A/N: For the general setting of the story see the A/N of the prologue.

Almost three months. That's how long I've made you wait for an update. I'm truly sorry and exceedingly happy if anyone is still here and interested how the story continues. The delay was caused by real life and a temporary lack of inspiration. I really hope that won't happen again until the story will be finished. At least I can promise you regular updates regarding the next chapters because I already wrote the drafts and only need to do some editing.

Considering how long the hiatus has been, here is a brief summary of what happened last: Cal set a trap because Gillian's and Emily's lives were threatened. During the explosion he caused, Gillian was injured and had a miscarriage as a result but hasn't told Cal about it yet. The police is investigating the explosion, and Hines, Cal's and Gillian's superior, is getting suspicious. There are more characters from the show appearing in similar or different roles. However to go into this in detail would take us far too afield. ;)

Some loose ends are tied up in this chapter. I hope the changes of scenery are not (too) confusing and that there are no errors in reasoning. Even if it is a fictional universe, I want things to make sense - at least to some degree.

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who PM'ed, DM'ed or tweeted me and encouraged me thereby to keep on writing. I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it.

The usual disclaimer applies (see prologue).

- Pieces Of The Puzzle -

Dave Burns doesn't say anything. Gillian knows how it works. Always let the patient begin, do or say nothing that could have an influence. It is the second time she is here, the third day after she released herself from the hospital against medical advice. Gillian already had decided to contact Burns and ask him to be her therapist in this special case when she left the hospital. She had known she would need someone to talk to. Someone other than Cal and someone other than one of her psychologist colleagues at work. Despite the devastating news about her miscarriage that Burns had imparted, she had felt comfortable in his presence and was relieved when he agreed to see her although she is no hospital patient anymore. They agreed to have several appointments during a short time span as opposed to long-time therapy. It makes the most sense. This is something she will have to deal with all her life and she will be able to do so in the long run. But right here and now, during the immediate aftermath, Gillian is aware that she needs professional help. A mere miscarriage is terrible enough, considering the circumstances that led to it and the personal conflicts that will follow as soon as she tells Cal, she has to recover her own emotional stability first.

Her appointment on the day before yesterday was characterized by her deep sadness. Gillian forbade herself to cry in front of Burns; she had cried enough at home already. Filling the silence with words was difficult though. What did she feel aside from sadness, exhaustion and actual physical pain due to her injuries? Moreover she has to be careful what she talks about, has to stick to her cover story that she doesn't remember anything regarding the explosion. Otherwise she will put Cal in danger. Dave probably senses that she is hiding something. Since he doesn't know her, he can't know, however, whether she is hiding something regarding her feelings or regarding what actually happened. Gillian has to ensure that the therapy will be over before he can tell.

The reason why Gillian needs to talk to Burns is not that she is angry with Cal or blaming him. Neither of them knew she was pregnant. Otherwise he would never have forced her to climb out of the window, ultimately approving that she would fall down. He would have found another solution to get her out of the building or would have tried at least. In hindsight, Gillian is relieved that they didn't know because it would have impacted their actions and perhaps would have gotten one or both of them killed. There are so many thoughts in her head, let alone the conflicting feelings. Neither would she have wanted Alec's child, nor would she have aborted it. Gillian is aware that it makes no sense to think in what ifs. She didn't know she was pregnant. She is not pregnant anymore. Period. Save that it isn't so simple.

"It's hard to accept it," Gillian says. "That a chance, a choice, was taken away from me before I even knew that I'd had it. I like to be in control."

"How does that make you feel?"

She thinks about it. "Angry. With myself. I should have known."

By now, Gillian found out when she had gotten pregnant. It must have been the night after she had been at the prison for the first time. When Alec waited for her in bed and she just wanted to forget about her awful day and the secret task she didn't feel up to. Neither of them thought about protection. It was completely unusual for her (not for him; she always was the one of them to think of it). In a way you could say that this was the first impact of Cal's unpredictability on her.

"Do you always blame yourself?"

Yes. But she doesn't respond immediately. For a brief moment, Gillian's thoughts wander to Cal and how he would be able to read the answer in her face without her having to say it out loud.

