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How they weathered the attacks on the city, Ryll would never know but finally six days after the knights, Arthur, and Merlin had left Camelot the Dirocha attacks stopped. The silence after facing the screams of those monsters was jarring. It was only when the hoof beats of the returning knights could be heard that the city was released from its spell. Ryll's leg had healed, and she stood at the bottom of the castle steps to greet them. The first she saw was Merlin and Arthur followed by Gwaine, Percival, Leon, and Elyan. The last horse was riderless with a red bundle balanced on the saddle. Lancelot's horse. Lancelot's cloak. Time seemed to slow. Ryll's smile slid as she saw Arthur's face. Merlin's eyes met hers, and she knew. There had been no spell, no magical cure for the veil Morgana had ripped open. A life had been given. Lancelot, the most noble of the knights, had sacrificed himself. Her eyes travelled to the red cloak that was wrapped around what she now recognized as a sword. She felt someone take her hand and realized it was Merlin.

"He saved us all," he said. "It was supposed to be me but he went before I could stop him."

Ryll tried to process his words. A gaping hole had found its way inside of her as she realized she would never see Lancelot again. She shut her eyes and drew back the image of him riding away, offering her a brave smile before disappearing from her life forever.

"You lied," were the words that finally came out of her mouth. She didn't open her eyes, but she felt Merlin's hand tense in hers.

"I had to," he told her, emotion choking his voice.

"I know." And she did. They couldn't all sacrifice themselves. Arthur and Merlin were safe. The price was going to be high no matter who gave their life. "I'm glad that you're safe," she whispered, turning and burying her head in his shoulder. She felt him relax under her, and they stood like that for a long while until it was time to honor Lancelot.

…

Merlin tapped on Ryll's door before entering. She was sitting on her bed, still dressed as she had been for Lancelot's memorial, dress spilling out over the bed. She was holding the wooden knight Lancelot had carved her, eyes glassy.

"It was his greatest dream to become a knight of Camelot," she said softly. She looked up at him. "I'm not sure I can be one without him."

"Of course you can. Camelot needs you," Merlin insisted.

"Camelot doesn't need me. It needs Arthur." She ran a finger up the wooden sword the knight carried. "It needed Lancelot."

Merlin sat on the edge of the bed. "I need you." Ryll didn't reply at once.

"If Lancelot hadn't sacrificed himself you would have." She looked up at him.

"Yes."

"And if you hadn't, Arthur would have." He nodded. "This is on Morgana's hands," Ryll said.

"I think Agravaine is working with her," Merlin said, mentioning Arthur's uncle. "He asked Gaius if he'd ever heard of Emrys."

"They'll never stop." She sounded so dejected. Merlin wished he could take the pain away from her, but he knew no one could.

"Then we'll never stop fighting," he told her.

…

Six Months Later

Preparations for the festival were in full swing. Acrobats and jugglers were arriving through the city gates in caravans filled with colorfully dressed people. Ryll watched from her room, sitting with her knees drawn to her chest in the sill of her window. The spring breeze played on her face, pushing strands of her hair over her shoulders. She heard the door open behind her but did not turn her face away from the window.

"The festivities are planned for tonight," Merlin said. "Won't you come and celebrate Arthur's birthday?"

Ryll took a deep, shuddering breath. "Maybe." She knew she wouldn't go, but she didn't want to disappoint Merlin.

"Ryll, you can't just not leave your room. It's been six months since Lancelot died."

"I know that."

"Arthur wishes you'd reconsider."

After Lancelot's death, Ryll had told Arthur she couldn't be a knight anymore. That was Lancelot's dream just as much as hers, and she couldn't carry on without him. He'd accepted her decision, grudgingly telling her that she was making a mistake, that Lancelot would want her to carry on. Somehow she couldn't though. She'd lost her best friend that day. Something inside of her had broken. Was this how she would feel if Arthur died? Or Merlin? She couldn't stand the thought of losing either of them. She'd tasted the pain of loss that day, and she was terrified of feeling it again. It was as if her fate had settled down on her shoulders, cumbersome and painful. She wanted to stop fearing death, but her mind could not be moved from it. If Arthur died, she would die to save him. What if she wasn't fast enough? If she had gone with them that day, the day they travelled to the Isle of the Blessed, she could have given her life to save Arthur or Merlin or Lancelot. She would have. Would she sit and watch as the people she loved died around her knowing that she had the ability to save them but failing all the same? How many more people would die while Morgana waged her war against Camelot? Ryll had tried to make things right and had failed. She'd been so focused on finding a way to save herself that she'd let a threat grow right under her nose. Of course she couldn't tell Merlin of her quests to change her fate. Merlin who would sacrifice himself in an instant to save Arthur, and here she was trying so hard to find a way to keep both Arthur and herself alive.

