A/N: For the general setting of the story see the A/N of the prologue.

I thought this chapter would be short in comparison and quickly written. Big mistake! Re-reading the prologue, I realized that there still was a gap to fill time-wise regarding what happened between Cal and Gillian before the prologue starts. And then the chapter kept getting longer and longer so that it took me two weeks to finish it. Sorry for the delay! I hope reading it doesn't feel anticlimactic because we all know what is going to happen, at least partly. Since the prologue was written from Gillian's point of view, I thought it would be interesting to tell this chapter that basically evolves around the same situation from Cal's.

A huge thank you to everyone who is still reading and reviewing. All of you have a special place in my heart. An extra thank you goes to the reviewers who had an influence on the developments in this chapter: To Stirn20 and Roadrunnerz for encouraging me to write Gillian as the strong character she is, including Cal's insight it leads to, and to jenron12 for drawing my attention to some certain character after I used the name Jack for Gillian's friend on a whim.

The usual disclaimer applies (see prologue).

- The Lion's Den -

He has to hallucinate. There is no way this is Gillian's voice he is hearing. Given the circumstances and his lack of sleep, it's hardly surprising that his imagination is playing tricks on him. However, Gillian couldn't possibly have found him. Cal doesn't slow down as he takes the last steps and reaches the room Terry picked. During their phone call last night (and Cal can't believe it was only last night; his life feels as if he is fast forwarding through time and space toward a black hole) he and Terry figured out a rough plan that might or might not assure his survival, turning his alleged suicide into a trap. Since Cal is under surveillance, he couldn't search for a suitable place himself. That's why Terry had to do it. The building is condemned, the room Cal is in filthy with some broken furniture, paint and wallpaper peeling off the walls. Terry has a good instinct. It's bad enough that he has to risk his own life; Cal doesn't want to put innocent people at risk, too, and the place is so derelict and unsafe that even the homeless and drug addicts keep away from it.

Cal pulled over on his way here to write an email that will be send to Gillian tomorrow in case the plan won't work out and he won't be alive anymore then. It took him longer than expected to find at least remotely appropriate words to explain something that essentially can't be explained in rational terms. As a result, his advantage has dwindled considerably time-wise. Sean and his men will be here any moment. Even if the wrong address that Cal gave Sean is crosstown, Sean must have gotten the note with the right address by now. That is, if the man who surveils him hadn't told Sean already that he had been driving elsewhere. Either way, he is running out of time. Cal starts to place explosive and igniter. He has brought along three packages. Small from the outside, but it will be enough to blow up the entire floor.

Click. Click. Click. Cal hears the sound of high heels approaching. At first he thinks it's an audible hallucination again, but then the door opens and there she is. He can't be that tired or rattled to imagine seeing her, can he?

Gillian rivets on the explosive in his hands, frowning because she isn't able to process what she sees. Then she straightens herself, her expression hard as steel. "Something you forgot to tell me?"

Cal holds the explosive with his left hand so that he can raise his right hand to stop her from getting closer. "You shouldn't be here."

"Obviously." She holds his gaze unwaveringly. "So there were more threats," Gillian states, having drawn her own conclusions. She perks her eyebrows up. "When will the cavalry arrive?" The backup that would be here if he had reported the threats. Something he never did as she has realized now, her voice dripping with poignant sarcasm.

"Gillian...," Cal tries to interrupt her albeit he has no idea what to tell her.

She won't have it though. "Why?" she accuses him. "I don't even want to know why you didn't call it in. I'll grant you good reasons. But why keep me in the dark, Cal? Especially since you didn't report the threats. I am your ally, not your enemy."

Her disappointment is worse than her anger. Nevertheless, there is no time to explain anything. Every minute Gillian spends here puts her in more danger. Cal thinks of the email he wrote earlier and has to bite back a cynical laugh. Did he really believe he could explain a situation as complex as this in an email? Everything is going plain wrong. He has to give her something, however. Otherwise, she won't leave.

"I couldn't tell you. It was part of the deal," he says. Sean never actually forbade Cal to tell Gillian, but telling her would have meant to burden her with the knowledge about her crucial role. Hence, not telling Gillian always was part of the plan as far as Cal was concerned. Everything else is only semantics.

A shadow flits across Gillian's face; Cal just confirmed that not only there had been more threats but that he'd deliberately not told her about them. "So all this talk about me not asking you what is going on so that you wouldn't have to lie to me – was that also part of the deal?" Her voice is ferocious, but she is not able to mask the hurt. "No matter what, Cal, you lied to me. Lying by omission doesn't make it less of a lie."

"I had no choice." Cal knows she can hear the honesty in his words, the regret.

