a plan of action. I will make potato salad and apple pie for tomorrow. I will raid Ray's freezer to feed all of us tonight. I will shower and go to bed early. While I'm in the shower, I will not concentrate on anything except washing my hair and body. I doubt that Ray asks, but if he does, I will tell him I needed to rest my brain before going back to work at Grey Publishing on Tuesday. I'll tell him about the conversation Carrick and I had about Jack Hyde. I will not tell him Elena Lincoln grabbed me and I had to defend myself. I will not tell Ray that Christian grabbed me and I slapped him.

XX

Sunday, July 3, 4:00 p.m.
To Ana
From Christian
Re: It's just a face –
the beauty is only skin deep. The scars go to the soul. I'm sorry Elena confronted you. I told her off, as did my mother and father. I told her that our friendship and business relationship are over. Carrick and Grace terminated their friendship with her. I'm sorry I grabbed you from behind…I know better. I'm so sorry. Why did you run? I thought we were trying to be honest and communicate with one another.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings

Sunday, July 3, 4:30 p.m.
To Ana
From Christian
RE: Forgive me, Anastasia.
Please. It's been hell without you today. Please join me tomorrow. We can go sailing on The Grace and watch fireworks from Bainbridge Island. Champagne, gourmet picnic, strawberry shortcake.

XX

"Taylor," I entered the security office after I sent Ana the message. "Where is Miss Steele?"

It takes him a few minutes to get results from tracking programs.

"GPS located her smart phone at the condo near Pike Place." Taylor said. "Sawyer must have dropped her there. The SUV they used is in the garage. Sawyer's on leave until five a.m. Tuesday morning."

"Can you find him – and Miss Steele's location? I asked.

"His car is at his condo. He's not answering his phone. The GPS tracker on his phone says he's headed to Montesano. Maybe he loaned her the phone." Taylor said.

"He's taking her to Montesano." I said bitterly. "She's running home to Ray."

"OH HOLY FUCK," Taylor exploded. "If Ana develops bruises from Elena grabbing her... there is going to be hell to pay. Raymond Steele will come back to town and shoot Elena for assaulting Ana."

XX

Sunday, July 3, 6:00 p.m.
To Kate from Ana
RE: In Montesano
Tomorrow we get up early and go fishing. I'll be home around midnight. Can you give me a ride to work on Tuesday? I can work out bus schedules for the rest of the week. Just so you know…Christian and I did not argue. I'm here to think things through. I feel overwhelmed at the moment.

Sunday, July 3, 6:10 p.m.
To Ana from Kate
RE: Runaway while you can…
Tell Ray I'll provide transportation next week so he won't stress. The press is out in full force after the Coping Together pictures and the press release. I may not be at the condo when you get home tomorrow night. Elliott seems to think there will be less media at his condo. Let's plan on having dinner and catching up on Tuesday night. I don't care what happened. Just don't feel trapped into being with Christian because of the press release and don't feel you can't talk to him because of the salon slut. I don't know where that leaves you, but I support you!

Sunday, July 3, 6:20 p.m.
To Kate from Ana
RE: Tuesday dinner together is great.
I'll put Ortega chicken in the crockpot Tuesday morning. We can toss a salad and cut up some melon and strawberries. I don't feel like answering questions from the Grey family right now; so let's limit dinner to you, Ethan and me. We need to catch up from Barbados and talk schedules.

Sunday, July 3, 6:30 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Sorry for delay...
I am not ignoring you. My cell and laptop were turned off. Sawyer surrendered and drove me to Montesano in Kate's car. He didn't want me to be alone out there with media nosing around. I need time to think about everything that's happened since I met you. Jack Hyde, Elizabeth, Leila and now Mrs. Robinson.
Red: I'm sorry I slapped you, but I don't want to talk about today's events yet.

Sunday, July 3, 6:45 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Conversations and considerations
When you are thinking about all the things that have happened since you met me, please remember how much fun we had last night dancing with one another. I'm talking all this through with John – the nightmare, Elena's confrontation, you leaving town. John is willing to talk to you if you need a sounding board who will not tell the universe what you say.