"Ryll?" Merlin reached out to take her hand. His touch was gentle, hesitant, as if he didn't know how to act around her anymore. She didn't blame him. She'd been reclusive for a long time. "I'm worried about you." He sat down across from her, keeping her hands in his. "You're hurting. I know that. But you have to move on. You cannot live your life in the shadows. I know Morgana hurt you and Byron. I know you're hurting from Lancelot's death, but it's time to move on." Ryll turned her head away. "We need you, Ryll," Merlin said. "Morgana is going to strike again, and we need your strength."

"I'm not sure I have any strength," Ryll said softly. "I've failed so many times to save friends."

"So you're just going to give up?"

"I'm not giving up."

"Then what are you doing because I can't figure it out." There was an edge to his voice as he spoke.

Ryll finally turned and looked at him. "I don't know, Merlin."

"You can't let Morgana win like this. She's broken your spirit, and if you let her get into your head, she's already won."

"I feel like I'm going to keep losing people," Ryll told him.

"And I feel like I'm losing you. How is hiding away in your room going to prevent this? This is not the Ryll I know. The girl who came into Camelot wounded because she'd saved a stranger's life, the girl who defeated the Shadow Wraith and Necromancer and saved Camelot, the girl who put her life at risk over and over for her friends, the girl who joined a tournament dressed like a man and then exposed her identity for all to see, the girl who survived banishment and was welcomed back by Uther despite what she'd done to upset him, the girl who learned to control her elemental magic. That is the Ryll I know, and she would wonder what has happened to make you crawl back into this frightened form. She would not have let Lancelot's death overcome her. She would have kept fighting."

Ryll knew he was right. Where was that girl? It was as if everything in the last year had struck her down until she could no longer remember how to be brave. "I don't know," she repeated. She could see the disappointment in his eyes. He stood, dropping her hands but leaned forward to kiss her cheek.

"I'll bring you some food," he said before leaving her alone. Ryll wanted to run after him, wanted to smile and laugh again, but something in her would not allow for that. Instead she turned back to the window and stared at the world she had abandoned.

…

She thought about going down to the feast but the thought of all those faces, all those friends she'd let down in the past months kept her in her room. It was like a sickness she couldn't overcome. More than once she wondered if Morgana had done something to her to make her this way, but she realized it was all her. No one had enchanted her to feel this way. She fell asleep before the festivities ended and did not awake until someone flung the door open. She sat bolt upright looking around in fear. It was only Merlin, but his eyes were wide, and she knew that something was very wrong.

"It's Uther," he said. "He's been stabbed. He's dying."

…

Arthur was standing by Uther's bedside while Gaius tended the king. His eyes were red, and his shoulders sagged. Gwen stood by his side, sympathy for the prince welling up in her eyes. Ryll looked down at the king who had hunted and persecuted her kind for so long. The king she should hate. But she found she didn't. All she saw when she looked down was Arthur's father, the man who had been crushed to learn Morgana had betrayed him, the man whom Arthur looked up to despite all his flaws. Ryll walked to Arthur, taking his hand.

"I'm so sorry, Arthur," she said. He looked down at her, and she knew that in that moment they shared in the grief of those they had lost and were going to lose. They both understood grief.

"Thank you," Arthur said softly, squeezing her hand.

"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do," Gaius said. "The knife punctured his heart. He's bleeding from the inside."

Ryll saw the familiar stubbornness in Arthur's eyes. "There has to be something we can do. He can't die." He refused to believe that his father was going to die. Ryll understood that stubborn refusal to except death. She knew it well. She also knew that in the end, Uther would die, and Arthur would be devastated. But he would move on. He had to move on for the sake of the kingdom. Why couldn't she do the same? She caught Merlin's eye and saw his grief for his friends reflected there. Why were they always surrounded by death?

