Two words: dress shopping.

Despite his reservations, Edward couldn't deny that this was going to be fucking fantastic. Like…not the trying on dresses part. That was probably going to be weird and upsetting and all kinds of shit. But just being around the dresses would be awesome—all the designs….

"Brother, come back to Earth. I think you're enjoying this a little bit too much…"

Ed's daydreams popped like a bubble as he came back to the real world, walking down the street with his brother. He sighed, glaring sideways at Alphonse. "Stop. Seriously, don't do that to me. The teasing." It went against his usual MO to ask for his brother to stop rather than fighting back, but Edward didn't have it in him at the moment. This was Al. If his own flesh and blood was going to make fun of him, how was he supposed to handle everyone else at the wedding?

Why had he agreed to this again?

"Sorry, Brother," Alphonse murmured after a moment, taking in Edward's nervous expression. "You know I don't mean it. I'm just still confused."

"Yeah, well, so am I."

"Brother…?" Al began hesitantly. "You…you know you don't have to do this right? I mean—if you don't want to…Roy isn't forcing you, or anything—?"

"No!" Ed shouted, shocked. "No, shit, you know he wouldn't do that."

"Well, no, I didn't think so, but you seem so freaked about this," Alphonse explained gently. "And you said Roy seemed into you wearing a dress, so I didn't know if he was pushing you…"

Absurdly, guilt washed over Edward. Yeah, he was nervous about this, but he didn't want that to make people think Roy was being abusive or something crazy like that. "Not at all. I mean, yeah, he's excited, but he's more worried about making sure I enjoy what I'm wearing than anything."

"So…he thinks you'll be happier in a dress than a tux?" Al asked, incredulously. He didn't wait for an answer, skipping straight to the next question. "Is he right?"

Considering Ed had a hard time admitting that he just might want to wear a dress to himself and Roy, he didn't even try to respond to his brother. "Just, try to be nice, okay? This isn't the easiest thing I've ever done."

"You know I'm the nice brother, right? No problem."

Edward rolled his eyes as they came up on the bridal store, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

His eyes were flooded with white, exemplified by the bright lights shining along the walls. The receptionist's desk was just across the room, but suddenly Ed couldn't seem to make himself walk forward. Oh shit. He was really doing this.

Alphonse seemed to realize he couldn't go up himself and sighed, stepping forward. "Hi, my brother has an appointment to—to try on dresses today?"

Swallowing hard, Edward waited for the woman's reaction—she looked like the severe type—but she made no comment, only raised her eyebrows. "Edward Elric?"

Ed nodded meekly. "You're just up the stairs, with Mina. Unless you'd prefer a male assistant…?"

It was Edward's turn to raise his eyebrows. "No, I'm good, thanks." Really, did it matter? His junk was going to be covered anyway. And he could kick the ass of anyone, regardless of gender, who tried anything funny. He turned away and headed up the stairs, his anxiety returning with every step.

He reached the top, only to find a short woman beaming at him. "Edward?" she asked pleasantly.

"Yeah, hi…" he managed. What the actual fuck? He never got nervous like this. The situation was, obviously, unusual, but Ed had hoped he'd be a little tougher than he was. Sigh.

"I'm Mina, I'll be helping you out today." Mina smiled brightly at him. "And who's this?"

"Oh, that's my brother, Al."

"Hi!" Alphonse piped up.

Another broad smile. At least she wasn't acting freaked out by Edward's situation. "Excellent. Now, we'll be working over there—" she gestured to the far side of the floor with her hand, where there was a small raised platform surrounded by mirrors. "Is there anything in particular you're looking for?"

"Real fast, actually, I have a question," Ed interjected, looking where Mina indicated. Or, more specifically, at the open window right by his station. "Can we close that window?"

Mina looked surprised. "Why?"

"Because any minute my fiancé is going to be peering in that window trying to get a sneak peak," Edward muttered, rolling his eyes.