Sunday, July 3, 7:00 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Still red...
I just need time to think right now. I asked Carrick to leave the room before I talked to Elena. I did not want him hearing what I said to her. I called her Mrs. Robinson…it wasn't a pretty conversation. I can repeat it to you if you want, but I'd rather not.

Sunday, July 3, 7:15 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Blue...
I miss looking at your eyes. The ocean will be blue when I go sailing on The Grace. Please keep Sawyer with you at all times. He is trained to be a media buffer. Sawyer is a veteran and has a skill set like Taylor. I don't think he likes fireworks either. Maybe Ray can loan him a pair of shooting earmuffs.

Sunday, July 3, 7:30 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Gunmetal Gray
I'm not worried about my safety while I'm with Ray. Sawyer is staying down the hall in a guest room. He has a gun. Ray has a gun. I have a gun. I don't think we'll be bothered by the media. I emptied Ray's answering machine four times since I arrived. I plan to help Ray hire a phone answering service. They can email him with business and personal calls and screen the media calls. I'm turning off my phone and going to bed. Fishing starts early in the morning.

Sunday, July 3, 7:45 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Please dream of me
I believe the Coping Together event precipitated my nightmare. I've never stayed all the way through the event before. I saw my biological mother's picture for the first time in a long time. Her drug overdose and death are the reasons I was adopted by Carrick and Grace. I'm sorry for so many things: Elena, Hyde, Leila, Elizabeth – I'm not sorry for buying SIP. I am not sorry I met you. I am not sorry I told you about my past. I am not sorry I want more with you. I don't know how to fix this between us. Please don't leave me.

XX

I can't help myself. I Google Christian before I go to bed… there are dozens of pictures of us from last night…laughing, talking, dancing and posing for pictures. The one I love the best is Kate, Elliott, Christian and I sitting at the table talking. It looks like a glamorous double date. He's right…he does have a pretty face…but his secrets are dark. How much of Elena's claims about Christian and his mother are true?

I want to download some of the pictures, but do I want more reminders of Christian since I'm stepping back to evaluate things? I need time…there's just too much to consider right now. I have to process how I feel about Jack. If he gets the early trial he's requesting…will Ray and I have to testify? I hate the thought of Ray testifying how he saved his daughter from being sexually assaulted by her boss. If Jack sees the announcement of Christian and my relationship…will he try to use that against me in court? Will he tell the world we were involved with one another? I must tell Carla about the situation before something is printed in national news.

I haven't asked, but there hasn't been information about Elizabeth's funeral via emails or phone calls from coworkers. There is no information online. Should I send a letter of condolence…and what do I say…where do I send it? Are flowers appropriate? Would Claire advise me what to do? Is the office coordinating a memorial for Elizabeth? Have there been emails from my coworkers? Were they intercepted by Christian's IT team? Ditto; I will have to tell Carla about the situation before something is printed in national news.

I will make a decision about going back to work at Grey Publishing. Maybe when I report on Tuesday I can ask HR what is going on with Elizabeth. But…who will give me information on Leila? After today's confrontation with Elena, will Carrick want to keep me on as a client?

XX

"Welcome to my woodshed, Sawyer," Ray indicated an open stool where Sawyer could sit.

"I should keep an eye on Ana," Sawyer said, nervously.

"Annie is sleeping and we're going to have a conversation. It was supposed to be charity ball last night, barbeque with his family today, sailing for the 4th of July tomorrow. What happened to make Annie come home today; with a security guard who checked her right hand at least three times since her arrival?"

"Ana had a confrontation with one of Mr. Grey's business partners at the charity ball last night. After the confrontation; Dr. T had the business partner removed from the event. Today the business partner showed up at the barbeque and there was a confrontation again. Ana was provoked and hit the business partner in the mouth. She is upset because she lost her temper. She says she is contemplating her life now and trying to make decisions. I checked her hand to make sure she didn't cut her knuckles on any teeth. Her hand is slightly bruised, but there is no swelling and no loss of mobility." Sawyer tried to assure Ray.