"Dammit, Cal," Gillian whispers, shaking her head. "What haven't you told me? You can't save the world on your own." Her facade of iron starts to form cracks; there is only pain and fear beneath. She is so afraid to lose him. Gillian takes a step forward, prompting Cal to reach out to touch her until he remembers what he is holding in his hand.

"Don't come any closer," he warns her, stepping back. "You have to leave. They will be here soon. It's too dangerous."

But Gillian doesn't move. "You get hurt and it's okay but when I get hurt, it's time to throw in the towel? It doesn't work like that, Cal."

He tilts his head sidewards. "Not the time to argue, luv." Then he realizes something and stops short, squinnying. "Bloody hell! How did you find me?"

She snorts. "You're not the only one who has contacts. Someone owed me a favor and traced your license plate via satellite. But don't deflect and don't send me away like some errand boy. Let me help. As I said, I have contacts. Valuable contacts we could use."

Gillian is right. She is the one person he trusts unconditionally, aside from Terry. He should have confided in her, but now it's too late. Cal meant well but screwed up big time instead. If Sean arrives and Cal doesn't kill himself, Gillian will die. Cal is sure that Sean won't bring his brother along. He won't open the chance to Cal to take both of them out at once and walk away as a free man.

Cal contorts his face. "I'm sorry, darling, really sorry. Looks like I screwed up. You're right; I should've told you. But there is no other way to do this. So will you let me?" Cal knows Gillian hears the despair in his voice, so black that it has to turn her stomach because she knows now that whatever happened was horrible enough to make him conclude that the only way out are desperate measures that include risking his life. And despite everything, he asks her to let him go through with it and trust his instinct.

There is a long pause before Gillian answers. Cal can practically see how she weighs his words in her head, trying to decide what to do, letting her mind win out over her feelings. "I will...," she begins reluctantly, "...if you tell me what you are planning to do with this," Gillian points at the explosive in his hands. Well, it should be obvious, shouldn't it? But the hope in her eyes is heartbreaking. She hopes that the explosive is not real, that he plans to stage something.

"Spark it off." There is nothing else he can say, no words to soften the harsh reality that hits her like the actual blow that will follow soon.

Gillian raises her hands and shakes her head, probably not even aware what she is doing. The typical defensive reaction after you heard something you refuse to believe. "Where will you be when that happens?"

His silence tells her all she needs to know. Right here.

She swallows. "How...?" Cal reads the words in her face she can't bring herself to say out loud. How will you survive? Instead Gillian asks, "Have you done this before?" her voice and body trembling due to the desperate effort to maintain the rest of her composure while she is clinging to the illusion that maybe he has, maybe what seems to be a life-threatening situation from her point of view is standard procedure for him.

And this is it. The moment he should lie for her sake, at least should try to do so. But after everything that has happened during the last weeks – to them, between them – he just can't. Gillian has made more than clear that she wants to know the truth. So he has to give her as much of it as he can. "Not exactly," Cal admits. "Something similar maybe." It's a loud and clear no as an answer, confirming that his plan approves of the probability that he dies.

He sees her composure crumble away more and more. Anyhow, Gillian raises her chin in a defiant action. "So you've decided that your death is a quite likely component to end the threats. Isn't that internally inconsistent? To avoid threats against your life by risking your life? It doesn't make sense." In the middle of all this, Gillian is able to draw logical conclusions and argue convincingly. It's impressive, even for a pro like Cal. Then again, she is getting dangerously close to the reason why he is willing to risk his life.

"It's not only about me. I have a family," Cal says, deliberately manipulating her. Gillian can't know this is essentially about her.

"Emily," Gillian mumbles thoughtfully as expected. "You want to protect her. They threatened her, too? A child?" She despisingly gives a sniff at the mere idea.

"Yes." It's true although he is lying by omission again. They can't get at Emily overseas, but they can get at Gillian and will if she stays any longer Cal reminds himself. She has to accept what he is about to do and leave. Easier said than done. "You knew it is personal right from the start, that they want me dead. The threats won't stop with Emily. They will go after everyone who is close to me as long as they are alive or I am. If they knew how close we were, they would go after you. That's why you have to leave."

They already know how close they are. If it weren't for Gillian, Cal wouldn't be here – ready to fight, ready to die. Lying to her now is a huge risk, but he sees the painful insight on her face that his death is a done deal for him and hopes that he is right, that for once Gillian is too distracted by her own thoughts and feelings to catch his lie. It is the only lie he needs her to believe. Don't blame yourself for anything, luv.