"But," Mina began, "we're on the second floor, there's no—"

Edward cut her off. "Trust me. He has his ways."

The woman shook her head, laughing lightly. "Well, all right. I'll pull down the blinds."

"Thanks."

A muffled voice called out. "Brother! How about this one?"

Ed whipped his head around, but Alphonse was no longer just behind him. He sighed, calling out, "Where'd you even go, Al?"

Even as he did so, his brother came out from amongst an aisle of dresses, a ball gown slung over his shoulder. Edward suddenly felt faint.

"Whoa!" Mina shouted, alarmed, placing a hand on Ed's shoulder to steady him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, fucking swell," Ed mumbled. He shook his head. "Al, what the hell?"

"Well, I don't know what you're looking for, Brother!" Alphonse insisted defensively.

"Not that. I need to be able to move without knocking everything over. Do you even see the skirt on that thing?" Edward shuddered. "This is terrifying."

"Okay, well, that at least narrows it down to more slim dresses," Mina chirped, seemingly undaunted by Ed's little spaz attack. "But if you want to move, I take it mermaid or trumpet dresses are going to be a little too restrictive for you…?"

Edward took a deep breath, considering. "Yeah, I've got to have room to kick some ass if I have to." Mina didn't comment. She really was amazingly professional about this. "Besides, they're best suited to curvy girls, right? Like, they show off the hips. I'm a guy, I'm more or less rectangular."

"Nah, Brother, you've got a waist at least," Alphonse put in.

"Actually, I agree with Al, you obviously don't have breasts and not much in the way of hips, but you do have a slimmer waist, so that'll be good," Mina added.

This was like a dream—Ed honestly couldn't believe he was having this conversation. He shrugged. "If you say so. I guess I might as well try a mermaid on—I still think it'll be too tight, but at this point it's not like I have to be worried about my dignity."

Mina seemed to realize he wasn't genuinely upset; she laughed. "Okay, so what about the style? Do you like lace, stones, beading, something plainer…?"

"Definitely not lace, that's way too old school. The wedding theme is stars, though, so I guess stones or beads could be okay…but nothing too intense. Please."

"Sure thing—how about you guys take the left half of the room, I'll take the right, and we'll see what we come up with?" Mina suggested. "These are all samples; we have the actual sizes in storage, so you don't have to worry about that just yet."

"Alright," Ed agreed. "Come on, Al."

Alphonse, however, had already disappeared back into the racks.

Sighing good-naturedly, Edward followed suit. It was a little hard to tell where one dress ended and the next began, but he soon got the hang of it. The real trouble was the dresses themselves.

It was just so hard to picture himself in a dress. Ed could look at one and think that it was a work of art, but when he tried to think of how it would look on him, he was completely lost as to what to think. At the very least, he was able to rule out immediately anything that had a corset or built-in bra—he had zero use for those additions.

By the time he headed over to his designated station, Edward was only carrying two dresses: one a long, strapless satin A-line with sparkling beads swirling along the bottom, and the other an empire waist with a beaded top and a slight flare to the lower portion. However, when Alphonse came staggering along, he was carrying closer to ten.

"Suddenly I think you're the one having too much fun, Al," Ed muttered reproachfully.

His brother only smiled. "Well, I gotta have you looking good on your big day!"

They only had to wait a short while for Mina, who had grabbed six dresses. "Whoo, looks like we have quite a lot of work ahead of us! Want to try your picks first?"

It wasn't like Ed was convinced he had chosen better than anyone else, but that seemed like as good a starting point as any, so he nodded and was whisked into the dressing room behind the mirrors.

As soon as the door closed, Edward began stripping. Mina laughed. "You're not too shy, are you?"

Ed shrugged. "Not around girls. I guess it's just a little backwards, but since I like guys, getting mostly naked with them around feels a lot stranger than with you. I mean, would you feel comfortable stripping around other women?"