"Yes. I have an unhealthy tendency to do that although I try to work on it," she admits eventually.

Dave smiles. The psychologist treating herself. They all try to do it. Then he gets serious again. "Even if it wasn't your fault that you fell and lost the child because of the explosion?"

"Yes." It's not that easy, never is.

Technically, he doesn't even know that it wasn't her fault since no one aside from Cal and her knows what happened; Burns just assumes in her favor. On the other hand, Gillian knows for a fact that it wasn't her fault. So why does she still blame herself? Because if she had known that she was pregnant with another man's child, she would not have started an affair with Cal. It's not just an affair anymore. Especially not after she told him that she loves him and he told her the same later. If she had known that she was pregnant, she would not have gotten involved with Cal, at least not so fast. She would have concentrated on the baby first and would have put her needs on the back burner. Therefore she would not have been there when the explosion took place. A chain reaction. Simple as that. She could have had a choice if it hadn't been for her inconsiderate actions. That's why Gillian is angry with herself. It doesn't matter that she would never blame someone else who did the same. It might be human fallibility when it comes to others. When it comes to herself, Gillian's unhealthy tendency to take the blame doesn't want to hear that lame excuse. Which leads her back to square one – it's hard for her to accept what happened.

"Look at that," Torres points at the screen. There is something blurry in a shop window.

"What am I looking at?" Wallowski.

"It's the reflection of a license plate. I let the guys from IT check the tape. They found it. It's not visible for the human eye if you don't know at which millisecond to stop the recording. The reflection appears just before the tape was tampered with. It belongs to a car someone didn't want us to find out about. Which leads me to the conclusion that this someone who drove the car most likely was on his way to the building where the explosion took place. What other reason to make such an effort? And guess who owns the car?"

Wallowski raises her eyebrows. Who? It's funny how she needs fewer words to communicate with Torres than with anyone else. Of course, this is an easy one. Anybody would know that she expects an answer, but Torres also can do it in any other situation. Somehow the woman always seems to know what she thinks; howsoever she does it.

"A Cal Lightman. And now guess where he works?"

Torres' inquiry-response game starts to annoy Wallowski, but her colleague did a good job and she doesn't want to ruin her good mood. "Where?"

"Pentagon. Just as Dr. Foster. Talk about a coincidence."

Now this is a surprise. And not a good one. The Pentagon. Wallowski envisions blockade tactics and dead ends. Either their investigation will be over soon or they are on to something big.

"Thank you," Hines ends the call.

Then he compares memo and list another time. The names match; he wasn't mistaken, but no one he just spoke to knows about the execution. How is that possible?

"Sir? Do you have a minute?" Hines' considerations are interrupted when his assistant sticks his head in at the door. "You asked to be informed the moment we found something interesting on the tapes."

As a precaution, they sporadically record telephone calls made from and received on office landlines and official cell phones. Every employee has to agree to that security measure in recruitment. There are predefined words that set off an automated alarm during the recording because there is not enough personnel to listen to the recordings in real time. For a change, his assistant, along with another staff member, is listening to the recorded phone calls of the mole that are still available, given that the unsuspicious recordings are deleted after six months to avoid storing an unnecessary flood of data.

"What is it?"

"During one of the calls that were recorded, a phone rings, most likely the mole's private cell to which we had no access. He briefly interrupted the conversation to take the call. You can hear him talking in the background. Unfortunately IT can't reduce the noise floor enough to make out his words save for two names. Lightman and Foster. No alarm was triggered back then because they work here but now..."

"Thanks. Let me know if there is more."

His assistant leaves. Hines drums his fingers on the table. The memo. The list. An explosion that took place. An agent calling in sick due to injuries from an alleged fall. Foster. As to Lightman... thinking about it, he hasn't heard from him in a while albeit this is not unusual in between undercover cases when he is doing research. Still... This is no coincidence. None of it.

There is a slight possibility that Lightman and Foster are involved in the illegal activities of the mole, but Hines doubts it. He has had enough insight into human nature to be sure. Almost sure, that is. Even an unerring instinct can be wrong at times. Therefore he needs more research information plus a personal impression to reassure himself before he acts upon it.

He picks up the phone, "This is Hines. I need you to check something."