…

"I'm going to heal Uther using magic." Those were the first words Merlin said to Ryll later that night.

"What? That's insane!"

"Arthur asked me to. Well, said he wanted to heal Uther using magic."

"Arthur said that?" Ryll was surprised. Uther had spent most of his life fighting magic. He would not want to be healed with it even if it meant he survived this. "But after everything his father taught him…"

"He's desperate. He doesn't want Uther to die."

"Uther will die eventually," Ryll said. "I don't want to see Arthur lose his father, but it might be Uther's time. He'll die having saved his son's life. That is an honorable death. He's miserable. He's a shell of his former self. He wasn't ever going to pop back up and start ruling Camelot again. It's time for Arthur to take up the throne, time for things to change."

"You're right, I know, but if I heal Uther using magic then Arthur will see that magic can be a force for good."

"Merlin, how will you heal Uther? If Arthur sees you using magic… You're always the one telling me we need to keep this a secret, that Arthur isn't ready." Usually it was her doing reckless things, but now what Merlin was speaking of was danger of the deadliest sort.

"I won't heal him as me. I'll disguise myself. I've done it before."

"As an old man? Merlin, you were almost burnt at the stake!"

"Yeah, I know. I'll be careful."

"And what if it doesn't work? You could turn Arthur even more against magic. Merlin this is a tipping point but I don't know which way it's going to tip. I'm scared for you." She reached out and cupped his cheek with her palm. He leaned into the touch.

"I know. I'm scared to, but I know I need to do this. I need to take this chance. Things could be so different."

"Merlin, you might change Arthur's view on magic, but you'll never change Uther's. If you heal him he'll still be king. Nothing will have changed."

"Arthur is going to be king some day. Soon. It will matter then." Ryll could see how desperately Merlin wanted to believe this. She did too.

"Just be careful," she told him, pulling him into a hug. "I can't lose you too."

"I feel like I'm losing you," he said for the second time that day, his head rested against her neck. Ryll heard the pain in his voice, felt it as he held her close.

"You aren't losing me," she said. I'm losing myself. "Go, save Uther. And come back safe to me."

"I will. I promise." He pulled away and placed his hands on either side of her face. "Will you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Remember who you are." He kissed her then and there was something desperate in it. Then he was gone, and Ryll was alone with her thoughts. She didn't sleep much that night and woke up before dawn to see Merlin and Arthur riding off. She wasn't sure where they were going, but she trusted that Merlin knew what he was doing. Something stirred in Ryll then. Merlin was working so hard to save Uther just so Arthur could see magic in a better light. He was risking himself as he always did. She had no right to do any less. Ryll got to her feet. There was something she needed to do. She dressed quickly and went down to the stables to retrieve Owl. She hadn't been out riding much lately, and the mare nickered an excited greeting and wouldn't hold still while Ryll saddled her. They took off across the plains heading half a mile west. The large tree Ryll and the knights used to race to loomed ahead, brilliant in its spring bloom. She stopped Owl and dismounted leaving the mare to graze. She knelt at the base of the tree, gazing up at its winding branches laden with thick green leaves. A strip of red cloth was tied to one of the branches. It waved in the breeze like a pennant. Ryll had taken it from Lancelot's cloak and tied it there as her own memorial to her fallen friend. She sat in silence for a long time, summoning his face to her mind.

"Can I really be a knight without you?" she asked, watching the red cloth sway. "When you died I felt as if I had no right to be one without you. This was something we worked toward together, achieved together. I feel so alone without you here in Camelot. You were what symbolized the good and the strong and the honorable parts to this world. You were what kept us all together through danger and hardship. I've lost so many people in my lifetime. My parents when I was a child, Morgana when she betrayed me and Byron when he joined her. You. I fear losing Arthur and Merlin. Somewhere amid my fear I lost myself. I gave into weakness and stopped fighting. When have I ever let someone break my spirit before? This isn't like me. It's like a darkness settled over me the night of Samhain and hasn't lifted. There has to be a light somewhere but I can't seem to find it."