"Well, more comfortable than around men, anyway," Mina conceded. "That's interesting. Okay, so, which one do you prefer?"

"Either one, really—I can't even begin to imagine what these will look like on me, so I couldn't say which I like better."

"Granted. Let's do the empire waist."

It was a bit of an awkward affair. Edward, not used to how to put dresses on, nearly fell as he stepped into it. "Sorry, sorry!"

"No need to be sorry, Edward," Mina soothed. "This is your first time wearing a gown, isn't it? You don't typically cross-dress." The last bit was an assumption, a statement, not a question.

"Right," Ed admitted. "I've never done this before."

Mina paused a moment, hiking the dress up to his chest. "If you don't mind me asking…if this isn't generally your thing, what made you decide to wear a wedding dress? I mean, you could still get married in a tuxedo…"

Maybe it was because he knew he wouldn't ever have to see Mina again, but Edward found it easier to discuss with her. "Well, my fiancé, Roy, he was worried because I've tried on a few tuxes and it just hasn't felt right. So he kind of nudged me this direction, told me that I should try a dress and if I liked it, everyone else can screw themselves."

Ed could imagine Mina nodding earnestly as she zipped up the back of his dress. "He's right, you know. This is your big day, and anyone mean enough to make fun of your decisions shouldn't be coming."

"Yeah, hence why I'm here. Still…I'm nervous."

His dress was on, so Edward turned around as Mina asked, "About what?"

"What everyone will think. I know they care, but a lot of the people I know tend to show their affection by teasing me. And I do it too, so it's usually not a problem, but in this case…I don't think I can take it."

Mina placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, as long as you've got your guy, you'll be too happy to notice them. Trust me."

Edward grinned back at her as she continued. "Now, you want to go take a look?"

With a deep breath, he nodded, and stepped forward—carefully. The length of this thing, and the lack of give when he walked…it was strange.

How did girls do this full time?

Ed pushed open the door to his changing room and walked around the mirrors. He'd barely stuck a bare foot out from behind the setup before Alphonse gasped. One step later and Edward could see his brother's face, a medley of confusion, surprise, and what-the-fuck. It wasn't the most encouraging expression. Still, steeling himself, Ed managed the two steps onto the platform and (with a deep breath), looked up and into the mirror.

"I've got to lose the braid." Mina let out a trill of laughter. Well, admittedly, that probably shouldn't have been the first thing he noticed, but really, the gown and casual braid combo was all wrong. Besides that, Edward was having trouble focusing on the dress itself. It was…unusual. Not in a good way. Something about the beaded top brought too much attention to his nonexistent boobs. "Other than that, this is…."

"Wrong," Alphonse finished.

"I think the problem is the top," Mina interjected. "It's made to enhance breasts, but it just doesn't quite work with…no foundation."

Ed laughed. For some reason, now that he was actually looking at himself in a dress, the nerves had all but washed away. The situation was more comedic that anything at this point. "Okay, so this is a no go. Let me fix my hair real quick." With practiced efficiency, Edward undid his braid, running fingers through his hair to straighten it out. He glanced in the mirror. "Whoa, okay, hair down is even worse."

"Try a ponytail, Brother," Al suggested.

Edward did so with deft hands, turning his head back and forth when he was done. "Much better. You don't think it's too casual, do you, Al?"

"Not really, considering you're wearing a dress."

"Awesome."

Mina rolled her eyes. "Next dress, then?"

Nodding, Ed pulled the gown up and leaned over so he could watch his feet as he stepped down from the platform and back around into the changing room.

"Okay, so, after seeing that, what do you think will look good on me?" Edward asked as he stepped out of the dress.

"To be honest, I'm not sure. Each dress is so different, and every one of them is going to fit every person differently. So we'll just have to try them all," Mina responded, holding out the A-line for him to try.

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Ed sighed.