"Provoked...how?" Ray looked at Sawyer.

"The business partner grabbed Ana during the argument and Ana hit her." Sawyer responded. "Dr. T. had to put five stitches in the business partner's mouth."

"Annie hit her? Was the fight because the business partner is jealous of Annie?" Ray asked.

"I've signed an NDA for Mr. Grey. I cannot discuss the situation." Sawyer shrugged.

"Well...it's heartwarming that Annie can take care of herself; even if she's in a cast. Tomorrow when we are out of the house, I want you to keep excessively nosy people away from her. If she came here to think; I don't want the media interfering with that." Ray finished straightening the woodshed. "Do I need to come to Seattle and defend my daughter's honor against some asshole business partner? Because I have to tell you man to man – I'm not impressed with some of the people she's met while dating Christian Grey."

"Jack Hyde? Elizabeth Morgan? Leila Williams?" Sawyer asked, relieved when Ray nodded. "Ana is a new entity in Grey's life. I'm her close protection officer because he is who he is – a self-made billionaire whose personal life has been private until he met Ana. He doesn't want the crazies or the businesses or the media to interfere in her life – but he can't anticipate everything. That's why I'm here and another guy, Ryan, is part of the team. We're supposed to be getting a third man to complete the team."

"Sawyer, if anything else happens to my Annie and I'm not told about it within fifteen minutes of it going down; someone is going to regret it. It would be a good idea if you shared that with the rest of her close protection team and with Mr. Grey. I will be unhappy if I hear about critical events in her life through the media." Ray said. "Swear if Annie decides to walk away from her relationship with Christian Grey…you let me know immediately. I have friends who can act as CPOs to protect her from him, the media, bitchy business partners, etc."

XXXXX
Monday, July 4, 2011

********** Seattle Nooz **********
Coping Together website announced it is suffering bandwidth failure from a backlog of requests for copies of pictures of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. IT for Coping Together created a link on their website to all the pictures from last evening's event. The most popular picture –Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele entering the event. The second most popular picture –Katherine Kavanagh and Anastasia Steele with Christian, Elliott, Grace and Carrick Grey. Coping Together announced they have made an additional $10K in funds for the charity from selling pictures of the event online. They don't believe the requests will decrease any time this next week in light of the press release regarding Christian and Anastasia's relationship.
********** Seattle Nooz **********

Monday, July 4, 1:00 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: I wish you were here so I could kiss you –
I love my birthday present – it was very thoughtful of you to find something with alternative power and helicopters! Taylor and I went sailing this morning. I needed a "blue" fix – your eyes remind me of the sky when I'm flying, gliding or sailing. Your blush reminds me of the clouds at dawn when I'm gliding. Did you have a good time fishing with Ray?

Monday, July 4, 3:00 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Your present reminded me of you.
Fishing at Lake Sylvia. On the water at 6, off the water at 9, caught our limit of trout. Fire station for pancake breakfast. 4th of July parade – bikes, floats, horses, military, high school band, middle school band. Sat in the VFW bleachers. Media stayed away from obvious military/ex-military presence. Bought homemade strawberry and blueberry swirl ice cream and plain vanilla (!) for apple pie ala mode. Took a nap which explains delay in response. Ray and Sawyer cleaning the fish right now. We will grill them and he will freeze the leftovers to eat later. Phone answering machine driving me to distraction – serious about hiring phone answering service.

Monday, July 4, 3:15 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: I like pancakes too – one of my favorite places is IHOP.
I saw John this morning before I took The Grace out. He came to Escala so I wouldn't be subjected to his children who are "miserable little gits since they have the chicken pox." It was just Taylor and I on The Grace. My family feels I need time to work things out with you. How do we work things out Anastasia…when you are in a different city?