"I wanted to be with you. I wanted to meet Emily," Gillian is talking in such a low voice that he can barely hear her. She is starting to accept what is unacceptable – that this could be the end for them. Let alone that she is talking in the past. As if he was dead already, a ghost. Yet, Cal is relieved that she didn't catch his lie. "I'm sorry," she adds when she becomes aware of how her words must affect him. They do. The way she mentions his daughter, a sweet, little girl Gillian only knows from photographs and some stories Cal told her so far, tugs at his heartstrings. He wants Gillian to meet Emily. It still can happen. But when Cal tries to imagine it, there are no pictures as if all that is waiting for him after this night will be over is an endless darkness.

"There is nothing you have to be sorry for. Just me." Cal wishes they had more time. He has been keeping things a secret for so long by now that it would be a tremendous relief to explain everything to her in detail. Her words and determination made it clear that it had been a mistake not to involve her from every point of view. They could have figured out a better plan. He could have minimized the emotional fallout. If they had enough time for a solid argument, he could confess everything, they could yell at each other and then make up. But there is no time. Sean and his men have arrived.

Cal hears them outside. Cars screeching to a halt. Doors getting slammed. And Gillian is still with him. He has to get her out. Now.

"Gillian, you have to leave now," he urges her.

Pain covers her beautiful facial features like a second skin. Gillian has fought so long and hard to maintain her composure, but eventually she gives in and no matter how much Cal tries to prepare himself for her pleas and tears, they tear him apart.

There has to be another way.

Don't do this.

I won't let you.

It feels like in one of those dreams when you want to move as quickly as possible but are frozen on the spot. For a few moments, Cal is in trance, trying to break through the spell of Gillian's intense emotions as well as his own. Only when he hears footsteps on the stairs and realizes that the men are inside the house, he begins to move. Cal checked the surroundings when he went into the room. He always does that. Knowing the alternative escape route can be essential for survival at times as it is for hers now. There is an escape route via the fire ladder. Sean probably knows that Gillian is here with him. Either the man who surveils Cal told him or he recognized her car. But if Cal manages to take Sean and his men out as planned, they won't be able to hurt her, and if Cal only manages to kill himself, he knows that Sean will stick to his sick code of honor and won't hurt neither Gillian nor Emily because that is part of their agreement. None of that means that she can stay with him though. Considering what is about to happen, she can't be in the same room, shouldn't even be in the same building in the first place.

Nevertheless, Gillian won't leave. Cal has to push her toward the window and practically force her to climb outside. She wants to stay in here with him and the explosive rather than save herself. He tries to ignore his feelings, what her behavior tells him on top of her pleas and tears, what he already knows. However, her words cut deep.

"I love you."

It was important for her to say it even if she obviously didn't plan it. The moment the words are out, Gillian is more calm, almost fatalistic. I love you, too, Gill. But Cal only says the last word out loud. Her name or rather his term of endearment for it. If he told her he loved her, he wouldn't be able to let her go. He takes her hand and puts it on the window frame as an unmistakeable indication that he wants her to leave. This time Gillian doesn't plead or cry. Something in her eyes simply dies. Yet, Cal constrains himself not to look away. This might be the last time you see her. Remember everything. Her strength. Her beauty. The pain you cause her.

After Cal made sure that Gillian actually climbs down the fire ladder, he steps back so that she is not able to see him anymore. The men are already at the door, trying to kick it in. It won't withstand long. He looks around frantically where to put the explosive he is still holding in his hand and finally places it right behind the door. There will be a chain reaction the moment the door breaks. Cal jumps behind something that probably was a desk once and hopes that the wood is solid. Unless his rudimentary knowledge is not mistaken, he arranged the explosives at an angle that gives him at least a chance to survive albeit for sure not unharmed.

And so it goes.

He activates the igniter, hears the door give way and feels the blast of the first explosion, tossing him against the wall along with the desk, causing the other two packages to explode, too. Cal can't be sure, but he thinks he heard Gillian scream his name outside. He has to get up and check on her but when he tries, his limbs won't move and he can barely breathe. It's hard to tell whether the force of the blast or the pressure of the solid wood on top of him is the reason. Either way, breathing won't be possible anymore soon because the room starts to fill with fire and smoke. Cal coughs and struggles for air. Trying to push the desk away is a physical impossibility. He is trapped. As much as he longs for air, he tries not to breathe so as not to inhale the toxic smoke. After a few minutes, though, his instincts betray him and he gasps for air. It only takes three seconds until he passes out.

One – two – buckle my shoe. Three – four – open the door.