The A-line was easier to get on, just because Edward knew (sort of) what to expect this time. However, it had a lace-up back (something that had slipped his notice earlier), and so Ed found himself spending an uncomfortable minute bracing himself on the wall as Mina tied it up.

Then it was back out to the mirror, and Alphonse (perhaps better prepared this time around) was full of opinion.

"It's not bad shape wise, but it needs to have more sparkle. After all, your theme is stars, you should have a little more shine, you know?"

Ed tilted his head to the side. "Fair point. I don't know how I feel, with this and the last, about strapless. Do you think it draws too much attention to the fact that I'm tit-less?"

Alphonse snorted at his phrasing, while Mina took the question seriously. "You know, I was thinking about that. You're muscular too, not like, huge, but you've definitely got pecs, which makes it kinda weird…"

"So, let's not do strapless," Edward decided.

They went through the massive pile of dresses to be tried on, tossing out any that lacked at least straps, as well as one that had a shockingly low neckline.

Then came the business of trying them all on.

Ed tried a mermaid (which was so tight to his body he felt like he couldn't breathe), more A-lines, one with long sleeves (which didn't fit his arm muscles at all), a flowy gown with too much wispiness, and even a ball gown out of sheer exasperation. And none of them were quite right.

Exhausted and back in his own clothes for a moment, Edward exhaled heavily as he plopped into a chair beside Alphonse. "This is hard," he moaned.

"Maybe you should just go with the tux, Brother," Al suggested.

Ed averted his eyes. The truth was, the more dresses he tried on, the less he wanted to wear a suit to his wedding. Even though all of the gowns were just wrong, somehow.

"No, no, no!" Mina insisted. "I think—I mean, I don't know, but we might as well try—just one more!" And with that confusing sentence, she ran off.

Edward let his head loll back off the chair. "This is ridiculous." He glanced over at Alphonse—his brother seemed to be debating whether to speak or not. Just as he opened his mouth, Mina came back.

"Here, how about this one?"

The dress she held up was short. Ed hadn't tried on a short dress—it didn't feel very formal. But this one was pretty, he had to admit that. It had a high neck with no sleeves, and was overlaid with some sort of sheer, sparkly material. The bottom flared out just slightly and had a line of rhinestones along the base.

Pulling himself out of his chair, Edward responded simply, "Let's do this."

In trying it on, Ed's first response was a return of his nerves. This shorter dress came down to his knees, but nevertheless made him feel quite exposed. The plus side to the length was that it was much easier to move in than any of the previous gowns.

"Ready?" Mina asked, zipping him up. "I think you'll like this one."

"Yup."

Edward strode out of the dressing room, heart thumping. If this didn't work…he'd be back to square one: tuxedos. And in all honesty, he didn't want that.

When he came into view, Alphonse whistled. Encouraged, Ed stepped up and looked in the mirror.

"Damn." No one else said a word, merely watched Edward turning around and examining himself. "This is so fucked up."

Al broke the spell, choking out his laughter. "You like it, don't you, Brother?"

Ed sighed lightly, unable to stop from smiling. "You could say that." Really, on him the dress was pretty much perfect, hiding the uppermost portions of his chest that had been giving him problems, and flaring out neatly along his hips.

Mina clapped her hands. "So? You want to buy this one?"

"Yeah, just let me make a quick phone call." Edward stepped down off the platform and motioned for Al to hand him his cell. He flipped the phone open and dialed.

Roy answered almost immediately. "Hello?"

"I've had a hell of a day, so if you could order some pizza or something and be ready for dessert later, that'd be great," Ed said quickly, Mina laughing and Alphonse shaking his head. "And by the way, I'm buying a dress." Edward clapped a hand over his mouth to suppress his giggles as Roy let out a triumphant shout on the other end of the line. "Love you, buh-bye."

Ed turned around, grinning as he ended the call. Al smiled back, looking exasperated. "Brother…you really are one of a kind."