Monday, July 4, 3:30 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Please understand…
You didn't do anything. I did. I lost my temper and hit Elena. I'm not that person. I don't do that. I don't resort to physical violence to solve issues. I can't deal with any more issues blindsiding me. I have to step back right now and figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing. I'm sorry you think I'm withdrawing…but I have think things through. I have to understand what is going on so I can accept responsibility for what I do in my life.

Monday, July 4, 3:45 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Accepting Responsibility
I know about your conversation with Elena in Dad's office. He accidentally left his phone recording the conversation. Which means Dad knows about Elena and me. I am coming to grips with my shortcomings and sordid past thanks to the eminent Dr. Flynn. His questions sting me more than yours ever did. His questions are making me understand myself. I've never done this before. I'm sorry this separation is one of the firsts that I experience with you. Yellow…I have to breathe.

Monday, July 4, 4:00 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Sordid past
I'm sorry I outted you. I forgot Carrick was taping our conversation. I didn't realize he didn't take his phone with him. I'm sorry…I broke your NDA. Yes, I have questions. Do you need a safe word or hard limit for emails?

Monday, July 4, 4:15 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Honesty is the best policy
Yellow when it's getting uncomfortable or if the conversation is going in a direction where I don't want to go. Red for stop asking – immediately – as in this should be discussed with John. My only email hard limit would be you shutting down and not talking to me. Honest to God, Anastasia, I'd rather answer 100 difficult questions every day for the rest of my life rather than live without you talking to me.

Monday, July 4, 4:30 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Acceptable negotiations…100 difficult questions per day in exchange for talking to you.
Did anyone, other than you, believe Elena was not attending Coping Together?

Monday, July 4, 4:45 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Please come to work for me at Grey House
That was a bad opening bid – 100 difficult questions per day in exchange for you talking to me. Can we modify that offer? You are so good at a negotiation. Elena sat in her assigned spot at the donor table. I don't believe she told anyone, other than my security staff and me, that she was not attending. I don't know why she lied, and I'm not asking her why either.

Monday, July 4, 5:00 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Acceptable negotiations…
I don't think I have 100 questions stored up at this time. I believe Elena told you she was not attending, thinking you would tell me. Consequently, when I came out of the bathroom, she was able to accost me without you present and without me being on guard that she was around. I would have thought after the first confrontation with her; she would not have attempted to confront you about me before the First Dance. Third time is a charm...when she confronted me in Carrick's study…I was fed up with her attitude. I don't feel safe around her, Christian. I don't want her in my life, hanging around my life, or on the periphery of my life.

Monday, July 4, 5:20 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Good point well made…
Elena demanded Mom and Dad leave me alone in the study with her. They refused. Then she demanded I give you up. I told her to go fuck herself – I won't give you up because she demanded it. Yes, you are new to me because the feelings you invoke in me are new. Please do not think since you left yesterday that Elena won anything. She's no longer welcome at social events or my parents' home, or any Grey businesses, etc. The Grey ladies won't be using Esclava Salons anymore.

Monday, July 4, 5:25 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Sub questions
I won't go to Esclava any more whether you own it or not. I don't know where I'm going to go to get girly work done but it won't be there. Were you actively seeking a new submissive when you met me? Did Elena talk you into interviewing a submissive after you met me?

Monday, July 4, 5:35 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Honesty is the best policy
No, I was not actively seeking a new submissive when I met you. Yes, Elena wanted me to interview a submissive before I met you. Yes, Elena wanted me to interview a submissive after I met you. No, I have not interviewed a new submissive since I met you. I don't want to interview anyone because I want you. I sincerely want "MORE" with you.

Monday, July 4, 5:50 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Contracts, deadlines and commitments
I agreed to the monogamous clause of your standard contract. But, I can't be in a relationship that has a termination date three months down the road. What happens when I don't want the standard electronic presents, clothes, cars, money, etc. that Elena says you furnished to your submissives? Will we have an argument every time you go overboard? If you think I'm asking too many questions, you can safe word me.