Cal is six years old. He is running down the street, looking for a place to hide. For some reason, it is very difficult to run today. His legs are heavy, he has problems breathing and when he is looking for a place to hide, his vision is so blurry that he can't find one. Cal starts to panic. He has to hide before they find him. They? Who? He stops and turns around, but the street behind him is deserted. There are no other children. Only a nagging thought in his mind that keeps bothering him that he forgot something, something important. What was it? No, not something, someone. He needs to look after someone.

Gillian.

Cal recovers consciousness with a jerk, gasping her name. When he tries to sit up, though, his head starts to spin. Let alone that his entire body hurts, each limb and bone. He lies down again and closes his eyes, concentrating on his breathing that sounds like a steam machine clunking into life. The explosion. He moves his fingers carefully and feels concrete floor. When he opens his eyes again, he manages to take a look at his surroundings without getting dizzy. He is still in the abandoned building. At least it looks like it albeit there is no fire or smoke. So it has to be another part of the building that is quite large. Cal half-coughs, half-laughs. His rudimentary knowledge about explosive saved his sorry arse after all. What a lucky sod he is.

His mind becomes clearer, the foggy thoughts gradually decreasing. If he is in another part of the building, how did he get here? And even worse, he doesn't know what happened to Gillian. Merely thinking her name causes Cal more physical pain. She screamed his name. He is pretty sure that he heard her voice sometime during the explosion. Did she fall off the fire ladder? It would have been much too high. The fall could have... No. If he is alive, she has to be as well. However, it is of no use if he tries to get up before his body is able to do it under its own steam. Until then he has to endure the situation even if every second he is lying here, rendered immobile, is emotional torture. Cal takes a deep breath that hurts like hell and, still lying on the ground, checks his body as he was trained to do. His left wrist is probably sprained, two of his ribs probably broken. Add smoke intoxicating, countless bruises, abrasions and a concussion. He doesn't seem to have a life-threatening injury that could lead to paraplegia or kill him the moment he gets up though. Could be worse. Much worse. If he is not in some sick version of heaven that looks like the last place he visited on earth, then he is alive. What raises the question whether Sean and his men are or not? And Gillian.

Just as Cal pushes his upper body up, supporting himself on his elbows so that he is able to sit up, he hears shuffling footsteps approaching him. Only Sean and his men were in the building with him when the explosion took place. It has to be one of them. Cal's body tenses, preparing to fight albeit it is ridiculous. How is he supposed to fight – injured and lying on the ground?

"So you're awake?"

Cal doesn't recognize voice or face. He tries to stand up, tumbling and groaning with pain until he finally succeeds. The man neither helps him nor pushes him down again but simply stares at him, not intimidated in the least by the fact that Cal eyes him suspiciously. Well, he probably doesn't have an intimidating effect on people right now as he usually does because his body is a bloody mess. Literally. He doesn't need a mirror to know that. There don't seem to be any other men around as far as Cal can tell. If it is one of Sean's men, why didn't he kill him while he was unconscious and brought him here instead? "Who are you?"

The man skims over his three-day stubble and sighs annoyed. "Jack Rader."

Sean's men don't have names. In any case, they wouldn't introduce themselves to Cal. "You're not one of Sean's men," he states.

"If Sean is one of the dead guys, then no; I'm not Sean. Obviously." If possible, the man is getting even more annoyed and Cal has no idea why. It feels as if he absolutely despises him, and yet, doesn't mean to do him any harm.

"Did Terry send you?" If he is not one of the bad guys, then there are not many options left.

"Look... Lightman, right? I have no idea who Sean is or Terry. I did this for Gillian."

I have contacts. Valuable contacts we could use. Cal remembers her words. He underestimated her. When she told him that she had no family or friends she could stay with for a while, he automatically assumed that she also knew no one who could have helped them. And he was wrong. Another time.

That explains why the man is not exactly fond of him. If he knows Gillian, he won't be happy that Cal dragged her into such a dangerous situation. Cal hates to admit it, but Rader is a good looking man albeit a bit too smug for Cal's taste. There is no room for two smug men in the same room at the same time even if one of them is battered. He wonders how well Gillian and Jack Rader know each other. Now is not the time for that though. Cal glances around in order to figure out where they are in the building and how to get to Gillian, but it is hopeless. He doesn't recognize anything. "What part of the building are we in?" Cal gives in and asks.

Rather than answering him, Rader walks over to the window, giving Cal a hint to follow him. Only when he looks outside, Cal realizes that they are not in the same building anymore. They are in another of many abandoned buildings around here. His stomach convulses at the sight of the opposite building in which the explosion took place. The upper stories are no longer there, the fire department busy quenching the fire. Judging by the extent of destruction, no one made it out alive. Gillian was at the back of the house, climbing down into the inner yard. Still... Cal clenches and unclenches his fists to release some of the pent-up tension. Jack Rader won't give him any information of his own accord. He has to ask him.

