Die Hard, Live Harder... (BtVS/Die Hard)

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Die Hard. They belong to Joss Whedon and John McTiernan respectively.

When John McClane shows up at the Nakatomi Hallowe'en party, he quickly finds himself faced with a building crawling with terrorists and their demonic allies. His only backup? A professional construction worker who dressed as a pirate and whose weapons are way too authentic...

"Hey Holly…"

Holly McClane, née Gennaro, shuddered at the unpleasant voice of Harry Ellis sounded softly behind her. She had hoped the bearded lech had finally gotten a clue that she wasn't interested. She might be on the outs with John at the moment, but she had high hopes for salvaging their currently shaky marriage. She certainly wasn't interested in throwing it away in a one-night-stand with a man who probably wouldn't remember her name the next day…

"What about dinner tonight, huh?"

Holly allowed a sigh of frustration to escape her. "Harry, it's Hallowe'en. Costumes, parties, trick-or-treating, haunted houses. Are any of these things ringing a bell with you…?"

Harry grinned ingratiatingly. There was just no stopping the jerk. "Actually I was thinking of soft couch, some spooky horror flicks, hot chocolate and a roaring fireplace."

"Oh really? I was thinking of toilet-papering your yard and egging your car, but I guess I'm just an old fashioned Hallowe'en purist."

Holly let loose a tight grin as Ellis spun about to see the large and intimidating Xander Harris, dressed in full pirate regalia, right down to his cutlass and flintlocks. For heaven's sake but the guy was a fan of Hallowe'en. His weapons even looked real! Xander had been invited to the Nakatomi Corporation's Hallowe'en Party because White Knight Construction was responsible for the building they were all in. It wasn't finished, but as usual, Xander Harris' fine work was already showing.

Ellis attempted an ingratiating, false smile when faced with Harris. Ellis had a big ol' hate on for Harris most days. The kid seemed to take it as his self-appointed role to keep Ellis from harassing the ladies that truly weren't interested. "I was just arranging a little conference with Ms. Gennaro, here, Harris. I was hoping we could get together tonight…"

Xander's eye widened in false surprise. "Really, Ellis? Well then I hope your conference goes well. I hear her husband is real interested in meeting her beloved colleagues in a casual environment."

Ellis paled briefly at the mention of Holly's husband. "Yeah, well, I hadn't realised her husband was coming. Shouldn't allow work to interfere with her personal life, after all. Maybe we'll schedule that meeting for after your husband leaves. Ummm… Bye."

Holly giggled uncontrollably as Ellis sputtered incoherently and fled from the intimidating construction worker. Xander was something of chauvinist, but he displayed it in a fairly tolerable fashion compared to most men. He simply believed that women should be protected and did his best to do so. It didn't seem to matter much to him if the woman was actually plenty capable of taking care of herself. "Thanks for the rescue, Xander. Nice costume, by the way."

Xander grinned maniacally. "Well, a pirate is about the only costume that works with the patch, you know? I meant what I said by the way…"

Holly simply looked at him in confusion.

"Your husband. He is coming. The driver from the service… Argyle, I think… He called saying that he's enroute with Mr. McClane."

Holly grinned broadly at the revelation. "Thanks for the heads up, Xand. Now you get back to the party and enjoy. I'm sure Ellis will leave me alone until he manages to stop quivering like a bowl of jello."

Xander grinned and bowed rakishly, doffing his elaborate hat. "I live to serve, Milady." And with that he returned to the party…

"Fucking California."

John McClane was not having a particularly good time. First there had been the long flight from New York to California. Given that he was afraid of flying, that had been an exercise in sheer hell. Second had been a far to probing and accurate conversation with Argyle about his marriage. Little punk needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. Then he finds out that Holly is no longer using his name. And now some Californian comes up and kisses him? If the guy had stuck around John would have flattened him.

"You'll have to forgive Edward. He comes from a part of the world where kissing a person on cheek is a perfectly appropriate form of greeting for someone you've never met. We're trying to explain to him that it freaks people out a bit in these parts, but its difficult breaking into a new culture, y'know?"

John turned to meet the gaze of a tall pirate. "You gotta be kidding me? Aren't you a little old for a pirate costume, kid?"

The large man shrugged and smiled good-naturedly. "You're never too old for Hallowe'en, man. You John McClane?"

McClane frowned but took the proffered hand. "Yeah. And you are?"

The pirate grinned. "Alexander Harris, of White Knight Construction. My people are responsible for putting this pretty piece of architecture together. I'm friends with Holly. She asked me to keep an eye out for you and steer you into her office so you to could meet up easier."

John was still feeling a little put off. "And she didn't do this herself because…"

Xander's easy smile never wavered. "She's busy getting her work done. Her job is pretty intensive, y'know. Besides, I've always been good at seeing things other people miss and so I volunteered to help her out."

John nodded. "So you and Holly are good friends, huh?"

The construction worker's eyes rolled in a long-suffering fashion. "Please. Do you really think if I was having an affair with your wife that I would have any desire to meet you? I'd have to the I.Q. of avocado. Besides, what you would do to me for that would pale in comparison to what my girlfriend would do to me if she ever caught me straying. Trust me man, I made that bonehead move once with a previous girlfriend and I'm still regretting it today."

John let it go. He had to admit that Holly would have to be a total fool of cheat on him and then send her lover to meet him.

Xander narrowed his eye at John. "Keep this in mind, McClane. Holly is my friend, and she has been completely faithful to you. You hurt her tonight and I'll be beating you to death with a shovel before I use it to bury you."

McClane grinned at that comment. "You do know I'm a cop, don't you?"

Harris' maniacal grin didn't waver. "You do know I don't give a damn, don't you?"

John nodded in satisfaction. "You'll do…"

Harry Ellis was calmly clipping his nails and waiting for Holly to show up in her office. He wanted her and that pirate punk Harris was not enough to put him off.

"Dammit, Ellis. Can't you take a hint?"

Ellis immediately winced as he saw that instead of Holly he was going to get treated to a duet of Harris and another man who could only be Holly's husband. "Hey, Harris. I was just here to uh… uh…"

The pirate-costumed man glared in irritation. "Just what Ellis? Clipping your nails? This is not a beauty salon, Dillweed, so why don't you take a hint and blow, huh? Or do I need to ask Faith to come visit you at work sometime."

Ellis' pale complexion went positively milky in consistency. Shiver-Me-Timbers Harris was scary enough, Break-My-Bones Lehane scared the living hell out of him. Ellis had made the dumb move of hitting on the woman when she had escorted Xander to a previous get-together and he felt pain in his knee when the weather was cold. "Ummm… I'll just be elsewhere if anyone needs me."

Xander exchanged a smirk with McClane. "You'll have to excuse Ellis. He needs to change his pants now."

John shook his head in mild admiration. "Who is this Faith you mentioned and what did she do to provoke a reaction like that?"

Xander's grin took on a feral quality. "My girlfriend. Ellis made the mistake of being a touch forward in his advances with her. Suffice it to say the incident ended with Ellis in a knee-brace for a month. Faith then informed him that if he ever touched a woman without permission again she would break something off that he would sorely miss."

John nearly split a gut laughing at that comment.

"Hello, John."

John managed a shaky smile for his wife. "Hi Holly."

Hope you liked...

Anyone who'd like to pick up this plot please drop me a line via the reviews and it'll be all yours.

Jasper