He is already there when she arrives.

"Hi." Gillian sits down next to him. It's no coffee shop she usually visits. Far away from her neighborhood and his. There is still the possibility that someone sees them together, but they are old friends; they can always invoke this false pretense for a meeting if need be. Despite the fact that they shouldn't be seen together as not to link him to what had happened, Gillian wanted to meet him in person to thank him again.

"Hi, Gillian. You look good, as always, even in black and blue," Jack refers to her bruise. The make up covers part of it but not all of it.

She smiles at him in return although even the slightest movement of her face hurts. Gillian has cut down on pain killers; they make her dazed and numb and she doesn't want that, not with everything that's going on.

"You look good, too, Jack. And it's good to see you. I really needed to meet you in person to thank you once more." She told him on the phone before, but the extent of what he had done, the fact that Cal wouldn't be alive if it hadn't been for him, accompanies her every moment, is present in every fiber of her body. Gratefulness like that requires more than a simple phone call. Gillian reaches out and squeezes Jack's hand. "You saved Cal. You saved us. Thank you. I will never be able to make it up to you."

Neither Cal nor Gillian know that Jack also took care of the videotape of the traffic camera or to be precise that he ordered someone he trusts to manipulate it (even if Jack Rader is a very skilled man, there are some things he is not capable of). However, he doesn't mention it. He did what he did because he is deeply indebted to Gillian. She knows that albeit she never mentions it, never asked for his help before.

"You already did," Jack says. She doesn't have to make anything up to him. She already did.

Somehow Gillian had known that would be his answer. There are two Jack Raders. The one he presents in public – an overly self-conscious man, educated, arrogant, a smug prick. And then there is Jack Rader, the father. His son is the result of a one-night stand. Jack didn't even know he existed until the mother contacted him because she wasn't able to handle her son anymore. The teenage boy was out of control, taking drugs and committing minor crimes. A downward spiral that ended with a suicide attempt. Jack and Gillian knew each other fleetingly from college when he contacted her. They hadn't been friends back then, but he didn't know any other psychologist. It was a weird phone call. However, she heard the honest concern in his voice and agreed to treat his son. The thirteen-year-old acted tough. In the end, Gillian's patience and kindness got through to him though. These days, he lives with his father and is about to finish high school. A normal life that seemed to be impossible once.

"So that means we're even and I can't call you the next time I'm in trouble?" she quips.

"You know that you can call me anytime, Gillian."

It's no secret that Jack would like to intensify their relationship but aside from some drunk kisses they shared when they celebrated his son's return to high school after therapy had been successful, nothing ever happened between them. As sweet as Jack is when he is with her, as arrogant he can be toward others, and that's a character trait Gillian doesn't like.

"Thank you." She squeezes his hand another time. "You're a good friend, Jack."

"Yeah, but only for you. Not for what's his name. I won't drag his sorry ass out of the fire again."

Gillian smirks. "I can't promise anything, but I hope you won't have to."

Jack and Cal. Two alpha males. They will never be friends; she knows as much.

"Mr. Hines?" He doesn't know the voice. Female. His assistant put the call through to his cell because he is not in his office at the moment, said it was urgent.

"Yes."

"This is Detective Wallowski. We are investigating an explosion that took place a couple of days ago. Something turned up that might involve two of your agents and I wanted to talk to them about it." The chain of command. She is asking for his permission to investigate because she knows there will be serious trouble ahead if she doesn't do this beforehand.

"Which two agents?" It's a rhetorical question, but he needs to be sure.

"Lightman and Foster."

Things proceed faster than he expected. Then again, he expected nothing until an hour ago.

"I will get back to you later. I have to attend an urgency meeting." With this he hangs up.

Hines is on his way to make a home visit or rather two.

Gillian is tired, her body aches. It was too much – the appointment with Burns, meeting Jack. Due to her flustered state, she tends to forget that she should still be in hospital and that her body needs rest to heal. Gillian can't wait to get home and sleep for hours. Despite everything, she has to eat though. And to do this, she has to buy food first. When she puts some vegetables in her shopping basket, she hears a voice talking to her.

"Could have asked me. I would have brought you food."