"Are all of the men dead?" If Rader was there, he knows about Sean and his men even if he didn't know Sean's name.

"Yes." Rader keeps looking out of the window, very interested in the efforts of the fire department. Cal is aware that he ignores him on purpose even if or rather because he knows that Cal is craving for information about what happened to Gillian. You don't gasp the name of a woman when you recover consciousness if she doesn't mean something to you. More than just something. I love you. Her voice and face the moment she told him that. Gillian has to be alive to hear his reply.

"What about Gillian?"

Rader turns around to face Cal. He seems to consider something before he answers, "She didn't make it."

Time stops. The only sound Cal hears is the swoosh of his pulse in his ears. Then his experience and professionalism kicks in. Too many people have lied to him throughout his life. Why should this man be an exception? He could be clinging to a false, desperate hope, but he is not willing to accept that Gillian is gone without further ado. Therefore Cal doesn't react. He just looks at the man, studying his facial expression. Cal doesn't know what Gillian told Rader about him, whether he knows about his field of expertise or not. However, he will reveal the truth as he always does.

For the first time, Rader shows something that comes close to uncertainty. The only baseline Cal has reading him is when Rader told him about the death of Sean and his men, assuming that part was true. At least he caught no evidence of a lie when Rader told him that, but he also didn't catch one now except... What was it Gillian accused him of? Lying by omission. The flicker of uncertainty Cal saw on Rader's face might be the clue. Blind rage floods through him. If the man is deliberately withholding information about Gillian...

Cal's body gives way to the pent-up tension. The adrenaline and outburst of fury let him not feel the pain his sudden movements cause him. He grabs Rader and pushes him against the wall, pressing his lower arm against his throat. Rader is taller than him and given his current condition most likely able to beat him in a fight despite Cal's special training. Blind rage mobilizes reserves of body and soul though. Cal sees fear in Rader's eyes when he increases the pressure of his lower arm.

"What happened to Gillian? Where is she? WHERE IS SHE? And don't you lie to me again."

"Okay, okay, stop. She's alive," Rader chokes, barely able to speak.

Cal lets go of Rader and pushes him away, suddenly unable to stand his physical closeness.

Rader bends over and coughs before he continues to talk, "She didn't make it to the inner yard because she fell off the fire ladder." He makes a pause, throwing an angry glance at Cal. "What was your fault." The explosion. "But she survived the fall and is on her way to the hospital right now." Despite Cal's attack, Rader seems to be more well-disposed toward him as if Cal's attack showed him how much Gillian means to him.

So he owes his life to this smug prick. His and Gillian's. Rader saved him from burning to death if he hadn't suffocated first. Not an easy task, considering that an explosion just had taken place that had killed everyone else and destroyed half of the building. Plus he checked on Gillian, made sure that she was taken to a hospital. Howsoever he did it. Basically, he did everything what Cal should have done if he hadn't screwed up, if he were a better man.

"Why are you not with her?" Cal asks. If Rader did all that, he should as well be with her now.

"Because no one can know that I'm here. Just like no one can know that you're here."

They remain silent for a moment. Both of them care about her, and yet, neither of them can be with her. Gillian will wake up in a hospital in pain and alone. Especially Cal can't show up there. His injuries will immediately raise suspicion and link him to the crime scene.

Another thought strikes Cal and he feels for his phone. He must have lost it during the explosion. "Did you see my phone?" He needs to call Terry. Since he succeeded in killing Sean, his brother will go after Gillian to take revenge if Terry doesn't take him out first.

"I destroyed it," Rader says. "Couldn't risk that someone traced you." He couldn't know that it was an untraceable phone, Cal tries to contain himself when a second wave of rage floods through him. Let alone that Gillian found him by tracing his license plate. Cal looks out of the window again, but his car as well as Gillian's are gone. Somehow, Rader took care of that, too. Bloody Captain America.

"Then give me yours." Something tells Cal that Rader also has an untraceable phone. You don't get admitted to the superhero league without that little accessory. "It's about Gillian. She is still in danger," he adds when Rader hesitates.

Looks like he has to cooperate with this guy, no matter whether Cal likes it or not.

- To be continued -

I considered ending the chapter with the cliffhanger of Cal passing out after the explosion or Jack's revelation that Gillian didn't make it, but after all the angst of the previous chapters I decided that it would be unnecessarily cruel. So yeah, they both are alive even if the danger is not completely over yet. Hope both of it makes you happy. :)