The wind whistled across the plain and for a moment she could hear Lancelot's voice. Find the strength within you. It's always been there. You are the light, Ryll. You don't need anyone to fix you because you aren't broken. Ryll shut her eyes and let the wind rush against her. She summoned her elemental powers and melded her mind to the wind letting it take her far away from the tree, across the land. The sun was bright and warm, and she felt weightless. She let it carry her and then brought herself back to her body. When she opened her eyes she felt lighter. It was as if the wind had carried away her worries and fears. Her eyes met with the red cloth, and she stood, reaching up a hand to touch it. It danced across her fingertips and suddenly she wished she were wearing her own cloak. She missed the weight of her armor, the confidence that came with it. She missed the vibrant red that marked her as a knight of Camelot. She'd earned her place there, and it was her duty to honor Lancelot by protecting the city. All she'd done in the last six months was let their dream die. She pulled her fingers away from the cloth and walked back to Owl.

"Come on," she told the mare. "We have work to do."

…

The training field was empty when she arrived in her battle gear. It felt heavy after not having worn it for so long, but she shouldered it with determination, her sword in one hand, bow in her other. For an hour she practiced sword movements, honing her foot work and getting used to the feel of the blade again. It was like an extension of her arm she could never truly forget how to use. When she was panting and her arm was tired, she switched to archery. Her arm strained to pull back the bowstring, but she forced herself to hold the bow steady. Her first few arrows missed the bull's eye. She bit her lip and continued to practice while her muscles burned and sweat pooled under her armor. She hadn't been so uncomfortable in ages but she pushed through it.

When her arms could no longer pull the bowstring back she stopped. She forced herself to polish her armor and sharpen her sword before she was done. Only then did she allow herself a bath and a meal. By the time night had fallen she was feeling better than she had in ages. She hadn't seen Merlin since the night before but she decided to give him some space. He had enough to worry about, and she was anxious that his plan succeed for his sake and Arthur's as well as those with magic. Would things really change if he succeeded in healing Uther? He might be able to heal Uther's wound, but he couldn't heal his heart. That would still be broken. Perhaps Arthur would be king soon; perhaps things in Camelot would change.

She couldn't sleep that night, too anxious for dreams to claim her. It was late that night when there was a commotion. She rose from her bed, still fully dressed, and left her room. Her feet carried her to Uther's chamber where she knew she would find Arthur. Gaius and Merlin were there as well. As Ryll entered the room, Gaius pulled the white sheet over Uther's face. Her heart missed a beat. Merlin's eyes found hers, and she could see horror and surprise there. Arthur's eyes were wet, and he looked utterly lost. As Ryll gazed down at Uther's body, now completely covered in the sheet, she felt a stab of something that felt suspiciously like loss. Uther had not been a kind man when it came to magic but he loved his son and he loved his kingdom. He'd always been there in this place Ryll had come to call home. They had not seen eye to eye on most things but Uther had shown her kindness before. Now that he was gone, it felt as if something was missing from Camelot. It couldn't seem to sink in that Arthur would now be king. Camelot would be forever changed. But… Ryll looked at Merlin and saw in his eyes that Arthur would not change his mind about magic. Something had clearly gone wrong, and Uther had died. Merlin gave the tiniest shake of his head, his eyes glossy. She could see guilt and disappointment there and reached out to take his hand.

…

"It's all my fault," he told her later when they were alone. "The spell went wrong. Gaius found a necklace around Uther's neck. He thinks Morgana enchanted it. It reversed the healing spell. You should have seen Arthur's face when the magic took hold, when Uther died. He trusted me – trusted the sorcerer I disguised myself as. He made a promise to accept those with magic and let them live in peace if I healed Uther. Now he thinks magic is pure evil."

"It's not your fault," Ryll told him. "It's Morgana's." When she said it she felt none of the confliction she usually felt. Morgana was past saving. Her actions had proved this over and over. As much as Ryll hated to think it, Morgana was now her enemy. They might have shared a contempt for Uther, but in killing the king, Morgana had set Arthur against magic and all it stood for. It wasn't about being accepted anymore. It was about Morgana claiming the throne. She and Ryll no longer supported the same cause. "You can't blame yourself. What you did was so brave and so selfless, and you're a hero for doing it. You couldn't have known Morgana would do this. Clearly Agravaine told her that Arthur was going to find someone to heal Uther with magic. Does Arthur know about the necklace?"

"No. He was so upset, we didn't think it would do to show him that. He'd probably just think the sorcerer was in league with Morgana."