Cal is standing right next to her. She is so exhausted that she didn't notice him.

"Cal."

Gillian is surprised to see him. Surprised and happy. For a brief moment, she forgets what is going on and embraces the comfort and calm his sheer presence brings along. She misses him. Not only emotionally but also physically, feels the pull that draws her toward him. Then reality catches up with her. It's not his neighborhood.

"Why are you here?"

"I was around." She hears the lie and he knows it, his words translating to that he came by on the off chance that she would be here. Perhaps it is not even the first time that he has done it. Cal respects her request to give her time and space. He didn't call, didn't come to her apartment. It's not his fault if they meet accidentally, or is it?

"Cal..." Gillian shakes her head. She is not angry that he is here. Quite the opposite. There is nothing she wants more than to ask him to accompany her home, snuggle up to him and forget about the world. But she can't do that without telling him everything first and she isn't ready for that yet.

He reads her and nods, giving up the pretense.

"So... You found your car then?" he changes the subject. Jack had made sure that their cars were parked in front of Cal's house as if nothing had happened so that they couldn't be linked to the explosion. When Gillian headed home from hospital, Cal brought her car to her place so that she wouldn't have to take a cab every time she wanted to go somewhere. Visit him, perhaps.

"I..." She is confused. Her car? To be honest, she didn't give it a moment's thought, but now she remembers that she had left it in front of the building that had exploded later. Jack must have brought it back or maybe Cal the way he is asking her about it. Merely thinking about it makes her dizzy. There are too many thoughts in her head. "Um... yes," she eventually says, aware that Cal must have noticed her confusion.

He reaches out and gently pats her arm. Cal knows she has trouble processing everything that is going on. "I just needed to see that you're okay," he admits. I love you. There it is again. In every word he says. In the way he touches her.

Gillian swallows. There is so much she wants to tell him, but this is the wrong time and the wrong place.

"I am," she assures him. It's the least she can do. "As okay as I can be. Working on it."

Cal's smile is still concerned, yet relieved. He sees that she holds her ground, that she won't fall apart in his absence.

"Call me if you need me." His kiss is a soft breath against her cheek before he turns around and walks away.

Only when she notices that he is walking with a limp, Gillian realizes that she didn't ask him how he is.

When Gillian arrives at her apartment, she is dead on her feet. She had already been tired before her unexpected encounter with Cal that ate up the rest of her energy. Therefore she doesn't see the man who observes her from a safe distance.

Hines pondered on confronting Dr. Foster with the possible connection to the mole but when he sees her walking up to her front door, a bag of groceries in her arms that can't be heavy but that she barely seems to be able to carry, he decides against it. What he sees is enough to support his theory; he doesn't want to stress her even more. There is a nasty bruise on her face that he can detect even from a distance and the way she walks tells him that there have to be more bruises all over her body that give her pain. Gillian Foster didn't just slip and fall; she fell due to the blast wave of an explosion. Probably only just survived it.

There is someone else he has to talk to to get to the root of the matter.

When Cal opens the door and sees Hines, he immediately assumes what is going on. Hines' facial expression tells him everything. Cal knows that Hines knows or at least has a strong suspicion. That's bad. Very bad, in fact. He probably will be out of a job soon. On the other hand, Hines' expression is much more sympathetic than he would have expected given the circumstances. Maybe the reason he visits him in person is not solely that he intends to fire him.

Hines studies Cal's face. More bruises. Lightman has them just as Foster. By now, Hines has put almost all of the pieces of the puzzle together. He let Lightman's and Foster's bank accounts check to make sure they had received no irregular payments like the mole. Payments from criminals who died a couple of days ago – one of them in an explosion, the other due to a shot to the head, an execution. That's what the memo was about – the death of the Haige brothers, Sean and Ian. The mole links Lightman and Foster to them and their injuries link the two of them to the explosion. Too many connections to be a coincidence. The only missing piece of the puzzle is why. Hines has a conjecture; he is here to confirm or discard it.

"Sean and Ian Haige," Hines says instead of a greeting or an introduction as to why he is here. He might as well blurt it out.

Lightman doesn't even blink, his face giving nothing away.

"Good job," Hines adds. "I take it that your injuries were too severe to let me know at short notice."

