Roy yawned, tightening his grip around Edward as he did so. Tired as he was, he couldn't quite sleep—his mind was racing. Not in a bad way, though; he just had a lot to think about.

Like magnets, Roy's eyes fell once more to Ed's left hand, which lay extended and resting on the sheets. Even in the dark of the room, the telltale glint of the boy's ring made him smile. He'd proposed on the spur of the moment, really, just because he thought Edward would like to get married…but the more Roy thought about it, the more planning they did, the more excited he got as well.

For the first time in his life, Roy could actually picture himself getting married, and the image made him glow warmly.

The only thing was picturing Ed. Roy couldn't quite visualize the blonde, not because he didn't want to marry him, but because…well, it just didn't line up. When he tried to imagine Edward in a tuxedo, it just felt awkward, but the boy would never be caught wearing a dress (though, in Roy's mind, this option actually fit much better).

He had to be realistic. Roy had never once wished that Ed was a girl—he was more than happy with the blonde as he was—and so it only made sense for Edward to wear a tux as well.

Roy sighed lightly, pressing a kiss to the boy's sleeping head. They were going shopping for tuxedos in the morning—and Ed had a unique ability to look even better in reality than in Roy's head. It would all be fine.

Edward fought to stay still in his seat, contenting himself with turning his head back and forth, taking in the various suits the shop had to offer. "Do you think we should match? I mean, black tuxes will probably look the best, but will that be too boring? Of course black would be easier to reuse…And what color tie, blue or silver?"

Next to him, Roy laughed, rubbing his arm. "We'll find out after we try some on, be patient."

"You could just get really excited instead?" Ed suggested. "Since when are you the voice of reason anyway?"

"Hey, you're the one who gets mad when I try to start something in public places, but if you've changed your mind—"

"No, nope, never mind!" Edward interrupted quickly. "Forget I said anything. Just keep being reasonable."

"Until we get home?"

"How come you never try these little lines when we're actually alone?" Ed groaned.

"What fun would that be?" Roy responded, grinning cheekily.

"Um, excuse me, are you two Roy and Edward?" A sales clerk asked as he walked towards them, eyes glued to his clipboard.

"Yep, that's us," Roy answered, nudging Ed. "See, I'm good at distracting you," the man stage whispered.

"Shut up," Edward said, sticking his tongue out, yelping when Roy ran a finger along it. The sales clerk raised his eyebrows.

"All right, so I'm assuming Roy is the groom, and Edward, you're the best man? Or is it the other way around?" the man asked.

Ed's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "No, we're both grooms."

"Ah, my bad—a double wedding, then," the clerk murmured, scribbling something out on his clipboard.

"I don't think you get it," Roy interjected slowly. "We're getting married to each other."

At this, the man stiffened, almost dropping his pen. "So—you two are…homosexuals?" The word came out of his mouth hesitantly.

Edward felt a prickling on his hairline—trouble approaching. "Yeah, you got a problem with that?"

"Yes, actually—this company does not support such—unnatural unions as yours," the clerk answered, nose raised in distaste. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Ed couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, his mouth falling open as he tried to process this information. "Unnatural?" he finally spluttered, jumping to his feet. "The fuck are you talking about?"

"A man on man relationship is, quite frankly, both disturbing and unproductive. It goes against every natural law there is—" Edward swung at the man, only to have his arm stopped by Roy.

"Damn it, Roy, let me go," Ed hissed, glaring at the startled clerk. "I'm going to kick his ass."

But Roy only tightened his grip, pulling Edward in closer and wrapping restraining arms around him. "Don't give him the satisfaction, Ed," he whispered. "You're better than this jackass—just let him lead his miserable little life." Roy turned to the clerk, who had a superior look on his face. "Stop smiling," he snapped. "You're very lucky I'm not letting him pound you—it's just that you're pathetic. Beneath notice. Just because something isn't to your liking, you feel it's wrong. Well, if you live your life that way, you're going to have a real sad time of it—and that's just what you deserve."

And with that, Roy turned, pushing Ed ahead of him out the door. Once safely out of the shop, Edward exploded. "I can't believe you wouldn't let me hit him! Fucking thundercunt, I've never met anyone who was such a twat—"

Roy interrupted him, laughing. "I love how creative your curses are getting—where'd you even pick those up?"

"It's not funny!" Ed yelled. "He's a horrible, horrible man. How could he act like that—just because we're two guys? It's not even logical…"

"I know, Ed. I do. But I have a theory about every straight man who hates gay people," Roy responded, smile growing on his face.

"What?"

"They're all just terribly afraid that they'd love it up the ass."

Edward stood stunned for a moment, before a giggle broke through the façade. "That's perfect," he gasped, clutching his stomach as hysteria overcame him. "When'd you think that one up?"

Roy shrugged. "A while ago."

"Perfect," Ed repeated.

Roy grinned at him. "Good now?"

"I guess." Edward looked back into the store. "Cum guzzler."

"I love you."

Upon entering the house, Ed flopped onto the couch, letting out a sigh. "So we have to wait until next week to get an appointment at the other store?"

"Yeah, 'fraid so," Roy responded, grabbing the phone before sitting down next to him. "Still, that's not too long a wait."

"I know. But you know I'm impatient," Edward pouted.

Roy rolled his eyes, punching in some buttons on the phone. "Hush."

"Who're you calling?" Ed asked, only to have a finger placed over his lips. "Yeah, that's real effective." Then an entire hand, which served to shut him up with much more efficiency.

"Hello? Yes, I'm here to see about getting someone to officiate a wedding," Roy said into the phone. "The date? May sixteenth." He covered up the receiver for a moment. "Ed, do you have a preference for a guy versus a girl as our minister?"

Unable to speak, Edward merely shook his head.

"No, it doesn't matter. At night, probably around eight thirty or nine. Mhmm." This was why Ed hated listening to phone calls—hearing just one side of the conversation was irritating as all get out. "Roy Mustang. Yeah, that'll do it. Thanks!" Roy hung up, finally removing his hand from Edward's mouth.

"The hell was that?" Ed demanded.

"I booked a minster for us—not a religious one, of course. I figured we had some free time now, so I called this one hotline while I was thinking about it…"

Edward laughed. "You called a hotline to find someone to officiate our wedding?"

Roy shrugged. "So long as it's legal, I figured it would be the easiest way."

That was a positive way to look at it. "But anyone can become a minister—what if we end up getting married by a stripper or something?"

This time he received a wave of the hand as a response. "Oh, please, it's not like you'd mind."

Well, he couldn't argue against that. To be honest, getting married with a stripper officiating sounded like the start to a great party in Ed's mind. "Fine. But still, you could have just told me that's what you were doing instead of covering my mouth."

"I'm just surprised you didn't lick me."

"I don't know where that hand has been," Ed responded, acting shocked.

"Like you care," the man snorted. "Well, I can tell you this: it hasn't been anywhere you wouldn't put your mouth anyway."

Edward flushed, heat rising to his face. "Just shut up and kiss me."

Roy leaned forward, chuckling against Ed's lips. "See? You like using your mouth."