Monday, July 4, 6:00 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: No contracts, no rules, no scenes...I promise
However, I will not apologize about the monogamous demand. I don't want to be with anyone but you. I don't want you to be with anyone but me. Why do you think I could walk away from you after three months? If I ever gave you that impression – I am very sorry. Granted, my previous contracts started with a ninety-day termination period. But we're not in a contract with one another. I've wanted you since I shook your hand on graduation day. I want more with you – more time, more kissing your pouty pink lips, more touching your soft, perfect skin, more brushing your long, soft hair, more looking into your big blue eyes, more holding you in my arms, more hearing you scream my name when we make love, more dancing. I want to buy you pretty things. Why don't you want me to buy you pretty things?

Monday, July 4, 6:10 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Compliments will get you nowhere…
Until I process what has happened to me up to this point and my hitting Elena…it's very difficult for me to hear about how you want more with me. I don't like you spending money on me because it reminds me of the men in my mother's life who tried to buy me off with things just so they could be with her. I didn't want their stuff…I don't want yours. I don't like the way it makes me feel. Ray understood I was a simple person and didn't require more than the basics; clothes on my back, a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in at night, three squares a day, time to do my homework, support when I ran track and field and a dad to teach me to be safe.

Monday, July 4, 6:20 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Another good point, fair made
Because of who I am, because of my business, I needed my personal life to stay private. I could not openly walk into clubs and conduct interviews with potential submissives. I could not join an online BDSM matching service. Hence Elena vetting submissives, the NDAs and the contracts. I thought I needed the submissives as a way to control my life. However; I have been talking with John and I understand the submissives were a way of Elena controlling me. John thinks you are a very astute young woman to figure that out. Someday he wants to have a conversation with you about us.

Monday, July 4, 6:30 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Contracts
Did any of the submissives know you discussed them with Elena? Did you ever discuss me with Elena?

Monday, July 4, 6:40 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Discussions
Yes, Sabine (Eight) learned I discussed her with Elena and it infuriated her. She terminated our contract. She claimed I shared our playroom time with another Dom, which negated the whole monogamy clause as far as she was concerned. She was not one of Elena's stable and therefore felt Elena had no right to know anything about us and our contract. At the time…I did not think that I was sharing her with another Dom. I felt I was talking with a friend who was in the lifestyle. Now that there is distance and clarity in my dealings with Elena…I realize Sabine was right.
NO, I never discussed you with Elena. The conversation at the base of the stairs in my parents' home is the only discussion about us that I've had with Elena. Our Sunday conversation was much shorter. It consisted of my telling her to fuck off twice and announcing GEH was terminating the business relationship with Esclava Salons.
Do you think I will not want you without a contract and without the playroom? The truth is – I want to be with you. You are not my submissive – but you hold the power in our relationship. John and I discussed this. If you never want to step foot in the playroom again; I will have it dismantled immediately. The thought of hurting you physically is abhorrent to me. I can't tell you how sorry I am about your broken arm. I'm sorry I grabbed you Sunday, causing you to slap me. I have faith Ray taught you to take care of yourself, but I feel better when you have security with you.

Monday, July 4, 7:00 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Yes I worry…
…you will not want me without a contract and without the playroom. You said it was all you knew. I don't think I hold the power in our relationship. Clearly…because of who you are and what you do…I think you are overpowering…sometimes.

Monday, July 4, 7:10 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: Just so you know –
My ringtone for you is Invincible by Crossfade.

I memorized all the words for you
But if you only knew
How much that's just not like me
I wait up late every night
Just to hear your voice
But you don't know that's nothing like me

You know I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time I've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I want to make sure everything is perfect for you
If you only knew
That's not like me to follow through
Maybe even give up all these dead end dreams
Just to be with you
But you don't know that's nothing like me

Hey yeah I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time I've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

Now I'm waking up
I've finally had enough of this wreck of a lifetime
I never thought I'd survive it
Now I'm taking back
All I gave up for that
Leave my pain behind
Wash these stains from my life

Just when I thought all was lost
You came and made it all okay

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

Monday, July 4, 7:40 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: You come and happen to me…
How do you know the perfect thing to say? I need time to over think this, please don't rush me. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for Sawyer. FYI; I'm leaving Montesano after the fireworks tonight, getting into Seattle before midnight. Sawyer napped this afternoon so he can drive late tonight.