"I'll speak to him later when some time has passed," Ryll told him. "Maybe we can still change his mind."

"Maybe." Merlin looked so dejected in that moment that Ryll pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back. He sunk into her and for once she was holding him up and not the other way around.

"It's not the end. Arthur will be king now and that feels very much like a new beginning to me."

"You're right." He pulled away for a moment, looking at her with serious eyes. "Does this mean you're going to start a new beginning too?" he asked.

"I think that would be a good idea," she said and a smile broke out over his face, brighter than she'd seen in ages. "I was so lost after Lancelot died. I'm always fearing that something is going to happen to you or Arthur, but I never imagined Lancelot would be the one to leave us. He was a friend to me in my darkest times. I just couldn't handle him being gone. But in that time I forgot that I still have people I care about and that I have a responsibility to uphold his memory by being a knight of Camelot. I let the tragedies of my life control me and send me into a dark place. Today I realized that life is full of tragedies and surprises that we don't always have control over. But we can still try. There will always be trials that test my spirit but I can't let them break me."

"I'm so happy to hear that," he told her and, in that moment, he didn't look so sad.

"Thank you for not giving up on me."

"I would never give up on you." Ryll smiled, needing to hear those words. "Arthur is going to sit in vigil for Uther tonight. I think I'm going to join him. Outside the room, of course, but I feel like I should be there."

"I want to be there too," Ryll told him. "I haven't been there for him in a long time. It's time I changed that."

Merlin held out his hand and she took it. Together they went downstairs, joining Gaius as Arthur entered the room where Uther had been laid. Ryll got a glimpse of the former king dressed in glittering mail and laid upon his red cloak. His crown circled his head, and his face looked more peaceful than Ryll had ever seen it. Arthur looked at them before entering the room and shutting the doors behind him.

Gaius left them shortly afterwards, but they stayed there, sitting on the floor with their backs against the uncomfortable wall. Ryll didn't mind the discomfort. She thought of Arthur and felt his grief. Merlin held her hand tight, and at some point she fell asleep. She awoke at dawn when Arthur emerged from the room. His shadow fell across the wall, and Ryll turned to face him. Merlin was already awake if he'd even fallen asleep. They gazed up at Arthur as the dawn light streamed in through the windows.

"It is a new day," Arthur told them. It felt like it as Merlin and Ryll stood watching the soon-to-be king. "Have you been here all night?" Arthur asked, looking from Merlin to Ryll.

"We didn't want you to feel that you were alone," Merlin said.

"You're loyal friends," Arthur told them. Ryll saw that the sorrow had faded from his eyes though she knew his heart would still feel the pain of loss for some time to come. There was hope in his eyes as he shut the doors behind him. "I could use a loyal knight by my side in the days to come," Arthur said to Ryll. "Someone I trust."

"What? You don't trust Gwaine?" Arthur smiled at this. "I would be happy to serve you, Arthur. I'm sorry I swayed. I want to be a knight of Camelot. I want to serve you as my king."

"I would be honored to have you back."

Ryll felt her hopes soar. Yesterday had been filled with betrayal and loss, but today was a new day as Arthur had said. Things were going to be different.

…

Ryll wore her knight's uniform to Arthur's coronation, standing with the others where she belonged. They had welcomed her back with open arms, none of them judging her for her long absence. It was as if she'd never left and she vowed not to ever again. Arthur walked down the aisle toward the front of the throne room, red cloak billowing out behind him. He knelt before the throne and Geoffrey of Monmouth crowned him King of Camelot. Arthur turned to look upon his subjects and they shouted "long live the king!" with triumphant voices. Ryll joined in, a smile spreading across her face. She had not smiled like this since before Lancelot had died. It felt wonderful, and she could not hold back the surge of joy she felt. She'd dreamed of this day so many times, and now it was here. Arthur was king of Camelot, and they could begin a new age. Ryll looked over at Merlin who grinned at her, eyes bright. Whatever Morgana had in store for them, they would face it together. She looked back at Arthur and saw a bright future for all of them. Arthur was the Once and Future King, and now he could begin his reign. Right now destinies and fates and enemies had no meaning. It was a day for celebration not worry, and Ryll finally let herself be happy for the first time in a long time.