Hines knows that Lightman is good at reading people. Very good, indeed. He wrote an entire book about it. If that guy didn't like fist fights and the thrill of undercover assignments that much, he would be the typical science nerd. Right now, Lightman still hasn't said anything, still is reading him.

"We can take them off the list," Hines continues as if they were having a casual conversation, giving Lightman the information he needs piece by piece.

It won't take long now that Lightman will have figured out what he is offering him. A way out. Hines couldn't believe it when he compared the names on the memo with the names on the list. There is a list with five names on it that gets renewed every month. A kill list. Unofficial, of course. People who pose enough danger for the public that there is an unofficial kill order that allows every agent to take them out should they get the chance. Sean and Ian Haige are on the list this month for the first time because they kept expanding their business and in the process formed alliances with other criminals who are associated with terrorism. Lightman should know the list like every agent in the field. Save that Hines could swear that Lightman doesn't know it and didn't when he initiated whatever it was that happened. The man doesn't care much about protocol, especially not when he is doing only research. Plus he would have come to him and told him if he had known about the list and executed the two men based on it. So the why of Lightman's connection to the Haige brothers must be a different one. Hines bets on a twisted version of self-defense either after their paths crossed during one of Lightman's former undercover assignments or triggered by personal reasons.

"Yeah." It's the first time Lightman speaks, keeping a wary eye on Hines. "They were dangerous men. Threatening people, putting their lives in danger." He accepts Hines way out gladly, tells him between the lines why he had to do what he did.

Hines nods in affirmative, Foster and her injuries coming to his mind. Hines doesn't know how and why Sean and Ian Haige threatened Cal as he implied, but the fact that Foster is somehow involved indicates that either she and Lightman are more than colleagues or that the threats concerned her, maybe both. He has no doubt that Lightman is the initial heart of the conflict and not her. One more thing his knowledge of human nature tells him.

Lightman's reaction showed Hines that he feels guilty about what happened and that he had to hide it from the intelligence officials. Hines highly doubts that Lightman has changed sides. He interrogated several agents after they had defected; there is no similar indication in Lightman's behavior. So his unerring instinct was right. Formally he is obligated to report at least Lightman's misconduct, if not Foster's too. Something that would inevitably lead to their dismissal. Hines usually doesn't have a soft spot for the agents he commands, but he feels responsible for what happened to Lightman and Foster during the undercover assignment in prison. They both could have died in there. That's why he's willing to give them one free pass. His father was in the services and taught him that if you're in charge of decisions that have an effect on life or death, you always have to keep karma's balance. Otherwise it will get back at you one day. A motto Hines doesn't talk about but lives true to it.

"It's over. No repercussions for neither of you," Hines states so that Lightman will understand beyond doubt. The agent won't even have to file a report. There can't be an official report of an unofficial killing. According to standard procedure, Hines will add a remark to the memo with Sean and Ian Haige's names on it that will ensure that everyone on the inside will know it was an inside job but everybody else won't have a clue.

When Cal nods imperceptibly, gratefully indicating that he understands, Hines turns around and walks away without any further farewell. His task is done. Almost. There is one more thing to handle.

"Wallowski."

"This is Hines speaking. You called me earlier today."

"Yes. Thanks for calling me back."

He has her full attention; Hines can tell by the sound of her voice. Eager. Impatient. Wallowski can't wait to ask him about his employees that are possibly involved in the explosion, probably assumes that she is on to something big.

"You're welcome."

And then he tells her to drop the investigation. He has the authority, did something like that countless times before. It displeases her, of course, but there is enough evil in the world to keep her occupied. She will have forgotten the case soon.

It is the third time she is here, the fifth day after she left the hospital. Gillian has done a lot of thinking subsequent to her last appointment. This time it isn't difficult for her to find the right words.

"I feel better," she says.

"Does that mean you have forgiven yourself?" Burns asks.

"No, not yet, but I'm on the mend."

Gillian feels better emotionally and physically. As soon as she will be home, she will give Cal a call. She has made him wait long enough.

- To be continued -

Next chapter: Angst alert. Gillian tells Cal, but not everything proceeds as she expected.