Monday, July 4, 8:00 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: You are perfect –
I'm the one who is fifty shades of fucked up. On Tuesday; I am giving Roz marching orders to develop three plans of action to separate Grey House from the Esclava Salons. Expedient might not be financially feasible. However, since we are business partners – there will be contact with Elena in the future when we terminate our business contract. She will be invited to Grey House where my legal team and financial team along with Taylor and other security will be present while I terminate our business agreement. She will never be alone in a room with me again. I've given Barney marching orders to block any calls, emails, attempts at communication, etc. I've given Taylor marching orders to keep her away from me, you, family and businesses.
If she attempts to contact you again, please let your close protection detail know. They will deal with her and then let me know.

Monday, July 4, 8:20 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: another FYI
Kate is giving me a ride to and from work every day this week. Please don't argue. Sawyer, Ryan and anyone else are allowed to follow at a distance. There will be no one in my personal bubble, condo, vehicle, office, etc. Please ensure the person(s) who monitor(s) your email and mine erase these conversations. I don't want them showing up in a tabloid to embarrass me or my family. Fireworks are getting ready to start. I will not be in contact until they are over.

Monday, July 4, 8:40 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: I have notified Barney to access and delete these conversations as of midnight.
The next time we "have things to discuss" I'm sending you to one room of Escala and putting myself in another. I get more honesty when you text than when we are face to face – I do not mean to intimidate you. Please report to Robb Loeder's office at 8:30 Tuesday morning. He will have your new work assignment. There will be paperwork to sign if you stay with Grey Publishing. There will be paperwork to sign if you don't. If you decide to see me, face to face, to resolve this situation – we could have lunch at Grey House?

Monday, July 4, 9:50 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Thank you but, no.
I'm not ready to see you for lunch tomorrow. I'm making dinner for Kate and Ethan so we can discuss the condo and schedules. The fireworks were spectacular but not as organized and professional as the ones at the Coping Together event. Montesano VFW is very traditional with their fireworks – lots of red, white and blue exploding to military-themed music. Ray gave Sawyer a pair of earmuffs. He didn't use them. Good night Christian – I'm leaving Montesano now; sleeping while Sawyer drives. Please do not text or phone him while we are on the road for safety reasons. I will be getting into Seattle before midnight and am going straight to the condo and then straight to bed.

Monday, July 4, 10:00 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: You told Elena –
that you love me – have you changed your mind? I know you left your smart phone at the condo – I have to assume you know about the GPS tracking app. It's supposed to track the phone if you lose it. You can ask IT at Grey Publishing to remove it tomorrow if you think I'm tracking you with it.

Monday, July 4, 10:10 p.m.
To Christian from Ana
RE: Elena said love is for fools…
and I don't think Summa Cum Laude prevented me from acting like a fool in your father's study yesterday. This may be difficult for you to understand, but I am not angry with you. I'm not angry with me. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm normally proactive; but lately all I've been is reactive. I need time to think through issues and enact plans.

Monday, July 4, 10:15 p.m.
To Ana from Christian
RE: My family loves you –.
But do not let them pressure you into being with me. I want you to be with me because that is what you want. I'm not a patient man, Anastasia. Please don't ask me to remove Elena from my life before you will come back. I don't think I can wait to kiss you or hold you or see you or make love to you until after Labor Day. Please travel safely. Tell Ray I said hello – and I still want to go fishing with him some day.

A/N:

Thank you for the reviews and viewers; thank you for the messages and questions; thank you for the favorites and follows!

A shout out to Bronze Goddess for her FSOG fanfiction stories Paging Dr. Steele and Mending Dr. Steele. Her Anastasia Steele is one of the strongest heroines in the FSOG fanfiction world.

I do not own Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters. They belong to E. L. James. My story is the interpretation of my thoughts about how the characters could have, should have, would have acted.